EPT
[Q] Can you REALLY change your personality?
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Garnet
Vietnam9033 Posts
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
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Xeofreestyler
Belgium6774 Posts
First of all: Dont you ever fucking send a text like that again. You do NOT beg people to do stuff for them. This should be common sense. If anything they should be begging you to do the favor for them, really. Second: Ask yourself this question: why do you wanna please people so badly? Try reflecting on that and post it here. | ||
motbob
United States12546 Posts
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motbob
United States12546 Posts
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meeple
Canada10211 Posts
On November 18 2009 21:09 Xeofreestyler wrote: I replied begging to do it but she hasn't replied. First of all: Dont you ever fucking send a text like that again. You do NOT beg people to do stuff for them. This should be common sense. If anything they should be begging you to do the favor for them, really. Second: Ask yourself this question: why do you wanna please people so badly? Try reflecting on that and post it here. Agreed. Try apathy. Not caring can do wonders for improving your self esteem. You realize that you don't need to please and don't really care what they think. | ||
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druj
137 Posts
On November 18 2009 21:13 meeple wrote: Agreed. Try apathy. Not caring can do wonders for improving your self esteem. You realize that you don't need to please and don't really care what they think. doesn't that lead to narcissism, or at least self-centered behavior? I mean I think you can still care about criticisms, but learn not to take it so emotionally damaging, filter out the nonsensical ones with helpful ones, translate them differently in your head. | ||
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Zanric
United States66 Posts
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Dr.Lettuce
United Kingdom663 Posts
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YPang
United States4024 Posts
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meeple
Canada10211 Posts
On November 18 2009 21:16 druj wrote: doesn't that lead to narcissism, or at least self-centered behavior? I mean I think you can still care about criticisms, but learn not to take it so emotionally damaging, filter out the nonsensical ones with helpful ones, translate them differently in your head. Yes, if taken to the extreme. I'm not saying don't have any compassion or thoughts for other people, I should correct myself by saying you should care less about what other people thing. Trying to please others all the times eventually means that you're unhappy, since you pleased everyone but yourself. | ||
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MisteR
Netherlands595 Posts
It is important to recognize that some people, and some activities, raise your self-esteem, while others lower it. When feeling weak, find the people or the things that help you get stronger. When feeling overconfident, obviously, the ones that bring you down to earth will have value then. Like an eagle flying through the sky, you will have to find the right currents to get where you want to be. Begging is an activity that lowers your self-esteem. If you feel you've got a low self-esteem, don't beg. Doing someone a favor is a confidence raiser. But accepting that it is not necessary is one too. You see were you've gone wrong? You should've accepted the message with grace, assuring you would've loved to do the favor but be pleased none the same that it is not necessary. By doing so, you would've raised your self-esteem, and raised the trust those two girls have in you. Like a djinnie, you will perform only those wishes that are made, and those that should be granted. Doing any less, or more, will go against your very being. My own experience in the matter is this, that while a low self-esteem is a burden, it is only temporary. While many people regard a low self-confidence to be bad for yourself, I have found otherwise. It is healthy to be unsure when the situation calls for that. I find for myself the things in which I have confidence, and the people with whom I feel good, and I'll seek them out when I need them. I've learned to see it as a need for change, rather than a problem, or a bad thing. Have you ever read Dune, the science fiction novel by Frank Herbert? If so, you'll know of the golden road that Muad'dib and Leto the god-emperor follow to ensure the survival of mankind. Though we are only one man a piece, we all have our own golden road to follow. It is the knowledge of what is good and what is bad, that should be your guide along the way to prosperity. | ||
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economist_
Vietnam719 Posts
Its not bad that you care so much about people. I personally think that is very good that you inherit such good trait from your parents. You dont have to change. Its just that sometimes you shouldnt think too much about this, just keep telling to yourself that you did your best and its not your intention that is misunderstood, its your action that has been misunderstood and then try to think about acting better later on. You shouldnt feel ashamed if you really care about people, you feel it when you care about yourself only by doing something damaging to people. Thats common sense | ||
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vnlegend
United States1389 Posts
The strongest catalyst to change is motivation. Another is your environment and the people you hang around with. Let's say that you're a nerdy guy. Start hanging around with people who are more outgoing and do what they do. You have to be open-minded to do this. If you approach it from the angle of "I already know I don't like this so I won't try it" then it's not gonna work. Girls can also improve your life. Just look at Stork. Except for the diet thing (which is probably an asian thing for guys to be skinny), he's become more active and sociable. A good motivation for you could be to improve yourself somehow (get rid of a bad habit, pick up a good one, etc) to impress a girl. I wish I learned this earlier but part of growing up is to figure out who you are. For things like careers, we have certain natural talents that you have to try things to discover what they are. For other things like relationships, you could be the un-attached casual dating kind of guy or somebody who's really intense and prefer long-term serious relationships. It's important to try things out, figure who you are, what you like to do, don't like, and what kind of things you could live with. Maybe you like money but can't live with being an assassin who makes loads of money, know what I mean? Self-esteem is related to confidence, which is related to ability. Girls who are pretty, but have no abilities typically suffer from low self-esteem. Meanwhile I've met girls who are less attractive but are more competent in life (smarter, better career, personal life, etc) tend to have more confidence. Try developing your abilities and become more competent in something. Even small successes will fuel your confidence and make you feel better. I call it ego management. | ||
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Gunman_csz
United Arab Emirates492 Posts
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Gunman_csz
United Arab Emirates492 Posts
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Garnet
Vietnam9033 Posts
On November 18 2009 21:09 Xeofreestyler wrote: I replied begging to do it but she hasn't replied. First of all: Dont you ever fucking send a text like that again. You do NOT beg people to do stuff for them. This should be common sense. If anything they should be begging you to do the favor for them, really. Second: Ask yourself this question: why do you wanna please people so badly? Try reflecting on that and post it here. It's like a natural instinct. | ||
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village_idiot
2436 Posts
It totally changed my personality. I used to be a weakling nerd, but now I get pussy left and right. | ||
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alffla
Hong Kong20321 Posts
well im sure u can change it. i used to be kinda shy i guess...... actually i dunno if i've changed or not lol. well what i do know is i care less about things now, and im more motivated to do stuff i wanna achieve, and know how to plan and treasure my time better. and to be generally be more confident with people. | ||
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LastWish
2015 Posts
It becomes very hard to change after you finish school... The reason for this is the fact that you usually have most of the following stable : friends, job, girlfriend, place to live, hobbies... So if you try to change you must change all of this too because the old things will most likely push you back. That's why it's easier to change when you lose job or gf. Your best hope is to move somewhere completely else (ever wanted to travel somewhere far?) and leave it all behind. Sounds cruel. Hell I should do it too... however my pesonality lacks the ever precious initiative. You see my family has always supported me materially but never I had the psychological support. I was raised to do little to no risks with the attitude to act like a above-average polite kid. This however does not suite my personality well and I have had troubles more than once due to that. Well I guess I'm waiting for the opportunity.. and when it comes I won't be prepared well and probably screw it. Fucking cycle... Oh, sorry this threat is about you, I hope you do well. | ||
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n3m0
Portugal247 Posts
People are what they are. | ||
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jfazz
Australia672 Posts
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Piste
6181 Posts
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lone_hydra
Canada1460 Posts
On November 18 2009 23:26 n3m0 wrote: Nah.. ppl can't really change their personality.. The closest thing to change your personality is faking it. People are what they are. Wrong. If you can fake a personality long enough, it will become your normal personality. Personality is habits and attitudes exhibited by 1 person. If you decide to "fake" being nice for a year, you will fall into a habit of being nice and you will naturally be nice. If you do something or act differently consistently for a long time, it will not be different and it will be natural. This is the basis of how humans learn and grow. | ||
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Garnet
Vietnam9033 Posts
On November 18 2009 23:37 jfazz wrote: I just want to make a quick suggestion - there is a book called 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People'. I read it when I was quite young - I had many of the attributes your describe - and it gave me insight into how I dealt with the world - and I can tell you, I am a very different (and thankfully, successful) person now. You might like it, im sure the book wouldn't be hard to get a hold of. Downloading. Thx for the suggestion, maybe it will be different from all the books I've read. | ||
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Piste
6181 Posts
On November 18 2009 23:26 n3m0 wrote: Maybe if you sit on your ass in front of computer all day.Nah.. ppl can't really change their personality.. The closest thing to change your personality is faking it. People are what they are. | ||
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searcher
277 Posts
And of course your personality can change. Do the people who suggest otherwise seriously that no one over the age of 20 or whatever has changed their personality? Seriously? Most people who want to change don't manage to change it the way they want, but that's a different matter. | ||
Heyoka
Katowice25012 Posts
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alexpnd
Canada1857 Posts
On November 18 2009 21:03 Garnet wrote: Two girls in class asked me a favor, and I replied I would do it, but somehow my actions later made them think I was annoyed, This most likely represents your fear of true expression. Your not letting your nature insist because of a fear that you will not be taken seriously perhaps? Mental images are powerful you have to go through them and go through your scenario again and try to conjure up what you think really would have happened, or what has happened and you were just placing it there again. | ||
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Cloud
Sexico5880 Posts
Now, why are you trying to change your personality? Because girls aren't falling for you at every corner? Because of your low self esteem? I also think it's rather weird to say that you have inherited a low self esteem from your parents, but anyway; Your procrastination can be fixed by setting up a schedule. A big self esteem or whatever isn't going to help you change that: boredom and self esteem have nothing to do with each other. I mean I know, in all of highschool I never studied more than 2 hours prior the exam. But setting a strict schedule based on tasks (not on time) helped me tremendously to change. Then, what do you want to change into? You don't like being a people pleaser, I think one of the more obvious alternatives is, as has been said, not giving a fuck. Yet it has also been said that it leads you to being a narcissist. And, yes, sorry, unless you were a monk you can't have the best part of both sides. As for the last part, so what the fuck if you're nerdy? There are millions others like you, a lot of them females (crazy I know), I think you're just annoyed because you feel subject to mock, aka. you have a low self esteem, yet I'm of the belief that a high self esteem is independent of what you are. A beggar can love himself, he can even have a high self respect (which ranks higher than his own self esteem) based purely on him following his own principles. All this ranting aside, I think the place to start would be to change your procrastination. And you do that by well, doing something for a change. Reading books is quite the contrary in my opinion, because it's just looking for an idea that appeals you the most because you find it so hard to drastically change. As I have mentioned, try keeping a hard schedule. From setting a strict hour to wake up, and all the tasks you have to do in the next day (not the time you plan to give each of them), to the hour you decide is optimal for sleeping. | ||
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HwangjaeTerran
Finland5967 Posts
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Cloud
Sexico5880 Posts
On November 19 2009 01:33 HwangjaeTerran wrote: I´m an optimist and think people can change their personalities, otherwise world is doomed, also I ´ve never known what I´m like so I´ve had to kinda create a personality. Isn't thinking that the world is doomed because people can't change pessimistic? | ||
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lejason
57 Posts
most importantly, and this is key, i would start focusing on the good aspects of your personality, there is a plus to anything you just need to find how to make it work for you. you got to learn to like yourself more and stop thinking that you inherently have a bad personality or else you'll get no where. subsequently you should stop acting like not you and be true to yourself; stop aiming to please so much, not that you shouldn't be nice, just don't be so deferential to your equals. | ||
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SkylineSC
United States564 Posts
u just gotta do it. work hard and do it. grow some backbone and start saying no, start taking initiative. don't expect some miracle that one day you are gonna be confident. its hard work, if it bugs you this much to be doormat all the time, then DO something about it. no secret | ||
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eshlow
United States5210 Posts
Instill better habits. | ||
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