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I meet a girl at uni. We have about the same courses. We sit together. After some time, we realize that we share the same humour. We laugh a lot.
When we have different classes, she waits for me outside. We start going to the cafeteria together. We take the same train home. She starts to playfully hit me when I tease her.
I have been suffering from depression for several years now. I haven't had a serious relationship during that time, because I don't want to drag someone else into the mess that is my personality. I get through (social) life by playing a role, doing what is expected from me in certain situations and nodding/smiling a lot. So I usually don't tease girls.
With her, its hard to resist though. She is always so positive and bubbly, its infectious. I relax around her. We start sharing more personal things. Both of us have very similar problems with our families. She tells me that she trusts me. It makes me feel good.
Today, we talk. Suddenly, she looks at me expectantly.
"You know, I am not so good at telling someone that I like him..."
My heart beats faster. The voices of the other people in the room drown out. It's like there are only the two of us there. I open my mouth to say something when she continues.
"... so do you have any idea how I should tell that one guy in my Spanishclass that I would like to go out with him?"
The world freezes. I blink.
I feel so stupid for even having the idea of a relationship with her. I am angry at her, because she hasn't even spoken more than two sentences to that guy but is more attracted to him than me. I feel sick, and my stomach burns.
Today, we take the train home in seperated compartments.
So yeah. Any ideas how I could have prevented that? Suggestions how I should deal with her now would be also welcomed, since I don't have a clue.
  
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Bitches. Can't live with em can't have a heterosexual life without em.
Whatever you do don't become the go to guy where she complains about him, ideas on what to buy for him etc. Avoid at all costs.
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pretty much have to state your intentions immediately or you fall into this shitstorm you are in. Unless they have some secret crush on you first or something which isnt something thats good to bank on.
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That has always been my fear. So I constantly ask myself "are you sure she likes you?? What if shes just a really good friend? "
Some girls are just like that though... not necessarily misleading.. but playful in general towards guys. =p
I'm sorry it happened man
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Just tell her how you feel about her.
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In my experience give her what she wants (your spear of destiny).
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Dominican Republic825 Posts
if simple
invite her to go out friday night or saturday night to a place she knows that place can only go ppl that are in love or trying to be in love, like a Restaurant, party, discotec, movie
all depends of what she likes, and there dont talk about yourself talk about the ambient u are
talk about her, womens like when a man pay atention to her
pay the bills where u go with her, but dont buy thing like flowers, perfumes, cause she will be insterested in that and not u in the long term.
what im trying to mean is be yourself used your best clothe and perfume try to impress her
but being ur self
sorry for my bad english
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beating around the bush doesnt work sorry pal.  on the bright side you still have time to woo her.  and challenge your depression everyway you can alright? easier said than done but worth the time to type it.
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It's tough, guys.
OP: Sounds like you got seriously friend-zoned though. Try to just pull the stuff other people pull. There's plenty of women in this world so you can just practice on some.
For example, maybe you need to have a more alphamale approach. You need to establish your control of every situation, even if you really aren't. Make her feel like she needs to go to you instead of the other way around. One thing I've noticed is that women you really like often pick up that signal already and that makes them automatically look for fish elsewhere.
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cry me a river man
I know how you feel but you gotta man up. Assume attraction, and like someone else said you have to state your intentions EARLY. Chances are she has seen you as a friend for quite some time now.
Don't be a wuss, don't put girls on piedestals and don't give a fuck.
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On October 24 2009 03:11 Sadist wrote:
pretty much have to state your intentions immediately or you fall into this shitstorm you are in. Unless they have some secret crush on you first or something which isnt something thats good to bank on.
yep what Sadist said, friend zone man, once you enter it, you are in deep shit :/
My tip would be :
+ Show Spoiler +Place everything on one card and tell her how you feel, if that fails, screw her and her "friend zone" gg no re
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You should tell her how you feel. Your friendship with her is probably on the rocks anyway.
And tell her in person. Don't write it on a card. Don't send an e-mail either, that's even worse.
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Germany3073 Posts
On October 24 2009 03:24 Foucault wrote:
cry me a river man
I know how you feel but you gotta man up. Assume attraction, and like someone else said you have to state your intentions EARLY. Chances are she has seen you as a friend for quite some time now.
Don't be a wuss, don't put girls on piedestals and don't give a fuck.
Yeah, telling the guy with diagnosed depression to "stop being a wuss" is definitely a worthy contribution to the debate. Way to go pal.
My take on the situation: You've been friend-zoned. Happens to every man at least once in his life. Not really much you can do about it. You still have one option though, because she doesn't know how you feel about her. Swallow down your feelings (if you can) and stay friends with her, or avoid her. She might not even notice, so don't expect her to come running after you.
That sounds harsh, but such is life. I feel for you man, you know I do =[
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*Shrug* just from reading your post it sure sounds like you need a true friend much more than a relationship anyway, and she definitely seems like someone who could become one. Don't worry so much about her gender and just be with her and have fun?
Though if you are already hopelessly "in love" I guess it might be too late for that :/
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Welcome to the Friend Zone.
Sucks like shit and you won't be getting out of it, ever.
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
If you tell her you like her you risk making the friendship awkward. However, I've been in situations where there are two friends, and one of them says they like the other, and the other didn't feel the same. It is awkward for a while but now we are actually best friends. It is not an all or nothing decision. You can tell her how you feel and still make things work if she doesn't feel the same way.
Of course it doesn't always work out that way and it could become awkward and you two drift apart and stop talking completely. Or she might say yes and you date eachother.
It all depends on what you're willing to risk and lose.
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It's cool man. Seriously though, everyone has gone through it at least once. I assure you. ;p
Being friend zoned sucks. I was once in it too...move on since there are plenty of girls out there.
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What the hell, just tell her how you feel. Man up.
If she doesn't feel the same way about you, then you can still be just friends. It just takes time to recover and then you can start meeting each other again. And who knows, you may become even closer.
If she talks about other guys, touch the subject lightly and then change the topic. Don't become the emotional tampon. Jesus christ, please don't.
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The nice thing about girls in the friend zone is that you can ask them for help in getting other girls. It's when it's unclear that it's a problem.
Depressions a bigger problem than one girl.
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sorry im pretty sure at this point u are completely screwed and there is no point to really try to get her anymore.
telling her will just make things very weird probably, but since you have nothing to lose, go for it
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EPT
