EPT![[image loading]](http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v140/249/0/569905946/n569905946_354584_4474.jpg)
The awkward smile of innocence
Most of the time when you hear the term it refers to when someone loses their virginity and therefore becomes a man or something to that effect. However I believe the true meaning of it is a time in your life where you just realize your not a kid anymore, where it kind of just hits you. For me this moment was 2 years ago this day.
At the time I didn't even realize the significance of this time in my life, but when I look back its the point in my life where I see everything start to change, my mentality, how I think. Its where I begin to evolve as a person, where I lost my childish outlook on the world even though I hadn't realized it at the time.
It was the relationship with my first girlfriend, from fruition to finish all within a month, but first we will give some background. I was more or less a late bloomer, I didn't really know how to talk to a girl and my first kiss was when I was 16 (or 17?) Its kind of hazy. The same girl who I kissed first I lost my virginity to. It didn't really effect me. There was no major change in my personality, I was still an awkward guy who was bad with girls.
Soon after I broke it off with this girl, because I was just leading her on when nothing was really going to happen, the whole thing lasted roughly 2-3 months. We ended it right before summer started. This was actually looking to be the worst summer ever, oddly enough. Yet it became the best summer yet. Going into it I had no friends, and was expecting it to just continue that way but then I get a call about a week in from my friend Anthony who hadn't even bothered to call me back for months and asks what I was up to.
So we start hanging out which automatically makes my summer less shitty than previously anticipated, but to make it better he was getting with some girl who had some cute friends, who think I am really attractive, pretty sweet right?
It would be if I had any sense of game, or ability to talk to girls so instead that all fell apart and they somehow I got the name freakshow because I was just odd lol. The strange part is that this was actually good. I ended up becoming friends with all of them, actually learning to talk to girls and I realized the key.
Just don't give a fuck, who the hell cares? Its better to say something dumb then nothing at all. It was the best mentality ever. So about a week after that revelation we met another group of girls and me and my friend Ronald were able to pimp it up while Anthony acted like a tool and got drunk by himself thinking it would impress his ex girlfriend who was in the group. That didn't work so well.
So basically it ended up me and my friend Ronald flirting with some girls and talking it up and we end up hanging out with two of them again. Pretty sweet, a month after I am now working on my second kiss!
However a twist of fate kind of just kicks my ass here, and I become selfconscious and own myself. We were at my house hanging out eating Pretzels and drinking Iced Tea when we decide to go drive somewhere, the last thing I do is eat some Pretzels and get the worst aftertaste ever in my mouth so when I finally kiss her I didn't even know what to do and just was terrible because of how aware of my breath I was.
That ended horrible. I believe I got some retarded line on the interwebz about how she heard something disconcerting about my past which made her not interested. The sad thing is, even though I only knew her about a week or two, I kind of liked her. She was really cool and had good taste in music. What a shame she was a shallow cunt.
Whoops rage lawl
That part of my life brought me to the next part, my first drunk experience. I was angry and upset about what happened, at my own stupidity, at her, at god damn Pretzels.
We can summarize this with basically two pictures.
+ Show Spoiler [1] +
![[image loading]](http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v113/103/67/1378740371/n1378740371_30138334_2879.jpg)
Anger allowing the simultaneous funneling of 3 beers
+ Show Spoiler [2] +
![[image loading]](http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v113/103/67/1378740371/n1378740371_30138336_3371.jpg)
Inevitable outcome of binge drinking
Anyway now the fun part. I start talking to my neighbor, shes a really cute girl who has lived down the street from me for a while, at this point I have been a pretty quick learner and kind of know how to talk to girls, but she was kind of quiet, which was quite the challenge for my newby self lawl.
After a week of not being able to hang out she finally comes over and we just hang out for a day, we got along pretty well and had a great time and took a lot of pictures.
![[image loading]](http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v140/249/0/569905946/n569905946_354592_6393.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v140/249/0/569905946/n569905946_354594_6872.jpg)
A few weeks go by and we haven't really even kissed yet, I was kind of afraid I would mess it up again, then finally when I was walking her home one day I got up the nerve and did it, it made my summer good
I thought she was really cute and quiet, really girl next doorish which is what I liked, I wanted someone who was at my level since the first girl I was with was, well. Experienced.The school year starts and I finally have my drivers license and I drive her to school. ITZ ALL CUTE N' SHIT. I end up getting into some confusing stuff with another girl too, which now makes me kind of a douche. I think this is the point where it all started.
Now we need to use some names, we will refer to the girl next door as K and the new girl as E. One day when leaving school with K she has to run back in to get something and leaves me outside with this girl E for a little while, when we are talking she ends up adding her number into my phonebook and starts texting me a lot and I of course responded because I am such a nice guy.
So now homecoming weekend comes around and me and my now soon to be girlfriend K head to it, it was a blast, we had a great time.
![[image loading]](http://photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v126/79/76/789189947/n789189947_385437_5303.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://photos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v141/79/76/789189947/n789189947_387211_1176.jpg )
![[image loading]](http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v126/79/76/789189947/n789189947_385532_7701.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v125/249/0/569905946/n569905946_382745_6137.jpg)
At this point E was mad at me because I stopped talking to her because she was getting too serious.
But hey, now we get to go to the homecoming dance! Which had some hilariously odd pictures.
![[image loading]](http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v126/79/76/789189947/n789189947_385628_7237.jpg)
The guy you see next to us is her ex boyfriend, we all live within 4 houses of each other.
![[image loading]](http://photos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v126/79/76/789189947/n789189947_385635_218.jpg)
I finally follow through and kiss her full on
Man this was all so long ago. Anyway, after this it all gets odd. She stops talking to me as much and doesn't really hang out with me except for to and from school. This happens for about the two weeks leading up to Halloween. I kind of got the vibe for a while now that she still had feeling for her ex boyfriend, shown above.
At this point E started talking to me a couple of days before Halloween and I was started to get hyper and aggressive because of DecafChicken's Marathon I end up running on about two weeks pent up testosterone without a release. Not the best situation for a guy whose girlfriend won't talk to him. So I tell myself if she doesn't hang out with me on Halloween then I just don't care anymore.
![[image loading]](http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v149/249/0/569905946/n569905946_409144_417.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v149/249/0/569905946/n569905946_409057_709.jpg)
Some of the last good memories we had together
Halloween comes along and she blows me off again, for something stupid to hang out with her friends. I end up with E and her friend at some party for a few minutes then we leave to go get something. I wasn't sure what to do. My girlfriend is blowing me off and doesn't seem to care really and now I am with E, and she wants it.
While I am having this epic internal struggle she just goes "Are you going to keep being a pussy or are you going to do something?" So I kind of force myself to kiss her.
Long story short without going into brag details, we end up in a school parking lot in my car and by the end of it I have enormous hickey's on my neck, which she put there on purpose for my girlfriend to see.
I should of just broken up with K at this point, but E had one thing right, I was a pussy. I tried hiding it with cover up and some other shit, but it didn't work. About a week after Halloween she tells me that she thought it was better when we were just friends. We stayed on okay terms, but never really talked that much anymore.
After that I end up with E for a couple of months until late Decemeber during this time she becomes very attached to me, while I feel nothing for her, she basically had no self respect. I kind of missed K but she had moved on, the day after we broke up she was already back with her ex boyfriend but I was a douche who didn't even deserve a second chance.
Oddly enough I have no pictures with E for whatever reason. I guess neither of us owned a camera and we spent most of our time inside one of our houses. This lasts up until December, I started talking to this girl I had a crush on when I was a freshman, she was really cute and had big boobz. Late December probably around the 18th I would say, she came to my house when I was home alone, and we ended up having sex, I couldn't resist it was my freshman crush and I had no emotional attachment to E and we also weren't even going out at any point.
I tell one of my friends how bad I felt about it, and I was determined to tell her what had happened, but we were approaching Christmas and I didn't want to ruin that for her. However my friend took that out of my hands and told her ON FUCKING CHRISTMAS. She called me at 11:45pm on Christmas Day crying because my friend had just told her.
I felt really bad that I had hurt her so much, but I felt bad for myself, more so that I was capable of being such a douche and didn't really even care about it. I think I became depressed after this for around a month or two and didn't even feel like trying to get with girls, because I just felt like a giant asshole who wasn't even ready for a girl at the time.
I ended up moving on and rest of the year went well, I met a few more girls, then the next summer came around, and I was really confident. Probably because I went from
This:
To this:
![[image loading]](http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v363/46/9/537212326/n537212326_1412135_304.jpg)
I think its strange, the physical change you can see in me. I don't ever remember being that skinny, I look to have had kind of a young boyish look, to looking older and more mature. It all seems to go together with how I have emotionally and physically matured in a year.
Well that was from 07 to 08, in the end of 08's summer I got into a relationship with my current girlfriend
![[image loading]](http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs020.snc1/4539_1099622504723_1651479297_230252_654439_n.jpg)
We live together with my parents, and are about to celebrate officially dating for one year this October 12th.
+ Show Spoiler [lawl] +
![[image loading]](http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs106.snc1/4785_118233611795_587416795_3038335_2662599_n.jpg)
? Record her sometime when playing SC :D
