EPTOn July 31 2017 15:57 iCanada wrote:
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I'm not super close with anyone here, but I need to vent somehow or i wont sleep at all tonight... so here goes.
Recently, my high school sweetheart and girlfriend of 6 years left me. I can't even tell you when thatwas, to be honest. Just feels like a blur. One week? Four weeks?
I'm not sure.
But I do l know my life just feels wrong. I don't know how to be alone. I don't know how to sleep by myself. I don't know how to take in the world. All I really know is I feel just... hollow. I feel like I'm watching myself in third person and it's not me. Whenever I turn a corner I expect her to be there with our dog Lexa. Nothing feels real except the mounting dread and uncertainty. I've felt like I had to throwup ever since. The life I built for us has been ripped to shreds. All the things I care about are gone.
Forgetting the emotional stuff completely, I'm now a fiscal wreck as well... I used to only be spending 60 of our combined income monthly but now I'm spending 95% of my own.
My expenses basically havnt changed but my I don't have her supplementary income. Due to market forces I can't even downsize, the markets fucking flooded right now due to everyone downsizing when oil crashed and now trying to re-upsize now that things have stabilized. If I sell right now basically I'd be stuck with 6+ months of payments and I'd still need a place to live on my own. I'm constantly just terrified of life worrying I'll lose all the physical stuff I've worked for, because it's all I have left.
Set small realistic goals for the day it could be, vaccum the room, do the dishes or something. It's a victory to complete and pad youself on the shoulder when you finish the task.
Physical exercise is great, the dopamine and serotonin cardio releases really help. If you can, try to get some more sunlight than usual too maybe see if you can run or take a walk outdoors?
I know I have a pretty strong support system that many people don't have and would kill for. But I can't help buy just feel battered and broken. I keep telling everyone I'm ok but I'm not. The only time I don't feel like I'm being crushed from all angles is when I'm inebriated and that scares the hell out of me. Worse yet, I don't even think anyone could help even if they knew.
Only place I still feel ok is the gym, been crushing PRs left and right but just still feels empty. Everything else is in so much chaos that I worry it effects my work, and that scares me ethically and fiscally. I feel like I'm barely holding on while being thrashed around in the waves and the only thing I can think about is the encircling sharks waiting to tear me to shreds.
Recently, my high school sweetheart and girlfriend of 6 years left me. I can't even tell you when thatwas, to be honest. Just feels like a blur. One week? Four weeks?
I'm not sure.
But I do l know my life just feels wrong. I don't know how to be alone. I don't know how to sleep by myself. I don't know how to take in the world. All I really know is I feel just... hollow. I feel like I'm watching myself in third person and it's not me. Whenever I turn a corner I expect her to be there with our dog Lexa. Nothing feels real except the mounting dread and uncertainty. I've felt like I had to throwup ever since. The life I built for us has been ripped to shreds. All the things I care about are gone.
Forgetting the emotional stuff completely, I'm now a fiscal wreck as well... I used to only be spending 60 of our combined income monthly but now I'm spending 95% of my own.
My expenses basically havnt changed but my I don't have her supplementary income. Due to market forces I can't even downsize, the markets fucking flooded right now due to everyone downsizing when oil crashed and now trying to re-upsize now that things have stabilized. If I sell right now basically I'd be stuck with 6+ months of payments and I'd still need a place to live on my own. I'm constantly just terrified of life worrying I'll lose all the physical stuff I've worked for, because it's all I have left.
Set small realistic goals for the day it could be, vaccum the room, do the dishes or something. It's a victory to complete and pad youself on the shoulder when you finish the task.
Physical exercise is great, the dopamine and serotonin cardio releases really help. If you can, try to get some more sunlight than usual too maybe see if you can run or take a walk outdoors?
I know I have a pretty strong support system that many people don't have and would kill for. But I can't help buy just feel battered and broken. I keep telling everyone I'm ok but I'm not. The only time I don't feel like I'm being crushed from all angles is when I'm inebriated and that scares the hell out of me. Worse yet, I don't even think anyone could help even if they knew.
Only place I still feel ok is the gym, been crushing PRs left and right but just still feels empty. Everything else is in so much chaos that I worry it effects my work, and that scares me ethically and fiscally. I feel like I'm barely holding on while being thrashed around in the waves and the only thing I can think about is the encircling sharks waiting to tear me to shreds.
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Disclaimer: I'm not a theapist or have any educational background but as someone who has struggled with a bipolar disorder for a decade and a half I can share some of my experiences when dealing with a depressive state of mind.
You might not have gotten a clinical diagnosis but fuck diagnoses if you're down you're down.
The first thing you need to do is reach out. There are people that can help and understand you, I know it's hard to see I really do but they are out there. It could be a friend, family member, your doctor, a hotline or even a preacher. Just reach out. It's can be emotionally boundary breaking but it helps tremendously to share your pain and worries with someone. Doctors/hotlines/preachers have signed a confidentiality agreement.
Most importantly dont drown your sorrow in alcohol or any sort of non-prescribed drugs, it might help in the moment but it'll gradually worsen it. Trust me on this one. Instead get something else you like, order a pizza, sushi, icecream, a big steak or whatever. If you're usually on a strict diet just allow youself to "sin", there's nothing wrong with it and life is boring without an innocent sin here and there anyway.
Write, paint or draw your feelings. It doesn't matter what the result is or if you consider youself good at it. It helps having some form of emotional outlet.
A small exercise that helped dealing with a negative thought spiral was learning to accept the thoughts and let them go. Sit down and say out loud "I'm at the Antarctic and I MAY NOT think of penguins" set a clock for a couple of minutes close your eyes and try to do it, at first it will probably be borderline impossible but eventually you'll see them drifting away through the water instead of seeing them constantly or frequently. Think of the negative thoughts as penguins. It sounds ridiculous, but it helped.
Unless it require immediate action try to not make any major decisions about your future. Focus on the present.
Set small realistic goals for the day. It could be doing the dishes, vaccum a room or read a chapter in a book for instance.
Instead of looking at what you cannot do, try to look at what you can/are doing. I've been deep down there, so the following isn't some mandatory superficial bullshit feel good I'm going to fire off. You can hit the gym, that's fucking great! You have the courage to share this on our board! You are amazing and stronger than you think.
![[image loading]](https://i.redd.it/wyjfzcqhqddz.jpg)
