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United States42428 Posts
On June 05 2025 07:55 Dan HH wrote:Show nested quote +On June 04 2025 20:05 Jankisa wrote:
Ukrainians are inspiring motherfuckers, I have a feeling when this is all said and done they'll be like Mandalorians, sending military instructors and spies to train armies and saboteurs all across the globe, I hope they find a good way to monetize all this know how and use the money to rebuild what the senseless Russian destruction did, they as a people and a country deserve it.
Right from the get-go, demolishing the armored column, stopping the Hostomel airport takeover, doing insane gains around Kharkiv and Kherson, sinking Moskva, these are some tough and inventive people.
I mean, credit where it's due, Russians had their own share of smart tactics and moves, the crawling through the pipeline to get behind Ukrainians in Kursk was fiendish and very smart, the FPV drones with optic cables were also very smart and a crafty invention.
If all of these people weren't dying for the ego of the fucking imperialist midget Putin this conflict would be a wonder to behold, unfortunately, every time one of these inventions works people die, so it's kind of hard to observe it without feeling depressed. Yeah, Ukraine had no right to fare any better than Afghanistan. They were supposed to strip the bearings, siphon the gas, and have the last person out turn the lights off. No one expected this kind of return of investment on the pre-invasion defense aid to Ukraine. It was 'oh, take this rusty bent nail to fight off the wyvern if it comes this way, good luck'. It wasn't supposed to work so well. I question the literacy of people that aren't in awe of how Ukraine managed this.
Medium disagree. There were moments where it hung in the balance and the actions of individuals turned history. Zelenskyy refusing to flee the capital and individual units rallying and holding against the Russian assault made real differences. Nobody could have correctly guessed all the individual acts of heroism.
But you've also got to remember that Ukraine had been attempting to modernize their military for 7 years and spent 7 years with a bunch of British, Canadian, and American specialists deployed attempting to correct the failures of 2014. Saying that nobody expected anything of Ukraine ignores the extensive efforts that were taken by Ukraine and her allies to build up the military in preparation for a second Russian invasion. I suspect that the UK officers deployed to Ukraine as part of Operation Orbital, for example, did expect them to resist. They knew better than most what Ukraine was capable of because they had seen the transformation of the Ukrainian military first hand. That's why on day 1 of the invasion the United Kingdom was shipping javelins and why the Ukrainian army already had a lot of people trained on them. The UK had refused to arm Ukraine with javelins before the war started but the crates filled with them were prepositioned and they were confident Ukraine could put them to good use.
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Unironically having some ammount of Neo-nazis that you can find in a country is a good thing I think. You need to make sure that you have people you disagree with and shouldn't trust so you have some point of comparison for the other compromises you need to make in a democratic society.
Much like with the IDF a portion of the military serving in Ukraine comes from little more than militia sources. The most visible neo-nazi units are former hooligan supporters groups who held together due to their ties organizing as fans of a football team. Other TDF (territorial defence units) are also supporter groups. In the Kosovo war war crimes were committed by supporters groups.
Much like the IDF Ukraine should be expected, and be demanded to, purge these elements from the military, lest you find yourself like the modern IDF. They should be expected, and be demanded to, conform to the constitution and not hold elections until the war is over.
Of all people to dispute the legitimacy of a government based on the violent revolution you would think GH would be the last person. The EuroMaidan should be an example tankies and GH should be celebrating as its directly what they keep saying the plan is for every other government on the globe.
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United States42428 Posts
Sure, if tankies had any ideological values beyond USA bad Russia/USSR good then they'd be celebrating the revolution and throwing off the shackles of the imperialist aggressor. But they don't, that's why they're tankies.
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Northern Ireland24814 Posts
It’s like we’re fellow travellers, hey I run into them, we get talking, get on pretty well! Turns out they know a sweet shortcut too, awesome! Cut a good 20 minutes off the journey. Managed to locate some idyllic detour through a forest where they had a great foraging spot.
Then we arrive at some 20 foot moat. There’s crocodiles, I think I see some jellyfish in there. There’s seemingly a bloke scuba diving with a harpoon gun, and for some reason he’s staring directly at us. Electric eels suddenly start intermittently sparking. Each zap revealing more clearly the contents of the moat, as they illuminate our pre-dawn surroundings.
‘Yeah this shortcut is the big one, cuts an hour off’
‘I mean, looking at the terrain, I can see that it would but, have you not noticed the jellyfish and the eels?’
‘What eels? You don’t get them in this country, and jellyfish don’t tend to live anywhere outside of saline water.’
‘Well I guess I might be mistaken there but, there’s definitely crocodiles in there. And I think a bloke with a harpoon gun looking menacingly at us?’
‘Nah, I hear that a lot but it’s just a weird optical illusion that occurs here, don’t ask me about the science!’
‘That seems an oddly specific optical illusion but hey. Wait, is that a WW2 era naval mine?’
‘Nah, it’s actually a seal feeder, they just repurposed the casings from old WW2 explosive devices. Pretty common here.’
‘It just rotated around and like, it’s just a full metal sphere. How do the seals get their meal?’
‘Oh seals are both much smarter and more dexterous than most people realise. The local automobile plant actually hired a bunch of them to fill in on the assembly line when there was a strike.’
‘Hired? Seals? I mean surely if they could actually do this, they’d be happy with a few fish or something?’
‘Nah, they’re quite picky about conditions, it’s why you don’t see many seal workers around. Only union jobs on union conditions will tempt them out of the sea.’
‘Wait didn’t you just say they only came in because of an existing strike? If seals feel so strongly about unions, why would they cross picket lines?’
‘Oh no they don’t feel strongly about unions, just the protections afforded to them by unions. Anyway they have their own labour union who gave the OK’.
‘Hm. I feel like the last couple of hours we were having some pretty good chat, your knowledge of the local area was invaluable! But now you’re talking absolute fucking bollocks to me fellow traveller. This moat is a deathtrap filled with various creatures and at least one threatening human. I’m fine taking a longer route, you don’t have to come with me but would you have directions?’
‘This is the only route.’
‘Wait, are you 100% sure? That fog from earlier is clearing a bit and I think I see a bridge a little way up. Let me stick on my glasses to check…’
‘It’s not a bridge it’s a large log planted across for religious reasons. Part of the consecration ritual included a termite infestation to cleanse the wood, but as a consequence it lacks the structural integrity to support the weight of a human attempting to cross.’
‘Are you sure? There’s still a little fog, but I’m pretty sure I’m seeing a regular old metal suspension bridge.’
‘Yeah no, it may look that way but the fog in this area has strange refractory properties, what you’re actually seeing is an image of a bridge some 20 kilometres away. Quite common, it’s just coincidence that it looks like it’s spanning the water, rather than say, floating in the air’
‘Look man, you had some good travel advice earlier, but this stuff really doesn’t make much sense to me at all. I’m gonna try my luck with that bridge. Safe travels!’
‘Fuck you.’
I’m unsure why the fuck I wrote quite this amount of utter, utter bollocks, for what was originally intended to be a pithy couple of lines describing how frustrating tankies are to converse with. To my tastes anyway. It still probably doesn’t capture quite how annoying I find it.
Ah well, if the TL awards come back I’m definitely a lock for ‘Shittest and longest analogy in a post’ anyway
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On June 05 2025 11:42 WombaT wrote:
It’s like we’re fellow travellers, hey I run into them, we get talking, get on pretty well! Turns out they know a sweet shortcut too, awesome! Cut a good 20 minutes off the journey. Managed to locate some idyllic detour through a forest where they had a great foraging spot.
Then we arrive at some 20 foot moat. There’s crocodiles, I think I see some jellyfish in there. There’s seemingly a bloke scuba diving with a harpoon gun, and for some reason he’s staring directly at us. Electric eels suddenly start intermittently sparking. Each zap revealing more clearly the contents of the moat, as they illuminate our pre-dawn surroundings.
‘Yeah this shortcut is the big one, cuts an hour off’
‘I mean, looking at the terrain, I can see that it would but, have you not noticed the jellyfish and the eels?’
‘What eels? You don’t get them in this country, and jellyfish don’t tend to live anywhere outside of saline water.’
‘Well I guess I might be mistaken there but, there’s definitely crocodiles in there. And I think a bloke with a harpoon gun looking menacingly at us?’
‘Nah, I hear that a lot but it’s just a weird optical illusion that occurs here, don’t ask me about the science!’
‘That seems an oddly specific optical illusion but hey. Wait, is that a WW2 era naval mine?’
‘Nah, it’s actually a seal feeder, they just repurposed the casings from old WW2 explosive devices. Pretty common here.’
‘It just rotated around and like, it’s just a full metal sphere. How do the seals get their meal?’
‘Oh seals are both much smarter and more dexterous than most people realise. The local automobile plant actually hired a bunch of them to fill in on the assembly line when there was a strike.’
‘Hired? Seals? I mean surely if they could actually do this, they’d be happy with a few fish or something?’
‘Nah, they’re quite picky about conditions, it’s why you don’t see many seal workers around. Only union jobs on union conditions will tempt them out of the sea.’
‘Wait didn’t you just say they only came in because of an existing strike? If seals feel so strongly about unions, why would they cross picket lines?’
‘Oh no they don’t feel strongly about unions, just the protections afforded to them by unions. Anyway they have their own labour union who gave the OK’.
‘Hm. I feel like the last couple of hours we were having some pretty good chat, your knowledge of the local area was invaluable! But now you’re talking absolute fucking bollocks to me fellow traveller. This moat is a deathtrap filled with various creatures and at least one threatening human. I’m fine taking a longer route, you don’t have to come with me but would you have directions?’
‘This is the only route.’
‘Wait, are you 100% sure? That fog from earlier is clearing a bit and I think I see a bridge a little way up. Let me stick on my glasses to check…’
‘It’s not a bridge it’s a large log planted across for religious reasons. Part of the consecration ritual included a termite infestation to cleanse the wood, but as a consequence it lacks the structural integrity to support the weight of a human attempting to cross.’
‘Are you sure? There’s still a little fog, but I’m pretty sure I’m seeing a regular old metal suspension bridge.’
‘Yeah no, it may look that way but the fog in this area has strange refractory properties, what you’re actually seeing is an image of a bridge some 20 kilometres away. Quite common, it’s just coincidence that it looks like it’s spanning the water, rather than say, floating in the air’
‘Look man, you had some good travel advice earlier, but this stuff really doesn’t make much sense to me at all. I’m gonna try my luck with that bridge. Safe travels!’
‘Fuck you.’
I’m unsure why the fuck I wrote quite this amount of utter, utter bollocks, for what was originally intended to be a pithy couple of lines describing how frustrating tankies are to converse with. To my tastes anyway. It still probably doesn’t capture quite how annoying I find it.
Ah well, if the TL awards come back I’m definitely a lock for ‘Shittest and longest analogy in a post’ anyway
It was entertaining, I'll give you that.
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On June 05 2025 11:42 WombaT wrote:
It’s like we’re fellow travellers, hey I run into them, we get talking, get on pretty well! Turns out they know a sweet shortcut too, awesome! Cut a good 20 minutes off the journey. Managed to locate some idyllic detour through a forest where they had a great foraging spot.
Then we arrive at some 20 foot moat. There’s crocodiles, I think I see some jellyfish in there. There’s seemingly a bloke scuba diving with a harpoon gun, and for some reason he’s staring directly at us. Electric eels suddenly start intermittently sparking. Each zap revealing more clearly the contents of the moat, as they illuminate our pre-dawn surroundings.
‘Yeah this shortcut is the big one, cuts an hour off’
‘I mean, looking at the terrain, I can see that it would but, have you not noticed the jellyfish and the eels?’
‘What eels? You don’t get them in this country, and jellyfish don’t tend to live anywhere outside of saline water.’
‘Well I guess I might be mistaken there but, there’s definitely crocodiles in there. And I think a bloke with a harpoon gun looking menacingly at us?’
‘Nah, I hear that a lot but it’s just a weird optical illusion that occurs here, don’t ask me about the science!’
‘That seems an oddly specific optical illusion but hey. Wait, is that a WW2 era naval mine?’
‘Nah, it’s actually a seal feeder, they just repurposed the casings from old WW2 explosive devices. Pretty common here.’
‘It just rotated around and like, it’s just a full metal sphere. How do the seals get their meal?’
‘Oh seals are both much smarter and more dexterous than most people realise. The local automobile plant actually hired a bunch of them to fill in on the assembly line when there was a strike.’
‘Hired? Seals? I mean surely if they could actually do this, they’d be happy with a few fish or something?’
‘Nah, they’re quite picky about conditions, it’s why you don’t see many seal workers around. Only union jobs on union conditions will tempt them out of the sea.’
‘Wait didn’t you just say they only came in because of an existing strike? If seals feel so strongly about unions, why would they cross picket lines?’
‘Oh no they don’t feel strongly about unions, just the protections afforded to them by unions. Anyway they have their own labour union who gave the OK’.
‘Hm. I feel like the last couple of hours we were having some pretty good chat, your knowledge of the local area was invaluable! But now you’re talking absolute fucking bollocks to me fellow traveller. This moat is a deathtrap filled with various creatures and at least one threatening human. I’m fine taking a longer route, you don’t have to come with me but would you have directions?’
‘This is the only route.’
‘Wait, are you 100% sure? That fog from earlier is clearing a bit and I think I see a bridge a little way up. Let me stick on my glasses to check…’
‘It’s not a bridge it’s a large log planted across for religious reasons. Part of the consecration ritual included a termite infestation to cleanse the wood, but as a consequence it lacks the structural integrity to support the weight of a human attempting to cross.’
‘Are you sure? There’s still a little fog, but I’m pretty sure I’m seeing a regular old metal suspension bridge.’
‘Yeah no, it may look that way but the fog in this area has strange refractory properties, what you’re actually seeing is an image of a bridge some 20 kilometres away. Quite common, it’s just coincidence that it looks like it’s spanning the water, rather than say, floating in the air’
‘Look man, you had some good travel advice earlier, but this stuff really doesn’t make much sense to me at all. I’m gonna try my luck with that bridge. Safe travels!’
‘Fuck you.’
I’m unsure why the fuck I wrote quite this amount of utter, utter bollocks, for what was originally intended to be a pithy couple of lines describing how frustrating tankies are to converse with. To my tastes anyway. It still probably doesn’t capture quite how annoying I find it.
Ah well, if the TL awards come back I’m definitely a lock for ‘Shittest and longest analogy in a post’ anyway
This sounds like a fun trip.
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On June 05 2025 03:16 GreenHorizons wrote:Show nested quote +On June 05 2025 03:02 Gorsameth wrote:
I will happily cheer for any nazi going off to die to defend my country from a hostile invader.
2 birds with 1 stone and all that.
Sometimes they don't die, and they become "heroes" instead
Hundreds. Do you get a fucking clue ?
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On June 05 2025 17:23 Godwrath wrote:Show nested quote +On June 05 2025 03:16 GreenHorizons wrote:On June 05 2025 03:02 Gorsameth wrote:
I will happily cheer for any nazi going off to die to defend my country from a hostile invader.
2 birds with 1 stone and all that.
Sometimes they don't die, and they become "heroes" instead Hundreds. Do you get a fucking clue ?
Bandera is listed under "Heroes of Ukraine" on the NGO "Visit Ukraine" which is a service portal for tourists.
He also basically got a holiday.
Poland's mentioned it was an issue too
https://notesfrompoland.com/2023/01/02/poland-condemns-ukraines-commemoration-of-wartime-nationalist-leader-bandera/
I'm not trying to say that Ukraine is all Nazis. I'd say it's more like the veneration of Confederates in the US and how the US (sorta) has "Robert E Lee Day". Not everyone in the US is a big Lee fan, but it's enough to be an ongoing and widespread issue.
I'd have a problem with someone looking at Trump/Robert E Lee day and concluding we're all Confederate lovers in the US. I can also see how any reasonable person would recognize that the history of someone like Lee, the veneration of him and others like him in various regions of the country, the election of Trump, and the persecution of minorities in the US are related and problematic.
I'm not saying Lee and Bandera are the same (or that Trump and Zelenskyy are similar at all), it's just a rough analogue for the lingering support for problematic people in a country.
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What the actual fuck Wombat.
You had too much internet today! Go take a nap 
5/5 blog novel though
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United States42428 Posts
If you want to compare Ukrainian nationalist figures to problematic Americans then Washington was right there. How many slaves did Bandera own?
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The virtues you need to adhere to, to be even considered as a decent human being or institution borders on the religious zealotry or cult like.
Human organisation is flawed and chaotic. You won't have any homogeneous mixture, ever. And that's a good thing.
I strongly suggest you relieve from some of your activism bias, GH.
I actually wonder how conversations with total strangers usually go. How many sentences in do you start judging their morals and ideology?
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On June 05 2025 20:41 GreenHorizons wrote:Show nested quote +On June 05 2025 17:23 Godwrath wrote:On June 05 2025 03:16 GreenHorizons wrote:On June 05 2025 03:02 Gorsameth wrote:
I will happily cheer for any nazi going off to die to defend my country from a hostile invader.
2 birds with 1 stone and all that.
Sometimes they don't die, and they become "heroes" instead Hundreds. Do you get a fucking clue ? Bandera is listed under " Heroes of Ukraine" on the NGO "Visit Ukraine" which is a service portal for tourists. He also basically got a holiday. Poland's mentioned it was an issue too https://twitter.com/notesfrompoland/status/1595352683212582912https://notesfrompoland.com/2023/01/02/poland-condemns-ukraines-commemoration-of-wartime-nationalist-leader-bandera/I'm not trying to say that Ukraine is all Nazis. I'd say it's more like the veneration of Confederates in the US and how the US (sorta) has "Robert E Lee Day". Not everyone in the US is a big Lee fan, but it's enough to be an ongoing and widespread issue. I'd have a problem with someone looking at Trump/Robert E Lee day and concluding we're all Confederate lovers in the US. I can also see how any reasonable person would recognize that the history of someone like Lee, the veneration of him and others like him in various regions of the country, the election of Trump, and the persecution of minorities in the US are related and problematic. I'm not saying Lee and Bandera are the same (or that Trump and Zelenskyy are similar at all), it's just a rough analogue for the lingering support for problematic people in a country.
Now do Russia for once.
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On June 05 2025 22:14 KwarK wrote:
If you want to compare Ukrainian nationalist figures to problematic Americans then Washington was right there. How many slaves did Bandera own?
Dunno, but he is main person behind slaughter of around 100 000 polish civilians. Comparing him to Washington is just stupid.
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United States42428 Posts
On June 06 2025 02:16 Silvanel wrote:Show nested quote +On June 05 2025 22:14 KwarK wrote:
If you want to compare Ukrainian nationalist figures to problematic Americans then Washington was right there. How many slaves did Bandera own? Dunno, but he is main person behind slaughter of around 100 000 polish civilians. Comparing him to Washington is just stupid.
Dunno if you know this but one of Washington's motivations for declaring independence was that the British weren't letting him genocide the native Americans because they had legal treaties. It's there in the declaration of independence as grievances with the British rule.
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I did know that. Still his policy towards natives was much more multifaceted and complex than Banders "kill all poles" policy.
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On June 05 2025 11:42 WombaT wrote:+ Show Spoiler +It’s like we’re fellow travellers, hey I run into them, we get talking, get on pretty well! Turns out they know a sweet shortcut too, awesome! Cut a good 20 minutes off the journey. Managed to locate some idyllic detour through a forest where they had a great foraging spot.
Then we arrive at some 20 foot moat. There’s crocodiles, I think I see some jellyfish in there. There’s seemingly a bloke scuba diving with a harpoon gun, and for some reason he’s staring directly at us. Electric eels suddenly start intermittently sparking. Each zap revealing more clearly the contents of the moat, as they illuminate our pre-dawn surroundings.
‘Yeah this shortcut is the big one, cuts an hour off’
‘I mean, looking at the terrain, I can see that it would but, have you not noticed the jellyfish and the eels?’
‘What eels? You don’t get them in this country, and jellyfish don’t tend to live anywhere outside of saline water.’
‘Well I guess I might be mistaken there but, there’s definitely crocodiles in there. And I think a bloke with a harpoon gun looking menacingly at us?’
‘Nah, I hear that a lot but it’s just a weird optical illusion that occurs here, don’t ask me about the science!’
‘That seems an oddly specific optical illusion but hey. Wait, is that a WW2 era naval mine?’
‘Nah, it’s actually a seal feeder, they just repurposed the casings from old WW2 explosive devices. Pretty common here.’
‘It just rotated around and like, it’s just a full metal sphere. How do the seals get their meal?’
‘Oh seals are both much smarter and more dexterous than most people realise. The local automobile plant actually hired a bunch of them to fill in on the assembly line when there was a strike.’
‘Hired? Seals? I mean surely if they could actually do this, they’d be happy with a few fish or something?’
‘Nah, they’re quite picky about conditions, it’s why you don’t see many seal workers around. Only union jobs on union conditions will tempt them out of the sea.’
‘Wait didn’t you just say they only came in because of an existing strike? If seals feel so strongly about unions, why would they cross picket lines?’
‘Oh no they don’t feel strongly about unions, just the protections afforded to them by unions. Anyway they have their own labour union who gave the OK’.
‘Hm. I feel like the last couple of hours we were having some pretty good chat, your knowledge of the local area was invaluable! But now you’re talking absolute fucking bollocks to me fellow traveller. This moat is a deathtrap filled with various creatures and at least one threatening human. I’m fine taking a longer route, you don’t have to come with me but would you have directions?’
‘This is the only route.’
‘Wait, are you 100% sure? That fog from earlier is clearing a bit and I think I see a bridge a little way up. Let me stick on my glasses to check…’
‘It’s not a bridge it’s a large log planted across for religious reasons. Part of the consecration ritual included a termite infestation to cleanse the wood, but as a consequence it lacks the structural integrity to support the weight of a human attempting to cross.’
‘Are you sure? There’s still a little fog, but I’m pretty sure I’m seeing a regular old metal suspension bridge.’
‘Yeah no, it may look that way but the fog in this area has strange refractory properties, what you’re actually seeing is an image of a bridge some 20 kilometres away. Quite common, it’s just coincidence that it looks like it’s spanning the water, rather than say, floating in the air’
‘Look man, you had some good travel advice earlier, but this stuff really doesn’t make much sense to me at all. I’m gonna try my luck with that bridge. Safe travels!’
‘Fuck you.’
I’m unsure why the fuck I wrote quite this amount of utter, utter bollocks, for what was originally intended to be a pithy couple of lines describing how frustrating tankies are to converse with. To my tastes anyway. It still probably doesn’t capture quite how annoying I find it.
Ah well, if the TL awards come back I’m definitely a lock for ‘Shittest and longest analogy in a post’ anyway
Bravo, Wombat. "Only union jobs on union conditions will tempt them out of the sea" made me lose it
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I wouldn't dream to defend a Nazi collaborator, in my country there is a subsection of people who still worship our collaborationist regime from WW2, despite the same regime literally selling our coast, our most prized possession as a country along with our most gorgeous cities to fascist Italy (not to mention all the genocidal, brutal camps for Serbs, Jews, Roma etc.).
There will always be, in every country a subsection of morons obsessed with "glorious past".
The difference between my country and Ukraine and let's say, just randomly, USA and Russia is that these motherfuckers are marginalized, they aren't in power.
In Russia you have 70 % of population saying that Stalin was a good guy, you have Putin trying to revitalize his image, in USA you have Trump regime removing mentions of Juneteenth and similar atrocities, so it's pretty fucking rich for GH to even try to compare 2 obvious non imperialist and nations that have been victims for a long time to two of the bloodiest and most fucked up empires of the modern era.
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Northern Ireland24814 Posts
On June 06 2025 02:59 Dan HH wrote:Show nested quote +On June 05 2025 11:42 WombaT wrote:+ Show Spoiler +It’s like we’re fellow travellers, hey I run into them, we get talking, get on pretty well! Turns out they know a sweet shortcut too, awesome! Cut a good 20 minutes off the journey. Managed to locate some idyllic detour through a forest where they had a great foraging spot.
Then we arrive at some 20 foot moat. There’s crocodiles, I think I see some jellyfish in there. There’s seemingly a bloke scuba diving with a harpoon gun, and for some reason he’s staring directly at us. Electric eels suddenly start intermittently sparking. Each zap revealing more clearly the contents of the moat, as they illuminate our pre-dawn surroundings.
‘Yeah this shortcut is the big one, cuts an hour off’
‘I mean, looking at the terrain, I can see that it would but, have you not noticed the jellyfish and the eels?’
‘What eels? You don’t get them in this country, and jellyfish don’t tend to live anywhere outside of saline water.’
‘Well I guess I might be mistaken there but, there’s definitely crocodiles in there. And I think a bloke with a harpoon gun looking menacingly at us?’
‘Nah, I hear that a lot but it’s just a weird optical illusion that occurs here, don’t ask me about the science!’
‘That seems an oddly specific optical illusion but hey. Wait, is that a WW2 era naval mine?’
‘Nah, it’s actually a seal feeder, they just repurposed the casings from old WW2 explosive devices. Pretty common here.’
‘It just rotated around and like, it’s just a full metal sphere. How do the seals get their meal?’
‘Oh seals are both much smarter and more dexterous than most people realise. The local automobile plant actually hired a bunch of them to fill in on the assembly line when there was a strike.’
‘Hired? Seals? I mean surely if they could actually do this, they’d be happy with a few fish or something?’
‘Nah, they’re quite picky about conditions, it’s why you don’t see many seal workers around. Only union jobs on union conditions will tempt them out of the sea.’
‘Wait didn’t you just say they only came in because of an existing strike? If seals feel so strongly about unions, why would they cross picket lines?’
‘Oh no they don’t feel strongly about unions, just the protections afforded to them by unions. Anyway they have their own labour union who gave the OK’.
‘Hm. I feel like the last couple of hours we were having some pretty good chat, your knowledge of the local area was invaluable! But now you’re talking absolute fucking bollocks to me fellow traveller. This moat is a deathtrap filled with various creatures and at least one threatening human. I’m fine taking a longer route, you don’t have to come with me but would you have directions?’
‘This is the only route.’
‘Wait, are you 100% sure? That fog from earlier is clearing a bit and I think I see a bridge a little way up. Let me stick on my glasses to check…’
‘It’s not a bridge it’s a large log planted across for religious reasons. Part of the consecration ritual included a termite infestation to cleanse the wood, but as a consequence it lacks the structural integrity to support the weight of a human attempting to cross.’
‘Are you sure? There’s still a little fog, but I’m pretty sure I’m seeing a regular old metal suspension bridge.’
‘Yeah no, it may look that way but the fog in this area has strange refractory properties, what you’re actually seeing is an image of a bridge some 20 kilometres away. Quite common, it’s just coincidence that it looks like it’s spanning the water, rather than say, floating in the air’
‘Look man, you had some good travel advice earlier, but this stuff really doesn’t make much sense to me at all. I’m gonna try my luck with that bridge. Safe travels!’
‘Fuck you.’
I’m unsure why the fuck I wrote quite this amount of utter, utter bollocks, for what was originally intended to be a pithy couple of lines describing how frustrating tankies are to converse with. To my tastes anyway. It still probably doesn’t capture quite how annoying I find it.
Ah well, if the TL awards come back I’m definitely a lock for ‘Shittest and longest analogy in a post’ anyway Bravo, Wombat. "Only union jobs on union conditions will tempt them out of the sea" made me lose it
I’d love to take credit for pointless creativity, but really I just have a rather eventful life, meet all sorts of characters!
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EPT
