So, turns out I'm Schizophrenic! - Page 6

On June 14 2007 18:01 Pads wrote:
edit: i'm just assuming youa drug user, most mental issues are caused by drugs.

On June 15 2007 15:43 BloodyC0bbler wrote:
so, after all this reading, its evan right?

On June 14 2007 17:00 QuietIdiot wrote:
u ain't a fucking schizo. If you are, then I'm a fucking serial killer.
Doc says I had schizo, took meds, had huge huge side effects that I may never recover from.
TURNS OUT I FUCKING HAVE SOME FUCKING CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME. NICE GOING DOC, NICE FUCKING GOING.
Half a century ago, they thought drilling a fucking hole through your skull would solve your mental disorders. A few years ago, they believed homosexuality was a mental disorder. Now they come with this theory on chemical imbalances without any real method other than deductions and reading off descriptions from a fucking textbook. I am extremely skeptical about such a relatively "new" field in the medical world. I feel like a victim, I'm no longer the fucking same person I am now. I can't think properly, I can't trust myself, and I make people laugh at me for all the fucking wrong reasons. Those fucking doctors smile and look down on me as a lab rat, toss me out as expendable trial and error experiments. Been called a person of inferior intellect. I can take that. Been called a an Asian mime. Can take that. Being called a laughable excuse of a human being? I'll fuck you up.

Funny, and I JUST got back to this forum to see this lovely thread.

On June 14 2007 20:37 oddeye wrote:
It has run around in my familly too it's not like you are fucked for life, everyone find it's inner peace at some point, just make sure you live to be able to feel free at least once. I say this because my uncle shot himself in the head with a shotgun. I know it can be pretty damn hard at time to handle.

I've been pretty fuck'ed up myself, I strongly felt a dissociation from the world. I've also a pretty strong history of drug use, two years ago (at college) I pretty much did drug every 2-3 nights (even on school day), weed, hash oil, shrooms, salvia, LSD, speed, ecstasy, ketamine, dxm and also a variety of drugs I bought online. I would go everynight and smoke until 3-5AM, with school at 8AM.

I often had hallucination during school class because I had done psychedelic drugs during the weekend, weed would bring back some of it. Like I would turn around thinking someone was here then I wouldn't see anyone, or it was someone else. I remember my teacher once asked me some question and I wouldn't be able to answer because I couldn't understand what she said no matter how many time she said it so I kinna slumped on my chair not even bothering to answer, she came later to ask me if I did drugs and I answered no, didn't feel like being bothered, never felt like it. Most of the time it wasn't much of a pain I could just sleep in class.

I can barely remember this time it feels as if I have no memory at all, but I'll try to point out why I believe I have(had?) this condition, in part at least. I often was lost in tought loops, unable to move away some deeply emotional nightmarish toughts, things like human organs swirming or frenzied undead clawing throught skin. Oh and the nightmares, those were crazy, most nights I'd have a weird ass nightmare so realistic I couldn't move even if I woke up, like I was stuck in that world yet awake. Stuff like falling from a ship and sinking into the abyss with weird ass fish wanting to eat me in total darkness, I sometimes didn't even go to sleep just cause of nightmares. Sometime I just had impulse to do weird ass things, like suddenly want to break a mirror or a window, or sometime I felt like bitting people in the mouth and I tought about killing my parent(and others) so many times. Of course I knew enough not to act on those kind of things. Now I never have these kind of confused feelings, I am merely remembering what I felt by then.

So they say drug make you schizophreniac? Nah, I always believed I was sorta, or on some part of the spectrum, perhaps it started it. I did some drug alone too, not much, now I truly appreciate drugs alone(it's especially true with psychedelic, for deep meditation). I would say I always appreciated being alone, throught it doesn't mean I don't enjoy company of other, I'm usually quite sociable but sometimes paranoid, especially on drugs.

I like to think of drugs or meditation as some kind of temporary relief for the stress of life, it does help. I'm so happy I never told a doctor about this, it's the funniest of all those mentall illness you can get, I'm enjoying it now. Still do some drugs, weed and psychedelic mostly, once in a while I suggest them to those who wants to understand themselves better, perhaps meditation if you don't like drugs, or both.

Also I wanna point out that talking to yourself isn't really weird, it's merely expressing your unconcious out loud, your not alone. I smoked a joint while writting this, couldn't stop writting, I said too much damn, hope I didn't scare you lol.