EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 1040
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Acrofales
Spain18266 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On January 04 2019 03:45 waffelz wrote: I see you haven't been around a lot of programmers, especially students...  I have my masters already so I've spent plenty of time with students  ! But I think there is a pretty big descrepency in terms of ambition when comparing someone who hasn't studied/isn't studying to a "normal person" working at the local supermarket day in and day out. Advancing in career or life in general is decently important to me. I think quality of life improves quite a lot when you get a bigger paycheck.On January 04 2019 17:48 Acrofales wrote: She's doing a course in programming? Or studying CS at university level? She's doing a two year program focused on front-end. | ||
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Acrofales
Spain18266 Posts
Anyway, a hot programmer chick is every nerd's dream, right?  | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On January 04 2019 22:55 Acrofales wrote: Ok. Then I have no idea about her general level of intelligence. At least she has some ambition, and if she's talented at front-end programming and design, there's a shitton of work for her from now until probably forever. Anyway, a hot programmer chick is every nerd's dream, right? For sure, I'm a developer myself at the moment, super easy to get jobs. Haha, while I do think most nerds would like it at first, I think a lot of them would get insecure over how male dominated the field is. But we actually talked about it a bit and she seems to have a good idea what she thinks about things like that which is good. Not wanting a job purely because she is a girl, since some companies are really focusing on hiring women to level the plainfield among men and women etc. She doesn't want a free pass. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
And the hot programmer girl is pretty much ghosting me at this point. Back to square one. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
I almost forgot how this feels it's been so long hah Went to a meetup.com party for expats Do my usual rounds, talk to strangers make fun just for shits and giggles, I just stopped going after women at this point purposefully, just treat people as people. Someone doesn't reciprocate I just walk away without saying a word, practicing my social skills making friends One guy was sitting alone drinking a fancy cocktail so I just sit next to him "This is where cool people hangout yeah"? fucking hilarious german guy from Brooklyn now in Prague telling me he went dynamite fishing in russia (ROFL that shit still exists, dynamite in a lake, pick up fish with a net, apparently 80% sink but people don't care lol) I'm in a great mood at this point almost crying laughing (I don't drink alcohol even on social events, want to keep sharp for my job the next day). And there's this girl...Leaning against the wall looking EXTREMELY bored - body language, slouching looking annoyed. So I'm like what the hell, I'm on a roll let's have fun...Walked over just called her out on that, copying her body language in the process. And man in the next like half hour the conversation flew fast as hell, she was witty, I stopped feeling the need to play shit up, she made me think, is a phd student/researcher I was there just having a conversation just thinking of her as a person instead of a dating prospect as I usually do when I go out for the purpose of socialising... She even called me out "hang on, what's going on here, I'd talk all about myself, that's no fair! How about I tell you one thing I like doing, and then you tell me one in exchange!" Which is pretty rare with the crowd I usually hang out with to have this kind of social intelligence I guess I need to find more PHD students that are also somewhat social lol. Her body language became more and more open when we talked she was like a flower that sees the sun in the morning and I'm gonna see her later... But yeah it does make me reconsider my approach and social circles, tinder's obvious thrash heap that's why I quit it, meetup.com you can meet some great people, met a couple mathematicians, writers etc. but it's not that common and often there's language barrier with expats not from English speaking countries...I guess the way would be to hang out with the science and student community somehow and expand my social circle that way. Not sure yet, I might start working on making friends in that area, any tips appreciated EDIT: Hmm I guess I do meet scientists, mathematicians etc. on hikes and such, I just need to work harder on hanging out with the crowd and getting them in my circles... But I always assumed those fields are male dominated, and I like to have decent ratios, with dating and meeting women an automatic by-product of just being social with friends and just adding to my motivation to get out | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
The feeling when you wrote the name down wrong of a girl you got a number of It was dark you don't remember how she looked like but loved the chemistry then try to google her and these "meh" looking girls keep coming up that you can't recall and you're like "yeah okay she was much nicer in person I guess it was dark in her" And then after she agrees to see you You find the real profile and she's actually gorgeous cute It's the feeling like winning the lottery. Has this happened to you guys? Happened to me in my 20s when I got a number on a party and was supposed to meet this girl that'd become my GF of 3 years Set a meeting in a university cafe, she was chinese and I was drunk It was pre-facebook days And this not exactly good looking bigger asian girl with acne is sitting there alone and I was like "oh shit how drunk was I?" and it turns out it ain't her and this cute as hell girl shows up eventually :D | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
Finally a girl that fully understands poker (mathematician) Even started making up reasons why it's a great job similar to hers. I think I haven't had a flow of intellectual conversation like that before IRL... I do have them about feeling relationships etc. With my best femalefriend but not about values beliefs research etc. the sexual chemistry isn't high enough though, not effortless at least. I guess there could be something there but at this point I started being almost narcissistic about myself...If It either isn't A) naturally flowing or b) she doesn't put In a lot of effort right off the bat if it isn't It's just not worth pursuing romantically for me So I'm gonna have a great friend, expand my social circle into the maths and sciences areas. Funny thing is I know exactly what to do now lol without needing to even say anything or lead her on or get into awkward situations Basically the exact opposite of what works when you want to continue romantically BRB boys I'm off to write a long text and plan next time :D | ||
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
Keep at it and keep us posted. I do appreciate you sharing your thoughts on personal development and your endeavours into a new social life. Also curious how l_master is doing at the moment? How are you man? | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
On January 19 2019 05:18 LemOn wrote: Aww man she's just amazing Finally a girl that fully understands poker (mathematician) Even started making up reasons why it's a great job similar to hers. I think I haven't had a flow of intellectual conversation like that before IRL... I do have them about feeling relationships etc. With my best femalefriend but not about values beliefs research etc. the sexual chemistry isn't high enough though, not effortless at least. I guess there could be something there but at this point I started being almost narcissistic about myself...If It either isn't A) naturally flowing or b) she doesn't put In a lot of effort right off the bat if it isn't It's just not worth pursuing romantically for me So I'm gonna have a great friend, expand my social circle into the maths and sciences areas. Funny thing is I know exactly what to do now lol without needing to even say anything or lead her on or get into awkward situations Basically the exact opposite of what works when you want to continue romantically BRB boys I'm off to write a long text and plan next time :D to what extent does the intellectual nature of a conversation necessarily inhibit sexual chemistry? | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
The romantic chemistry I'd rate a 5 or a 6 though mutually Things like reciprocated touching being drawn to smells etc. The natural part of it you can't control but you can build it up, but the lower it is the higher signs of effort in that area I need to see early on. Because it would take effort from me as well. When it's 8+ mutually it just needs no effort at all just happens naturally like a magnet and I didn't feel that there. Back in the day I'd be inclined to go on dates for weeks just go with it, hoping and keep trying that it'll build up putting in loads of effort I feel heh even when not reciprocated Just not in a place like that now anymore And with the just okay chemistry it's drastically more likely she'll remain in my life if I don't treat her as a potential romantic partner, I put much higher expectations on them than I do for friends, just because I know about the high investment and effort I put in over time | ||
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Metalreflux
United States165 Posts
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[Phantom]
Mexico2170 Posts
Talking about that...I met a girl through a friend, we started talking, then some messages, then finally this saturday I was going out to a party, and I decided to invite her last minute and she accepted. We had gone out with my friend for lunch one or two times, but I guess this was our actual first date. It was a great party and we had a great time, we kissed, one thing led to another and... we ended up spending the night together. Now...this was really special for me for one particular reason. Before this, I had a terribly toxic relantionship that quite literally destroyed everything I was as a person and will have lasting implications for the rest of my life. Even though it has been many months since we broke up it is still hard for me to even talk about it. This girl showed me that...I can still be loved. That a girl can still be interested in me, and that I can bring joy to another person, even if it's for a night. She basically did everything, she was the first to ask for my number, or add me on Facebook. I had thought about asking her but I didn't have the...confidence to take those steps, I only talked to her trying to make her laugh but I always hesitated when it came to making a move. She didn't. In the end, I did end up making the last move so I guess that's something but basically she just...wanted me and made it happen. It may sound ridiculous, but in this time in my life, it was...honestly unthinkeable for me that a girl would be interested in me, even if it would only be for a night. Furthermore it was a clear consecuence of trying to improve myself. About two months ago I realized I needed to do something with my life I wanted to get better, improve, keep moving, and one of those things was starting to go to the gym with a friend. It turns out she started going there too, my friend knew her, we met and now here I am. So doing something to improve now has at least one tangible possitive experience and I'm honestly so grateful with myself for that. Anyway... like I said that was really special for me, but I don't think I want a relationship right now, and I don't think it would be wise either. For what we talked about the next day, it seems to me she doesn't want one either yet. We were both kind of vage, but we ended it up as a kind of "let's keep talking, and getting to know each other". Which is honestly perfectly fine with me, in this moment of my life I'm just taking everything as it goes without expecting anything. What I need help with is understanding what she really wants, and how to make clear what I want too. For example, I'm not sure if what she said was an actual "I'm interested, but I don't know yet" or more of a "that was nice, but its over, lets move on" or for example if she would like to go out some time kinda casually for a while. And likewise, for my part, since I'm used to more serious relationships sometimes I fear I can be... too nice? Like for example, we have kept chatting and I offered to drive her to a place she needed to go tomorrow, and I tell her nice things, and maybe that can give the wrong impression? I honestly had never done this, and from what she told me it appears she hadn't either, but who knows really that not the point but just...what to do exactly to not give the wrong impression? Basically I'm not opposed to anything, but I don't think it would be wise for me to enter a serious relationship, going out with her again would be nice, but if that's not posible, I'm just glad it happened. My mindset right now is just to take life as it comes and let things flow naturally, but I don't want to missunderstand the situation either. So how exactly do I make that clear, and how can I know exactly what she wants? I'm worried she would think I'm afraid of making a decision, or gets the wrong impression of what I want. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
Forget the bullshit romantic movies and series That's not how life works Just hangout, have fun, hookup Just think rationally - does it make sense to you to even talk about a relationship with a 50+year potential with someone you've slept with once and seen a couple times? Absolutely fucking not Neither does going out of your way and do those things for her and change your schedule. You're on the right path of focusing on yourself, that's exactly what you should do. And just go on dates, start talking about relationships and going out of your way for her as SHE earns that and you get to really know her, months down the line really. | ||
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mantequilla
Turkey781 Posts
We went on total two dates on Sunday and Tuesday. Before that, we texted and talked on phone for about two weeks because when we met, her ankle was broken. She was talkative, joyful and eager to meet during this period Before meeting she told me that "I can be a hard person to understand sometimes. Sometimes I just don't want to socialize, sometimes I'm very warm or very distant-cold. It's a circle that runs in a few days, but people expect me to be the same every day. So the best thing you can give me is patience." I understand and respect that since we are both introverts and I'm a bit like that too. Some days I just put on my headphones and work all the day without talking to anyone. But when needed I can force myself to snap out of it. Especially with girls and in the first stages of a relationship I feel I can't afford to do it. First date was 10 hours long since she couldn't go out for a while because of injury. She was very happy during it and when leaving she told me she had a great time and would do it again. Second date was just as good, maybe better because I got my first kiss at the end I feel we are close when we are together and she seems to have a great time.She usually texts "good morning" and stuff and is talkative. But the day after the first date she almost didn't talk at all until late midnight. After second date, she is not talking for about 2 days. She answers my texts but after 6 hours and with just a couple empty words. I don't know if its the "patience" thing she was talking about, or there's something wrong. I don't want to push it and expect and answer either. On good days just texting "how is your day going?" or "good morning" starts a joyful conversation but it doesn't seem so the last days. Whatever, I don't know what to think Should I ask her if everything's ok or just let it go and be silent until she initiates? Previous night I texted good night and she didnt even answer that after a full day.---- nevermind. last night she exploded and I understood the issue :/ | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
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Acrofales
Spain18266 Posts
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Deleted User 3420
24492 Posts
When I was a kid I was convinced I was too ugly (low self esteem) to ever be in a relationship (totally not true). I also had a bad perception of relationships because my parents had an unhealthy relationship. I was 100% convinced I would never get married, and probably never be with a woman. I was a virgin until I was 29. Mostly because I was incredibly introverted, to the point of often being basically completely isolated from others for weeks or months at a time. When I was 28, I made some life changes, and I joined the military. I rapidly developed social skillls (very rapidly) and even though I was still mostly an introvert, I did make a lot of friends quickly (something that tends to happen in the military). One of my buddies had some girl he knew on the phone, and we were drunk, and he handed the phone off to me so I talked to this random girl. Flash forward a week, she had asked him about me and added me on skype. Flash forward a month, she's in baltimore and I am in Kansas, and im cybering with her and we've started a serious long distance relationship. Flash forward a year and I had left the military and was living with her. Flash forward another year and we are married. Now we've been married for 3.5 years. She's the only woman I have slept with, the only woman I have even been in a romantic relationship with. And on the surface, she's nothing like me at all. Life is funny. None of it really felt like I actually had any say in the matter, it just sort of happened. But I am very happy with it, I have learned a lot about life and people and myself from it. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
My girlfriend and I have had some hard talks recently. I've let her down in a few ways. In particular I haven't been paying enough attention to her and showing her I care enough about her. I'm going to try to work on that, but it doesn't come naturally to me. What would you guys suggest for this? Do you try to show you care in those small ways? Do you do big romantic gestures? | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
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