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I'll share a couple.
Last Thanksgiving, I went with my family to visit my cousin who is a marine embassy guard stationed in Zagreb, Croatia. We spent some time out on the town. His girlfriend at the time (fiance now) is from Croatia and brought along some of her friends to go out with us. So it's me, my sister (who's a little younger than I) my cousin, his girlfriend... and 3 other beautiful blonde Croatian girls. We danced all night, were drinking and having a great time. Maja and Mateja were kind of competing for my attention. I was sure this would lead to even better things, then...
I either drank too much (not common for me, I'm 6'6" about 285 and it's hard to get too drunk) or I got rufeed because I underwent total blackout. I was drinking some of the girls' drinks too so I think this was possible. Anyways, I made it home being halfway carried by my sister while my drunk cousin was laughing at us. Went inside and sat on the couch next to my mom and proceeded to vomit all over her (I remember none of this). Woke up about 4am on the bathroom floor wondering wtf happened. Worst hangover of my life the next day and got to hear the story about me puking all over my mother.
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I cried infront of my grade 7 band class when I couldn't play a song correctly.
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This one was more embarrassing for my sister than it was for me.
When I was real young, around 7 years old I was walking around our big back yard with a friend playing. We had 3 lots together and the house was only on 1 so we had a pretty big back yard with some play equipment like a little swing set and structure to climb around on. My sister was 5 and running around with one of her friends and climbing on the swing set.
I had just found an awesome stick, and was going around sticking it in dog crap and slinging it off (I know, awesome childhood pastime right?..). I found a huge piece of dog mess and was showing my friend that I couldn't get this piece of crap to come off my stick. So next, I lifted the stick over my head and started violently swinging it to get the crap off the end. Well it came off, and just so happened to fly through the air and smack my sister perfectly on her right eye and stick there.
At this point, I started laughing to the point of crying, and at the same time feeling pretty bad because my sister was climbing down from the jungle gym thing screaming through tears that "IT STINKS AND IT STINGS"
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well i get really nervous doing presentations, and this is in college. my face was starting to have spasms, and i had to pause, close my eyes and did a face palm to recompose myself. It was pretty bad...but i finished my presentation never the less on homosexual behavior in animals..
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My mom caught me watching......
.....
My Little Pony.
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Last one for now...
My science teacher in 9th grade, Mr. Shaeffer, was a giant asshole. So, some friends and I would always play pranks and stuff in his class... just general horseplay really. One day we brought a remote control fart machine in and hid it under his projector where he couldn't find it and used it during his lecture, etc.
Well, the Chatos (dance team) at my high school had a booster club sale where they would give you catalogs in class to choose an item like school pride items and some food items and such. So I ended up buying the cinnamon peanuts because they like taste good and stuff.
Anyways, fast forward around a month and we're almost at the end of school in Mr Schaffer's class. We don't have anything to do, so we're gathered in the back around the lab tables just basically BSing the period away while the teacher is at the front of the class helping a group of about 5-6 people that had questions about their test scores or something. We happened to get our booster club items that day, so I'm noming away on my delicious cinnamon peanuts like a boss, when I get a great idea. I turn and look to my friends and say "watch this", then turn and lob a peanut towards my teacher. This fucking homing peanut avoids about 4 heads that were surrounding my teacher and nails him in the center of the forehead. Everyone around me simultaneously scrambles and bursts into laughter while my teacher is getting over the shock that he just got hit in the face with something thrown by a student.
So I end up alone in the back where once was a group of my friends, and he looks down and sees the peanut that hit him and then sees me with a can of them in the back laughing my ass off and basically explodes with anger, SCREAMING that I need to get my ass to the office and he's going to charge me with assault. In my infinite wisdom, and one of the greatest trollface moments of my life, I look back at him through my chuckling and respond "What, assault with a deadly peanut?"
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Went on a trip for band. I proceeded to almost slice my fingertip off opening a can of soup, 5 stitches and blood everywhere. I earned the nickname chef for the remainder of the year -_-;;
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More toilet time.
First off, too much embarassing shit (no pun intended) happens to me in the men's room, so I flinch any time I'm in a public restroom and I hear someone walk in. In fairness I'm in public restrooms a lot, so it's not like every time I enter something's going to hit the fan.
Unfortunately, the others don't know that. So what happens is I'm taking a piss, and I leave my hat next to one of the sinks. Apparenty some guy decides to use that sink, and since I'm the closest person, naturally he asks "Excuse me sir, is this your hat, I need to move it so it doesn't get wet" And then I just immediately turn around, penis in hand, and make one of those sweeps like a colossus laser, except instead of the colossus it's my penis and instead of extended thermal lance it's extended urinary stream.
So I realize I just pissed in a nice semicircle, so I'm about to turn around and correct my mistake, but then I realize it's too late, so I'm just spazzing, looking like something snapped in my brain or something and just being a general idiot. So eventually I just nod, zip up, grab my hat and leave in my usual awkward shit-walk.
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I used to play goalie in little league hockey and shat my pants right before a game... had no chance to clean up because of all the pads... so I played an entire game with a full load in my undies.
I think I got away with it, until I got home.
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I believe FJ, I have Filipino friends there and they tell me...lots of things.
Anyway, I'm a shy, cautious person so I rarely embarrass myself. One of those rare times when I was about 8 and with my family at a local mall. I spot a well-known celebrity and without thinking, screamed her name.
Just about everyone within hearing distance (which is pretty far, damn acoustics and the mall not being crowded at the time) looked at me and stared, including the celebrity. I wanted to dig a hole and bury myself.
I remember not talking to anyone for days. Even now remembering it embarrasses me a lot, especially because I'm normally shy.
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On August 23 2011 13:03 [UoN]Sentinel wrote:
More toilet time.
First off, too much embarassing shit (no pun intended) happens to me in the men's room, so I flinch any time I'm in a public restroom and I hear someone walk in. In fairness I'm in public restrooms a lot, so it's not like every time I enter something's going to hit the fan.
Unfortunately, the others don't know that. So what happens is I'm taking a piss, and I leave my hat next to one of the sinks. Apparenty some guy decides to use that sink, and since I'm the closest person, naturally he asks "Excuse me sir, is this your hat, I need to move it so it doesn't get wet" And then I just immediately turn around, penis in hand, and make one of those sweeps like a colossus laser, except instead of the colossus it's my penis and instead of extended thermal lance it's extended urinary stream.
So I realize I just pissed in a nice semicircle, so I'm about to turn around and correct my mistake, but then I realize it's too late, so I'm just spazzing, looking like something snapped in my brain or something and just being a general idiot. So eventually I just nod, zip up, grab my hat and leave in my usual awkward shit-walk.
If I were you, I would buy some sort of bag you strap to you leg and piss into, just so you never have to use a bathroom again!
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On August 23 2011 15:25 Mariella wrote:
I believe FJ, I have Filipino friends there and they tell me...lots of things.
Anyway, I'm a shy, cautious person so I rarely embarrass myself. One of those rare times when I was about 8 and with my family at a local mall. I spot a well-known celebrity and without thinking, screamed her name.
Just about everyone within hearing distance (which is pretty far, damn acoustics and the mall not being crowded at the time) looked at me and stared, including the celebrity. I wanted to dig a hole and bury myself.
I remember not talking to anyone for days. Even now remembering it embarrasses me a lot, especially because I'm normally shy.
Weeh di nga??
haha. I once was in a mall here, and thought I saw Morgan Freeman. I followed him around the mall, in a bit of a stalkery way, trying to be sure it was him. I just couldn't tell. He looked like Morgan, and walked with confidence like he was famous. After a little while, I noticed people turning heads at him as well. I decided it was.
So I shouted 'Morgan Freeman' and walked over to him, I was just behind him, hands out, he turned....it wasn't him, no way.
I didn't know what to do, I just walked right past him, hand extended, and just kept going into the closest shop.
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On August 13 2011 06:20 FJ wrote:
So I once went to a Filipino club, which all my stories seem to come from.
The, I suppose host of the Club is a gay Filipino man. In between the bands and dancers he introduces them and he also does a bit of singing.
So I stand out like a saw thumb in this place (A good thing, I get the pick of the girls haha) I am the only white, or non-pinoy and about a foot taller than everyone, even though I am just under 6 foot.
So I am sat at the table with some friends listening to the band, having fun. Then the host comes over to my table and asks about why I'm here in a Filipino club, what I am doing. He seems friendly enough, but then he makes some passes at me haha. I explain I am not gay, but he says that wont stop him.
Then he sits with us in the night and makes friends with us.
Later that night I get a text from an unknown number while I am at home. It's him, calling me 'Big bird' and telling me how cute me, and my ass is.
He got my number from a friend.
Anyway, two or 2 weeks later I go back to the club and I am enjoying the band once again.
Then the band ends and this guy is on stage again. He says 'Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to my love' Then the lights go out, and a spot light lands on me....
I cave to the peer pressure from the entire club and walk to the stage and hop on. Then he calls me big bird, and serenades me with a romance song. So I just stand there, feeling so embarrassed as this gay guy sings a love song to me in front of everyone.
I never got any girls that night, just a lot of gay guys making passes on me.
Oh man, standing on that stage was sooooo embarrassing.
Absolutely brilliant story, made me laugh nicely 
Im afraid I dont have too many good ones myself, but since I'll be heading off to university in a couple of weeks Im expecting to be able to contribute soon xD
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On August 23 2011 21:19 FJ wrote:Show nested quote +On August 23 2011 15:25 Mariella wrote:
I believe FJ, I have Filipino friends there and they tell me...lots of things.
Anyway, I'm a shy, cautious person so I rarely embarrass myself. One of those rare times when I was about 8 and with my family at a local mall. I spot a well-known celebrity and without thinking, screamed her name.
Just about everyone within hearing distance (which is pretty far, damn acoustics and the mall not being crowded at the time) looked at me and stared, including the celebrity. I wanted to dig a hole and bury myself.
I remember not talking to anyone for days. Even now remembering it embarrasses me a lot, especially because I'm normally shy. Weeh di nga?? haha. I once was in a mall here, and thought I saw Morgan Freeman. I followed him around the mall, in a bit of a stalkery way, trying to be sure it was him. I just couldn't tell. He looked like Morgan, and walked with confidence like he was famous. After a little while, I noticed people turning heads at him as well. I decided it was. So I shouted 'Morgan Freeman' and walked over to him, I was just behind him, hands out, he turned....it wasn't him, no way. I didn't know what to do, I just walked right past him, hand extended, and just kept going into the closest shop.
Di ako sinungaling haha! Personally I only know a few friends who went there and they're luckier than the others; they got good-paying jobs in magazines and actually live in apartments (or at least they have their own room, they've never made that clear, really, at least I'm sure a friend of mine is doing great since he told me he bought a TV and PS3 and has his own computer). They do tell me about the others who are worse off, who live in poverty and send everything home, and I have neighbors who are over there as well although I don't know them personally. The saddest part is sometimes the husband/wife left at home cheats on their spouse, it's always sad when I hear that, you work so hard for your family but your significant other just spends time (and money) on someone else. Happened to my aunt, although she went to the US as a nurse. Haven't seen my cousins for years because the husband ceased most contact with our side of the family.
Anyway, stories, right? When I was 13, I call out on my first crush back in high school so I could confess. So I head to the meeting place and...well, HALF the class was there. We have large class sizes. I was standing alone on one side with everyone else across from me, on an outdoor bench/table.
I swallow my embarrassment and go ahead with the confession, anyway. And, well, I get turned down. And the others start laughing. I really wanted to cry, but I tried to hold my head high. I don't remember much from that day, I vaguely remember standing there for like 15 more minutes, then everyone eventually disperses and returns to the classroom since lunch break was almost over. I slink in last.
So, yeah, confessing in front of a crowd, getting turned down, plus getting laughed at caused all my succeeding confessions to be through text messaging.
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Double post, please delete.
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Warning: Very Long and Random Story and I'm bad at storytelling. This is the story of the most eventful day in my entire life (well one of the most eventful I think)
some facts you should know : I'm fluent in Chinese, I was a complete nerd 2 yrs ago (when this story happened less of nerd now but still nerd tho )
I was 16, wandering around a part of Beijing with I believe 6-8~ buddies I had met earlier, 5 of them girls. I was pretty carefree, and I was like "alright guys I'm up for whatever you guys want to do"
I remember this day pretty well, and around 11am~ we met up to go ice skating. It was like 40 degrees Celsius outside so of course ice skating is incredibly appealing. I had played Hockey for a great deal of my younger years so I consider myself proficient at ice skating, and I was easily better at it than anyone else.
So this is when disaster struck, everyone more or less knew how to at least move on ice with skates, but this one girl didn't know how to ice skate, and so I was tasked with the job of teaching her.
I was 16, and usually didn't spend much time with girls  . Also, the 5 girls I was with were probably the prettiest 16 year olds I had ever seen up until that point in time which certainly didn't help.
I can't remember all the details but I got extremely flustered after about 20?~ ish minutes of holding this girls hand and picking her up bridal style several times (Yes on ice skates I'm baller). She just laughed and smiled while completely failing to learn how to ice skate the entire time which I didn't really mind.
So then 3 of the other people who were there started teasing me and her over and over. Even though she had a boyfriend(who was not there), I figured at that time that Chinese kids are really fucking chill with everything and poke fun at each other all the time.
Finally, what ended up going down was that (out of good fun I suppose) they pushed me into her, it was a light push but I wasn't ready for it at all and I was about to fall, and out of pure fucking instinct grabbed her shirt (since it was summer we were all wearing like barely nothing) and tore it straight off.
Furthermore, she was really bad at just keeping her balance, causing her to fall down as well (Not on top of me I should clarify). At this point, everyone on the entire rink just stared at me (There were children too). She was giving me a sort of "fuck you look" which made me just want to shrink into a hole and kill myself, but then she sort of forgave all of us.The worse part was that since it was summer I was wearing a tshirt and shorts, and cut up my shins and my right arm. She got hurt as well (not serious, only a small cut I believe) but the Ice Rink guys just shouted "Stay there" and after around 2 minutes of everyone fucking staring at me and the girl, they gave her a blanket and gave me bandages. Then, we got kicked out because our time in the rink was about over. Was so embarrassing, the people who pushed me down apologized though I should add.
So thankfully, I had an extra shirt in my backpack which I let her borrow for the rest of the day.
To continue the story, it was only around 1PM at that time, and we went to place to sing Karaoke for around 5 hours, and everyone eventually got over my getting pushed down failure. This is when I demonstrated my absolutely horrid singing skills, and I can deal with people laughing at me, but once again I'm sensitive to being criticized by girls my age l0l.
After we got tired of singing, in the Karaoke room we played a game where the guys would sit in the middle of 2 girls, and then a tissue would be passed using mouth only, and everyone had to take a piece of the tissue off so it was only like a tiny bit left. And so, you had to mouth to mouth it to transfer, and if you failed you had to lick the ashtray. I will admit that it was my first kiss I had ever had, and it was also the first time I had played this game ever, and so I failed to pass the tissue every time, dropping it because I was too scared to move my tongue so it would go into the girls mouth. Thank god I didn't have to sit next to the girl I had the incident with though.
Needless to say, I licked that ashtray quite a bit, thankfully there was only a tiny bit of ash since only 1 person in the entire group smoked, and I was able to get away with mostly licking the side l0l.
So in the end, we were all cool, I was really embarrassed so many times, but these Chinese friends of mine were super care-free and pretty much forgot about each of my fails after 15 minutes.
Alright I think this is the end of this sotry
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On August 23 2011 22:04 Mariella wrote:Show nested quote +On August 23 2011 21:19 FJ wrote:On August 23 2011 15:25 Mariella wrote:
I believe FJ, I have Filipino friends there and they tell me...lots of things.
Anyway, I'm a shy, cautious person so I rarely embarrass myself. One of those rare times when I was about 8 and with my family at a local mall. I spot a well-known celebrity and without thinking, screamed her name.
Just about everyone within hearing distance (which is pretty far, damn acoustics and the mall not being crowded at the time) looked at me and stared, including the celebrity. I wanted to dig a hole and bury myself.
I remember not talking to anyone for days. Even now remembering it embarrasses me a lot, especially because I'm normally shy. Weeh di nga?? haha. I once was in a mall here, and thought I saw Morgan Freeman. I followed him around the mall, in a bit of a stalkery way, trying to be sure it was him. I just couldn't tell. He looked like Morgan, and walked with confidence like he was famous. After a little while, I noticed people turning heads at him as well. I decided it was. So I shouted 'Morgan Freeman' and walked over to him, I was just behind him, hands out, he turned....it wasn't him, no way. I didn't know what to do, I just walked right past him, hand extended, and just kept going into the closest shop. Di ako sinungaling haha! Personally I only know a few friends who went there and they're luckier than the others; they got good-paying jobs in magazines and actually live in apartments (or at least they have their own room, they've never made that clear, really, at least I'm sure a friend of mine is doing great since he told me he bought a TV and PS3 and has his own computer). They do tell me about the others who are worse off, who live in poverty and send everything home, and I have neighbors who are over there as well although I don't know them personally. The saddest part is sometimes the husband/wife left at home cheats on their spouse, it's always sad when I hear that, you work so hard for your family but your significant other just spends time (and money) on someone else. Happened to my aunt, although she went to the US as a nurse. Haven't seen my cousins for years because the husband ceased most contact with our side of the family. Anyway, stories, right? When I was 13, I call out on my first crush back in high school so I could confess. So I head to the meeting place and...well, HALF the class was there. We have large class sizes. I was standing alone on one side with everyone else across from me, on an outdoor bench/table. I swallow my embarrassment and go ahead with the confession, anyway. And, well, I get turned down. And the others start laughing. I really wanted to cry, but I tried to hold my head high. I don't remember much from that day, I vaguely remember standing there for like 15 more minutes, then everyone eventually disperses and returns to the classroom since lunch break was almost over. I slink in last. So, yeah, confessing in front of a crowd, getting turned down, plus getting laughed at caused all my succeeding confessions to be through text messaging.
Not all live in 70 to a house places. I do have some friends who have their own place for just their family, it is a big range. I also have lots of friends who share a bunch bed, and live in poverty. Still, they're my good friends.
A friend of mine, who is very shy, she works in Subway near to my work. I was just chatting to her and she mentioned it was her birthday, and said I am welcome to go and visit her. So I went that night to her home, which is a villa, and in her tiny room is 2 bunk beds. She was so happy to see that I came, and embarrassed at her place. She said, she has no music or anything to play, so we played cards. Then she said she would offer me birthday cake, but she couldn't afford it. So instead, we sat on the floor eating rice. I felt sooo sad for her, I could have cried. So I grabbed her hand, and marcher her out of the house and to the shop. I grabbed a basket and filled it with as much cake and sweets as I could fit in the basket. Then I bought some cheap speakers, some candles and matches, and we went back. I plugged in my ipod, and we ate the food and had a party. She was crying when I gave her the cake. She was very grateful.
Lots of cheating here. The pinoy call is a Dubai GF/BF. You ask them: So do you have a BF? and they reply: Yes, but not a Duabi BF hehe. But most are faithful or single.
Being shot down is bad
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ok,
i am a big guy like almost 2 meters and about 110 kg ( 230 pounds something like that). i play football ( the football that is actually played with the foot!!) and i have this "after exercice sweat" kind of thing. maybe some of you know what i mean. you finish exercicing, shower, everything is fine and then you still sweat like you just finished a marathon. usually no big deal, i chill out after the training for like half an hour and its fine.
so this was last week, i needed grocerys since i had nothing to eat left at home. rushed from work to football practice. practice was over 9:45 PM. Stores are open until 10PM here. i decided to rush into the shower and race to the grocery store to get something to eat. i made it barely in time. 9:55 i enter the store. already a bit sweaty. i literally sprinted through the store grabbing things because i personally hate it when customers are slow as fuck and the poor people working have to do some extra minutes.
got my stuff, it was 10pm exactly, i came along the last isle before the check-out and then saw a girl i knew from a party a few weeks before. she saw me and decided to have a chit chat while in queue. yeah .. perfect.. because at that moment i was sweating like a mad man. sweat pouring down my face, my shirt gets soaked ... fuck it was dripping down my nose. like a friggin waterfall.
conversation started like this: hey latty, nice to meet you. hey these are my parents and my siblings, as she pointed to a massive amount of people behind me, i turned around, they looked at me like i just killed someone. turned back to her, only said "oh hi" while sweating rivers .... then there was this awkward silence.
hell that was emberrasing....
and a second one happend to me while i was visiting a friend. we went to a fast food place, i got me some delicious food and a big coke. chilled in the restaurant and .. i dont know why .. but i had the cup with my coke placed on my leg, chillin like a boss. as we wanted to go i realized that the condensed water ( idk if its the correct term sorry) made my jeans all wet right beside my crotch. as we had planned to hopp into a bar directly after i wanted to dry that spot because it looked like i pissed myself .. so i went to the toilet looking for some paper towels to rub it dry. turns out there was only a fan to dry hands. me as the clever person i am turn on the dryer and stand under that thing to dry my crotch.. you know how that looks like. and immediately after i placed myself like a dumbass under the hand dryer the maintenance woman comes in, opens the door, locks it and starts to mop the floor. and half the restaurant looked at me through the open toilet door while i was getting a "head" from a hand dryer.....
thats what i call murphys law!
hope you guys understand what i wrote. not the ebst english right here ...
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So for several months I was jobless, and without studies. I literally became bachelor frog. In my room I have thick black out, floor to ceiling curtains. It is also very very hot here in Dubai, so I like to sit around my room naked.
Anyhow. One day, I was just chilling out, playing some Xbox, naked, and got pretty thirsty.
I had to recollection of what day it was, or time, since I was being foul bachelor frog. I glanced at the analogue clock I had, and it read 3:15. I my body clock was telling me it was AM. I had the curtains drawn, so it was dark in my room.
I stepped outside into the hall way. All the bedroom doors where closed. The maids room door, the office door, the storage room door, and the laundry room door where closed. We have big heavy doors, and no windows in the hall, so it was pitch black also.
I open the door into the kitchen. I have a huge kitchen, with 2 sofas and a 42" TV in there. I open the doors at step into the room, completely naked.
Sat down, watching TV is my dad.....Shit. Then I realized it was actually 3:15pm. Embarrassing.
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"once my mum walked in on me and a girl...position was reverse cowgirl going at it both completely naked....awkward as fuck the whole next week " - Zyzz
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EPT
