EPTMy Little Pony: Friendship is Magic - Page 639
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No, this is not a joke/trolling thread. We don't need more filler posts asking if it is. Remember to spoiler season 6 content, and clearly label your spoilers. | ||
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Camail
United States1030 Posts
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Paperplane
Netherlands1823 Posts
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nohbrows
United States653 Posts
Anyways, so I was wondering if anyone was interested in starting sort of like a writer's club among TLPonies. In a similar vein that we started learning how to draw ponies together, how about starting a writing circle where we write short-story fanfics and help each other improve our general -- and pony-- writing skills. Just a thought I had. | ||
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Camail
United States1030 Posts
Because lets face it, when compared to professional writers, fanfics are lacking. | ||
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Solarsail
United Kingdom538 Posts
On August 29 2012 02:36 nohbrows wrote: Seriously guys it's past page 600. Why do we still feel the need to respond to trolls -.- Anyways, so I was wondering if anyone was interested in starting sort of like a writer's club among TLPonies. In a similar vein that we started learning how to draw ponies together, how about starting a writing circle where we write short-story fanfics and help each other improve our general -- and pony-- writing skills. Just a thought I had. I'm writing the short fic I promised diversee / TLponies chat that one time and I'd love to take part in this. Getting feedback from each other will be great, and I'd love to read what you all make. | ||
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Gary Oak
Canada2381 Posts
On August 29 2012 02:36 nohbrows wrote: Seriously guys it's past page 600. Why do we still feel the need to respond to trolls -.- Anyways, so I was wondering if anyone was interested in starting sort of like a writer's club among TLPonies. In a similar vein that we started learning how to draw ponies together, how about starting a writing circle where we write short-story fanfics and help each other improve our general -- and pony-- writing skills. Just a thought I had. Speaking of, I'd like a couple of people to preread the first few chapters of mine, preferbaly people that haven't read it at all. I'm trying to hammer out the last few kinks before sending it off to EqD again. I love criticism. | ||
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Frigo
Hungary1023 Posts
On August 29 2012 02:36 nohbrows wrote: Seriously guys it's past page 600. Why do we still feel the need to respond to trolls -.- Anyways, so I was wondering if anyone was interested in starting sort of like a writer's club among TLPonies. In a similar vein that we started learning how to draw ponies together, how about starting a writing circle where we write short-story fanfics and help each other improve our general -- and pony-- writing skills. Just a thought I had. I have quite a few ideas but no time due to doing my job & writing my thesis. Ask me again in 6 months. I can do prereading tho, I read fanfics every day on my jailbroken Kindle Touch while commuting. | ||
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Tritanis
Poland344 Posts
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/LJjm3.jpg) Look at what appeared on my bathroom ceiling... I don't know if it's some kind of fungus or what else... nevertheless I'll have to get rid of it soon. Anyway, doesn't it seem quite familiar? Because for me it looks like an ALICORN... no photoshop or greasing the ceiling with any suspicious substances involved. Manifestation of superior powers? Maybe I shouldn't try to get rid of it and set up some brony pilgrimages to my bathroom. + Show Spoiler + I'm going to be bloody rich. KEKEKE | ||
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Saurabhinator
Australia347 Posts
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nohbrows
United States653 Posts
On August 29 2012 02:42 Camail wrote: Honestly,t he best way to improve writing is to read, and I strongly suggest you read non-pony stuff to improve on writing. I have 2 classes this semester dedicated to reading literature and short stories. Because lets face it, when compared to professional writers, fanfics are lacking. Agreed. But it also is fun to just get together and write and give each other criticism. I mean, we're not all professional writers, but still, just writing something consistently has to help somewhat. For the record, I read more nonpony than pony to begin with. But I want to write fanfiction at the same time so why not do it with community? | ||
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ItzShakti
Brazil43 Posts
On August 29 2012 19:22 Tritanis wrote: Look at what appeared on my bathroom ceiling... I don't know if it's some kind of fungus or what else... nevertheless I'll have to get rid of it soon. Anyway, doesn't it seem quite familiar? Because for me it looks like an ALICORN... no photoshop or greasing the ceiling with any suspicious substances involved. Manifestation of superior powers? Maybe I shouldn't try to get rid of it and set up some brony pilgrimages to my bathroom. + Show Spoiler + I'm going to be bloody rich. KEKEKE You're drinking too much apple cider. | ||
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Crisium
United States1618 Posts
On August 29 2012 21:45 Saurabhinator wrote: I don't think I have quite the imagination you do Tritanis lol. Love the artsy stuff. On August 24 2012 02:19 Gary Oak wrote: mmmandarinorange just made something! SO GOOD. e- Shit, sorry for doublepost. Mmm, so awesome looking. | ||
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Tritanis
Poland344 Posts
I finally managed to finish the prologue for my story. I had hoped to finish it much earlier (like a week and a half earlier), but more than writing stories myself I prefer to read the works of others (among other things of course!). Note to self: never give yourself a deadline, you'll be disappointed. I would be immensely grateful if any of you provided me with some form of feedback (comments are on for the GDoc). This is my first time trying to write a story longer that 1k words in English, so please be gentle :D The story will be influenced (sometimes heavily) by my favourite movies and anime - mainly Aliens, The Thing and Fullmetal Alchemist - but it is not a crossover. Prepare yourselves for 7.7k words of my, hopefully interesting, scribble... Chronicles of Magic - Prologue summary in the spoiler: + Show Spoiler + ![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/Dcb2Q.jpg) How will you react when the world around you turns out to be but one gigantic lie? When the goals you aimed for suddenly become impossible to achieve, what are you willing to sacrifice to gain what you truly desire? Accidental appearance of an otherworldly visitor turns the seemingly peaceful world of Equestria upside down. | ||
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nohbrows
United States653 Posts
On August 31 2012 04:47 Tritanis wrote: Okay guys and gals! I finally managed to finish the prologue for my story. I had hoped to finish it much earlier (like a week and a half earlier), but more than writing stories myself I prefer to read the works of others (among other things of course!). Note to self: never give yourself a deadline, you'll be disappointed. I would be immensely grateful if any of you provided me with some form of feedback (comments are on for the GDoc). This is my first time trying to write a story longer that 1k words in English, so please be gentle :D The story will be influenced (sometimes heavily) by my favourite movies and anime - mainly Aliens, The Thing and Fullmetal Alchemist - but it is not a crossover. Prepare yourselves for 7.7k words of my, hopefully interesting, scribble... Chronicles of Magic - Prologue summary in the spoiler: + Show Spoiler + How will you react when the world around you turns out to be but one gigantic lie? When the goals you aimed for suddenly become impossible to achieve, what are you willing to sacrifice to gain what you truly desire? Accidental appearance of an otherworldly visitor turns the seemingly peaceful world of Equestria upside down. Sorry if I am blunt but I was kind of in a hurry, but I wanted to write up something quick while I still had my impressions in my head. 1) You need to cut down on the use of passive voice (was/were/is/are, etc). It slows down writing and makes it dull. 2) You really need to prune the entire thing. There are a lot of unnecessary details, and if I am still reading about how Yellowhoof looks (I assume this is a stand in for Yellowstone), at the umptheenth paragraph, something is wrong. Cut down. 3) I have never seen a prologue this long. Unless you are trying to be postmodern or avant-garde I suggest you ease it on the word count. 4) This is personal preference, but that whole "Thirty minutes ago," "One hour later," stuff seems really juvenile. It is done in films and shows yes, but I have rarely ever seen an actual writer use it in any story, unless they are intentionally trying to be strange (see lemony snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events). That is it for now. | ||
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Guanyin
Sweden38 Posts
On August 31 2012 04:47 Tritanis wrote: Okay guys and gals! I finally managed to finish the prologue for my story. I had hoped to finish it much earlier (like a week and a half earlier), but more than writing stories myself I prefer to read the works of others (among other things of course!). Note to self: never give yourself a deadline, you'll be disappointed. I would be immensely grateful if any of you provided me with some form of feedback (comments are on for the GDoc). This is my first time trying to write a story longer that 1k words in English, so please be gentle :D The story will be influenced (sometimes heavily) by my favourite movies and anime - mainly Aliens, The Thing and Fullmetal Alchemist - but it is not a crossover. Prepare yourselves for 7.7k words of my, hopefully interesting, scribble... Chronicles of Magic - Prologue summary in the spoiler: + Show Spoiler + How will you react when the world around you turns out to be but one gigantic lie? When the goals you aimed for suddenly become impossible to achieve, what are you willing to sacrifice to gain what you truly desire? Accidental appearance of an otherworldly visitor turns the seemingly peaceful world of Equestria upside down. As an avid reader of ponyfics, I'll be happy to read your stories! And anyone else for that matter. I only wish I had time to write myself, but my master studies on uni take up alot of time  | ||
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Camail
United States1030 Posts
On August 31 2012 06:14 nohbrows wrote: Sorry if I am blunt but I was kind of in a hurry, but I wanted to write up something quick while I still had my impressions in my head. 1) You need to cut down on the use of passive voice (was/were/is/are, etc). It slows down writing and makes it dull. 2) You really need to prune the entire thing. There are a lot of unnecessary details, and if I am still reading about how Yellowhoof looks (I assume this is a stand in for Yellowstone), at the umptheenth paragraph, something is wrong. Cut down. 3) I have never seen a prologue this long. Unless you are trying to be postmodern or avant-garde I suggest you ease it on the word count. 4) This is personal preference, but that whole "Thirty minutes ago," "One hour later," stuff seems really juvenile. It is done in films and shows yes, but I have rarely ever seen an actual writer use it in any story, unless they are intentionally trying to be strange (see lemony snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events). That is it for now. Just to point something out, nohbrows fails to explain what passive voice is, becase was/were/is/are are NOT passive voice. They are forms of the word be. What matters is how you use them. What really indicates passive voice is usually 'by'. Example: I walk along the street. (active subject) The street was walked along by me. (passive subject) Also I can tell that it was hurried because this isn't a very constructive critique. So at his discretion I might re-word his post later to give you a better idea of why and how to fix these problems. I don't read fan-fics for various personal reasons so I won't be directly critiquing your stuff. Because, to put it bluntly, I would tell you to write something else. So to best help you in a way you want help I'll do what I'm doing now. | ||
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nohbrows
United States653 Posts
On August 31 2012 07:42 Camail wrote: Just to point something out, nohbrows fails to explain what passive voice is, becase was/were/is/are are NOT passive voice. They are forms of the word be. What matters is how you use them. What really indicates passive voice is usually 'by'. Example: I walk along the street. (active subject) The street was walked along by me. (passive subject) Also I can tell that it was hurried because this isn't a very constructive critique. So at his discretion I might re-word his post later to give you a better idea of why and how to fix these problems. I don't read fan-fics for various personal reasons so I won't be directly critiquing your stuff. Because, to put it bluntly, I would tell you to write something else. So to best help you in a way you want help I'll do what I'm doing now. Apologies for the really rushed critique. I know it's not very constructive, and if I wasn't going to put 100% behind it, I shouldn't have written one at all. It is so incredibly hard for me doing this over a computer. I've grown accustomed to editing with writers in person, so that is probably why my criticism is so not very constructive. (that is a really awkwardly worded sentence). Excuses...excuses...excuses. As for passive voice, I learned it like this: If the subject performs the action, it is the active voice. Example: Bob killed Jane. I jumped. Applejack kicked the Flim Flam brothers. If the subject is the victim of the action, it is in the passive voice: Example: Jane was murdered (by Bob)*. If you are describing the subject's state of being, it is a form of to be Example: The sky is red. The grass is green. He is alive. She was alive. *AFAIK, the "by" part is optional, but it's been a while since I took a grammar lesson ^-^ I think a lot of the things I've noticed as "errors" throughout the fic might have to do with you are not a native English speaker, and if you are, have not written anything in great length in the English language. I suggest, as Camail did above me, to read a fair amount of English prose that is not fanfiction. Reading a lot helps with writing. It helps you get accustomed to the English language and how good writers write. Good luck with the rest of the fic ^-^ Oh, but seriously, a lot of the prologue could be made into a chapter 1. I still think it is rather long for a prologue. EDIT: Actually, Camail recommended you to write something else. Whoopsies. He told me that suggestion a couple of posts earlier. Misquoting for the lose. | ||
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Camail
United States1030 Posts
And your passive voice logic is flawed, because I can make the sentence 'I was on the dock last night.' which is not passive. Passive voice is when the subject is not the actor, but is being acted upon. My use of the word 'by' is helpful in recognizing passive voice. If you can say the sentence in the structure of ' The predicate was verbed by subject.' then it is passive. The word 'was' is not the reason passive voice exists in that sentence. It is a common way that passive voice will occur as it is a simple verb that can be used in simple sentences. I believe that to be the reason why it is considered passive voice. ![[image loading]](http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/243/b/e/steamy_morning_by_wonderlandfreak-d5d2t88.jpg) Image unrelated. It is quite beautiful though. | ||
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Brutaxilos
United States2629 Posts
I was feeling a little depressed today (just random thoughts invading my head and stuff). I spent the last 4 hours on youtube trying to search up some nostalgic music. When I ran out of ideas I typed random letters into the search bar and looked at what popped up first. For some reason, I typed F, and I got the Flim Flam Brothers Song. Instant Smile. Thank you MLP.  | ||
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Tritanis
Poland344 Posts
@Camail Firstly, thanks for taking your time to read my work and comment on it! Yes, I am not a native English speaker so the language barrier will probably be the worst thing to overcome. I will definitely need a very patient and understanding editor (or pre-reader - I don't really know what's the difference). I agree that the chapter I posted has a lot of scenes that probably wouldn't draw attention to my fic as much as I would like. I wanted the first few parts of the prologue to be like some sort of NG/AnimalPlanet document, but I guess it won't do any good at the very beginning of the story. I have already planned a new, shorter version of the prologue where the "Apparition" is only mentioned, and the emphasis is put on the immediate effects it entails (the scenes that I plan to write take place in Twilight's library and Canterlot at the exact time when the orb appears in Yellowhoof). Nevertheless I definitely won't scrap the stuff that I have already written - after some slight editing I will use it as some kind of interlude later on. Using it as a prologue - something that has to draw readers attention - wasn't really a well thought-out idea. Oh and here is the link to fimfiction.net (I got rid of the 'one hour later' thing, it wasn't really necessary) if anybody wanted to leave a comment there. http://www.fimfiction.net/story/36927/Chronicles-of-Magic | ||
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