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Korea (South)1897 Posts
hold her hand everyday, brush her hair with your fingers everyday.
look into her eyes, and just tell her that you love her and she is the most precious thing to you
be honest with yourself if you really blame or not
shit happens, but yeah, even this this, obviously things could have been different
but anyway(s) it happened
but if she doesn't get through this, it will fuck up a good part of her life
if you get her through this, this could be the most real and loving part of your lives.
When i was still a theologian, i get this brutal issues that come up.
guy tells me,
my gf got raped before i met her
she told me like it wasn't such a big deal
but even though it wasn't to her, it was to me, and yeah, maybe a part of me thought she was stupid, i wanted to find and kill this guy, but more than anything, a part of me felt like she was dirty or something and that it was like something against me. but its like, she is put this thing away, and it bugs the shit outta me, and i can't tell if she was affected or not, but; its affects me.
i said.
thats honest and as a man its a valid way to feel; but whether or not you mention it or not, express it to her, it doesn't matter cause the real issue here is that she has been raped and she may be still recovering; this isn't a easy thing to support her and not to judge her, but look at yourself first, if she was hit or beat up, what would your feeling be, would it be different. if not , then ok, that's fair, but sexual things are tied with our identities as well as we see ourselves a men, that being said, she isnt' in a position to understand or consider about you.
so if you love her, forgive yourself first for thinking this way, cause it is natural, and forgive her for whatever fault you think she may have done, dont' deny it, its just your judgement, so resolved it by forgiveness. and just make your love together be the light that just makes the past be the past; if you truly lvoe, then you can forgive, then keep loving everyday and you will forget as your love will be more important.
This may not be the same issue here, you're stress and it will be tough, tests for year, but if you make it through, without resentment, but with a clear heart, then this time will be pillar in the life of your relationship., but you can't expect to just force it, or you will be resentful and may do more harm than good; to yourself. its a process, but decided if you'll support her, then take it day by day and be honest with what is really bothering you and forgive youself and her.
I'll pray for you.
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On July 13 2005 21:24 bine wrote:
I second chris's post about how complicated this issue is, but I want to make it clear how different this situation is from the perspective of someone who's been raped. It's not something you can really grasp thinking about it hypothetically, because it incites such complex and often contradictory emotions. Essentially being tortured in a way that you associate with "feeling good" or, if you're a person who believes in romance, that you associate with love and honest interaction etc., is impossibly hard to deal with.
Try to keep in mind that what she's feeling can range from guilt and self-loathing to intense fear or powerlessness, to anger and hatred.
And don't be worried if your feelings are complicated as well: what happens to me alot at least is that I recognize that a particular situation is supposed to be emotional in a particular way, and that often nullifies my own emotional response. For example, if someone i sort of know dies, its not unlikely for me to acknowledge the expectation of sadness before I have the chance to really feel sad. The problem, though, is that then you feel inauthentic, insensitive or uncaring for not having the predicted response, which just complicates things further. Keep in mind that there is no "wrong" way to feel; just make sure for the sake of your relationship that you stay completely honest and put her safety first.
Especially in a circumstance where the rape was caused by her putting herself in a dangerous situation, the guilt associated with rape can often drive rape victims to put themselves in dangerous situations again. It's my experience with a good friend of mine who was raped that she was much less equipped to fight off rape once she had been raped (at a young age), to the point where she couldn't even withstand strong sexual advances. People would start to touch her at a party, and she would freeze up and be unable to tell them to stop.
Keep honesty and saftery paramount, and have confidence in yourself, because rape happened to your girlfriend and therefore to you, its not something that was a result of anything you did. I know for sure that people don't "get what they deserve," because often the best, most incomprehensibly beautiful personalities have the most unfortunate circumstances I've seen.
Good luck, and don't think that it's hopeless.
excellent post
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On July 13 2005 21:05 Legend wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2005 20:46 Teroru wrote:On July 13 2005 20:40 Legend wrote:On July 13 2005 20:31 1337 wrote:
or he is smarter than u.... Agreed. It's always smarter to do nothing and: 1. let him get away without punishment for one of the worst crimes possible. 2. as NewbSaibot said, let him attack another victim. So going to prison for murdering someone is a better alternative? hello? Nope, I never said that that was the best idea, but doing nothing is at least as bad. Taking into consideration both your own well being and what he deserves, you should make it your first and foremost goal to get him life in prison. Instead, you have the "It's all cool, man" attitude. In fact, from your attitude, it seems as if you raped someone and are posting it from another perspective... I don't know though.
from my attitude? wtf are u talking about?
And rape someone? I'm gonna assume that you don't know that i'm gay, as raping another man would be severely dificult, and if i did somehow succeed in raping a man, i doubt any of his friends would let me live to tell the tale.
I think we might be different wave lengths (on several different levels). If someone raped anyone i loved, whether it be a significant other, friend, family, neighbour, or whoever else, i would take every measure to make them go to prison. I would not, however, attempt to attack them physically. (the exception being if i was present during the rape, in which case i would do everything in my power to stop it from happening).
where the fuck do u come off calling me a racist? stupid fucking bitch.
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WOAH!
I started talking to the OP in the middle of that, my mistake. From the attitude comment on down is talking to him.
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On July 13 2005 23:24 Legend wrote:
WOAH!
I started talking to him in the middle of that, my mistake. From the attitude comment on down is talking to him.
specify who 'him' is. i am the person you quoted. i assumed i was 'him'.
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Nm, i'm the goofball I missed both posts completly. Brain temporarily stoped working, sorry  .
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On July 13 2005 23:26 Teroru wrote:Show nested quote +On July 13 2005 23:24 Legend wrote:
WOAH!
I started talking to him in the middle of that, my mistake. From the attitude comment on down is talking to him. specify who 'him' is. i am the person you quoted. i assumed i was 'him'.
I mean the OP... sorry, that was really confusing and was my fault. I edited both posts now.
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Just read the original post...
Dood, that 'everyone gets what they deserve' thing is so wrong! :/ There is no greater purpose, a deterministic goal or a god to determine this kind of shit. If you haven't called the police, do so!
I am quite convinced myself that the death penalty should be in place, just for people like rapists and pedophiles... Lemme here an Amen on that!
[edit] And yea, I'm not a violent purpose, but god help the rapist who gets into same room with me when I have a gun or a chainsaw. >=]
[edit] [edit] Furthermore, EVEN if these freaks aren't killed, they should definitely, I mean definitely, get their balls removed. Preferably hands from wrists down too (would make it harder to hurt anyone any other kind of way) and then locked in a cell for all eternity.
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Have you ever been raped, Teroru?
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like 7 out of 8 rapes arent reported. tell the cops =\
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man if I was you I'd probably kill the guy
Rape is not a laughing matter, even if you're raping clowns.
I hate the word rape I have so many personal grudge against it...
Anyways it's funny how half of the tl.net are making jokes =O I guess if you're not eri or drone or any other respected posters you won't get sympathy
But hey look at the brightside there was a HIV/AIDS cure threads few days ago!
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also - lots of rapists are using horse tranqs now. it makes the victim stiff so they cant fight back. after a girl has been horse tranqd, she becomes infurtile. i dont really want to end my post with it could have been worse, but at least this isnt an issue in this case =|
also - hes not a sociopath you silly gooses
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Baltimore, USA22253 Posts
On July 13 2005 23:22 Teroru wrote:
I'm gonna assume that you don't know that i'm gay,
Hmm, really?
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1 out of every 12 guys get raped...heh.
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if your gf had been raped without using a condom she could have go straight to the police they would have sent her to the hospital to get the sperm or fluid evidence for the rapist's DNA. and that can help catch him much easier
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what i dont get is how could u guys joke with such things?
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On July 14 2005 00:26 FroST(TE) wrote:
1 out of every 12 guys get raped...heh.
;o.
Active : 191
That's how many people are on the site right now, lets assume one of them is a girl.
190 people all guys. At least 15 of them have been raped? ~_~
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Osaka27146 Posts
I'm pretty disgusted that people are making jokes in this thread. Have you people making jokes have no shame whatsoever? This is one of the most brutal of crimes, one that can often times lead to worse suffering. I strongly suggest you think about how you sound before you post. I am embarrassed for you.
Lightman, I am truely sorry for what happened to your girlfriend, and also for the pain it has caused you as well. Although I can't totally relate to what you are going through, I have a similar parrallel. My fiance is Japanese from Osaka, and as is common knowledge sexual abuse/harassment of women is prevelent in Japanese society. The problem is so bad that they now have "female only" trains during peak times. My fiance told me that when she commuted the same man would grope her every morning and she couldn't say anything about it. This went on for years.
I didn't even know her when this took place. Even so, after I heard this I had dreams of taking my vengence on anyone who would dare touch a woman that I canred so deeply about. Obviously I didn't, and I won't, but it is a very real and strong reaction. It would be unnatural not to feel that.
However, despite the pain this causes you, I think you need to put it away as this is the time your girlfriend needs you. Taking the practical steps such as disease prevention etc, are great, but the assurance that she won't be abandoned due to this incident is even more important. She needs to know that you are going to be a pillar of strength for her in the future. I think there will be times where the anger she feels may be directed towards you simply because she doesn't have any other outlet, and it is up to you to realize that she is expressing her frustration about the event rather than anything you are doing.
About the opinion that some people make themselves easier targets for crime than others, I think this is true. However, I DONT believe that it makes those people any more responsible for their victimization. I dont believe in the idea (which is often expressed) that some women dress to be raped, act to be raped, or get to drunk and deserved to be raped. The act of rape is an act of aggression, and isn't triggered by someones state of intoxication or dress and manner. A woman who gets drunk and raped is putting herself in a poor position, but deserves it no more than one who is dragged out of her car.
I don't know the particulars about your relationship, its seriousness, or even you as an individual. However, if you care about this woman a lot you have the opportunity to be an important and strong person in her life. I hope you are up to the task.
Best Wishes.
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In my prayers. I wish rape upon nobody.
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i'm sorry this happened, i feel bad...
itz good that you are understanding the problem and not on a killing rage
spend more time with your girlfriend and understand how she feels. helping her through this is most important right now.
good luck with this
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EPT
