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Blogs > Shiverfish
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Shiverfish
Profile Blog Joined September 2007
Canada95 Posts
May 18 2009 03:47 GMT
#1
When I first saw her, I thought she had a resemblance to a certain female celebrity I am fond of. Her stats were exceptional – great looks, personality, mannerisms, intellect and ability. The only imminent problem was height. I would have preferred someone rather taller than what she could offer. Nevertheless, through the correct circumstances, we were able to get acquainted and become friends.

I am not much affected by love at first sight, and I suppose that applies to most people outside the realm of decorated narrative. When I see a pretty girl on the streets, I understand as long as the circumstances do not permit, I will probably never get to know her beyond the fleeting moment and visual impression. I found this girl attractive since the beginning, but did not consider or reserve any interest in pursuing something more.

One day she was confronted with some personal issues and was faced with some difficult decisions. She messaged me on MSN for some thoughts. We did not regularly communicate outside of meeting around (university) class times, so I paid extra attention. The next day, I made an uncharacteristic and visible move to sit beside her in class and try to help out what was bothering her. After class was over, we met up in the hallway and were able to discuss the situation. Near the end of our conversation, she began to cry, holding back tears as best she could.

I will not forget that moment. I, being the thoughtful friend she needed, wanted desperately to comfort her. My thoughts were to follow what I learned in the movies: put my arms around her and let her cry into my shoulder. This conflicted with my own fear of overstepping the line. I did not want to violate her comfort zone and make her feel uncomfortable with excessive gestures of consolation. I was not sure what exactly she thought of me. This was compounded by my own touchy-feely standards. I had grown to be a cold, distant empathizer, and a gesture of warm embrace would not come out naturally. Instead I stood there offering words of encouragement and support. I still wonder how that moment may have come out differently.

Two and a half months later, the school term was over. On the day of our final exam, I asked her to stay until the end (in a half-joking tone). I knew her tendency to finish quickly and leave a bit early, while I employed a steadier pacing. She sat right beside me, so I noticed her handing in her papers 20 minutes before the end. I finished around 10 minutes later, and to my disappointment she had left. I mustered up my resolve to give her a call to say goodbye, that I had wanted to have lunch one time before we parted. Understand that I am rather socially and communicatively shy, so actually making this call was not a routine manoeuvre. Indeed it was the first time I phoned her.

After that, our next school term would be in eight months. Eight months was a long time. If I lived to be eighty years old eight months is 1% of my lifespan. I have so far endured five of those eight, forced to work at a job I passionately reprehend. It is a thirty minute drive each way (I greatly dislike driving), in a smallish office with people I share no common interests with. I hardly talk to them, and I go home to an empty house each day. For dinner I went out with my parents, who do not get along very well for as long as I am aware of. I was reminded why I enjoyed the time I lived on campus without them, so I could avoid their constant bickering. It felt like something was missing.

I was growing more troubled each week. I lacked meaningful interaction and communication with others. I did not have a rich resource of friends I could casually call up. I preferred to keep few but much closer friendships, and at this time most were unavailable. I had never become a proficient telephone user. During my earlier childhood, my close friends would do the calling and I happily answered. As we slowly drifted apart to different education paths, calls stopped coming. I was not used to dialling up someone to initiate a conversation. With no invitations to hang out, I grew desolate. Eventually I was driven to post on TL, both as a way to unload my mental burden and improve my writing abilities.

And a day did not pass where I lost thought of this girl. I thought that what I needed was more involvement in social gatherings, but I found that the times I did go out, they were unfulfilling. I now realize my principle diagnosis is focusing too much on this girl. I needed some closure on our relationship. Perhaps my wishes would come true and she reciprocated my feelings, or otherwise a rejection would finally allow me to bury my undying wonderment.

My recent experiences have left me a broken man. What started as practising an evil laugh for the fun of it has evolved into a nearly irrepressible urge to unleash a maniacal cackle. I had some hopes, optimism and desire compressed into a small round fragment. As time went on, the layers have been shaved off, slowly but consistently. I was losing what little was left of my cheer. Each time I looked in the mirror I saw a fine hot specimen, worthy of adoration yet languishing in the prime of life. My ball of hope had been crushed, almost nearly gone. I tried to salvage whatever was left, and then realized along with my reservations I kept in that ball, my inhibitions were broken down as well.

I was sitting in the library. I took a moment to collect my resolve. I picked my words carefully, as I always do. The extent of conscious deliberation was abnormal by most people’s standards but necessary for what I had to do. I dialled her number and hoped she would pick up.


****
Avidkeystamper
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
United States8552 Posts
May 18 2009 03:52 GMT
#2
You write in a style similar to some romantic books I'm reading for school. Keep us updated!
Jaedong
x89titan
Profile Blog Joined April 2007
Philippines1130 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-05-18 04:03:09
May 18 2009 04:02 GMT
#3
pics or it didnt happen. ill read it later
Heaven came down and glory filled my soul, when at the cross the Savior made me whole
HamerD
Profile Blog Joined January 2008
United Kingdom1922 Posts
May 18 2009 04:05 GMT
#4
So many ppl on TL are like this
"Oh no, we've drawn Judge Schneider" "Is that bad?" "Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog" "You did?" "Yeah...if you replace the word *kinda* with *repeatedly*...and the word *dog* with son"
funkie
Profile Blog Joined November 2005
Venezuela9376 Posts
May 18 2009 04:06 GMT
#5
I kind of agree with the first poster, you write in a somewhat romantic setting and it's pretty interesting.

You hook people into the story by the end of the first paragraph, so yes, Keep us upadted.

Loved reading this.
CJ Entusman #6! · Strength is the basis of athletic ability. -Rippetoe /* http://j.mp/TL-App <- TL iPhone App 2.0! */
fanatacist
Profile Blog Joined August 2007
10319 Posts
May 18 2009 04:12 GMT
#6
Shiverfish strikes again
Peace~
onihunter
Profile Blog Joined September 2008
United States515 Posts
May 18 2009 04:25 GMT
#7
in before tuna rampage
jaedong forever~
anderoo
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Canada1876 Posts
May 18 2009 04:30 GMT
#8
On May 18 2009 12:47 Shiverfish wrote:
After that, our next school term would be in eight months. Eight months was a long time. If I lived to be eighty years old eight months is 1% of my lifespan.


I'm mathematically retarded, but wouldn't it be 1% of a lifespan of approx. 67 years?
boesthius
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
United States11637 Posts
May 18 2009 04:34 GMT
#9
--- Nuked ---
EpiK
Profile Blog Joined January 2007
Korea (South)5757 Posts
May 18 2009 04:36 GMT
#10
On May 18 2009 13:30 anderoo wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 18 2009 12:47 Shiverfish wrote:
After that, our next school term would be in eight months. Eight months was a long time. If I lived to be eighty years old eight months is 1% of my lifespan.


I'm mathematically retarded, but wouldn't it be 1% of a lifespan of approx. 67 years?

.83% doesn't sound as romantic
deathgod6
Profile Blog Joined January 2008
United States5064 Posts
May 18 2009 05:41 GMT
#11
That was pretty moving. Post pictures of her.
4.0 GPA = A rank 5.0 GPA = Olympic --------- Bisu, Best, Fantasy. i ♥ oov. They can get in my BoxeR anyday.
ZeeTemplar
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
United States557 Posts
May 18 2009 06:04 GMT
#12
no way dude..no way what happened at the end?!

Very nice reading. I had the feeling of it building and building and me wanting more. Then you crushed it D:. rawrr!!
Jangbi storms!!!
snorlax
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
United States755 Posts
May 18 2009 08:35 GMT
#13
continue =]
pangshai
Profile Blog Joined January 2005
Chinatown5333 Posts
May 18 2009 10:35 GMT
#14
So what happened to the call after the exams, or did it end with the call after the exams?
#1 midas fan
DevAzTaYtA
Profile Blog Joined October 2002
Oman2005 Posts
May 18 2009 12:11 GMT
#15
oh man, i don't think calling her at this point is such a good idea lol. you're a good writer though, can't wait to hear what happens next!
Shiverfish
Profile Blog Joined September 2007
Canada95 Posts
May 22 2009 03:32 GMT
#16
I failed. My frustration has not been dissipated, but instead grown even more. I shall not yet disclose the details of my recent tribulations. Even though my writing is very strictly anonymous in that all personal details are closely guarded, I feel as though sharing my intimate thoughts violates the privacies of the parties involved. I will not post a full length update as of yet.

Tonight I failed. I had the all-important question in my head, ready to ask. I failed to deliver. I blame the circumstances; as the time passed, I grew distressed that I felt my chances of positive feedback were diminishing.

I vow to redeem myself, and hopefully anticipate a chance on Monday. I am going all in, no turning back. Regardless of the result, I plan to share the outcome. Perhaps things would be easier if my verbal expression were as laudable as my written. I write the way I think, but I cannot talk that way because I am well aware of my pretentious and unfamiliar undertone. Thus my speech passes through a filter to become a mumbled, often misinterpreted construction.
ZeeTemplar
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
United States557 Posts
May 22 2009 04:05 GMT
#17
On May 22 2009 12:32 Shiverfish wrote:
I failed. My frustration has not been dissipated, but instead grown even more. I shall not yet disclose the details of my recent tribulations. Even though my writing is very strictly anonymous in that all personal details are closely guarded, I feel as though sharing my intimate thoughts violates the privacies of the parties involved. I will not post a full length update as of yet.

Tonight I failed. I had the all-important question in my head, ready to ask. I failed to deliver. I blame the circumstances; as the time passed, I grew distressed that I felt my chances of positive feedback were diminishing.

I vow to redeem myself, and hopefully anticipate a chance on Monday. I am going all in, no turning back. Regardless of the result, I plan to share the outcome. Perhaps things would be easier if my verbal expression were as laudable as my written. I write the way I think, but I cannot talk that way because I am well aware of my pretentious and unfamiliar undertone. Thus my speech passes through a filter to become a mumbled, often misinterpreted construction.


*hugs* next time bro next time..
Jangbi storms!!!
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