[Let's Play] Empire: Total War, #tladt edition

Sentenal

United States12398 Posts

June 17 2012 07:52 GMT

I'm bored. And I've never actually played a campaign in this game out to its conclusion before. So, I've decided to attempt a "Let's Play" for Empire: Total War. I've never done one of these before, so bear with me. Lots of Screenshots are included.

Empire Total War, set in 1700, where you pick a country in Europe, or the Americas, or like... India or something. And then you battle it out! This game, in case you don't know, has both a management aspect to it, similar to the Civilization Series, and then a tactical aspect of it, when you fight your battles and control your units. I'm going to be doing the Grand Campaign. What nation do I want? There are a ton, but you know what? I'm going with Prussia.

Why Prussia? Well let me tell you why. Eventually, Space Prussians are going to conquer the entire Galaxy. So that means that before Space Prussians can conquer the galaxy, they gotta conquer Europe first! So thats the plan.

I have no idea how hard this game is, so I'm not going to touch the difficulty settings. Playing on Normal, on a Long Campaign.

Okay, here is my country:

Prussia. I have two territories, except they are split. Why? I got no idea why Prussia is split. WTF History, this doesn't make sense. Poland-Lithuania controls the territory of "West Prussia", which divides my land. Fuck those guys.

Here is my ruler. Sentenal I, King of Prussia. Look at that sexy hair oh my god, Europe is just begging to get raped! I'm an "Enlightened Despot", "I correspond with the Learned", "Believer in Name Only", and "Obessive".... Shit, sounds like I'm a <insert derogatory slur here>. WELL I DON'T GIVE A FUCK, CUZ I GOT THESE TWO SEXY BASTARDS TO WORK FOR ME:

General Kaal, who commands my army in Berlin. Kaal is a sexy 24 year old who wears a wig to make him look twice that age. He is a "Riding Master", a "Prussian Officer", "Darling of the Gutter Press" (lolwtf), a "Superior General", and a "Petty Tyrant". Hes a Superior General. Kaal is gonna fuck some people up pretty soon.

My other general is:

General EchOne. The first to answer my call for a General in #tladt, Echo is a bro. Note that he looks exactly like Kaal, except hes like double Kaal's age. This is because Echo is such a badass, that Kaal wants to be like him. Check this dude's traits out: "Brave Soldier", "Attacking General", "Superior General", "Little Sergent", and "Drillmaster". Echo is stationed in East Prussia, so with my current game plan, the work ahead of him seems alot tougher than the work I have planned for General Kaal.

So, lets get the game going! First turn, mostly uneventful. Majority of money spend on buying new dudes with guns in both cities. King Sentenal has his eyes set on Saxony, the territory directly to the south of Berlin. It will be General Kaal's first campaign, and I need his army to be a full strength.

End of the first turn arrives, and I get an envoy:

Some rich dude wants to trade with me. Ok, IDK where that country even is.

I also get an Envoy from Great Britian:

They want to trade, AND give me money for agreeing to it! Fuck yeah, thanks Britian. Free money is always good.

Another un-eventful turn passes, and General Kaal's army is at reasonable strength. Time to make my move.

FUCK YOU SAXONY. They are allied with Poland-Lithuania. That is the bigger cause for concern here. But not really since fuck those guys. Once I invade Saxony, West Prussia is going to be in danger, but also it gives me the excuse to invade East Prussia. So lets do this.

I declare war, and Kaal besieges Dresden. Forces are equally matched, number wise, so I continue the siege of the city.

Meanwhile:

General EchOne has invaded West Prussia. The Attacker General lives up to his name. And just look at the difference in battle strength here! Fuck putting up a siege, just gonna rape these dudes.

Battle of West Prussia

Deployment:

As you can see, its a cold winter, and its in the middle of a storm. But EchOne doesn't give a fuck. He arranges all his forces out in one big ass long line.

"MARCH FORWARD" he yells, so they all march forward, through the tree-lines, towards the tiny Polish army. The cannons are shelling them, and they form up together, maybe to try and break through my line?

But no, they are already getting en-circled. This is going to be a slaughter.

In a show of COMPLETELY unnecessary badassery, Echo orders his Cavalry to just attack, charging straight into Polish.

But it worked. The cavalry charged has routed each enemy group! The battle is all but won, all thats left is to run them down.

Victory! But you know what, I think these guys need to die more. Continue the battle! IDK why this is an option, but maybe if I kill them all, then Poland won't be able to use them against me in the future.

STOP RUNNING AWAY YOU LITTLE BASTARDS

Okay, I don't even know what the fuck happened here. Apparently one of my Cannon units got routed. Maybe they routed themselves or something. The enemy was never even close to these guys!!!

The Enemy General is killed while trying to flee. Echo has shown this dude the power of true courage. "You cannot expect to win a battle by running!" he says, mounting the enemy general's head on a spike.

Decisive Victory. This wasn't even much of a battle.

With how easy this battle was, I wonder if I should increase the difficulty? Or if its even possible after the game has started. Well, I guess the next few battles will tell if I should or not. Echo DID after all, follow the "Yang Wenli Guide to certain victory":

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Echo only lost 24 men, while killing all 240 enemy soldiers. West Prussia is now mine, and Prussia is now one, continuous country.

But whats going on back at Dresden? Its almost 1702, and decisive battle for Saxony is just on the horizon... Tune back in when I can upload more pictures!