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Meh I don't like the letter thing... it's too late anyway but this feels that you pay too much interest in a small conflict to end up totaly losing the ground you claimed to have.
Apologies for the insult, yeah maybe, but doing it with a letter will feel to her she has nothing to regret and that you were wrong all the way (no matter what you really think, this will come as this for resolving the affair).
On top of that, maybe this is just me, but excuses like "this is not really my fault, i have emotional issues lately" are a no-no for everything in life. This is good for yourself and analysing but not for apologies toward somebody and especially your girlfriend.
Face to face or on phone would have been better if you wanted to just give away an apology about the insult. But anyway the best thing would just have been to actually not worry too much about this.
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If she asked you if you were going to apologize after you not talking to her for a while, it's clear that she wants you. It was another way of testing you.
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Osaka27157 Posts
On October 22 2010 01:38 InRaged wrote:Show nested quote +On October 21 2010 12:24 Manifesto7 wrote:On October 20 2010 14:59 Kennigit wrote:
Since i joined teamliquid i have dedicated my blogs to relationships. Any staff member will tell you that is the one subject i am most passionate about in my life. Almost every single one has been advice for the average nerd on what he is probably thinking and why it is wrong. I galleried a bunch when i applied for jobs but the rest are around. I've personally coached in private over 50 Teamliquid members in their love lives. I've helped 10 TL members "get" girls who wouldn't have been able to do it by themselves. Most of them are in or had long lasting fruitful relationships as a result. 1 was a complete noob who i had to coach for over a year. After he got over that "hump" he became incredibly successful with girls.
Over the last year and a half i dated almost 100 women through online dating. I spent hundreds of hours messaging, failing, figuring out what i did wrong, figuring out where what i had done was right and just had bad luck. The most important thing i can do is pass on knowledge that ive learned so that people don't make the same mistakes. Some of those girls i've either dated for long periods or became really good friends with.
This sounds like a brag. And it is. The point is that i know exactly what i'm doing, but like many teamliquid members grew up as a timid teenager who had zero explanation or insight into what was expected in girls or relationship and had zero male influence to guide me (my parents are together, it just never came up) - everything was a dice roll. Mothers teach their sons to be nice to girls when they are young - the problem is that these boys grow into men who believe that in order to get a girls interest, he must do nice things and be pleasant and that she will naturally come around. This is false as illustrated by the hundreds of "girl problem" blogs that exist on teamliquid. But I dated one girl, and did it all right the first time. Doesn't that make me more of an expert? Or am I just naturally awesome. Should I write a book? The saying is "Once you're lucky. Twice you're good. Three times you're God" haha
Except I have since created life, thus I am god 
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
shut up trevor we know you're a daddy
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I'd find that rapezone meme, but that would warrant a temp ban.
On a more serious note, you did the right thing. No one needs a friend like that.
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I think the most important thing here is, as has been mention, not to worry too much about it. It's great that you have an awareness, but excess worry is often what turns things bad.
It's interesting that this has been posted as "girl question" even though it applies to any social relationship. With your focus on not appearing to be a "sissy", it would seem that your focus might be somehow attracting this girl (despite you considering her a friend). And I cannot really help you with that. What I can say is for a healthy relationship between two people, neither extreme is desirable. The one being that you are way too docile and don't give anything back to the other person (apologuizing for no reason, for instance), while the very heavy emotional reaction often gets too much because it wears people down in the end.
I can definitely understand why you might enjoy this girl's temper, because it can make people very easy to approach and relate to when they show themselves like that, but it seems that you haven't embraced it fully. It's really all down to you finding a natural state between the two of you. It could be you accepting it, it could be her trying to tone it down. Of course, it's not healthy to indulge her by apologuizing, but know her, you can just smile and play into it, for instance, by humoring her by saying "well, I guess we will have to find them then" or making fun of her silly attitude by saying "silly you, lost them, did you?". All depending on the situation and your relationship. It sounds as if your reaction was partituclarly heavy because you were conflicted about your response, resting on an idea of balancing the powerfull/"sissylike". However, perhaps it was for the better. It could mark the ending of the problem by making her tone down her behaviour towards you or by making you both more aware of it. Once again, that would be a natural equilibrium and not something that needs to be overthinked. If she keeps on doing it, you will be faced with either being more accepting towards it, doing more to emphasise that she should stop or another alternative that might push you guys away from each other. Here, emotional maturity plays in, since you can define maturity as the ability to live in harmony with other people.
I personally would like a woman who can be edgy like that, but at the same time I often respect women because they behave intelligently. So, whole I might react differently and be more tolerant, I'd probably also make more of an effort to somehow tell her that it's not alright in cases where it simply seem to silly/selfish/childish. If she didn't, though, I'd probably be able to just live with it and appreciate her for the good things she can offer. Others might value harmony more, and make a split for it, whereas I might have a penchant for during relationships (or loyalty) and compassion.
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So the OP is from Jersey right?
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No, you weren't right, but at the same time I don't think it's a big deal. Couples fight all the time, and couples yell. Unless your girlfriend is a complete dick (in which case you should just break up), you're going to be playing the role of the calmer individual a lot of the time because women are more emotional. You don't have to be an asshole in order to get women, like a lot of alpha-male theory or PUA bullshit says, you have to be confident, and I think people get the two confused. You yelled in your girlfriends face, so yeah you should apologize, and she should apologize for being a cunt at the time. Case solved?
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Read OP more carefully. Not girlfriend. Female friend.
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On October 25 2010 03:53 BottleAbuser wrote:
Read OP more carefully. Not girlfriend. Female friend.
Oh, my mistake. The same concept of what I wrote still applies. Although I will say that in my own experience, having a female friend is more trouble than it's worth.
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EPT
