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funny story - Page 6

Blogs > Day[9]
Post a Reply
Prev 1 4 5 6 7 Next All
sob3k
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
United States7572 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-06-30 08:15:33
June 30 2010 07:39 GMT
#101
Guess what guys....







I saved it!
+ Show Spoiler +
WTF i get caught jacking off all the time

i'm not unlucky, its just standard probability. i beat off alot. seriously, i beat off like if i keep doing it, i'm gonna win something. its only natural people will stumble in eventually

FOR EXAMPLE

so i'm on this direct flight from claremont (my college town) back to kansas city (my home town) for winter break. since its a direct 3 hour flight, its too short for them to have "in flight entertainment," but its so long that i'm gonna be bored out of my god damn mind. so, of course, i'm like "i guess i'm beating off like 5 times during this flight."

its one of those small sized slingshot airplanes that goes really fast but is really unstable and has one tiny ass cramped aisle. so i'm sitting in my anorexic bucket seat w/ my shitty peanuts waiting for the plane to hit a high enough altitude when i finally hear: *ding* "this is your captain speaking, we have reached a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet, you are now free to move about the cabin." "bink success!" i think to myself, "the time is right." of course i don't rush to the bathroom, no need for that. why not give myself a little tease. i gently, slowly unbuckle my seatbelt. I stand up, and stretch a little bit. I take a nice slow, leisurely walk to the bathroom at the back of the plane. masturbation this good deserves foreplay of its own.

i get to the bathroom, close the door, and sliiiiiide my pants on down and start working myself. oh holy LORD it's amazing. i mean, i don't know if you know this or not, but i am REALLY good at masturbating. I'm in a 2 square foot, dimly lit bathroom, but i feel so good my back is arching and my foot is cramping and i'm nearly ready to start screaming my own name.

then suddenly, TURBULENCE. AGH SHIT. I HATE turbulence. It's not that it makes me feel sick or nauseated. turbulence makes me feel like i'm about to die. So i'm trying to jack off, and suddenly the jerk in the plane floods my body w/ adrenaline and i grab the handle in the bathroom and i'm like "OH SHIT."

do you know how hard it is to cum when you feel like you're about to die??? I mean seriously, imagine jacking off while there's a guy w/ a loaded gun to your head and he's screaming "C'MON CUM YOU PUSSY, DO IT CUM." You'd be shivering w/ eyes closed, tears streaming down your face as you sputter through little snot bubbles just BEGGING your dick to come. "please cum!!!" you'd weep "i wanna cum soooo bad!!!!!"

so there i am trying to think of every dirty thing possible so i can finally orgasm, but all that's going through my mind is "god i need to reconcile with my dad and tell my brother i love him" etc etc and while i'm distracted in a mess of standard pre-death thoughts, i don't realize that i'm about to cum.

HOLY FUCK i say as i fumble and try to grab some kleenex from the box on the counter. however, in my stuttered panic, i just knock the kleenex box over, hit the "stewardess help button," and i cum directly onto the floor. still in a state of panic i'm like FUCKFUCKFUCK I NEED TO TURN THIS BUTTON OFF so of course i (geniusly) press it like 5 more times trying to turn this off. Naturally, the button just goes *ding ding ding ding*, making my situation seem all the more urgent, and i can hear the stewardess rushing to the door since i appear to be in desperate need of help.

"FOCUS SEAN FOCUS," i think, "I NEED TO HIDE MY DICK." so, (this is genius) i pick up the kleenex box from the floor, pull out 5 pieces of tissue, and i just lay them on top of my erection... so it looks kinda like a little dick tent. so, the stewardess, responding to my urgent spams of the "stewardess help button" proceeds to open the bathroom door just like i knew she was going to. She looks on the ground to see my epic protein stain, looks up at my glorious dicktent, and then you know what happens?? we make eye contact.

so she's looking at me, and i'm looking at her and in general i dislike awkward silences. however, this was an all KINDS of awkward silence, so i figured it was necessary to say something. so, i did the best i could. i look her right in the eye and say "... it is what it is..."

???? why did i say that???? what a stupid thing to say... well... i guess it's hard in that situation to "play it off cool." i can't be like "hey i know smoking isn't allowed on the plane, so do you have a stick of gum??"

so she shuts the door, and i clean myself up and spend another 3 minutes trying to clean up the mass of cum on the floor. even though i did a pretty good job, its damn hard to get that shine out of the laminate flooring. i'm finally done, so i open up the bathroom door to see a line of 10 or so people that's been building up since i went into the bathroom like 20 minutes ago (again, it took my a while since its difficult to cum when you think you're about to die). I get to look across the line of all of em, and say the only sensible thing i can think of:

"for those of you going to use the bathroom, i'd make sure you're wearing shoes."



+ Show Spoiler +

PM if you want me to remove
In Hungry Hungry Hippos there are no such constraints—one can constantly attempt to collect marbles with one’s hippo, limited only by one’s hippo-levering capabilities.
DarthThienAn
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
United States2734 Posts
June 30 2010 07:44 GMT
#102
lol, epic.
www.cstarleague.com | Love is like playing the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and play from your heart.
Subversive
Profile Joined October 2009
Australia2229 Posts
June 30 2010 07:58 GMT
#103
Oh gods... this is so good. I'm still laughing. Day why would you delete this? I'm saving it in my folder of TL quotes. This was fantastic. Great story :D 5/5
#1 Great fan ~ // Khan // FlaSh // JangBi // EffOrt //
endy
Profile Blog Joined May 2009
Switzerland8970 Posts
June 30 2010 08:10 GMT
#104
rofl i was on the TL hall of fame, and discover the thread where day's mum makes an epic post.
then the next I arrive is this one. I would not post that kind of stories if I knew my mum had a TL account. (that can explain OP editing)
ॐ
flamewheel
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
FREEAGLELAND26781 Posts
June 30 2010 08:17 GMT
#105
Ahaha sob3k is too pro.
Writerdamn, i was two days from retirement
fellcrow
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States288 Posts
July 01 2010 22:24 GMT
#106
I don't think I have ever read such a epic post. TL Hall of Fame FTW. All of those are awesome. So happy I found this.
Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
IPlaySC
Profile Joined June 2010
United States79 Posts
July 02 2010 16:48 GMT
#107
MY MIND!!!!!
tru_power22
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
Canada385 Posts
July 07 2010 01:54 GMT
#108
On June 30 2010 16:39 sob3k wrote:
Guess what guys....







I saved it!
+ Show Spoiler +
WTF i get caught jacking off all the time

i'm not unlucky, its just standard probability. i beat off alot. seriously, i beat off like if i keep doing it, i'm gonna win something. its only natural people will stumble in eventually

FOR EXAMPLE

so i'm on this direct flight from claremont (my college town) back to kansas city (my home town) for winter break. since its a direct 3 hour flight, its too short for them to have "in flight entertainment," but its so long that i'm gonna be bored out of my god damn mind. so, of course, i'm like "i guess i'm beating off like 5 times during this flight."

its one of those small sized slingshot airplanes that goes really fast but is really unstable and has one tiny ass cramped aisle. so i'm sitting in my anorexic bucket seat w/ my shitty peanuts waiting for the plane to hit a high enough altitude when i finally hear: *ding* "this is your captain speaking, we have reached a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet, you are now free to move about the cabin." "bink success!" i think to myself, "the time is right." of course i don't rush to the bathroom, no need for that. why not give myself a little tease. i gently, slowly unbuckle my seatbelt. I stand up, and stretch a little bit. I take a nice slow, leisurely walk to the bathroom at the back of the plane. masturbation this good deserves foreplay of its own.

i get to the bathroom, close the door, and sliiiiiide my pants on down and start working myself. oh holy LORD it's amazing. i mean, i don't know if you know this or not, but i am REALLY good at masturbating. I'm in a 2 square foot, dimly lit bathroom, but i feel so good my back is arching and my foot is cramping and i'm nearly ready to start screaming my own name.

then suddenly, TURBULENCE. AGH SHIT. I HATE turbulence. It's not that it makes me feel sick or nauseated. turbulence makes me feel like i'm about to die. So i'm trying to jack off, and suddenly the jerk in the plane floods my body w/ adrenaline and i grab the handle in the bathroom and i'm like "OH SHIT."

do you know how hard it is to cum when you feel like you're about to die??? I mean seriously, imagine jacking off while there's a guy w/ a loaded gun to your head and he's screaming "C'MON CUM YOU PUSSY, DO IT CUM." You'd be shivering w/ eyes closed, tears streaming down your face as you sputter through little snot bubbles just BEGGING your dick to come. "please cum!!!" you'd weep "i wanna cum soooo bad!!!!!"

so there i am trying to think of every dirty thing possible so i can finally orgasm, but all that's going through my mind is "god i need to reconcile with my dad and tell my brother i love him" etc etc and while i'm distracted in a mess of standard pre-death thoughts, i don't realize that i'm about to cum.

HOLY FUCK i say as i fumble and try to grab some kleenex from the box on the counter. however, in my stuttered panic, i just knock the kleenex box over, hit the "stewardess help button," and i cum directly onto the floor. still in a state of panic i'm like FUCKFUCKFUCK I NEED TO TURN THIS BUTTON OFF so of course i (geniusly) press it like 5 more times trying to turn this off. Naturally, the button just goes *ding ding ding ding*, making my situation seem all the more urgent, and i can hear the stewardess rushing to the door since i appear to be in desperate need of help.

"FOCUS SEAN FOCUS," i think, "I NEED TO HIDE MY DICK." so, (this is genius) i pick up the kleenex box from the floor, pull out 5 pieces of tissue, and i just lay them on top of my erection... so it looks kinda like a little dick tent. so, the stewardess, responding to my urgent spams of the "stewardess help button" proceeds to open the bathroom door just like i knew she was going to. She looks on the ground to see my epic protein stain, looks up at my glorious dicktent, and then you know what happens?? we make eye contact.

so she's looking at me, and i'm looking at her and in general i dislike awkward silences. however, this was an all KINDS of awkward silence, so i figured it was necessary to say something. so, i did the best i could. i look her right in the eye and say "... it is what it is..."

???? why did i say that???? what a stupid thing to say... well... i guess it's hard in that situation to "play it off cool." i can't be like "hey i know smoking isn't allowed on the plane, so do you have a stick of gum??"

so she shuts the door, and i clean myself up and spend another 3 minutes trying to clean up the mass of cum on the floor. even though i did a pretty good job, its damn hard to get that shine out of the laminate flooring. i'm finally done, so i open up the bathroom door to see a line of 10 or so people that's been building up since i went into the bathroom like 20 minutes ago (again, it took my a while since its difficult to cum when you think you're about to die). I get to look across the line of all of em, and say the only sensible thing i can think of:

"for those of you going to use the bathroom, i'd make sure you're wearing shoes."



+ Show Spoiler +

PM if you want me to remove


Oh thank you kind sir, you made my night! Seriously I just went on a lollercoaster.
Smoke Errday!
fabiano
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
Brazil4644 Posts
July 07 2010 02:05 GMT
#109
LOL

sob3k, you are a fucking hero!!! hahahahaha
"When the geyser died, a probe came out" - SirJolt
TitleRug
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States651 Posts
July 07 2010 02:15 GMT
#110
haha, day9 that is so awesome.
coLCruncher fighting!
Subversion
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
South Africa3627 Posts
July 07 2010 02:15 GMT
#111
hahahahaha.

awesome. so glad this was reposted, 'cos i missed it the 1st time around :D

how do ppl not joke about this more on the daily??
Radio.active
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States121 Posts
July 07 2010 07:08 GMT
#112
God damn it i was eating... why did i read that. funny as hell though...
-_-
MangoTango
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
United States3670 Posts
August 16 2010 15:52 GMT
#113
This story fucking wrecked my shit, I seriously sprayed coke all over my keyboard. The only thing missing is a description of the stewardess, I mean seriously, was she hot?

Fake edit: Bhaha, it was just as funny the second readthrough.
"One fish, two fish, red fish, BLUE TANK!" - Artosis
alypse
Profile Joined May 2010
2771 Posts
August 16 2010 16:26 GMT
#114
sob3k you're my hero
KT Violet 1988 - 2012
Exteray
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
United States1094 Posts
August 16 2010 18:36 GMT
#115
On August 17 2010 01:26 alypse wrote:
sob3k you're my hero


Did he get temp banned? :o
bh.
Profile Blog Joined February 2009
United States342 Posts
August 16 2010 18:46 GMT
#116
this was/is availible in a 'jack off' stories thread in general, dunno if you would want to remove it there too day9
Kinky
Profile Blog Joined September 2008
United States4126 Posts
August 16 2010 20:07 GMT
#117
Hahaha, I thought this was another funny story until I saw the DODGING
Lexpar
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
1813 Posts
August 16 2010 20:21 GMT
#118
You think maybe he deleted it for a reason?
Rinrun
Profile Joined April 2010
Canada3509 Posts
August 16 2010 20:48 GMT
#119
It is what it is... and it is an EPIC story - dicktent and all.
MBC/Liquid/TSM always.
PhuxPro
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States294 Posts
September 11 2010 02:12 GMT
#120
Don't know why you guys have to save it.

There's a site that archives all internet pages and their changes.
Money was meant solely to be spent.
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