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Twice.
She forgot my birthday last year completely until the next day. Didn't call me, e-mail me, anything. She apologized of course the next day when she remembered. I was pretty miffed about that last year but I didn't make a big deal out of it because that's not how I am. I consoled her and explained it's okay.
This year I figured "There's no way she'd forget it again..." So around the time when we usually talk on the phone I get a call from her so I figured "Ah, she remembered!" However, as the conversation progresses and it's increasingly just a normal conversation about her weekend... I begin to doubt. 15 minutes later my brother tells me I should come up since my family got a cake for me so I tell her so. She actually asked "Cake? Cake for what?" She was completely serious. A few seconds later it finally dawns on her that she completely forgot my birthday. She told me she had a birthday present ready for me and all but like last year she forgot once the day actually came.
For some background, we've been dating for 5 years now and I've never missed a birthday, anniversary, valentine's day, etc. All the major occasions I've always had covered. I may not remember the dates off the top of my head, but I know this so I prepare and have tons of reminders and calendars setup to compensate so I'm always ready. The whole situation I find even more baffling considering she would easily be considered the more needy of the two of us, while I'm generally very very passive. If anyone was going to forget, you'd think it would be the other way around.
I don't really know what to make of this. Just makes me feel so... disappointed.
 
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I forget everyone's birthday
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You just reminded me my mom's b-day is coming up soon  Thanks man
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this is FML worthy, go post it 
Sorry was joking. Its okay man, maybe she just had a rough day and didn't have time to think of you ?
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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
I forgot my Mum's birthday once (a long time ago.) I felt like a total bitch.
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I forget birthdays all the time. I'm juggling with 10 birthdays within a 1 month period and i never remember them all and just go like AGHHH. Then again, the brilliance of facebook solves all birthday problems!
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i dont remember holidays any...holiday...girlfriends hate me
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I forget my own birthday nearly every year.
I can't even remember my parents' and brother's birthdays regularly.
I forgot my best friend's birthday (+ Show Spoiler +http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=97645
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who cares? just forget her birthday and then remind her you forgot it on purpose
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Hm.. I will not appreciate if my gf or parents forget my bday.
If she does, should ask her how she can do athing like that ?
And you should expect a stupid answer. Then ask her to be honnest with you!
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Why didn't you remind her that your birthday is coming up, if it's special to you it would make sense for you to eagerly, and actively, anticipate it. My family never remembers each others birthdays and that's okay; checking to see if loved ones can remember your birthday on their own isn't a fair or accurate test of dedication. Still it is nice when they do and it blows that they didn't
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maybe your life is going to turn out like The Notebook
at least youre banging rachel mcadams.
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Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
The biggest problem I see in your relationship is that you've been with her for 5 years, yet something as insignificant as this is enough to depress you. It's unfortunate that you still don't trust her enough to either let this go, or tell her how much remembering a birthday means to you.
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aw that frickin sucks.... maybe you could get her to make it up to you?  if you know what mean, wink wink, nudge nudge?
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Then you forget her birthday. No that sounds sissy...
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Osaka27149 Posts
Meh, my wife struck out on my birthday two years running while I never forget a thing. Not the end of the world really.
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happy birthday
p.s: she is probably just self-centered and/or a ditz
but I guess that's something you'd know
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People forget stuff, it just happens. I forget birthdays and names on a regular basis. I forgot the zip code of my home town once.
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What seems more discomforting is the lack of honesty between you two, as she won't even say that she forgot when it's obvious she did. My suggestion is re-evaluate your relationship: do you "love" each other, in the psychotherapeutic definition of the word? That is, do you help each other grow as independent, capable people? Does she give you consistent support and help? Does she even want this?
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Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
Really, this is the kind of insecurity and big-deal-out-of-nothing that you stereotypically see from a girl.
So "man-up".
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United States20661 Posts
Why can't a woman be more like a man?
Men are so honest, so thoroughly square;
Eternally noble, historic'ly fair;
Who, when you win, will always give your back a pat.
Well, why can't a woman be like that?
Why does ev'ryone do what the others do?
Can't a woman learn to use her head?
Why do they do ev'rything their mothers do?
Why don't they grow up- well, like their father instead?
Why can't a woman take after a man?
Men are so pleasant, so easy to please;
Whenever you are with them, you're always at ease.
Would you be slighted if I didn't speak for hours?
PICKERING
Of course not!
HIGGINS
Would you be livid if I had a drink or two?
PICKERING
Nonsense.
HIGGINS
Would you be wounded if I never sent you flowers?
PICKERING
Never.
HIGGINS
Well, why can't a woman be like you?
One man in a million may shout a bit.
Now and then there's one with slight defects;
One, perhaps, whose truthfulness you doubt a bit.
But by and large we are a marvelous sex!
Why can't a woman take after like a man?
Cause men are so friendly, good natured and kind.
A better companion you never will find.
If I were hours late for dinner, would you bellow?
PICKERING
Of course not!
HIGGINS
If I forgot your silly birthday, would you fuss?
PICKERING
Nonsense.
etc etc
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On August 11 2009 13:06 n.DieJokes wrote:
Why didn't you remind her that your birthday is coming up, if it's special to you it would make sense for you to eagerly, and actively, anticipate it. My family never remembers each others birthdays and that's okay; checking to see if loved ones can remember your birthday on their own isn't a fair or accurate test of dedication. Still it is nice when they do and it blows that they didn't
Man, normally you dont have to remind your gf that your bday is coming.... I mean it's natural to remind that without asking "hey when is your bday?". It can hurt. If my gf tells me "PJ when is your bday?" I will really feel bad.
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If its any consolation, your birthday is almost over. Well...atleast on my time zone.
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One day out of 365 a year in a relationship, wich is more important?
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Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
On August 11 2009 13:15 Oxygen wrote:
What seems more discomforting is the lack of honesty between you two, as she won't even say that she forgot when it's obvious she did.
Just how many people will immediately admit when they've screwed up? The normal reaction is to feel embarassed and to try to deny it, especially if they know the other person will be upset by their mistake (which she probably does, if the OP was angered by it a year ago). Even after some time has passed, most people will be afraid of looking bad in the eyes of the other, so they still won't readily admit it.
Very, very few people would have admitted that mistake.
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dude, happy birthday and that totally sucks, i mean, who would forget their love one's birthday? especially when your going out for 5 YEARS. that is totally immature and tactless, dont let her take you for granted man
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Sometimes it happens, some people are just like that. If I were you (based on what you wrote alone, of course) I would forget it. Don't let it affect you, there are much more signifigant things that you should be judging your relationship on.
Don't get me wrong, sure, it sucks, and you would expect better, but in my opinion its more likely that it doesn't mean anything rather than othewise.
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sounds like she doesnt love you
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I dont understand how this is possible at all. How could she of not known? Was it never mentioned in conversation in the days before hand? Did you not make plans for dinner with her or to do something else? I dont get it. Do you just sit around and do nothing on your birthday??
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Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
On August 11 2009 13:22 GoSu wrote:
Man, normally you dont have to remind your gf that your bday is coming.... I mean it's natural to remind that without asking "hey when is your bday?". It can hurt. If my gf tells me "PJ when is your bday?" I will really feel bad.
You have a pretty selfish approach. Try putting yourself in the shoes of someone who realizes they've forgotten their partner's birthday.
Mistakes happen. She's probably feeling bad enough that it happened, already. No need to make her feel worse by getting all upset over it.
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Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
On August 11 2009 13:38 icystorage wrote:
dude, happy birthday and that totally sucks, i mean, who would forget their love one's birthday? especially when your going out for 5 YEARS. that is totally immature and tactless, dont let her take you for granted man
I would. It must be one of the most useless pieces of information you could remember about them. It affects a single day in the entire year. Knowing about their personality, their interests, their experiences, and even which foods they like is much more important and useful.
So I would try to remember it, but it would be a low priority. I'd probably just write it down somewhere.
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iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
On August 11 2009 13:12 Manifesto7 wrote:
Meh, my wife struck out on my birthday two years running while I never forget a thing. Not the end of the world really.
Yup. Sounds like everything else works (5 years together). Forgive her.. tell her you'd like it to be different and move on. being the bigger man here and allowing her some relief is a bigger lesson learned than guilt tripping her or punishing her in anyway.
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Some people are just bad with dates. U really wouldn't put so much thoughts into this.
If she didn't give a shit about you; then you wouldn't last 5 years.
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stop overreacting... really
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Sometimes people are just too busy to remember certain stuff. Last year for example, I forgot my own birthday until my mum called me up the day before asking if I had anything planned.
So it's probably just that she is not self centered or etc, its just that sometimes there are many more
important stuff on peoples mind not to mention worries and schedules to attend to.
Oh, Happy Birthday by the way.
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On August 11 2009 13:22 GoSu wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2009 13:06 n.DieJokes wrote:
Why didn't you remind her that your birthday is coming up, if it's special to you it would make sense for you to eagerly, and actively, anticipate it. My family never remembers each others birthdays and that's okay; checking to see if loved ones can remember your birthday on their own isn't a fair or accurate test of dedication. Still it is nice when they do and it blows that they didn't Man, normally you dont have to remind your gf that your bday is coming.... I mean it's natural to remind that without asking "hey when is your bday?". It can hurt. If my gf tells me "PJ when is your bday?" I will really feel bad.
I've never celebrated a single birthday (in the sense of the word "party") and same with my entire family. It's just that my family has never taken after the tradition of celebrating it and it's not really that big of a deal. And because of that, I don't care to remember anyone's birthday (although I do feel somewhat ashamed if I forget or if I have to ask an old friend). I also feel weird wishing someone happy birthday, only because I wouldn't mean it sincerely as it never meant much to me.
Some people, including the OP's girlfriend, might be in the same boat as me. I guess only the OP would know about that. Kinda odd that a GF/BF wouldn't remember their GF/BF's birthday though, considering they're going out. But then again, who knows, I can't say because I haven't got a girlfriend so I'm sure how much I would care about it.
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Heh, my memory is HORRIBLE so I often forget dates, even when they involve just me, Some people just suck at it. I have to write down all dates =\ my ex-gf lol she used to randomly ask when her birthday was because once I answered it wrong when we 1st started going out. But yea it does kinda suck and you might think she doesn't care but people a lot of times simply just forget and they don't mean to. Important thing is to not overreact and damage your relationship by lashing out or something.
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On August 11 2009 13:41 KP_CollectoR wrote:
How Tasteless of her.
I see what you did there.
For the OP, maybe she's just not good with exact dates? It seems to me that if she had a gift ready, she at least thought about it. Really, it's the thought that counts more than the specific details. Regardless though, you should be talking about this with her, not TL.
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On August 11 2009 13:34 Bill307 wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2009 13:15 Oxygen wrote:
What seems more discomforting is the lack of honesty between you two, as she won't even say that she forgot when it's obvious she did. Just how many people will immediately admit when they've screwed up? The normal reaction is to feel embarassed and to try to deny it, especially if they know the other person will be upset by their mistake (which she probably does, if the OP was angered by it a year ago). Even after some time has passed, most people will be afraid of looking bad in the eyes of the other, so they still won't readily admit it. Very, very few people would have admitted that mistake.
That's horrible. Really? Is it really so hard to admit such a mistake?
Poll: If you forgot your partner's bday, would you tell them up front?
(Vote): Yes
(Vote): No
I need to put this in perspective, hope you don't mind OP.
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Shitty deal....
Happy birthday though
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unless u warned her i dont see this being her fault. i dont know anyones b-day off by heart.
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On August 11 2009 14:32 Entertaining wrote:
unless u warned her i dont see this being her fault. i dont know anyones b-day off by heart.
Are you serious?
Dating for 5 years and you wouldn't take the courtesy to make sure you don't forget? Maybe you don't have to know it by heart, but it's not hard to write it down off facebook or ask someone or whatever and mark it in your calender.
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On August 11 2009 14:00 Bill307 wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2009 13:38 icystorage wrote:
dude, happy birthday and that totally sucks, i mean, who would forget their love one's birthday? especially when your going out for 5 YEARS. that is totally immature and tactless, dont let her take you for granted man I would. It must be one of the most useless pieces of information you could remember about them. It affects a single day in the entire year. Knowing about their personality, their interests, their experiences, and even which foods they like is much more important and useful. So I would try to remember it, but it would be a low priority. I'd probably just write it down somewhere.
a girl forgetting her guy's bday is like a guy doing nothing for her on valentines (or her birthday, yes, redundant lol). i don't see how it's low priority or useless when its a SINGLE PIECE OF DATA that should've been discovered and stored in your memory within a month of actively dating. the ONE day you're supposed to give him any sort of meaningful gift and she forgets? unforgivable, especially after 4 previous birthdays. >:o
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I honestly wouldn't care... don't celebrate my Bdays anyway, it's overrated.
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better then your gf forgetting to moan ;D
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The whole situation I find even more baffling considering she would easily be considered the more needy of the two of us, while I'm generally very very passive.
I suppose everyone has different expectations out of a relationship. She's probably considered more needy because ... well girls are like that - they always ask you if you missed them, why haven't you called for so long etc etc, but guys tend to bury those feelings because it makes us look unmanly (i'm pretty sure guys want to know if their girls misses them too).
And finally it takes something as simple (or big) as forgetting a birthday to really affect you. Ironically your girlfriend who is supposedly the needy one; it sounds like she doesn't really care. It looks like you like her a lot more than she does you.
Everyone values their birthday differently, its not your fault that you care about it more. You just can't expect someone else to care about it as much as you do.
on a lighter note: maybe she'll give you better sex?
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Hong Kong20321 Posts
^ really i feel like its more important for guy to remember girls bday lol
maybe its just me though cuz i dont really care about my birthday
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Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
On August 11 2009 14:49 paper wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2009 14:00 Bill307 wrote:On August 11 2009 13:38 icystorage wrote:
dude, happy birthday and that totally sucks, i mean, who would forget their love one's birthday? especially when your going out for 5 YEARS. that is totally immature and tactless, dont let her take you for granted man I would. It must be one of the most useless pieces of information you could remember about them. It affects a single day in the entire year. Knowing about their personality, their interests, their experiences, and even which foods they like is much more important and useful. So I would try to remember it, but it would be a low priority. I'd probably just write it down somewhere. a girl forgetting her guy's bday is like a guy doing nothing for her on valentines (or her birthday, yes, redundant lol). i don't see how it's low priority or useless when its a SINGLE PIECE OF DATA that should've been discovered and stored in your memory within a month of actively dating. the ONE day you're supposed to give him any sort of meaningful gift and she forgets? unforgivable, especially after 4 previous birthdays. >:o
That sounds a lot less significant than the happiness you'd give to each other on a daily or weekly basis.
And if you're doing something meaningful for your partner only once a year, and it has to be scheduled in advance rather than being spontaneous... doesn't sound all that great to me.
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Birthdays are an excuse to do something extra-special for someone without it being awkward. If you do special things for each other all the time, it's not that important, but it kind of is a piss off if they hardly ever do anything too nice.
It sounds like she tried though, and did forget. But still, if you want someone to be nice to you on your birthday, you basically have to say earlier in the week what you think of being the age you're about to be. Or some other subtle lame hint.
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I think the argument that OP shouldn't care is useless. He made it a point to her that his bday had at least some significance to him.
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Simply remembering someones birthday can mean a lot to people, as evidenced by OP (it means somewhat to me too). It means attention to detail, and many of us would really want our loved ones to be there with us on that one special day of the year.
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Ur ok, my whole family forgot my b-day once, they remembered when a lot of friends sang happy b-day outside my house, and I ran downstairs ^^.
So forgive her, just ultimatum ftw
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As a guy I could care less about who remembered my birthday or not. I thought it was strictly something women bitched about.
I couldn't tell you any of my close friend's birthdays or even the month they are in.
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On August 11 2009 12:55 rockon1215 wrote:You just reminded me my mom's b-day is coming up soon Thanks man
lawl
And yes it does suck to have your GF forget your birthday doesn't it. But try not to be all butthurt about it. and I mean that in the nicest possible way.
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o_O I'd like to sympathize with you but I'm the type of person that never remembers anyone's birthday, some years even my own -_- Birthdays are just an excuse to celebrate and have fun anyway. People should talk about it openly if they care about them so much instead of hoping that the ones they're close to will remember.
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On August 11 2009 12:51 Phyre wrote:
Twice.
She forgot my birthday last year completely until the next day. Didn't call me, e-mail me, anything. She apologized of course the next day when she remembered. I was pretty miffed about that last year but I didn't make a big deal out of it because that's not how I am. I consoled her and explained it's okay.
This year I figured "There's no way she'd forget it again..." So around the time when we usually talk on the phone I get a call from her so I figured "Ah, she remembered!" However, as the conversation progresses and it's increasingly just a normal conversation about her weekend... I begin to doubt. 15 minutes later my brother tells me I should come up since my family got a cake for me so I tell her so. She actually asked "Cake? Cake for what?" She was completely serious. A few seconds later it finally dawns on her that she completely forgot my birthday. She told me she had a birthday present ready for me and all but like last year she forgot once the day actually came.
For some background, we've been dating for 5 years now and I've never missed a birthday, anniversary, valentine's day, etc. All the major occasions I've always had covered. I may not remember the dates off the top of my head, but I know this so I prepare and have tons of reminders and calendars setup to compensate so I'm always ready. The whole situation I find even more baffling considering she would easily be considered the more needy of the two of us, while I'm generally very very passive. If anyone was going to forget, you'd think it would be the other way around.
I don't really know what to make of this. Just makes me feel so... disappointed.
i suggest u get her a calendar for her bday with dates premarked.
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Almost everyone I know under 30 who cares about their birthday will tell their friends in advance to make plans. In which case she'd probably overhear unless she never has any contact with your friends.
It's not fair to put the weight of your social happiness on one person, and those unbalanced expectations just going to keep causing problems.
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On August 11 2009 15:13 Bill307 wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2009 14:49 paper wrote:On August 11 2009 14:00 Bill307 wrote:On August 11 2009 13:38 icystorage wrote:
dude, happy birthday and that totally sucks, i mean, who would forget their love one's birthday? especially when your going out for 5 YEARS. that is totally immature and tactless, dont let her take you for granted man I would. It must be one of the most useless pieces of information you could remember about them. It affects a single day in the entire year. Knowing about their personality, their interests, their experiences, and even which foods they like is much more important and useful. So I would try to remember it, but it would be a low priority. I'd probably just write it down somewhere. a girl forgetting her guy's bday is like a guy doing nothing for her on valentines (or her birthday, yes, redundant lol). i don't see how it's low priority or useless when its a SINGLE PIECE OF DATA that should've been discovered and stored in your memory within a month of actively dating. the ONE day you're supposed to give him any sort of meaningful gift and she forgets? unforgivable, especially after 4 previous birthdays. >:o That sounds a lot less significant than the happiness you'd give to each other on a daily or weekly basis. And if you're doing something meaningful for your partner only once a year, and it has to be scheduled in advance rather than being spontaneous... doesn't sound all that great to me.
how did you interpret my post to mean that you only do something special once a year? honestly -_-
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If the rest of your relationship is running smoothly, and I mean really smoothly not just trying to turn a blind eye to a lot of stuff that is not like it should be, then it should be no biggie and you can also tell her that you'd appreciate it if she paid a bit more attention to it. Then again if this is just a symptom of a larger problem, her displaying indifference on a more general level towards you and the relationship, then maybe you have to draw your conclusions.
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Vatican City State491 Posts
I thouht facebook can remind you of birthday dates of others via some application that emails you or something, at least some other portal that I use does this
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people still think im 2 years younger than i actually am
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i'd 'forget' that you have a girlfriend at the nearest bar tonight and see what she thinks of that
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Actually it happened to me quite often. It's like a month before that particular day (be it my gf's birthday, our anniversary or whatever), I knew it was coming in a month time. A week before that day, I still remembered it. A day before that day, I was like "So yea, tomorrow it is". But on that day itself, I just completely forgot about it.
People might say "It's such an insignificant issue, you guys have been together for blah blah ...". But to me, remembering those days/events shows that you do care about the other one. I don't really fancy birthday's presents or anything, really, but at least there should be a call, a card or just even an email.
Anyway, happy birthday to you mate.
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
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Norway28673 Posts
awesome, you have a free pass to forget two "special dates".
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I personally do not celebrate my birthdays, so I cannot say I sympathise. Infact, assuming I was capable of having a girlfriend, I would probably care less if she forgot mine. Having said that, you do have a right to be upset if she expects you to remember her birthday.
Anyway, happy birthday and I hope this will not spoil your long-time relationship.
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I think you have every right to be disappointed. Imagine trying to buy a $10 item, but only offering $5 for it. Will the guy at the counter make the sale because, well, at least you're willing to pay something? No, he'll kick you out of the store and put it back on the shelf until someone is willing to pay full price for it.
If, in terms of your relationship, you're offering $10 worth of yourself and all you're getting back is $5, that's a problem. I can't make that judgment on this alone though; forgetting your birthday twice doesn't necessarily mean anything by itself, but if she consistently undervalues you then I think you should consider how strong your relationship really is. If, however, all she did was forget these two dates, well, then it seems more like you're getting $9.95 (yeah I'm just gonna keep beating this damn analogy). In that case, don't worry about it, just screw her over a couple times to even things out.
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Dont think about screwing her. it'll cause more problems.
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Well no, don't screw her and yell "See bitch this is what happens when you forget my birthday!" The idea would be to do it subtly to reassure her that you can make mistakes too, hopefully lessening her guilt about forgetting your birthday.
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Why do people care so much about their birthdays???
Sorry about caps but seriously I am so confused why people are so full of themselves to think everyone should have to remember the day they were born. You are 'disappointed' in your girlfriend for forgetting something as trivial as your birthday?
By the sounds of it she's a really nice girl (nice enough to date for 5 years) and honestly something like forgetting your birthday is what makes you mad. I've never understood why people find themselves so self-important that everyone has to remember the day they were born  .
I dunno, maybe I'm just crazy. Better luck next year?
Edited out caps.
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I have forgot my birthday twice. unless it's an important age like 18 or 20 (in swe anyway) I don't really care actually...
anyway, I don't think you should read anything in to it, her forgeting I mean...
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=( you didn't deserve that, twice. Did she make it up to you at all?
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eh
i never forget when birthdays are, but i also dont usually do anything for them. So on one hand its probably really thoughtful that i can spit out most of my friends birthdays right now off the top of my head, but rarely will i go past giving them a call. I bought my best friend a cake, that was huge.
stuff like that isnt really important to me. I'm more about being there every day and being kind every day, i would prefer people do the same for me than put a little extra into one day a year and slack off the rest.
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dude, perfect time to bring up anal.
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Oh my, gf forgot my birthday twice. What to do?
( ) talk to her about your feelings
( ) let it go
(X) make a blog and bitch about it
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On August 11 2009 12:51 Phyre wrote:
Twice.
She forgot my birthday last year completely until the next day. Didn't call me, e-mail me, anything. She apologized of course the next day when she remembered. I was pretty miffed about that last year but I didn't make a big deal out of it because that's not how I am. I consoled her and explained it's okay.
This year I figured "There's no way she'd forget it again..." So around the time when we usually talk on the phone I get a call from her so I figured "Ah, she remembered!" However, as the conversation progresses and it's increasingly just a normal conversation about her weekend... I begin to doubt. 15 minutes later my brother tells me I should come up since my family got a cake for me so I tell her so. She actually asked "Cake? Cake for what?" She was completely serious. A few seconds later it finally dawns on her that she completely forgot my birthday. She told me she had a birthday present ready for me and all but like last year she forgot once the day actually came.
For some background, we've been dating for 5 years now and I've never missed a birthday, anniversary, valentine's day, etc. All the major occasions I've always had covered. I may not remember the dates off the top of my head, but I know this so I prepare and have tons of reminders and calendars setup to compensate so I'm always ready. The whole situation I find even more baffling considering she would easily be considered the more needy of the two of us, while I'm generally very very passive. If anyone was going to forget, you'd think it would be the other way around.
I don't really know what to make of this. Just makes me feel so... disappointed.
My birthday is one day away from my gf's.
I consider my self the luckiest known man in the universe.
Also, use her forgetting your birthday, for some anal.
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I'd really like it if the OP reposted here with what his thoughts on this subject are now. I hope he realizes how immature this whole ordeal is...
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On August 11 2009 13:12 travis wrote:
happy birthday
p.s: she is probably just self-centered and/or a ditz
but I guess that's something you'd know
no, i don't think the girlfriend is the problem. youre the one that made the blunder. last year when she forgot your birthday you had the opportunity to tell her that remembering yoru birthday meant a lot to you, instead you chose to console her in a misguided attempt to spare her feelings. she failed to see what it meant to you because you didn't tell her. honestly you're acting like a woman expecting her to know what your feeling. the fault lies with you, all you had to do was say it meant a lot to you. so i have no pity for you sitting there crying like a baby, next time instead of being a pussy let her know who you really are by expressing your real thoughts.
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My first thought was, shouldn't the title read "BF forgot my birthday"? I thought most guys didn't care about their birthday. I forget my own birthday until my wife reminds me.
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So this got a lot more attention than I thought. Anyway, I figure I do owe some sort of answer to some of the points brought up. I'll mainly be addressing the dissenting comments rather than the ones sympathizing with me for obvious reasons.
Just to clear up something before I start:
I didn't make a big deal out of this the first time or the second time, basically it amounted to "Yeah I'm a bit miffed about it but it's okay, let's just hope it doesn't happen again" in a joking tone. I'd like to consider myself a very very laid back boyfriend, I don't think I've ever blown up at her. She even jokes with me about doubting whether or not I'm human since I don't flip out on her for things she thinks a boyfriend should. So yeah, no idea why people are accusing me of making a big deal out of this. It's a blog, just sharing some thoughts. It's not like I made a discussion thread in General or something. I was a bit disappointed and somewhat confused. When I mean confused I mean "Should I be more angry about this?" since I feel like a lot of other people would be quite angry but I wasn't. Hence I wanted to see what other people's reactions would be in a similar situation.
So on to the long list of responses:
On August 11 2009 13:06 n.DieJokes wrote:
Why didn't you remind her that your birthday is coming up, if it's special to you it would make sense for you to eagerly, and actively, anticipate it. My family never remembers each others birthdays and that's okay; checking to see if loved ones can remember your birthday on their own isn't a fair or accurate test of dedication. Still it is nice when they do and it blows that they didn't
I come from a family where remembering the birthdays of our immediate family is extremely important. My parents and siblings never miss each others birthdays, ever. It's a fairly big deal and I like to treat it as a day where that person can have whatever they want within reason.
I didn't remind her because she was talking about it as late as 2 days before my birthday, I knew that she knew it was coming.
On August 11 2009 13:08 Bill307 wrote:
The biggest problem I see in your relationship is that you've been with her for 5 years, yet something as insignificant as this is enough to depress you. It's unfortunate that you still don't trust her enough to either let this go, or tell her how much remembering a birthday means to you.
I'm not and was not depressed, now you're just exaggerating. "Miffed" is the term I've been using. A bit disappointed. I wasn't exactly shedding tears over it. Also, if I knew that birthdays weren't that important to her then this would be different. However, she's the kind of person that throw a huge fit if I forget Valentine's day, our anniversary, or her birthday. I'd like to think that if she values those days so much she would value my birthday equally.
By the way, she's aware of my views on the importance of birthdays. We have been going out for 5 years. Also, this isn't a matter of trust.
On August 11 2009 13:15 Oxygen wrote:
What seems more discomforting is the lack of honesty between you two, as she won't even say that she forgot when it's obvious she did. My suggestion is re-evaluate your relationship: do you "love" each other, in the psychotherapeutic definition of the word? That is, do you help each other grow as independent, capable people? Does she give you consistent support and help? Does she even want this?
Perhaps I worded my post poorly somewhere, but she did admit to forgetting and apologized. I'd like to say she loves me pretty deeply considering she's told me she wants to marry me eventually. (I'm not ready for that yet, long story) She generally a very caring and kind person and all that stuff, which I why I find it odd that she would forget this when she's generally pretty on top of most other similar things.
On August 11 2009 13:15 Bill307 wrote:
Really, this is the kind of insecurity and big-deal-out-of-nothing that you stereotypically see from a girl.
So "man-up".
Insecurity? Big deal? Man up? Really? Every post by you just keeps exaggerating the scope of this whole situation.
That said, while birthdays may not be important to you in the least it is something important to me and my family and it has been that way for as long as I can remember.
On August 11 2009 13:34 Bill307 wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2009 13:15 Oxygen wrote:
What seems more discomforting is the lack of honesty between you two, as she won't even say that she forgot when it's obvious she did. Just how many people will immediately admit when they've screwed up? The normal reaction is to feel embarassed and to try to deny it, especially if they know the other person will be upset by their mistake (which she probably does, if the OP was angered by it a year ago). Even after some time has passed, most people will be afraid of looking bad in the eyes of the other, so they still won't readily admit it. Very, very few people would have admitted that mistake.
I admit when I've made a mistake. "Man up."
On August 11 2009 14:00 Bill307 wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2009 13:38 icystorage wrote:
dude, happy birthday and that totally sucks, i mean, who would forget their love one's birthday? especially when your going out for 5 YEARS. that is totally immature and tactless, dont let her take you for granted man I would. It must be one of the most useless pieces of information you could remember about them. It affects a single day in the entire year. Knowing about their personality, their interests, their experiences, and even which foods they like is much more important and useful. So I would try to remember it, but it would be a low priority. I'd probably just write it down somewhere.
Have you ever had a girlfriend? Are you married? I have some vague memory of you saying you did at some point but I'm having a hard time imagining you keeping a girlfriend if you consistently don't remember and thus do nothing for occasions like your anniversary, valentine's day, or her birthday.
Knowing about their personality, interests, experiences, food likes, etc is all a given. Just like remembering her birthday. At least in my book anyway.
On August 11 2009 14:05 {88}iNcontroL wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2009 13:12 Manifesto7 wrote:
Meh, my wife struck out on my birthday two years running while I never forget a thing. Not the end of the world really. Yup. Sounds like everything else works (5 years together). Forgive her.. tell her you'd like it to be different and move on. being the bigger man here and allowing her some relief is a bigger lesson learned than guilt tripping her or punishing her in anyway.
@Mani: It's not the end of the world, absolutely. I'm sure it didn't exactly make you feel great though right?
@Inc: I did forgive her (not quite forgetting though, so does that count?) and I have no intention of bringing it up again. Unless it happens a third time.
On August 11 2009 15:13 Bill307 wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2009 14:49 paper wrote:On August 11 2009 14:00 Bill307 wrote:On August 11 2009 13:38 icystorage wrote:
dude, happy birthday and that totally sucks, i mean, who would forget their love one's birthday? especially when your going out for 5 YEARS. that is totally immature and tactless, dont let her take you for granted man I would. It must be one of the most useless pieces of information you could remember about them. It affects a single day in the entire year. Knowing about their personality, their interests, their experiences, and even which foods they like is much more important and useful. So I would try to remember it, but it would be a low priority. I'd probably just write it down somewhere. a girl forgetting her guy's bday is like a guy doing nothing for her on valentines (or her birthday, yes, redundant lol). i don't see how it's low priority or useless when its a SINGLE PIECE OF DATA that should've been discovered and stored in your memory within a month of actively dating. the ONE day you're supposed to give him any sort of meaningful gift and she forgets? unforgivable, especially after 4 previous birthdays. >:o That sounds a lot less significant than the happiness you'd give to each other on a daily or weekly basis. And if you're doing something meaningful for your partner only once a year, and it has to be scheduled in advance rather than being spontaneous... doesn't sound all that great to me.
So what if you already do nice things for her spontaneously like take her out places, show up at her door with roses, get her an ipod, cook her dinner, etc? That doesn't absolve me from doing something extra for her birthday or other occasions.
Little fun fact: There was a guy I knew that didn't believe in celebrating "hallmark" holidays like Valentine's day, birthdays, etc. So when he was dating this girl he did nothing for the aforementioned special occasions, ignored them completely. He claimed he made up for it by doing stuff randomly. This guy was my current girlfriend's ex, and she tells me he was trash and it made her depressed when she saw her friend's boyfriends celebrating those occasions. It's in the boyfriend handbook, thou shall not forget these occasions. Even if the girl says she doesn't care about them.
On August 12 2009 07:09 BanZu wrote:
I'd really like it if the OP reposted here with what his thoughts on this subject are now. I hope he realizes how immature this whole ordeal is...
Replied, and I don't feel my thoughts were immature at all.
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On August 12 2009 12:10 D4EMON wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2009 13:12 travis wrote:
happy birthday
p.s: she is probably just self-centered and/or a ditz
but I guess that's something you'd know no, i don't think the girlfriend is the problem. youre the one that made the blunder. last year when she forgot your birthday you had the opportunity to tell her that remembering yoru birthday meant a lot to you, instead you chose to console her in a misguided attempt to spare her feelings. she failed to see what it meant to you because you didn't tell her. honestly you're acting like a woman expecting her to know what your feeling. the fault lies with you, all you had to do was say it meant a lot to you. so i have no pity for you sitting there crying like a baby, next time instead of being a pussy let her know who you really are by expressing your real thoughts.
I did tell her it bothered me then let her know it wasn't the end of the world or anything since she already clearly felt bad about it.
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On August 12 2009 12:41 The Storyteller wrote:
My first thought was, shouldn't the title read "BF forgot my birthday"? I thought most guys didn't care about their birthday. I forget my own birthday until my wife reminds me.
Addressed this above, but it's been seen as something important in my family for as long as I can remember.
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On August 12 2009 13:05 Phyre wrote:Show nested quote +On August 12 2009 07:09 BanZu wrote:
I'd really like it if the OP reposted here with what his thoughts on this subject are now. I hope he realizes how immature this whole ordeal is... Replied, and I don't feel my thoughts were immature at all.
I was referring to the OP but I guess it's not true because apparently I misread your intentions. It's just the fact that you bothered posting about it that everyone thought you were angry and making a big deal about it.
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On August 12 2009 14:00 BanZu wrote:Show nested quote +On August 12 2009 13:05 Phyre wrote:On August 12 2009 07:09 BanZu wrote:
I'd really like it if the OP reposted here with what his thoughts on this subject are now. I hope he realizes how immature this whole ordeal is... Replied, and I don't feel my thoughts were immature at all. I was referring to the OP but I guess it's not true because apparently I misread your intentions. It's just the fact that you bothered posting about it that everyone thought you were angry and making a big deal about it.
Not really angry, more kind of curious what other people thought, if others had a similar experience, and how they interpreted it. If I was asking how I should proceed then perhaps I could see it me making a big deal out of it.
I did feel somewhat disappointed and honestly I don't think it's unfair given the circumstances.
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thats the good thing about facebook. i never forget someone's birthday now.
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United States24689 Posts
Must suck to care about insignificant things because you end up disappointed a lot lol. If for some reason your birthday is very important to you then definitely make sure she understands that. Others have said that better than me already.
On August 12 2009 14:36 rushz0rz wrote:
thats the good thing about facebook. i never forget someone's birthday now.
In my opinion, this defeats the purpose of the whole thing.
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United States22883 Posts
Phyre, I think you did the right thing and I think everyone needs to read this part:
So yeah, no idea why people are accusing me of making a big deal out of this. It's a blog, just sharing some thoughts. Blogs are meant for this sort of stuff, and I can understanding wanting to vent some disappointment to someone besides her. Remembering a birthday isn't asking that much, and it's not as if Phyre can control how he feels about it - it's just the way he was raised.
Sucks that it's a lose/lose situation for you though. There isn't any other reasonable recourse besides letting it go.
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Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
On August 12 2009 13:05 Phyre wrote:
[snip]
You assume I have all kinds of flaws because you read things into my posts that aren't there. Meh.
Oh, I would totally be a terrible boyfriend for a girl who's super-insecure about herself and has all kinds of silly expectations of what I have to do for her (i.e. is super-needy). I don't consider that a loss, though.
As an aside, since we're kind of on the topic of what people should and shouldn't do for each other: as I see it, strict expectations in a relationship (the kind where the other person gets angry when you fail to meet them) are just manifestations of mistrust. If you trust someone, and they don't do something you expected of them, then you know it was a misunderstanding, and you have no reason to question their personality, their loyalty to you, their consideration for you, etc., i.e. no reason to be upset with them.
Moreover, for me personally, I derive a lot of pleasure from giving a gift to someone or doing something nice for them as a pleasant surprise for them. But when I have to do it, i.e. when it's expected of me, that drains most of the fun out of it. =P
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There isn't too much for me to say here, because it seems like Bill307 has already voiced my thoughts on the matter. My views are a little bit different, I suppose, from what you do. I like doing things for people on their birthdays, and my friends do great things for me on my birthday. But I wouldn't really mind if they forgot it - after all, a birthday is just another day of the year. What was inherently wrong about her forgetting your birthday, especially if it was a mistake?
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On August 12 2009 13:08 Phyre wrote:Show nested quote +On August 12 2009 12:41 The Storyteller wrote:
My first thought was, shouldn't the title read "BF forgot my birthday"? I thought most guys didn't care about their birthday. I forget my own birthday until my wife reminds me. Addressed this above, but it's been seen as something important in my family for as long as I can remember.
That's quite interesting. In mine, only my mum really seems to care about it.
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i don't mind birthdays but i hate Christmas. It's really a holiday to celebrate forgotten and modified religion and consumerism.
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On August 12 2009 06:52 PanN wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2009 12:51 Phyre wrote:
Twice.
She forgot my birthday last year completely until the next day. Didn't call me, e-mail me, anything. She apologized of course the next day when she remembered. I was pretty miffed about that last year but I didn't make a big deal out of it because that's not how I am. I consoled her and explained it's okay.
This year I figured "There's no way she'd forget it again..." So around the time when we usually talk on the phone I get a call from her so I figured "Ah, she remembered!" However, as the conversation progresses and it's increasingly just a normal conversation about her weekend... I begin to doubt. 15 minutes later my brother tells me I should come up since my family got a cake for me so I tell her so. She actually asked "Cake? Cake for what?" She was completely serious. A few seconds later it finally dawns on her that she completely forgot my birthday. She told me she had a birthday present ready for me and all but like last year she forgot once the day actually came.
For some background, we've been dating for 5 years now and I've never missed a birthday, anniversary, valentine's day, etc. All the major occasions I've always had covered. I may not remember the dates off the top of my head, but I know this so I prepare and have tons of reminders and calendars setup to compensate so I'm always ready. The whole situation I find even more baffling considering she would easily be considered the more needy of the two of us, while I'm generally very very passive. If anyone was going to forget, you'd think it would be the other way around.
I don't really know what to make of this. Just makes me feel so... disappointed.
My birthday is one day away from my gf's. I consider my self the luckiest known man in the universe. Also, use her forgetting your birthday, for some anal.
what's good about anal? tighter?
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some guys like it tighter so youre right elvin!
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On August 12 2009 14:38 micronesia wrote:Must suck to care about insignificant things because you end up disappointed a lot lol. If for some reason your birthday is very important to you then definitely make sure she understands that. Others have said that better than me already. Show nested quote +On August 12 2009 14:36 rushz0rz wrote:
thats the good thing about facebook. i never forget someone's birthday now. In my opinion, this defeats the purpose of the whole thing.
Right... so apparently you skipped the entirety of my response (understandable, it was lengthy) but I clearly stated that she knows full well what birthdays mean to me. We've been going out for 5 years, she knows in no uncertain terms.
Second, I'd rather you not come in here and dictate to me what is and isn't significant and thus worth caring about with largely no justification. I'm sure everyone has something that they hold dear to them but 99% of the rest of the world thinks is utter ridiculousness, including you. So please don't presume to tell me what I can/should care about.
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On August 12 2009 14:57 Bill307 wrote:You assume I have all kinds of flaws because you read things into my posts that aren't there. Meh.
Wow, that's practically the exact same thing I was going to say to you.
On August 12 2009 14:57 Bill307 wrote:Oh, I would totally be a terrible boyfriend for a girl who's super-insecure about herself and has all kinds of silly expectations of what I have to do for her (i.e. is super-needy). I don't consider that a loss, though. As an aside, since we're kind of on the topic of what people should and shouldn't do for each other: as I see it, strict expectations in a relationship (the kind where the other person gets angry when you fail to meet them) are just manifestations of mistrust. If you trust someone, and they don't do something you expected of them, then you know it was a misunderstanding, and you have no reason to question their personality, their loyalty to you, their consideration for you, etc., i.e. no reason to be upset with them. Moreover, for me personally, I derive a lot of pleasure from giving a gift to someone or doing something nice for them as a pleasant surprise for them. But when I have to do it, i.e. when it's expected of me, that drains most of the fun out of it. =P
So, you didn't answer my question. Have you been in any sort of meaningful relationship? I'm mildly curious at this point and it would make your words have some degree of weight.
On the topic of expectations, I have very very few expectations of her. You don't know me, and it's hard for me to impart to you just how laid back I generally am. Remembering my birthday is one of the very few and I didn't make a big deal out of it anyway.
Lastly, I'm not miffed in the least about getting gifts. If she didn't get me anything it wouldn't be a big deal, it was more disappointing to me that she just plain forgot about the occasion. That aside though, gifts are not for your enjoyment. I do enjoy giving gifts too but that's not why you give them, it's to make the other person happy. You have some very peculiar thought processes if you only give gifts when you feel like it and for your own personal pleasure.
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Well, tbh now that I think about it I was in a very similar situation as OP. Me and my ex saw each other almost everyday during a period of time in University, but we never really got to go anywhere outside of campus or really get too much alone time cause we had a lot of mutual friends and she was very studious. When the semester ended I had such high hopes for Christmas (I'm in an asian family that didn't really value Christmas that much) thinking that this would be the most awesome holiday ever. The one time we did see each other during the holidays was a couple days before Christmas, and knowing that she was going away to New York with her family for Christmas I gave her an early present. And that would be the last time I would see her for the holidays as I could never reach her (and apparently she found it annoying that I would call her so much). It was probably needy of me, but Christmas that year really meant a lot to me, and to not be able to spend Christmas, or New Years, or even one day out of the long winter holidays with my "then" girlfriend was pretty painful (nevermind not getting a present).
But yeah, after all that it really bothered me, and one thing lead to another and quickly after that we broke up.
So yeah OP, I'm with ya pal, I guess I can say I can empathize with you a little bit - except you have been in a relationship for 5 long years, and my relationship was only a couple months (she was also my first). After that experience I pretty much learned not to be uptight about most things. You'll probably handle things a lot more mature than I did.
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konadora
Singapore66163 Posts
we've been dating for 5 years now
Found the problem
+ Show Spoiler +I think she really is just forgetful though
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She just loves you less than you love her.
It's a fact that you'll have to accept.
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United States24689 Posts
On August 12 2009 22:37 Phyre wrote:Show nested quote +On August 12 2009 14:38 micronesia wrote:Must suck to care about insignificant things because you end up disappointed a lot lol. If for some reason your birthday is very important to you then definitely make sure she understands that. Others have said that better than me already. On August 12 2009 14:36 rushz0rz wrote:
thats the good thing about facebook. i never forget someone's birthday now. In my opinion, this defeats the purpose of the whole thing. Right... so apparently you skipped the entirety of my response (understandable, it was lengthy) but I clearly stated that she knows full well what birthdays mean to me. We've been going out for 5 years, she knows in no uncertain terms. I didn't read every response to what other people had said, but it is very clear that the OP in no way indicated that she was actually aware of how much you seem to care about birthdays. In fact, like others have said, you made it seem like it wasn't a big deal when she missed it last time.
Second, I'd rather you not come in here and dictate to me what is and isn't significant and thus worth caring about with largely no justification. I'm sure everyone has something that they hold dear to them but 99% of the rest of the world thinks is utter ridiculousness, including you. So please don't presume to tell me what I can/should care about.
Do you really hold your birthday dear to you? Regardless, if we simply talk about what people do and don't care about, then sure we are all going to vary, and I'm not saying that's bad.
But, that doesn't mean that you can care about anything, no matter how ridiculous it seems, and then make a big deal about it (like create a venting blog) and still not expect others to question it. In your defense, a lot of people care about birthdays a lot. I wasn't making fun of you with my earlier comment. I was reflecting on how strange I find this common behavior. If you want to claim that I shouldn't feel this way, then you should provide some actual justification rather than "I can care about whatever I want and then vent about it."
On August 13 2009 00:35 konadora wrote:Found the problem + Show Spoiler +I think she really is just forgetful though
Lol nice.
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On August 13 2009 03:08 micronesia wrote:Show nested quote +On August 12 2009 22:37 Phyre wrote:On August 12 2009 14:38 micronesia wrote:Must suck to care about insignificant things because you end up disappointed a lot lol. If for some reason your birthday is very important to you then definitely make sure she understands that. Others have said that better than me already. On August 12 2009 14:36 rushz0rz wrote:
thats the good thing about facebook. i never forget someone's birthday now. In my opinion, this defeats the purpose of the whole thing. Right... so apparently you skipped the entirety of my response (understandable, it was lengthy) but I clearly stated that she knows full well what birthdays mean to me. We've been going out for 5 years, she knows in no uncertain terms. I didn't read every response to what other people had said, but it is very clear that the OP in no way indicated that she was actually aware of how much you seem to care about birthdays. In fact, like others have said, you made it seem like it wasn't a big deal when she missed it last time. Show nested quote +
Second, I'd rather you not come in here and dictate to me what is and isn't significant and thus worth caring about with largely no justification. I'm sure everyone has something that they hold dear to them but 99% of the rest of the world thinks is utter ridiculousness, including you. So please don't presume to tell me what I can/should care about.
Do you really hold your birthday dear to you? Regardless, if we simply talk about what people do and don't care about, then sure we are all going to vary, and I'm not saying that's bad.
Yep. I don't go nuts or anything because that's not my nature, but it does bother me and I never ever miss birthdays of the people closest to me.
On August 13 2009 03:08 micronesia wrote:
But, that doesn't mean that you can care about anything, no matter how ridiculous it seems, and then make a big deal about it (like create a venting blog) and still not expect others to question it. In your defense, a lot of people care about birthdays a lot. I wasn't making fun of you with my earlier comment. I was reflecting on how strange I find this common behavior. If you want to claim that I shouldn't feel this way, then you should provide some actual justification rather than "I can care about whatever I want and then vent about it."
Yeah, I'd expect flak if someone was saying they were frustrated by something really ridiculous but like you said birthdays are something quite a few people (dare I say, majority) do care about. I'd agree though, you can't just care about anything and expect no one to question it.
I do find it peculiar that blogging about this occurrence qualifies as "making a big deal out of it."
Perhaps I came off as a tad more hostile than I should have, I interpreted your post as more condescending and antagonizing than it appears you meant.
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Seriously? All the people against Phyre....if one of your friends casually brought this up in conversation are you really saying you would sit there and say ' lol dude sup way2be an insecure fag '
Newsflash: Most people care about birthdays. Furthermore, the birthday of someone important to you should definitely matter. Yes, giving gifts and being nice at unexpected times is really great, but there's also space for occasions where you can do something extra special for your special friend.
I think the problem most people are having against you phyre [ but won't admit ] is that you made a blog about it. Not that you are very mildly annoyed [ UNDERSTANDABLY ] that she forgot your birthday TWICE when conversely she is someone who places importance on such days like valentines, etc.
As for my opinion: In my experience there are people like your gf who just have that personality trait. It is obvious that you love her and are in love with her. It is also obvious that you aren't making a big deal out of it. I mean....its enough said that she felt really bad and even apologized to you after she recognized her mistake.
TL users blow my mind sometimes....like just cuz this shit is over the internet its some incredible phenomena and you're so above it.
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EPT
