EPTFrustrated at my dad - Page 2
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obesechicken13
United States10467 Posts
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clazziquai
6685 Posts
On July 31 2009 07:50 obesechicken13 wrote: ^Some asian parents never admit to doing anything wrong, and have very short memories. It could be worth a try, only Clazzic would know. Yup I was just making a post until I saw this...my dad is VERY VERY stubborn. He MUST have it his way. It's so annoying. | ||
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Chef
10810 Posts
On July 31 2009 07:50 obesechicken13 wrote: ^Some asian parents never admit to doing anything wrong, and have very short memories. It could be worth a try, only Clazzic would know. All parents are like this. The trick is to abuse their short memories. It's not that they try to forget, it's that they're literally 40, 50 years old by the time you're this age, and they're getting senile. | ||
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YPang
United States4024 Posts
On July 31 2009 08:02 Chef wrote: All parents are like this. The trick is to abuse their short memories. It's not that they try to forget, it's that they're literally 40, 50 years old by the time you're this age, and they're getting senile. lol are you joking? XD i seriously don't know if this is true (not trying to doubt or anything but never heard of this) | ||
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JeeJee
Canada5652 Posts
On July 31 2009 07:52 clazziquai wrote: Yup I was just making a post until I saw this...my dad is VERY VERY stubborn. He MUST have it his way. It's so annoying. ok well, you obviously know your dad better than me. i guess if he will react something more along the lines of .. "so what? i don't give a shit what you think, you waste your entire day playing computer games, so wake up earlier and get some work done", then he's a difficult person to deal with!  either way, i would still talk to him and try to figure out what he wants from you (for instance, in the above example, he wants you to get some work done instead of getting up early.. so go and do it, whatever 'it' is). parents are just people, like you or me or your friends. take the time to talk, its almost always worth it. just try avoiding using the word 'you' and you'll likely avoid any serious conflict (without using 'you' its really hard to offend someone, trust me. ;p so instead of "what do you think i should do" it'd be come "what should i do" etc) | ||
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Adeny
Norway1233 Posts
On July 31 2009 07:35 clazziquai wrote: I wouldn't say psychotic, but more like obsessive? He cares too much about what I do. I'm 19, for fuck's sake. I want to live my life the way I want it to be. I don't want some old man dictating what I should do. You are wrong. I'm in the exact opposite spot. My mom has never given half a shit about what I was doing. I was considered way above average intelligence when I was younger and took up programming as a hobby at the age of 9. Every time I'd ask for a mathbook, or book on programming, or anything similar my mom would reject my request and tell me that I don't have to try so hard because I've got natural talent. I became very demotivated and right now I couldn't give two shits about academic achievements. I've been raised to become an underachiever. Are you sure you want the same thing to happen to you? Be more appreciative of your dad's motivation and pushing, if you become something you probably have him to thank for it. | ||
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Sadistx
Zimbabwe5568 Posts
my dad messages me on MSN There's your problem. | ||
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Mora
Canada5235 Posts
On July 31 2009 07:52 clazziquai wrote: Yup I was just making a post until I saw this...my dad is VERY VERY stubborn. He MUST have it his way. It's so annoying. then why beat the dead horse? can't you just let him win? My dad is similar (though white, and completely not asian in any parenting capacity). When he tells you to do better, can't you just say "thanks for the feedback. I will try to improve my schedule and do better. I appreciate your efforts in helping me establish myself as an adult, and will continue to take your opinions into consideration". points: * There's nothing to argue with - you've told him you've listened. * You've told him that your aims are becoming a respectable adult * You've told him that you appreciate his effort and feedback Ultimately you can't really assert your independence while you depend on your parents. The moment i was able to support myself, my life got simpler. Even when i lived with my parents, i'd make it clear that the rent i pay gives me my rights and freedoms - if they feel they are not paid enough money to compensate the burden that is housing me, we can discuss and increase in rent; if their concern is irregardless of money, they can choose to kick me out. Until that point there is no harm in asserting yourself as a distinct individual with independent opinions. More over, you're also entitled to have 'wrong' opinions. It's your place as an adult to choose how you'd like to learn - including the hard way. I do not have time to tolerate people who think otherwise. I do not have the patience with impotent parental skills. I treat myself as an adult and i treat parents as adults, and it's never done me wrong. As long as you give respect and have no tolerance for a lack of respect in return, you're golden. Hell, i've even told a few people exactly that: "I do not have time to tolerate someone who does not think i am deserving of their respect". This goes for family, friends, strangers, teachers, whomever. Then again, i also have an amazing relationship with both my parents and i consider them among my best friends - it started feeling this way when i asserted myself as an adult. | ||
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Epicfailguy
Norway893 Posts
Here is the solution: Fuck with its computer or any other piece of technology its got. If there's one thing the parent suck at, its technology. It'll hit its head against the wall for about..30 seconds without even trying to fix it, just focusing on how annoying the problem is, ask you for help, you help it, and it'll at least remember it. | ||
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poilord
Germany3252 Posts
On July 31 2009 07:21 Naib wrote: You live together -> he messages you on MSN -> Wat? Hell my family life was anything but healthy, that on the other hand is just sad. yea, that is really weird. You should have told him to not be so lazy and come tell you in person :O edit: didn't see the post where you said that your dad was at work; disregard what I said. | ||
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Mora
Canada5235 Posts
On July 31 2009 08:18 Adeny wrote: You are wrong. I'm in the exact opposite spot. My mom has never given half a shit about what I was doing. I was considered way above average intelligence when I was younger and took up programming as a hobby at the age of 9. Every time I'd ask for a mathbook, or book on programming, or anything similar my mom would reject my request and tell me that I don't have to try so hard because I've got natural talent. I became very demotivated and right now I couldn't give two shits about academic achievements. I've been raised to become an underachiever. Are you sure you want the same thing to happen to you? Be more appreciative of your dad's motivation and pushing, if you become something you probably have him to thank for it. hmmm get over yourself. you're responsible for your motivation just like you're responsible for your actions, opinions, and the rest of your life. i had parents who loved me and they tried hard, but didn't really know what they were doing. (i was allowed to drop out of highschool 4 times with no disagreement or resistance from my parents, so i empathize with what you're saying as being raised as an underachiever). But who the fuck cares? I don't want to have a shitty life where i accomplish nothing and at the end of my days wonder where all the time went. i choose my motivations. You can turn out like my sister and blame my parents for everything that went wrong in her 30 years of life, or you can take control and make something of yourself. But no ones going to hold your hand; whatever you do is done on your accord, not your parents. Sink or swim. | ||
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Adeny
Norway1233 Posts
On July 31 2009 09:08 Mora wrote: hmmm get over yourself. you're responsible for your motivation just like you're responsible for your actions, opinions, and the rest of your life. i had parents who loved me and they tried hard, but didn't really know what they were doing. (i was allowed to drop out of highschool 4 times with no disagreement or resistance from my parents, so i empathize with what you're saying as being raised as an underachiever). But who the fuck cares? I don't want to have a shitty life where i accomplish nothing and at the end of my days wonder where all the time went. i choose my motivations. You can turn out like my sister and blame my parents for everything that went wrong in her 30 years of life, or you can take control and make something of yourself. But no ones going to hold your hand; whatever you do is done on your accord, not your parents. Sink or swim. I know this now, but I didn't when it mattered. Right now I have lost the majority of my will to learn and I'll have to work ridiculously hard to find it back, which is very unneccesary. | ||
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zulu_nation8
China26351 Posts
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clazziquai
6685 Posts
On July 31 2009 09:33 zulu_nation8 wrote: So how many years is it until you finish high school? I don't think I need to tell you to attend the farthest college from where you live. im going to be a second year in the upcoming fall/.spring | ||
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PH
United States6173 Posts
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EchOne
United States2906 Posts
His deep-seated Confucian values also make their way into his lectures, and he often laments our family cohesion, blames me for not feeling responsibility (because he's clearly privy to my thoughts on the matter), and frequently highlights my debt to the family. I'm wondering for any TL members with Oriental but not Chinese parents if this attitude is strong. | ||
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Cambium
United States16368 Posts
I honestly think Asian parents (dads especially) are the worst. It's as if they constantly disparage you just to assert their head-of-household position due to insecurity. | ||
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EchOne
United States2906 Posts
On July 31 2009 08:59 Epicfailguy wrote: The thing with the parent, is that he only sees what its looking for...when you do stuff its "ok" and it forgets it very fast, but once it sees you do something that annoys it, its blood starts boiling and all hell is loose. Here is the solution: Fuck with its computer or any other piece of technology its got. If there's one thing the parent suck at, its technology. It'll hit its head against the wall for about..30 seconds without even trying to fix it, just focusing on how annoying the problem is, ask you for help, you help it, and it'll at least remember it. Man I wish I could do that. Both of my parents have mature careers involving computers and related technical skills. My father for instance is an Oracle consultant and has had experience with both database and network administration. I don't think this is entirely unusual for Asian parents, either (no stereotyping intended.) | ||
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Underwhelmed
United States207 Posts
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mrdx
Vietnam1555 Posts
On July 31 2009 07:30 clazziquai wrote: I can also hit him back and probably beat the shit out of him now (he's pretty old). GO FOR IT!! Because your dad is such an ass he well deserved to have a dad-beating kid. Beat him hard and post pix here pls. | ||
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