Anyways felt like making a blog because of the random shit he says to me.
Lately I have been waking up at 6-7 AM because of the fact that I don't want to waste my day. I try making my life a bit more productive through exercising to maintain my weight (I have a weight loss well which I am following fairly well). I also have been reading a lot of books. Why am I doing this?
Because summer school is over and I have nothing better to do (asides from hanging out with my friends). Rather than playing SC and wasting time, I feel like doing something a little more productive than nothing.
Anyways today my dad messages me on MSN and tells me to sleep less. WHAT THE FUCK??? I don't even bother talking back because I don't want to cause another shitstorm, but seriously?? I have been waking up the earliest in the family. He also tells me why I waste time. I tell him that I read and exercise, but he tells me to do that more? Good one...lol
I can't believe my dad at times and I so can't wait to move out of the house. Basically he is so annoying + controlling my life. He treats me like I'm a kid, and I can barely make decisions on my own because of him interrupting me with whatever I do. JUST LET.ME.BE. FFS.
Wow I get the exact same shit from my Dad. It's so incredibly vexing because I'm making a huge effort to be real about working out, studying, and helping out the family (something he's big on). And he still just barges in and yells at me for an hour about wasting time. Excuse me?
Well you're not alone regardless. We just gotta man it. Though I'm thinking of writing him a long-ass letter about how unnecessary his tirades were after I leave the house, which will be soon.
look him in the eye and assert yourself respectfully. if you've already done that and thats what caused the shitstorm, do exactly what you're doing and wait till you can get the hell out of there. your dad sounds psychotic
On July 31 2009 07:13 EchOne wrote: Wow I get the exact same shit from my Dad. It's so incredibly vexing because I'm making a huge effort to be real about working out, studying, and helping out the family (something he's big on). And he still just barges in and yells at me for an hour about wasting time. Excuse me?
Well you're not alone regardless. We just gotta man it. Though I'm thinking of writing him a long-ass letter about how unnecessary his tirades were after I leave the house, which will be soon.
By the way, aside from studying...(well I am reading books, does that count?? lol) I've been actually working on my house alone. That means mowing my huuuuuuge lawn every week, replacing my driveway with new concrete/asphalt, and sanding/painting the fence.
And what do I get? "YOU'RE WASTING TIME!!"
Well what I would love to say is "FUCK YOU GEEZER!"
When you're replacing the drive way use something that doesn't set for a long time and get your dad to drive his car onto it when he thinks it would be dry, it won't and his car would get stuck.
You could also mow the lawn in the shape of a dick or someting offensive like that.
On July 31 2009 07:17 KurtistheTurtle wrote: look him in the eye and assert yourself respectfully. if you've already done that and thats what caused the shitstorm, do exactly what you're doing and wait till you can get the hell out of there. your dad sounds psychotic
I wouldn't say psychotic, but more like obsessive? He cares too much about what I do. I'm 19, for fuck's sake. I want to live my life the way I want it to be. I don't want some old man dictating what I should do.
On July 31 2009 07:28 Foucault wrote: well fucking talk back to him, seriously.
If he hits you, hit back. You will feel great relief, trust me on this
ROFL, I could talk back to him and prove him wrong in every aspect.
I can also hit him back and probably beat the shit out of him now (he's pretty old).
But I'm pretty scared what would happen next :O
Oh, I get it. That wasn't really clear. I'm pretty inexperienced with asian parents though, all I know is the stereotypes you hear...not much insight I could provide.I would just present facts. If it doesn't work, well, you tried at least.
Offtopic:
Uh anyway about that game, sorry 'bout the damn lag spikes. I still didn't figure out fully wtf is up =\
Hereby shoutouts to everyone I played and who put up with my laggy B- self beating them (I feel especially bad because it usually lagged when it benefit me the most, if I were in you guys' shoes I'd have thought it was intentional =[ )
On July 31 2009 07:07 clazziquai wrote: Anyways today my dad messages me on MSN and tells me to sleep less. WHAT THE FUCK??? I don't even bother talking back because I don't want to cause another shitstorm, but seriously?? I have been waking up the earliest in the family. He also tells me why I waste time. I tell him that I read and exercise, but he tells me to do that more? Good one...lol
I can't believe my dad at times and I so can't wait to move out of the house. Basically he is so annoying + controlling my life. He treats me like I'm a kid, and I can barely make decisions on my own because of him interrupting me with whatever I do. JUST LET.ME.BE. FFS.
I'm asian too, and i'm just WAITING to move out i have 1 more year left and i'll be in college living at a dorm (YES YES). So as of now i'm pretty content, and just take everything my dad throws at me as the last few things he can do and if i got through it i can be strong when i move out.
I'm applying for a college thats 26miles away from my house, but they usually only accept kids in their dorm 50miles away, so if i have room i'll be in it...
but god i swear im not fucken living with my parents for another year, they dont even let me get a job cuz they think i'll drop my grades.... But seriously if i dont get accepted in the school's dorm, im going to rent a 1 room apartment.
so let me get this straight. you think he's being unreasonable? does he know this? i highly doubt it. why not tell him? it's pretty simple, doesn't have to be confrontational, nobody's going to hit anyone, i dont know what the fuck that was all about. for instance on the issue of sleep, should he bring it up again, it could go something like this:
>>yo you lazy bum, stop fucking wasting your day sleeping <<Ok. Every day this week, I woke up at 7am so I could have time to do X Y and Z. I go to sleep at midnight, so I think it's a little unreasonable for me to sleep less. >>oh ok, see i leave for work at 630, I didn't realize you wake up basically right after that. still stop wasting time, all i see you do all day is play that dumb computer game!
@Pengu1n: Nah, sometimes he bitches at me online which I think is easier for me to handle. All I need to do is say "네" (neh, which means yes//ok//understood) in Korean while doing other stuff, such as browsing TL or listening to music. Whereas in real life I sort of try to look like I'm "interested" in our conversations -_-.
Yangpan, I'm jobless :'( But I'm still looking. I'm definitely working in the fall. All the college and high school kids will go back to school! Hopefully higher chances of a job??? *sigh*
On July 31 2009 07:46 clazziquai wrote: Yangpan, I'm jobless :'( But I'm still looking. I'm definitely working in the fall. All the college and high school kids will go back to school! Hopefully higher chances of a job??? *sigh*
Your job doesn't have to be something fancy, just a restaurant job or something, im' sure you can get that easily.
------- This basically sums up my life as a teenager in my high school career
-study (If i take my schedule and add all the horus they think im studying it'd be about 10 Hours a DAY in the summer) -run (only on weekends) -eat
I can't play SC, i can't go out, i can't view teamliquid, I'm all doing these under the table.
During the summer I STILL can't play SC or go on TL, i can go out AT MOST like 2 times a MONTH, and when i do tell them i have a friend coming over they first ask if i got my college essay prepared, i did enough ACT practice, my AP summer homework is done...etc... It's fucken ridicolous. PLUS i was SO looking forwards to next year's season of cross country, but they fucken canceled it AFTER i got my physical.... I felt pretty helpless for a good week or two...
On July 31 2009 07:50 obesechicken13 wrote: ^Some asian parents never admit to doing anything wrong, and have very short memories. It could be worth a try, only Clazzic would know.
Yup I was just making a post until I saw this...my dad is VERY VERY stubborn. He MUST have it his way. It's so annoying.
On July 31 2009 07:50 obesechicken13 wrote: ^Some asian parents never admit to doing anything wrong, and have very short memories. It could be worth a try, only Clazzic would know.
All parents are like this. The trick is to abuse their short memories. It's not that they try to forget, it's that they're literally 40, 50 years old by the time you're this age, and they're getting senile.
On July 31 2009 07:50 obesechicken13 wrote: ^Some asian parents never admit to doing anything wrong, and have very short memories. It could be worth a try, only Clazzic would know.
All parents are like this. The trick is to abuse their short memories. It's not that they try to forget, it's that they're literally 40, 50 years old by the time you're this age, and they're getting senile.
lol are you joking? XD i seriously don't know if this is true (not trying to doubt or anything but never heard of this)
On July 31 2009 07:50 obesechicken13 wrote: ^Some asian parents never admit to doing anything wrong, and have very short memories. It could be worth a try, only Clazzic would know.
Yup I was just making a post until I saw this...my dad is VERY VERY stubborn. He MUST have it his way. It's so annoying.
ok well, you obviously know your dad better than me. i guess if he will react something more along the lines of .. "so what? i don't give a shit what you think, you waste your entire day playing computer games, so wake up earlier and get some work done", then he's a difficult person to deal with!
either way, i would still talk to him and try to figure out what he wants from you (for instance, in the above example, he wants you to get some work done instead of getting up early.. so go and do it, whatever 'it' is). parents are just people, like you or me or your friends. take the time to talk, its almost always worth it. just try avoiding using the word 'you' and you'll likely avoid any serious conflict (without using 'you' its really hard to offend someone, trust me. ;p so instead of "what do you think i should do" it'd be come "what should i do" etc)
On July 31 2009 07:17 KurtistheTurtle wrote: look him in the eye and assert yourself respectfully. if you've already done that and thats what caused the shitstorm, do exactly what you're doing and wait till you can get the hell out of there. your dad sounds psychotic
I wouldn't say psychotic, but more like obsessive? He cares too much about what I do. I'm 19, for fuck's sake. I want to live my life the way I want it to be. I don't want some old man dictating what I should do.
You are wrong. I'm in the exact opposite spot. My mom has never given half a shit about what I was doing. I was considered way above average intelligence when I was younger and took up programming as a hobby at the age of 9. Every time I'd ask for a mathbook, or book on programming, or anything similar my mom would reject my request and tell me that I don't have to try so hard because I've got natural talent. I became very demotivated and right now I couldn't give two shits about academic achievements. I've been raised to become an underachiever. Are you sure you want the same thing to happen to you? Be more appreciative of your dad's motivation and pushing, if you become something you probably have him to thank for it.
On July 31 2009 07:50 obesechicken13 wrote: ^Some asian parents never admit to doing anything wrong, and have very short memories. It could be worth a try, only Clazzic would know.
Yup I was just making a post until I saw this...my dad is VERY VERY stubborn. He MUST have it his way. It's so annoying.
then why beat the dead horse?
can't you just let him win?
My dad is similar (though white, and completely not asian in any parenting capacity).
When he tells you to do better, can't you just say "thanks for the feedback. I will try to improve my schedule and do better. I appreciate your efforts in helping me establish myself as an adult, and will continue to take your opinions into consideration".
points: * There's nothing to argue with - you've told him you've listened. * You've told him that your aims are becoming a respectable adult * You've told him that you appreciate his effort and feedback
Ultimately you can't really assert your independence while you depend on your parents. The moment i was able to support myself, my life got simpler. Even when i lived with my parents, i'd make it clear that the rent i pay gives me my rights and freedoms - if they feel they are not paid enough money to compensate the burden that is housing me, we can discuss and increase in rent; if their concern is irregardless of money, they can choose to kick me out.
Until that point there is no harm in asserting yourself as a distinct individual with independent opinions. More over, you're also entitled to have 'wrong' opinions. It's your place as an adult to choose how you'd like to learn - including the hard way.
I do not have time to tolerate people who think otherwise. I do not have the patience with impotent parental skills. I treat myself as an adult and i treat parents as adults, and it's never done me wrong. As long as you give respect and have no tolerance for a lack of respect in return, you're golden. Hell, i've even told a few people exactly that: "I do not have time to tolerate someone who does not think i am deserving of their respect". This goes for family, friends, strangers, teachers, whomever.
Then again, i also have an amazing relationship with both my parents and i consider them among my best friends - it started feeling this way when i asserted myself as an adult.
The thing with the parent, is that he only sees what its looking for...when you do stuff its "ok" and it forgets it very fast, but once it sees you do something that annoys it, its blood starts boiling and all hell is loose.
Here is the solution: Fuck with its computer or any other piece of technology its got.
If there's one thing the parent suck at, its technology. It'll hit its head against the wall for about..30 seconds without even trying to fix it, just focusing on how annoying the problem is, ask you for help, you help it, and it'll at least remember it.
On July 31 2009 07:17 KurtistheTurtle wrote: look him in the eye and assert yourself respectfully. if you've already done that and thats what caused the shitstorm, do exactly what you're doing and wait till you can get the hell out of there. your dad sounds psychotic
I wouldn't say psychotic, but more like obsessive? He cares too much about what I do. I'm 19, for fuck's sake. I want to live my life the way I want it to be. I don't want some old man dictating what I should do.
You are wrong. I'm in the exact opposite spot. My mom has never given half a shit about what I was doing. I was considered way above average intelligence when I was younger and took up programming as a hobby at the age of 9. Every time I'd ask for a mathbook, or book on programming, or anything similar my mom would reject my request and tell me that I don't have to try so hard because I've got natural talent. I became very demotivated and right now I couldn't give two shits about academic achievements. I've been raised to become an underachiever. Are you sure you want the same thing to happen to you? Be more appreciative of your dad's motivation and pushing, if you become something you probably have him to thank for it.
hmmm
get over yourself. you're responsible for your motivation just like you're responsible for your actions, opinions, and the rest of your life.
i had parents who loved me and they tried hard, but didn't really know what they were doing. (i was allowed to drop out of highschool 4 times with no disagreement or resistance from my parents, so i empathize with what you're saying as being raised as an underachiever).
But who the fuck cares? I don't want to have a shitty life where i accomplish nothing and at the end of my days wonder where all the time went. i choose my motivations.
You can turn out like my sister and blame my parents for everything that went wrong in her 30 years of life, or you can take control and make something of yourself. But no ones going to hold your hand; whatever you do is done on your accord, not your parents. Sink or swim.
On July 31 2009 07:17 KurtistheTurtle wrote: look him in the eye and assert yourself respectfully. if you've already done that and thats what caused the shitstorm, do exactly what you're doing and wait till you can get the hell out of there. your dad sounds psychotic
I wouldn't say psychotic, but more like obsessive? He cares too much about what I do. I'm 19, for fuck's sake. I want to live my life the way I want it to be. I don't want some old man dictating what I should do.
You are wrong. I'm in the exact opposite spot. My mom has never given half a shit about what I was doing. I was considered way above average intelligence when I was younger and took up programming as a hobby at the age of 9. Every time I'd ask for a mathbook, or book on programming, or anything similar my mom would reject my request and tell me that I don't have to try so hard because I've got natural talent. I became very demotivated and right now I couldn't give two shits about academic achievements. I've been raised to become an underachiever. Are you sure you want the same thing to happen to you? Be more appreciative of your dad's motivation and pushing, if you become something you probably have him to thank for it.
hmmm
get over yourself. you're responsible for your motivation just like you're responsible for your actions, opinions, and the rest of your life.
i had parents who loved me and they tried hard, but didn't really know what they were doing. (i was allowed to drop out of highschool 4 times with no disagreement or resistance from my parents, so i empathize with what you're saying as being raised as an underachiever).
But who the fuck cares? I don't want to have a shitty life where i accomplish nothing and at the end of my days wonder where all the time went. i choose my motivations.
You can turn out like my sister and blame my parents for everything that went wrong in her 30 years of life, or you can take control and make something of yourself. But no ones going to hold your hand; whatever you do is done on your accord, not your parents. Sink or swim.
I know this now, but I didn't when it mattered. Right now I have lost the majority of my will to learn and I'll have to work ridiculously hard to find it back, which is very unneccesary.
On July 31 2009 09:33 zulu_nation8 wrote: So how many years is it until you finish high school? I don't think I need to tell you to attend the farthest college from where you live.
im going to be a second year in the upcoming fall/.spring
I'm Chinese, clazz. I'm going into my senior year of my undergraduate education and the job market that will welcome me in a number of months doesn't look great, so my father's concerns aren't entirely unreasonable, but that makes them no less vexing.
His deep-seated Confucian values also make their way into his lectures, and he often laments our family cohesion, blames me for not feeling responsibility (because he's clearly privy to my thoughts on the matter), and frequently highlights my debt to the family.
I'm wondering for any TL members with Oriental but not Chinese parents if this attitude is strong.
I've had the exact same problem growing up (until University precisely). It had gotten to the point where I would only speak two sentences to him during weekdays: ("I'm home", "I'm done eating"). Thing got gradually better as I moved out and started University.
I honestly think Asian parents (dads especially) are the worst. It's as if they constantly disparage you just to assert their head-of-household position due to insecurity.
On July 31 2009 08:59 Epicfailguy wrote: The thing with the parent, is that he only sees what its looking for...when you do stuff its "ok" and it forgets it very fast, but once it sees you do something that annoys it, its blood starts boiling and all hell is loose.
Here is the solution: Fuck with its computer or any other piece of technology its got.
If there's one thing the parent suck at, its technology. It'll hit its head against the wall for about..30 seconds without even trying to fix it, just focusing on how annoying the problem is, ask you for help, you help it, and it'll at least remember it.
Man I wish I could do that. Both of my parents have mature careers involving computers and related technical skills. My father for instance is an Oracle consultant and has had experience with both database and network administration. I don't think this is entirely unusual for Asian parents, either (no stereotyping intended.)
The people who advocate him asserting himself and reasoning with his father are making a fundamental error in their assumptions, which is that his father actually cares for what he has to say. Chances are he'll just get met with something along the lines of "I'M YOUR FATHER YOU WILL OBEY ME" or threats.
Instead of telling your thoughts directly to your dad, you decided to post this on a gaming forum on the internet? And you complained he never understood you?
On July 31 2009 07:30 clazziquai wrote: I can also hit him back and probably beat the shit out of him now (he's pretty old).
GO FOR IT!! Because your dad is such an ass he well deserved to have a dad-beating kid. Beat him hard and post pix here pls.
On July 31 2009 08:59 Epicfailguy wrote: The thing with the parent, is that he only sees what its looking for...when you do stuff its "ok" and it forgets it very fast, but once it sees you do something that annoys it, its blood starts boiling and all hell is loose.
Here is the solution: Fuck with its computer or any other piece of technology its got.
If there's one thing the parent suck at, its technology. It'll hit its head against the wall for about..30 seconds without even trying to fix it, just focusing on how annoying the problem is, ask you for help, you help it, and it'll at least remember it.
Man I wish I could do that. Both of my parents have mature careers involving computers and related technical skills. My father for instance is an Oracle consultant and has had experience with both database and network administration. I don't think this is entirely unusual for Asian parents, either (no stereotyping intended.)
When I lived at home and my (typical overbearing Asian) parents hound at me for all sorts of reasons - I learned to affirm and acknowledge their desire while continue to do things as I see fit. Of course, very soon they will hound at me again for the same reason, but I simply rinse and repeat the method. When the time is ripe, I AM GONE. ADIOS.
I think the important thing about dealing with [typical] Asian parents is that you want to leave them with their dignity. If it means affirm and stay silent (while pointing out that you're making progress diligently - they love to hear that), I'd do it.
It's just their way to feel relevant. It's part of the culture...
Ahaha I feel bad for some of you. I'm asian (chinese) and I have parents that do not give a shit on what I do as long as I don't take drugs and give them really good marks in school.
(well ok they recently got mad at me for staying up till 4 o clock to watch starcraft but I guess thats reasonable)
After fighting with parents for years, now I just say yes to everything. Then they are happy and I just go back to what I was doing before. They just wanna feel like they still have control over you and for some reason, Asian parents will do what they know best - nag. It's cuz that's how they were raised, it's what they know.
Just agree with them and for like 2 days afterwards make it a point to show that you're "following" their instructions. That will make them happy and get them off your case for a little while.
I feel your pain. I live away from my parents, I'm 28 and yet they STILL think that they have a say in what I do. (ex: I once got my hair straightedn and my mom got mad that I didnt consult with her first. WTF?)
On July 31 2009 13:56 lilsusie wrote: After fighting with parents for years, now I just said yes to everything. Then they are happy and I just go back to what I was doing before. They just wanna feel like they still have control over you and for some reason, Asians parents will do what they know best - nag. It's cuz that's how they were raised, it's what they know.
Just agree with them and for like 2 days afterwards make it a point to show that you're "following" their instructions. That will make them happy and get them off your case for a little while.
I feel your pain. I live away from my parents, I'm 28 and yet they STILL think that they have a say in what I do. (ex: I once got my hair straightedn and my mom got mad that I didnt consult with her first. WTF?)
oh wow good timing... I just want to say that the worst thing for me was not being able to fully hate mine... because his tactic was to rise feeling of guilt in me whenever I did something wrong in his eyes what happened pretty often... add that he had very strange belief I'm doing things to piss him off and that was supposed to be fun for me and that there was no other point of view than his point of view word to word makes me surprised I'm not Asian at all ;P
When my psychologist made me realize because of who exactly I was always feeling so down and trying to talk with him seriously and be shocked by his unbelievably cold attitude it finally allowed me to call him spermgiver and break any contact with him. It probably wouldn't be possible if my parents were together as I moved to my mom's apartment + Show Spoiler +
(but in a world where they would like each other enough not to break 13 years ago, he wouldn't be as fucked up as he is so there would be no reason, w/e)
Clazz if there is anything more than just blood ties I would go with Susie's attitude =.= happy day where you'll be able to move out x)
On July 31 2009 08:59 Epicfailguy wrote: The thing with the parent, is that he only sees what its looking for...when you do stuff its "ok" and it forgets it very fast, but once it sees you do something that annoys it, its blood starts boiling and all hell is loose.
Here is the solution: Fuck with its computer or any other piece of technology its got.
If there's one thing the parent suck at, its technology. It'll hit its head against the wall for about..30 seconds without even trying to fix it, just focusing on how annoying the problem is, ask you for help, you help it, and it'll at least remember it.
Omfg this lol..
My dad doesn't know shit about the computer and when I can't play for what ever reason he laughs but, when he needs me i might just say no to just mess with him.
just suck it up and say yes O_O! he's traditional, you're Americanized... there's a culture clash going on, and until you're able to support yourself, he's always going to be bigger and stronger (figuratively) so you can't win.
I suppose not one person can answer this question: I'm guesing these much maligned asian parents are immigrants? Born and raised in an asian culture. Not american born asian parents?
On July 31 2009 13:56 lilsusie wrote: After fighting with parents for years, now I just say yes to everything. Then they are happy and I just go back to what I was doing before. They just wanna feel like they still have control over you and for some reason, Asian parents will do what they know best - nag. It's cuz that's how they were raised, it's what they know.
Just agree with them and for like 2 days afterwards make it a point to show that you're "following" their instructions. That will make them happy and get them off your case for a little while.
I feel your pain. I live away from my parents, I'm 28 and yet they STILL think that they have a say in what I do. (ex: I once got my hair straightedn and my mom got mad that I didnt consult with her first. WTF?)
edited for slightly better grammar. -____-
Wow seriously? I can't even begin to imagine what she was like when you were going to high school/college then.
On July 31 2009 13:56 lilsusie wrote: After fighting with parents for years, now I just say yes to everything. Then they are happy and I just go back to what I was doing before. They just wanna feel like they still have control over you and for some reason, Asian parents will do what they know best - nag. It's cuz that's how they were raised, it's what they know.
Just agree with them and for like 2 days afterwards make it a point to show that you're "following" their instructions. That will make them happy and get them off your case for a little while.
I feel your pain. I live away from my parents, I'm 28 and yet they STILL think that they have a say in what I do. (ex: I once got my hair straightedn and my mom got mad that I didnt consult with her first. WTF?)
edited for slightly better grammar. -____-
Aren't you financially independent? Why do you put up with it at all?
On July 31 2009 13:56 lilsusie wrote: After fighting with parents for years, now I just say yes to everything. Then they are happy and I just go back to what I was doing before. They just wanna feel like they still have control over you and for some reason, Asian parents will do what they know best - nag. It's cuz that's how they were raised, it's what they know.
Just agree with them and for like 2 days afterwards make it a point to show that you're "following" their instructions. That will make them happy and get them off your case for a little while.
I feel your pain. I live away from my parents, I'm 28 and yet they STILL think that they have a say in what I do. (ex: I once got my hair straightedn and my mom got mad that I didnt consult with her first. WTF?)
edited for slightly better grammar. -____-
Do not do this clazziquai If you have any self respect and determination to become a better person.
EPT
