EPTI have a 65 watt 5 speaker sound system.
8:30 - 9:00 This girl Yvonne wants to come over to my place and check it out. I oblige but tell her that it's dark and she might trip over things and that if I grab her it's to purely to keep her from falling. She does not catch the humor.
9:00 - 9:30 I am showing my sublettor's porno stash on his desktop (which he let me use) to the girl. Lots of Japanese. Lots of loud noises and occasional screams/moans. She tells me to stop when I come across a file titled "Rito - HARDRAPE - secretarySCHOOLGIRL - 2xfeature". Doesn't stop me from opening the file anyhow and treating my neighbor to a full on 5 minutes of screaming. Yvonne leaves, probably never to return again. Good riddance, porn is better than her anyhow.
9:30 - 11:00 I am playing Crysis with infinite ammo cheat on. With rocket launcher. Holding down the mouse button. Lots of explosions and alien/Korean death sounds. For 90 minutes straight. I end up shooting over 1000 rockets and killing 200 enemies. I drink some beer or Triple Sec with each guy I kill.
11:00 - 11:20 I play the last level of Crysis three times in a row on escalating difficulty. The tactical nuclear launcher is loud enough to make the bass vibrate beer on the table.
11:20 - 12: 00 I am reading Tucker Max. I laugh for about 15 minutes straight at one point due to a weakness for scatology, while reading it aloud mixed with uncontrollable, hysterical laughter and the word shit repeated.
12:00 - 12:01 Neighbor finally starts pounding the walls loudly.
I pound the wall back. He stops. He then says something. I realize I can hear every word he's saying, and promptly turn the volume up.
12:00 - 12:30 I am playing starcraft, turcanhydgoongod, with loud volume and endless machinegun and turret sounds.
12:30 - 12:31 neighbor is pounding on my door.
12:31 - 12:32 I realize he is pounding on door but am too lazy to get up and investigate.
12:32 I look in peephole and can't see anyone. By this point I am at 5 beers so I'm not thinking that clearly anymore. The Turcanhydgoongod makes that defeat noise and I know I've lost the game. I'm pissed that I've wasted 30 minutes now. I look through the peephole again and don't see anything; but there is still pounding. Now my adrenaline is pumping. What if I'm facing a ghost? I grab a golf club and open the door, and immediately yell:
"SAYONARA MUTHAFUCKA" and swing at head level, which is both a good and bad idea, because--
12:33 I look down and see a girl who is Japanese. She is probably barely five feet. My golf club has mercifully missed her head. But now she is shocked stiff and kind of crying. She instantly runs back to her room and slams the door loudly. The halls are empty. I am genuinely sorry.
Cautiously, and not realizing I am only wearing boxers, I walk up to her to her apartment and knock. "HEY". I yell. I knock. "I KNOW YOU ARE IN THERE. OPEN UP." I'm trying my best to sound nice. "ITS OK I'M NOT TRYING TO DO ANYTHING, I JUST WANT TO SAY SORRY." Still no answer. But the light flips on inside. So the best course of action now that she is close to the door, obviously, is to make myself heard. "SORRY!" I yell. "SORRY!" I yell again and the light turns off.
After about 5 minutes of pounding, I realize that she might call the cops on me. I pray that the shitty reception in the apartment and the obscene cost of a landline (which has to be bundled with crappy DSL) will make that hard for her, and go home.
