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So Emily just left for London. She got a job there. I'm happy for her. But sad because me and long d, we have a history, and it ain't pretty. So now I'm pissed and grab a bottle of triple sec and some Fanta from the convenience store on the way home, plus a six pack of Tsingtao.
I have a 65 watt 5 speaker sound system.
8:30 - 9:00 This girl Yvonne wants to come over to my place and check it out. I oblige but tell her that it's dark and she might trip over things and that if I grab her it's to purely to keep her from falling. She does not catch the humor.
9:00 - 9:30 I am showing my sublettor's porno stash on his desktop (which he let me use) to the girl. Lots of Japanese. Lots of loud noises and occasional screams/moans. She tells me to stop when I come across a file titled "Rito - HARDRAPE - secretarySCHOOLGIRL - 2xfeature". Doesn't stop me from opening the file anyhow and treating my neighbor to a full on 5 minutes of screaming. Yvonne leaves, probably never to return again. Good riddance, porn is better than her anyhow.
9:30 - 11:00 I am playing Crysis with infinite ammo cheat on. With rocket launcher. Holding down the mouse button. Lots of explosions and alien/Korean death sounds. For 90 minutes straight. I end up shooting over 1000 rockets and killing 200 enemies. I drink some beer or Triple Sec with each guy I kill.
11:00 - 11:20 I play the last level of Crysis three times in a row on escalating difficulty. The tactical nuclear launcher is loud enough to make the bass vibrate beer on the table.
11:20 - 12: 00 I am reading Tucker Max. I laugh for about 15 minutes straight at one point due to a weakness for scatology, while reading it aloud mixed with uncontrollable, hysterical laughter and the word shit repeated.
12:00 - 12:01 Neighbor finally starts pounding the walls loudly.
I pound the wall back. He stops. He then says something. I realize I can hear every word he's saying, and promptly turn the volume up.
12:00 - 12:30 I am playing starcraft, turcanhydgoongod, with loud volume and endless machinegun and turret sounds.
12:30 - 12:31 neighbor is pounding on my door.
12:31 - 12:32 I realize he is pounding on door but am too lazy to get up and investigate.
12:32 I look in peephole and can't see anyone. By this point I am at 5 beers so I'm not thinking that clearly anymore. The Turcanhydgoongod makes that defeat noise and I know I've lost the game. I'm pissed that I've wasted 30 minutes now. I look through the peephole again and don't see anything; but there is still pounding. Now my adrenaline is pumping. What if I'm facing a ghost? I grab a golf club and open the door, and immediately yell:
"SAYONARA MUTHAFUCKA" and swing at head level, which is both a good and bad idea, because--
12:33 I look down and see a girl who is Japanese. She is probably barely five feet. My golf club has mercifully missed her head. But now she is shocked stiff and kind of crying. She instantly runs back to her room and slams the door loudly. The halls are empty. I am genuinely sorry.
Cautiously, and not realizing I am only wearing boxers, I walk up to her to her apartment and knock. "HEY". I yell. I knock. "I KNOW YOU ARE IN THERE. OPEN UP." I'm trying my best to sound nice. "ITS OK I'M NOT TRYING TO DO ANYTHING, I JUST WANT TO SAY SORRY." Still no answer. But the light flips on inside. So the best course of action now that she is close to the door, obviously, is to make myself heard. "SORRY!" I yell. "SORRY!" I yell again and the light turns off.
After about 5 minutes of pounding, I realize that she might call the cops on me. I pray that the shitty reception in the apartment and the obscene cost of a landline (which has to be bundled with crappy DSL) will make that hard for her, and go home.
  
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LOL. why would you swing a golfclub at her head?
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I don't know whats more sad the fact that you almost killed someone with a golf club or replayed the last level of crysis 
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The best way I've ever heard of to bother your neighbors is to record screaming in your room.
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On July 14 2009 15:15 ProTech_MediC wrote:
Fake
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On July 14 2009 15:15 ProTech_MediC wrote:
Fake
I'm inclined to agree, I get the cops immediately at my door as soon as my sound system tips 3 out of 7 on the volume scale, I don't use bass because ... well people come running.
good imagination though
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Sounds like a contender for best-of-craigslist.
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Considering the terribad poster who posted it...definitely fake.
If it was micronesia I would believe him.
Edit: especially since this is his only post this week
way to be obvious
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way to be an asshole. there's really no reason to act like that.
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On July 14 2009 15:54 Fontong wrote:
Considering the terribad poster who posted it...definitely fake.
If it was micronesia I would believe him.
Edit: especially since this is his only post this week
way to be obvious
nuff said
god im never gonna get tired of that
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fake. you would get an 808 almost immediately
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konadora
Singapore66363 Posts
wtf
how could you do this to a Japanese girl
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You have to scream "GOMENASAI!!!!", thats why she didn't opened the door
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
there's not enough space to swing a golfclub through the door if your entrance is hallway-like...
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If this is true, then looolll, at the same time of wdf? But could be fake.
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Fake and also probably copypasted from somewhere.
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You sound like an asshole.
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you forgot to end the thing with "ninjas. hundreds of them."
otherwise, not too bad of a story. almost realistic.
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Googling "Rito - HARDRAPE - secretarySCHOOLGIRL - 2xfeature" only finds this blog 
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the responses made this blog even funnier :D
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On July 14 2009 15:54 Fontong wrote:
Considering the terribad poster who posted it...definitely fake.
If it was micronesia I would believe him.
Edit: especially since this is his only post this week
way to be obvious
sounds like something micronesia would do
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United States24779 Posts
On July 14 2009 23:16 404.Nitrogen wrote:Show nested quote +On July 14 2009 15:54 Fontong wrote:
Considering the terribad poster who posted it...definitely fake.
If it was micronesia I would believe him.
Edit: especially since this is his only post this week
way to be obvious sounds like something micronesia would do
You think I would attack a little Japanese girl with a bat? Now Manifesto7 is never gonna let me visit...
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Fake. If you lived anywhere near me (And this happened to be real), I'd have to keep my AR-10 loaded all the time, and my Sig40 in my socks lol.
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On July 14 2009 15:15 ProTech_MediC wrote:
Fake
and 65W is not powerful enough to be loud enough to do anything at all
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On July 14 2009 16:27 TheFoReveRwaR wrote:Show nested quote +On July 14 2009 15:54 Fontong wrote:
Considering the terribad poster who posted it...definitely fake.
If it was micronesia I would believe him.
Edit: especially since this is his only post this week
way to be obvious nuff said god im never gonna get tired of that
LOL
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I'm going to believe it.
I believe in you!
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On July 14 2009 15:22 Sprite wrote:I don't know whats more sad the fact that you almost killed someone with a golf club or replayed the last level of crysis
LOL
qft...
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If this is fake you are lame and if this is real you are a prick.
Also just for the record I have personally seen micronesia assault upwards of ten Japanese children on various occasions.
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Whats with all the people saying this is fake?
It was a weird but entertaining read and I can't imagine he expected people to believe him this
I mean you're not gonna read harry potter and then say "FAKE!!! THAT WASNT EVEN REAL!!" right ^^
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On July 15 2009 13:11 Lemonwalrus wrote:
If this is fake you are lame and if this is real you are a prick.
Also just for the record I have personally seen micronesia assault upwards of ten Japanese children on various occasions.
Why should we believe anything you say, PHONY!
On June 13 2009 17:20 Lemonwalrus wrote:
I'm not actually a walrus.
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On July 15 2009 13:11 Lemonwalrus wrote:
If this is fake you are lame and if this is real you are a prick.
Also just for the record I have personally seen micronesia assault upwards of ten Japanese children on various occasions.
Got any pics?
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Good post... bad choice of alcohol ><
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if it's true then the poster is a gigantic asshole
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On July 22 2009 23:25 7mk wrote:
Whats with all the people saying this is fake?
It was a weird but entertaining read and I can't imagine he expected people to believe him this
I mean you're not gonna read harry potter and then say "FAKE!!! THAT WASNT EVEN REAL!!" right ^^
fake: who gets drunk off of triple sec?
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EPT
