EPTFirst off, I want to say this. This is not meant to be funny, at least for the most part. This is a recount of the last 2 months of my life. I promised I would write this, and I will. It all more or less ended today.
This is the tale of my girlfriend and her psychotic parents, and how I am great, they are shit and how you don't fuck with a Legend.
For legal reasons, names will not be used, at least for 2 more months.
Now to start at the origins of how our relationship began. For the record, RoL > Ladder Theory.
This all started approximately 8 months ago I would say. I for some unknown reason actually went to school and went on a science field trip to the museum of natural history. This was during my senior year in high school, where I continued never going to class/school and just doing nothing, so the fact I was allowed to go on this trip and actually went is quite incredible in itself.
Now naturally, I must pimp out and see whats going on during this field trip. I met a girl on this trip, we will call her Girl A. Girl A had enormous boobs and lived with a girl who will be referred to as Girl B. Girl B is my current girlfriend.
After the field trip ended, me and Girl A continued talking and about 2 days the trip we had hung out and went back to my house and I hooked up with her (Where I live the slang hook up refers to making out/french kissing, however you would like to put it, not sex.) This girl got incredibly aggressive, she asked me if I was in it just for the ass or if I was looking for a relationship, I told her with full honestly that I usually just play it by how it goes, and that I wasn't looking for anything in particular, and that if I like her then yeah, I would want a relationship, but if not random hook ups are fine, but I am not close minded to the idea of a relationship.
She responded to this by taking my hand and shoving it up her shirt, and taking her hand and going down my pants. She loves the dick apparently. This works for me.
After a week of hooking up with this girl, she wanted sex, she was a virgin. I am more or less whatever about this, she was pretty cool but she had some really annoying habits. Now this really isn't important so I will get back on track. Girl A lives with Girl B. You know what, fuck this, we are renaming them.
Girl A is now known as Salvador, Girl B is now known as Puerto.
So Puerto and Salvador live together in Puerto's house, Puerto has a PSYCHOTIC MOTHER FUCKING DAD. This guy is a nutjob, he is a lieutenant in NYC and had cameras set up around his entire house. We live in the 2nd lowest crime area in the fucking United States. This is not to catch criminals, this is to monitor his daughters and wife.
The first time I hung out with Salvador after the trip was actually at Puerto's house. On that day I met her dad, now parents always love me. I present myself perfectly, I am moderately tall, a pretty good looking guy and I speak incredibly well. I know exactly how to manipulate any parents I meet within 5 minutes of meeting them.
This guy is no fucking different, I don't care if he was in the FBI or not, go fuck yourself. Naturally Mr. FBI badass liked me a lot, he knew I was interested in Salvador, which was not his daughter. It was her close friend. They lived together because Salvador moved to Georgia temporarily, then moved back to NY and couldn't find a house in the same school district, so they agreed that Salvador would live with Puerto until the summer, or when they finally got a house in the school district.
Now at this point, I talk to both of them a lot, Salvador is like head over heels for me after around 2 weeks, but naturally I am a cautious person, I don't really fall in love quick at all, I don't really get emotionally attached to anyone, and this girl already struck me as a liability. about 3 weeks into us hooking up, we were kind of exclusive, meaning we don't do shit with other people, it wasn't spoken but it was a given at this point. Now The odd thing is, I was always closer with Puerto then I was Salvador, we always talked more and were just really good friends.
Now 3 weeks in Salvador hooks up with some other guy I know, I freaked the fuck out. I went ape shit insane, In fact I have rarely ever been so mad in my entire life. I called it coming but it still pissed me off, the worst part was, I found out like 5 minutes after it happened and the bitch had the fucking BALLS to lie to me about it.
My objective was clear; destroy the whore. Take her virginity in the most vicious way imaginable, throw her the fuck out and let her walk home naked. Even her best friend Puerto admitted that what her friend did was fucked up and that she wouldn't tell her of my evil fucking plan.
I ended up just not doing it, I was finally hoping for a normal relationship and I figured I would give her a second chance. Besides, now she got the level of anger and atrocities that I was capable of doing, only a retard would cheat on someone like me twice. I am incredibly revenge driven. I become extremely motivated and lose all emotions and control, I have but one goal. Destroy my target in any means necessary. THIS IS UNRESTRICTED MOTHER FUCKING WARFARE BITCHES.
So then the summer starts, me and Salvador were doing okay but then she fell completely off the radar due to some family issues, a massive amount of vacation and me working 70 hours a week. We just texted all the time and never got to see each other, we eventually went on a hiatus until the end of the summer.
During our break, me and Puerto were still really good friends and then Puerto started giving me all these crazy hints that she wanted me. We would be hanging out outside of her job, and she would just look into my eyes giving me that "Please kiss me" look and the thing was, I really wanted too. The thing about Puerto was that she was one of the coolest girls I had ever met. She was just always relaxed, always fun to talk to, and just generally amazing.
Her friend however was loud and obnoxious. I struggled with this for a few days and eventually I had come to the conclusion that I had to ask Puerto if she was interested in me, and what was going on. Because by now, Puerto and Salvador did not live together, because it was the summer and Salvador kind of fell out of communication with both of us.
By this point, Puerto's dad had interrogated me around 3 times, he kept thinking I was sleeping with his daughter, when I wasn't. Fucking douche bag, he didn't get it. If I want to lie to you, I will and you will have no idea. I was being strait with this bipolar asshole and he kept just flip flopping on liking me and not, believing me and not. It was quite fucking irritating at times considering me and Puerto were just fucking friends.
Now I asked Puerto if she was interested me, and after some cute little funny talk we both admitted to finding each other really attractive and that she wanted to hook up with me, but that she had to ask Salvador if it was okay first.
THIS DOES NOT BODE WELL FOR ME.
The next day, I meet Puerto outside of her work and we haven't really talked about it since the night before. When we are hanging out on her break she keeps giving me that look, but she hasn't told me whether or not she asked Salvador if it was okay. So I didn't know what to do. As Puerto's break was ending I was walking her back into work and as we are saying goodbye I just did it, I kissed her. It was by far the best moment of my summer when that happened.
The thing is, I never get completely crazy over girls. Never do I ever lose control and just have an incredible lust and desire for someone. For her, I was going crazy, I just wanted her, couldn't explain why.
This also served the dual purpose of getting back at Salvador for being a whore.
So later that day, Puerto asked Salvador if it was okay, and Salvador begrudgingly said it was alright, and that we could do everything except have sex. I had mixed feelings towards it, but was ultimately okay with it. The first thing I said to Puerto was "haha, well I guess that means I have to think of a bunch of crazy shit we can do that isn't sex" to which Puerto said "Or we could just fuck and not tell her"
This is where my immorality comes in, these are two best friends, I like one, and the other I want to destroy. I could possibly pull a double take and simultaneously destroy their friendship while establishing a promising relationship.
Soulless immoral revenge mode has been engaged, I decide that I am going to do this to the best of my ability to assure destruction of Salvador, while maintaining procreation with Puerto.
We can skip most of this part, but basically through an epic series of events, I manage to take everything I possibly can from Salvador. I took her best friend, me, and was about to make her home life hell. You know the best part about all of this?
I had Puerto totally okay with me destroying her FORMER best friend, current enemy. That was the pure gold of it, I however chose for some reason to let them become friends again and didn't finish the relationship when I seriously wish I did.
We are going to fast forward past a lot of this, you can find some of the stories leading up to this is mSLeGenD blog entries. If you ignore the most recent one, it is still pretty entertaining blog imho :D just don't hate on me for that most recent, I was extremely angry at the time.
Now we are fast forwarding, me and Puerto are having a pretty decent relationship, her dad has come to accept that I am great and it is better that I am her boyfriend rather than some other prick who is ugly and stupid. However I still got the occasional threats of statutory rape charges. Some bullshit about how I am too old under the eyes of the law blah blah blah, RoL stopped listening.
It was a day after my birthday now, and we were hanging out. She decided she wanted to drink and get a little tipsy which is overall not a good idea since it is A. A Sunday. B. School the next day, C. Her dad is out of his mind and just needs an excuse to fuck us.
I would normally have stopped her from drinking so much, but we had gotten into an argument last time about drinking to which she said she knew what she could get away with to her parents, so instead of fighting I trusted her and her judgment.
THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.
We were with 2 of our friends who are also going out and just hanging out, I don't actually drink that much if at all, so I didn't drink and neither did our friends. So now it was just her drinking some Bacardi/Full Throttle mix. We went to some river view thing and hung out there for a bit, then we got cold and went back to our friends house.
By the time we got back there, she was kind of tipsy and had already finished one cup (which didn't seem like that much at the time?) I could however be just wrong on the cup count, which in retrospect seems like the most likely scenario.
Now we go to our friends house where she drinks more and is getting a little horny, along with losing her ability to walk strait. She ends up harassing our friend to let us have sex in his room, and when I tell her we can just leave and go back to my house for my birthday dinner, she drunkenly keeps insisting that "IT is rude just to abandon them!" lol I found that incredibly amusing at the time, and then asked her how it wasn't rude to keep asking to sex in your friends bed. We ended up leaving, but before we left she chugged the remainder of a cup of Bacardi/Full Throttle.
I watched this in awe thinking about how it wouldn't end well, but then again I said I would leave it to her judgment this time, so I did.
Normally we are never allowed at my house, because her dads a prick, but they made an exception since it was my birthday. We get back to my house and immediately she runs upstairs into my room and pulls her pants off, without even closing the door. It was HILARIOUS. She wanted sex so bad, and I was more than happy to give it to her. However my mom cock blocked and made us come down, so no sex yet. We were then hanging out in my living room waiting for my mom to finish cooking, she was so incredibly horny and kept telling me things she wanted to do to me.
SHE IS NEVER LIKE THIS, IT WAS GREAT. I however was in hell because we couldn't do anything and I really wanted to :/ then she finally says the thing that pushes me over the edge, we always argue about head/buttsecks. She never wants to do either of them, which makes me a very sad panda. She then says into my ear "I want to suck your dick and then you to put it in my ass"
I could not contain myself, the decision was made. We would go upstairs. So my brother being the hero that he is, distracts my mom for around 15 minutes while we go upstairs, I knew we didn't have much time but I still needed to try, right?
As soon as she walks into my room, she rips her pants off like an NBA player, it was impressive, then she just jumps on my bed. So I ask the question! "Head?" and she responds "CANT WE JUST FUCKKK??" Who am I to say no to such an elegantly phrased request? So I get on top of her and we start having sex, after about 10 minutes I think about how we should go down before my mom notices, so I decide to finish up (blue balls on my birthday? Fuck that.)
So I finish up and get out and put my pants back on and tell her how we need to go back downstairs so my mom doesn't notice we were gone. She lays there motionless. I tell her to stop being lazy. She remains motionless. I tell her to put her pants on. Unresponsive. Then all of a sudden she just goes "LETSSSS FUCKKKKK"
It was a T_T moment if there ever was one. I explain to her how we have to go back downstairs and I put her pants back on her and stand her up, we walk to my door and she just goes "PUT IT IN MY BUTT" and pulls down her pants.
This made me an incredibly sad panda. I had her begging for me to try something I have always wanted to do, but I felt bad because she was drunk, so I didn't do it. (god, anyone else this girl makes me develop a soul? Fucking irritating!)
As I am walking her down my stairs, she isn't actually walking. I am basically dragging her as she tries to make out with me and insists on more and more sex. As soon we get down the stairs, I put her on the couch and she falls asleep.
About 45 minutes later she just throws up all over my couch, I fucking love this couch, I LOVE THIS COUCH. The main issue is, we are in the room where my mom is setting up my dinner, so now I have to clean up the throw up and hide the smell when we are eating in 15 minutes.
Now we enter legend mode, how the fuck do I manage to pull this off? Well I tell you what, It was not easy. I had to clean it all up, get cologne and Febreeze to mask the scent, and then open the windows to air out the house. ALL WITHOUT MY PARENTS NOTICING.
Success bitches, I manage to explain to my mom that Puerto is sick and is sleeping, and that she hasn't felt too good all day. My mom sympathizes and lets her sleep. We eat in around 10 minutes then I go back to taking care of her.
It was around 7:30 and she had to be home at 9. She had to recover from her drunken state in less than 2 hours. Not too fucking bueno. At around 8:50 she wakes up and vomits again, all over another section of my 3 section couch.
There was no hiding it this time, my mom was right there. I manage to convince my mom, and her parents that she somehow got a stomach virus and a massive headache simultaneously within 6 hours. Which accounted for the vomiting and the disorientation.
That is how good I am, I convinced my drug dog like mom, an FBI cop and school teacher that she wasn't drunk, she simultaneously contracted two random illnesses. That is the Legendary HUSTLE.
At around 10 her parents actually come to pick her up, instead of me driving her home at 9. She was throwing up, etc. But she seemed to be getting better. Now after this point it is all her parents words (but they are fucking liars, so god knows how much of it is true)
they apparently brought her home, where she threw up in her bed and covered herself in vomit, to where they took her to the hospital where she had alcohol poisoning.
Fuck me.
I found this all out the next day. She apparently needed 2 bags of IV, because she was incredibly dehydrated from all the vomiting. I texted her the next day asking what happened exactly and she told me, I knew the shit was going to hit the fan.
Two days later on the 25th of November, cops showed up at my house while I was out. I got served papers telling me that I had a court case January 6th and that until then I had a restraining order against me, I was not allowed to have ANY form of communication with Puerto, Phone, email, facebook, mailing, etc. I couldn't send messages through people and I couldn't see her or go anywhere that she might be.
FUCKING SHIT. This was also the day my mom found out she was drunk, after Puerto finished throwing up my mom got a carpet cleaning service to come clean the couches, this cost me 300$, RoL receives no birthday gifts
! But a clean couch, so I guess it evens out. I do love and respect that couch as if it were a brother....anyway, moving on from the couch. This actually goes downhill from here, can you all believe that this will actually get worse? Well it does. Not necessarily for me, but for her.
Her parents take away her phone and forbid her from going out, etc, etc. All that normal fucked up shit. She is now miserable, her parents have fucked up her life for so fucking long, and so many times. Its just incredible.
Yes, I know some of you will say "Well, she brought this upon herself" or "this is your fault for the liquor" and to you people, I will agree. To some extent anyway, I think we were wrong in those aspects, however her dads reaction is completely uncalled for and fucked up. He could of just said we can't see each other, legal charges are completely unnecessary.
So her life was kind of hell after that, and a few weeks after this was her friends birthday, she ended up coming home late from work to get her friend a birthday present. When she came home her parents were yelling at her and being complete pricks, they went in her room and took out her DVD Player and Cable box if I remember right. Now they are douches in the first place, but since she is on edge she snaps and starts freaking out on her dad.
During their argument she apparently yells "SUCK MY DICK" to her dad. Her dad called the police on her and had her arrested for harassment, they then put her on a holding cell over night, fucking asshole.
The thing about her dad is he does not care about his family, he cares about control. He feels that he must have it and that he must use complete brute force in order to gain it, any challenge to his authority and he will attempt to abuse the law and do whatever he can to punish you. That shit does not fly with me, or any normal people.
He got an order of protection against his daughter, she now couldn't yell at him, curse at him, or hit him. Otherwise she would get kicked out of her house and get in trouble with the police. Now what I think really pissed him off is that when he attempted to control his daughter using the order of protection (This is not the first time he used the police to try to control her, hes a prick) She actually filed one against him as well. He is an abusive fucking jackass. He has hit her many times, curses and yells at her. Now he finds his own weapon turned on him, that which he used to enforce, is now being used to tame and control him.
Naturally, dickhead cop is not amused, about a few days after this the foreseeable happens. Puerto gets the cops called on her for allegedly violating the order of protection. She gets thrown into a group home until the trial which would decide her fate.
In my opinion, I don't think she broke it, I think its more likely he just called it on her in order to protect himself, but I honestly have no idea what happened that resulted in her in the group home.
I work at a RadioShack, and during this time I have activated a employee plan line under my name for her, I felt bad. She was totally isolated and bored at her group home, I needed to give her some way to communicate with people, even if it meant she would be talking to fucking Salvador and not me (due to restraining order, obviously)
So now today was the day of reckoning, I knew this was going to be the outcome, but I didn't know it was going to end so beautifully. Both my case and her case were scheduled on the same day, to the same judge, right in a row (LOOL?) That means this judge got to see how he fucking tried bullying me and then hear her court case and how he was a dickhead and how all the charges worked out.
The main problem was waiting for it all to happen, it just took a long time since the court date was set roughly 2 months from the incident. What the court ended up doing was the dropping my charges of child endangerment and my restraining order. The thing was, this fucking retard got rejected from criminal court because I hadn't committed any crimes to his knowledge, and nothing about that night was my fault. So he took me to family court, which accepts any fucking case.
Keep in mind, we are not related, LOL. The case basically got thrown out just on that, then he started lying to the judges face about how my mom and all of us were aware of all this shit that never happened, and how the cases were supposed to be separated, etc.
He got everything shoved down his throat, all my charges dismissed, and then right after my case, the judge heard her and her dads case, which ended with them having to get counseling and that she gets to move out.
My girlfriend is now moving into her aunts house, who is pretty cool. They live close to me as well, so this isn't an issue. She is finally away from her abusive family and is just being forced to have family counseling to try to reconcile their differences, which just won't happen. There is too much hatred, and this fucking asshole has too many control issues.
So now we finally get to be together after all this is over, we get to have a normal relationship now that she is out of the grasp of her asshole control freak father, and her bitch tool cunt mother.
I will not lie, this was exactly what I was aiming for, I didn't want these charges to happen, but I try to work with whatever situation I can and get the best out of it. This is the best possible situation I could of asked for. Admittedly, it cost me 2500$ in lawyer fees, but it was still worth it. Its similar to buying a new high def TV. At first you are like "OMG SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE" As soon as that payment goes through though, it is like "Yes, now I can enjoy the benefits of this."
Admittedly a nutless monkey could of easily gotten this dismissed as well, but even so, I am still happy.
Now that this is all behind me, the next goal is destruction. As I stated earlier in this post. I am incredibly revenge driven, I won't stop until I ruin this guys life, I already ruined his control over his daughter, the next thing is destroying his career, which I am working on as I write this.
To quote Tropic Thunder.
"YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO GET THE U.N. TO GRANT YOU A BINDING MOTHER FUCKING RESOLUTION TO STOP ME FROM DESTROYING YOU, I AM TALKING SCORCHED EARTH MOTHER FUCKER"
-Tom Cruise
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