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Active: 11533 users

no BS guide to interviewing

Blogs > t_co
Post a Reply
t_co
Profile Blog Joined July 2007
United States702 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-10-22 17:34:54
October 22 2008 17:31 GMT
#1
I see a lot of people here are going to graduate soon so I'm going to give some advice on "behavioral interviewing" (basically BS for how to make friends)--you need to do these things (upon interviewing nearly 20 people in a day)

First you need to make the interviewer interested in you. If you're a hot girl and it's a he interviewing, done. If you're a hot guy, and it's a she, be a gentleman and that'll do it. If it's same gender and/or you're ugly, you probably need to mention something cool. Did Half Dome in Yosemite in one day, champion of bulgarian national golf team, owned an orange grove in Florida, worked in KCIA (Korean CIA), name is Lee Young Ho, are all good ways to make people like me interested in what you have to say.

Step 2: use that interest to say something jaw-dropping, mature, amazing, etc. This is where you've lured them in and you do the lurk drop. Don't hold back, but don't overdo it either. It can be prepared or extemporaneous, but now that you've got my interest you have to make me feel like you're fucking smart or you've thought about something.

Step 3: Cruise control. Now that you've amazed me, you need to soothe. Tone it down, play chill, make friends with your interviewer.

Step 4: Show interest. Start interrupting and drawing inferences from the questions they ask you. Act like a student--but don't sound like a smartass, just act quiet and curious.

Step 5: Show you've learned. When it's your turn to ask questions, make sure your questions show you've learned either from the interview or from your previous experience with the firm.

Things to remember:

Memorize every personal detail the interviewer drops about himself. Then ask him questions about that during the interview that don't sound creepy.

Smile! Don't be detached, but don't look goofy.

Calm the fuck down and quit playing with your fingers.

Don't have BO.

Don't dress sluttily if you're a girl. Really. Guys like me don't like padded bras.

Don't be artificial. Just be yourself, and if you happen to be an asshole introvert passive aggressive, sorry.

If you're a guy, play mature. Internalize it so much it feels natural. Trust me, it's a great way to ready your external personality for the workplace.

If you're a girl, play mature.

If I'm interested, drop juicy details (e.g. how in the KCIA you had to delay release of news to SK news outlets whenever NK made a missile test). If I'm not interested (that goes for you, Mr. I've-constructed-an-awesome-equity-portfolio-here-let-me-calculate-the-sharpe-ratio-for-you) just drop it and move the fuck on.

Oh and please don't mention the shitty economy in your interview. Please don't even imply it. Yes I know it's great that my firm is relatively unscathed and the place where you interned doesn't exist anymore. I can see that from your resume. I feel sorry for you. Six of my friends were laid off from there and guess what? I couldn't give them jobs because of our hiring freeze above the analyst level, so why do you think mentioning your sob story helps?

Oh and please don't joke with your fellow interviewees about how "optimism for bankers is ironing five shirts on a Sunday" when you are at dinner with the head of my department.

--

Feel free to add your own suggestions.

**
"Look, don't congratulate us when we buy a company, congratulate us when we sell it. Because any fool can overpay and buy a company, so long as there is money to buy it." --Henry Kravis
TimeShifter
Profile Joined October 2008
Singapore235 Posts
October 22 2008 17:35 GMT
#2
Is anyone going to make a thread for prom nights?
strawberries~
TimeShifter
Profile Joined October 2008
Singapore235 Posts
October 22 2008 17:37 GMT
#3
sorry for derailing..i am such a failure..
i cant even edit my previous post that i have to repost

sorry again
strawberries~
Centric
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
United States1989 Posts
October 22 2008 17:38 GMT
#4
This would actually be useful if I were graduating. Nice work.
Super serious.
GHOSTCLAW
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
United States17042 Posts
October 22 2008 17:41 GMT
#5
Nice work, although I'm going to guess that this is mostly for investment bankers and the like? (It doesn't look like a guide that would work the best for a technical interview).
PhotographerLiquipedia. Drop me a pm if you've got questions/need help.
CaucasianAsian
Profile Blog Joined September 2005
Korea (South)11602 Posts
October 22 2008 17:54 GMT
#6
my dad is a CPA and a Partner for a large international firm, and the company spends about 4k into each interview/application. They do an 8 hour session of complete questions that goes about your entire life, from where you were born, to more personal questions. After that, they take you to a high class fancy'ish restuarunt with a co-worker. They tell you it's just a "thanks for coming" thing, but that too is part of the application process, the "co-worker", his entire job is to go out to eat with other people, and he is paid to take notes on everything you do, from what you look at the way you eat, your posture, the small chit-chats, what you order, literally everything.

They actually hate it if you practice and rehearse interview questions, because they can tell easily that you practiced for it. If you just calm down, and answer each question honestly, and truthfully, and of course calmly, it is looked at much better. Of course it's ok to figure out what kind of questions, but they are looking for if you are telling everything truthfully, because the company is so grandeur that if you lie, or are not truthful/loyal they will see no reason to consider you.

Calendar@ Fish Server: `iOps]..Stark
t_co
Profile Blog Joined July 2007
United States702 Posts
October 22 2008 18:07 GMT
#7
On October 23 2008 02:54 CaucasianAsian wrote:
my dad is a CPA and a Partner for a large international firm, and the company spends about 4k into each interview/application. They do an 8 hour session of complete questions that goes about your entire life, from where you were born, to more personal questions. After that, they take you to a high class fancy'ish restuarunt with a co-worker. They tell you it's just a "thanks for coming" thing, but that too is part of the application process, the "co-worker", his entire job is to go out to eat with other people, and he is paid to take notes on everything you do, from what you look at the way you eat, your posture, the small chit-chats, what you order, literally everything.

They actually hate it if you practice and rehearse interview questions, because they can tell easily that you practiced for it. If you just calm down, and answer each question honestly, and truthfully, and of course calmly, it is looked at much better. Of course it's ok to figure out what kind of questions, but they are looking for if you are telling everything truthfully, because the company is so grandeur that if you lie, or are not truthful/loyal they will see no reason to consider you.




And the thing is, about 80% of the people they take will be gone after two years. Makes me wonder whether it's really worth the effort in comparison to the work done.
"Look, don't congratulate us when we buy a company, congratulate us when we sell it. Because any fool can overpay and buy a company, so long as there is money to buy it." --Henry Kravis
TimeShifter
Profile Joined October 2008
Singapore235 Posts
October 22 2008 18:09 GMT
#8
On October 23 2008 02:54 CaucasianAsian wrote:
my dad is a CPA and a Partner for a large international firm, and the company spends about 4k into each interview/application. They do an 8 hour session of complete questions that goes about your entire life, from where you were born, to more personal questions. After that, they take you to a high class fancy'ish restuarunt with a co-worker. They tell you it's just a "thanks for coming" thing, but that too is part of the application process, the "co-worker", his entire job is to go out to eat with other people, and he is paid to take notes on everything you do, from what you look at the way you eat, your posture, the small chit-chats, what you order, literally everything.


that's crazy..fancy spending 4k on every guy that comes along..
and its kinda scary because they want to like know everything about you, even the minor details..
strawberries~
HotZhot
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
Colombia677 Posts
October 22 2008 18:35 GMT
#9
So by jaw dropping you mean like "my uncle works for the HK triads.."?
I only smile in the darK [] sAviOr//JaeDong Fan 4 Ever ~ CJ Entusman # 7
Dknight
Profile Blog Joined April 2005
United States5225 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-10-22 19:32:09
October 22 2008 19:31 GMT
#10
Everything you said should be common sense when going into an interview. Thanks for the insight!
WGT<3. Former CL/NW head admin.
Equinox_kr
Profile Blog Joined December 2006
United States7395 Posts
October 22 2008 19:57 GMT
#11
On October 23 2008 04:31 Dknight wrote:
Everything you said should be common sense when going into an interview. Thanks for the insight!


Agreed, this should be immensely helpful for internship interviews + job interviews. Thanks :D
^-^
capek
Profile Joined September 2008
United States585 Posts
October 22 2008 20:07 GMT
#12
On October 23 2008 03:35 HotZhot wrote:
So by jaw dropping you mean like "my uncle works for the HK triads.."?

Boring. More interesting plz.
micronesia
Profile Blog Joined July 2006
United States24805 Posts
October 22 2008 21:01 GMT
#13
The best interviews are the ones where the interviewers are practically throwing their salary scale at you. It also helps if you just graduated at the university that their son is about to attend.
ModeratorThere are animal crackers for people and there are people crackers for animals.
Hippopotamus
Profile Blog Joined October 2004
1914 Posts
October 22 2008 22:39 GMT
#14
If you're a hot guy, and it's a she, be a gentleman and that'll do it.


LIES!!!
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