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Heloo! Well, getting to the point, I've been having these thoughts, negative thoughts, about my girlfriend and where she is at certain times of the day and what she is doing. She tells me she's just sleeping or she was taking a nap and I call her and I just hear silence most of the time(unlike me, always hearing people talking/yelling/laughing when she calls me xD) but it just eats away at me.
What is she doing?
I ask myself that question a lot and I don't like the thoughts I conjure up to fill that gap. It has almost lead me to breaking up with her because she wouldn't tell me what she was doing once(she was outside and was just looking at anthills and stuff) and she wasn't even doing much anyways.
What I want help with is on how to get this "baggage" off of me. One of my friends went on the same path, breaking up with his girlfriend of 1 year and 5 months because his girlfriend would always hang out with her friends/want to hang out with her friends and he would always just have negative thoughts as to what she is doing. The thing is, I started talking with her and she would tell me that "He always thinks I'm cheating but I'm not... I love him." It kills you, so much that you don't even want to worry about it. You still do because you love them but it's really a shitty feeling.
The feeling you get when you start thinking about your girlfriend cheating on you is a terrible one, one that nobody on this planet would want to feel more than once. Yet, I'm feeling it all the time. I don't want to feel this anymore... but, breaking up with my girlfriend would probably be the worst mistake in the world for me. How to I get rid of these thoughts?
Also, a side question: Do you think talking about "staying together forever" and marriage and living together is good to talk about when you've only gone out with the chick for 4 months or so? XD
 
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your side question + your main problem = wtf.
maybe you're just too attach to her, this is where the trust part comes in a relationship I think. Though I never had a gf so don't take me too seriously. As for your side question, theres nothing wrong with talking about it I don't think, idk how much good it will do but I don't think it should harm anything.
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I don't really understand you. Either you have a serious reason to suspect her of cheating or you don't.
It sounds to me like you're just overly possessive and/or paranoid.
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United States12607 Posts
Talking about "forever" is pretty normal at four months I'd say...but if you can't trust her then something is wrong with the relationship. You should be able to know that she feels about you how you feel about her, and that means she'd never cheat.
So...if you're so convinced she's cheating, why don't you just talk to her about it? I guarantee some conclusion to this problem will come out of that conversation, but it may be that she just dumps you for being overprotective.
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United States7488 Posts
No, don't talk about that stuff like staying and living together.
It's good that she is going out with friends. You want her to have a life outside of you, otherwise you are going to get very bored with her and her oversmothering of you. There is nothing wrong with her wanting to spend time alone of with her friends. In fact, you should encourage that behavior.
If things are getting stale, spice it up a bit. Go do something neither of ou has done before. it doesn't matter if you think she will like it or not. Have fun and she will too.
Don't call her for a couple days. Don't always be the one to call, let her call you sometimes. Get your mind off of it by doing something else. You may think it's nice to have her completely all over you, but trust me, once you have that it is not what you want. you want a good balance between the both of you as far as love in the relationship goes. Don't try to pressure her for it, because it doesn't work like that.
And don't bring up the topic that you suspect her of cheating... that will get nowhere in a hurry. Don't try to "catch" her either. One of my girlfriends brought it up to me when she thought I was, and I hadn't been, and it made me lose a lot of trust/respect for her.
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Also, a side question: Do you think talking about "staying together forever" and marriage and living together is good to talk about when you've only gone out with the chick for 4 months or so? XD
Thats far to early to be talking about marriage.
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United States22883 Posts
Bottom question: especially in your case, no. For pretty much everyone, pushing things too fast will only lead to bad things.
Above question: Stop being dumb. Unless she's doing an extreme ignore of you, give her some space. Do you trust her or not? Assuming she's not a slut to begin with, do you think she'd want to hurt you?
You're already well aware that trying to pull her closer is only going to push her away, so think about what you really want to happen? What do you stand to gain from checking up all the time? If you do this, you turn into the villain and you give her a legitimate reason to be unhappy with you, since I assume you wouldn't be thrilled with it either if she thought the same whenever you say you're playing SC or w/e. Is she still showing affection towards you? I don't just mean relatively, because things cool down in relationships all the time. I mean is she seriously neglecting you in any way? Probably not.
Please, if you want to stay with her, have some respect for her. I honestly don't know if it would help to say "I want you to know I get a bit jealous and I know there's no reason to be, but that's just how I am. I respect and trust you and I just wanted to let you know how I feel blah blah blah" I don't know anyone that's ever tried it so I seriously have no clue if it would help or not.
Just remember your end goal is to be happy and love her. Being paranoid is not conducive to that goal.
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Make her pregnant. That'll show her.
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United States22883 Posts
LOL
I take back everything I said. This man is right.
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The problem isn't with your girlfriend, it's with you.
You're insecure.
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Ever occurred to you that the reason why she seems to avoid telling you what she's doing is because you scare her away with your paranoid jealously? I'm sure she can feel that you feel that way and that scares out anyone. She needs space to do her own thing, anyone do. You might not want her to know that you skipped class to watch Boxer play live, and she might not want you to know that she's with a girl friend gossiping how all man are the same "can you believe that dog thinks I'm cheating?". There are a bunch of healthy stuff she could be doing and wouldn't want to tell you. Just give her room to breathe...
1) Stop being a dumbfuck, whenever you think dumb stuff just remember "hey I'm being a dumbfuck!"
2) Trust her. Simple math: if you don't trust her your thing together will fail no matter if one is cheating or not. Yea if she's cheating it'll fail, but if you don't trust her it will fail as well! Math! You just have a higher % of a happy ending if you trust her. Cheating is irrelevant if there is no trust, therefore your priority should be 1st: trust her, 2nd worry about anything else.
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You're probably gonna make her go bone one of her 8th grade classmates just to make you feel like shit for even accusing her hahaha
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You might be thinking too much. You want her to be happy right? So let her do the things she wants to do with her friends or whatever. Don't forget that you should too. It's all about balance really. Sure you can wonder about what she is doing but don't think so negatively. I've been in a couple of relationships and sometimes I just take the negative things in a positive aspect. Weird, but mistakes will become beneficial to you in the future =).
To your side question, try to avoid all the "forever" "never want to leave you" talk. Because in the end you might regret saying it and will hurt the both of you even more. But I'm not trying to say that you two will break up soon. Instead just say simple things like "I love you" and show that you care for her.
Btw, girls may vary.
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When she goes out with her friends, YOU should go out with your friends.
Have some fun and don't worry about things so much.
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Easy way to get around this is to go out more, and dont let your mind dwell on her so much. It shows her that you don't do anything with your life, and your insecurity probably has something to do with it also. Go do things you want to do that don't involve her.
If shes a regular girl she'll start clinging to you and demanding your attn and not the other way around. Btw even "if" she is cheating, by focusing on other things in life you depower her ability to hurt you, so its a positive on multiple levels.
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On October 04 2008 01:30 village_idiot wrote:
Make her pregnant. That'll show her.
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On October 04 2008 01:19 semioldguy wrote:
No, don't talk about that stuff like staying and living together.
It's good that she is going out with friends. You want her to have a life outside of you, otherwise you are going to get very bored with her and her oversmothering of you. There is nothing wrong with her wanting to spend time alone of with her friends. In fact, you should encourage that behavior.
If things are getting stale, spice it up a bit. Go do something neither of ou has done before. it doesn't matter if you think she will like it or not. Have fun and she will too.
Don't call her for a couple days. Don't always be the one to call, let her call you sometimes. Get your mind off of it by doing something else. You may think it's nice to have her completely all over you, but trust me, once you have that it is not what you want. you want a good balance between the both of you as far as love in the relationship goes. Don't try to pressure her for it, because it doesn't work like that.
And don't bring up the topic that you suspect her of cheating... that will get nowhere in a hurry. Don't try to "catch" her either. One of my girlfriends brought it up to me when she thought I was, and I hadn't been, and it made me lose a lot of trust/respect for her.
Really good advice. Im going through some shitty times myself but I prefer not to talk about it cuz it wont get anywhere... I gotta do what semioldguy is saying, but it s really hard to do, you just have to have a lot of will power..
You can do it sCoRpiOn
edit You are way too whooped btw... ur crazy about thinking of marriage and shit at only 4 months specially when you are really insecure about her... it wont work out trust me
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On October 04 2008 01:19 semioldguy wrote:
And don't bring up the topic that you suspect her of cheating... that will get nowhere in a hurry. Don't try to "catch" her either. One of my girlfriends brought it up to me when she thought I was, and I hadn't been, and it made me lose a lot of trust/respect for her.
Hm, I read this and thought about it. I agree completely here. I think it's really insulting to find out that your girlfriend is trying to see if you're cheating on her.
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Maybe she's looking for a less pathetic bf?
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i dont know if this is the type of stuff that will get through to you but its worth a shot.. this pdf talks about patience.. at least as one part of being in a relationship.. you can skip over the bible passages.. just look for whatever would pertain to you and gain from it what you could.. if you have anything to gain from it.. http://thelovedarebook.com/love-dare-sample-chapter.pdf *shrug*
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EPT
