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I couldn't really think of a good title so I just chose that one.
A little background before I begin:
Ever since I started BW, two things happened: Battle.net continuously discing on me and I sucked. It wasn't until a LONG time after that I discovered the haven of Hamachi and could play uninterrupted games there, that I quit Bnet completely and switched full time to Hamachi, as I do until this day. I probably made the switch a full year and quarter ago, and have not changed since. Even though I did gain BW skill via Battlenet, I experienced the BM that players can give to others. As a result, I pledged not to be BM. Even if my skill would be inadequate, my manner would at least be my saving grace.
Actual Thoughts now (:p)
Since that full year and a quarter of playing Hamachi, it's incredibly refreshing to see more and more players switching to Hamachi. As my BW career has progressed, some changes have happened within me that I have found frightening.
Recently, I have found myself becoming and more and more angry when I lose. Not to anyone, but to certain people. Usually when I lose, I just take it, but somehow there's something that really gets me angry after a loss to a certain player.
Back in March 2006, a zerg player challenged me to game on Tau Cross, and I of course accepted. Not to be rude, but the game wasn't even close. Despite winning so easily, I continued to play several games with him. For our last game that day, after I had claimed victory, he said the words, "Next time we play, I will own you." Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't mad, but just confused. My impression of him was just a nice guy who was frustrated with losing. I totally understood him and just let it go. It was strange, however, that he didn't appear until a few months ago where he challenged me once again. He told me he had improved a lot, and when we played, it was definitely apparent. The wins that he was earning wasn't all-out rape, but it was safe to say he was better than me now. Naturally, I was a little frustrated at this, but we were still buddies, so I just let it go. I am ashamed to say that him becoming better than me definitely formed a rift between us, but I was still (almost reluctantly) willing to play games with him. It wasn't until recently that we played a game on Python that both of us knew was going to be a long game. I got 3-3-3 units and fully-upgraded reavers as well, victory was still within my grasp. Everything he threw at me turned to blood but he wouldn't give up. Eventually he said the words: "I have 3k mins and 1k gas," and then he visioned me showing me that he had taken the rest of the map. He claimed that the game had already ended due to him taking the map and I should just say GG. At this point, I had just blew my top; I just couldn't take it. I cursed him out completely, threw my every insult at him, left the game, and booted him from my server.
I didn't give it much thought after that incident, but hit deja vu when I met another old "friend" of mine. But this time, I knew he was better than me for sure. He was by far a better player than me for sure and I acknowledged that. We played a game on Peaks of Beakdu, and he started complaining about the lag. There was definitely none, and somehow, his next statement angered me greatly. He said "This feels like battlenet again." Even I think it's silly, but as I have such a hard bond with Hamachi, I took that personally. I then said, half-jokingly and half-serious, "How about we don't play then?" As the game went along, I found out he had 4-pooled me. My anger rose to beyond disbelief after that. After the game ended, he messaged me, saying "271 apm lol." Me, being pissed, said "So?" He took the hint and said, "Why are you so angry? You weren't like this before." I looked at that statement, and realized the truth in it. I had no real basis to be mad at him. In my anger, I knew I had to say something to let him know that his actions weren't appreciated. I told him was whiny complainer that cheeses to get his wins. Obviously, this isn't true, but in a fit anger, I can pretty much say anything to vent it out >.<
My attitude for BW is changing. My acceptance for losses isn't as open as it was before. It's very frightening to see my manner go down so quickly - and I don't know what's causing it. I'm definitely ashamed that I get angry so much more easily than I did before. I honestly feel like Harry Potter in Book 5 now, when I am playing BW. I am actually very scared.
I will refrain from talking about one other person, but I will add it when I feel the time is right.
 
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My question: how do you feel about how you acted towards him? Obviously he upset you a lot (and it is understandable - I think we've all had similar situations), but looking at how you handled the situation, how do you feel? Would you do anything differently if you had the chance?
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Hold up, I'm not done yet - I'll finish my blog in the next hour or so
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You sound like me when I was a Broodwar nerd back in the day.
After I got good, I started to get pretty bad mannered. When I lost, I would get so fucking angry at everything though. Even who ever was around me in person at the time. It was pretty bad haha.
But yeah you sound like a douche at the end of your story. You didn't handle his actions very well. I think you need to settle down a bit.
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yeah that happens to me a lot too
it's really fucking annoying when you win and the loser gives some lameass excuse saying "i have 4k" or some shit like that...
it makes you feel like you didn't deserve the win and that the game was pretty much a waste
so basically you end up thinking "why play if you're going to suck ass"
sometimes i'm on the verge of doing exactly what you did whenever i play a series of games and my opponent makes that excuse for every loss... especially if the game was close to the end
or when i lose to a player i know is worse than me
or when i lose because of some stupid mistake
on the other hand, as a zerg, it's really annoying to play against a 3-3-3 lategame reaver/archon/templar toss army b/c your lings keep getting assraped and then your ultras get assraped b/c there's no dps to kill shit anymore o.O
so he might just have been pissed about not being able to close the game...
cut him some slack? ^_^
and we should play again soon
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Zerg takes rest of map means NOTHING! I refer you to KINGDOM vs I don't remember who! But kakaru mind control is a level of awesome that can't be described in words.
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on the other hand, as a zerg, it's really annoying to play against a 3-3-3 lategame reaver/archon/templar toss army b/c your lings keep getting assraped and then your ultras get assraped b/c there's no dps to kill shit anymore o.O
so he might just have been pissed about not being able to close the game...
cut him some slack? ^_^
and we should play again soon
He claimed that the game had already ended due to him taking the map and I should just say GG
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That is pretty bm. End the game with force, not with words. I mean, unless you're surrendering.
Seriously, someone dig out the old Kingdom game on luna where EVERY SINGLE mineral patch was completely mined out, mostly by zerg. I can't find it on youtube.
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On January 31 2008 15:47 Seraphim wrote:Show nested quote +on the other hand, as a zerg, it's really annoying to play against a 3-3-3 lategame reaver/archon/templar toss army b/c your lings keep getting assraped and then your ultras get assraped b/c there's no dps to kill shit anymore o.O
so he might just have been pissed about not being able to close the game...
cut him some slack? ^_^
and we should play again soon He claimed that the game had already ended due to him taking the map and I should just say GG
what an asshole
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Pissy bw players suck, I'd rather play almost anybody else. I hate myself when I get that way too, but when people say crap like "Say gg I have the map" that's horribly unsportsmanlike and I could care less about leaving no "gg" and never playing again. So you sound half justified, half not for when you blew up. Honestly, bw should have constructive stuff on both sides, it makes it the best game ever that way.
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Artosis
United States2140 Posts
getting mad when you lose normally means you are taking the game seriously. nothing wrong with that. embrace your madness. when you become so mad after a loss that you want to kill babies then msg me and we'll give u a tryout for media.
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At least Harry Potter had a reason to blow up like a volcano. I'd get pretty emo too if the most dangerous wizard in history was out to get me.
On a more serious note, the first guy's actions were pretty damn bad mannered. Ban that shit immediately.
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If you ever feel like you're getting too bad mannered then you really have to stop that from getting further. You really don't want to turn into the sort of person that you really hate. I also noticed as I improved I became more of an asshole more frequently and I was really sad because I had never been like that before (and it was really pathetic cause I wasn't actually even a decent player anyway).
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On January 31 2008 14:27 nA.Inky wrote:
My question: how do you feel about how you acted towards him? Obviously he upset you a lot (and it is understandable - I think we've all had similar situations), but looking at how you handled the situation, how do you feel? Would you do anything differently if you had the chance?
nA.Inky is the resident psychologist/moralist/anti-drug hippie therapist of TL, someone get him a diploma.
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Wow, Seraph :D Do I dare playing with you again? J/K. We've only played very few games which you won all but 1 or something and I always experienced you as a very mannered and nice person. I had no feeling, even in your loss against me (I'm way worse than you are), that you were mad or anything. Actually you gg'ed out and we had a nice chat afterwards. Maybe it's just a phase and it will be over. Or that real competitiveness in you comes out now and you want to strive to be better and better everygame. As Artosis said, if your anger and rage wants you to "kill babies", you should use said anger and practice to become better. There's nothing wrong in taking this seriously. It's a passion. Gaming is passion.
Either way, I think if those players are your "friends" you should maybe apologize for the harsh language but not for the content. Telling you to "gg because I have taken all the map" is really Warcraft 3'ish.... really BM. Gotta go now, take care mate, maybe we can take some games later today? :D GG GL HF!
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So you said your changing attitude is "frightening." Would you do anything differently if you had the chance to do things over? Have you considered that "clearing the air" (apologizing, etc) might make you feel better?
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By the way, I think it is good that you are acknowledging how your attitudes have been changing and giving thought to it all. Admirable, really.
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On January 31 2008 17:39 Artosis3 wrote:
getting mad when you lose normally means you are taking the game seriously. nothing wrong with that. embrace your madness. when you become so mad after a loss that you want to kill babies then msg me and we'll give u a tryout for media.
I don't wanna kill babies, but I'd like a tryout for media ;o
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On February 01 2008 01:13 ilovezil wrote:Show nested quote +On January 31 2008 17:39 Artosis3 wrote:
getting mad when you lose normally means you are taking the game seriously. nothing wrong with that. embrace your madness. when you become so mad after a loss that you want to kill babies then msg me and we'll give u a tryout for media. I don't wanna kill babies, but I'd like a tryout for media ;o
yer gonna have too kill babies as initiation anyway, might as well start now
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So this is where people go, to not be cursed; Hamachi.
Great, I'll have to find it.
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The important thing is that I still love you Karma <3
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i was gunna play with you after i finished my sa
now im not
jk lol
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On January 31 2008 22:09 Avius wrote:
Wow, Seraph :D Do I dare playing with you again? J/K. We've only played very few games which you won all but 1 or something and I always experienced you as a very mannered and nice person. I had no feeling, even in your loss against me (I'm way worse than you are), that you were mad or anything. Actually you gg'ed out and we had a nice chat afterwards. Maybe it's just a phase and it will be over. Or that real competitiveness in you comes out now and you want to strive to be better and better everygame. As Artosis said, if your anger and rage wants you to "kill babies", you should use said anger and practice to become better. There's nothing wrong in taking this seriously. It's a passion. Gaming is passion.
Either way, I think if those players are your "friends" you should maybe apologize for the harsh language but not for the content. Telling you to "gg because I have taken all the map" is really Warcraft 3'ish.... really BM. Gotta go now, take care mate, maybe we can take some games later today? :D GG GL HF!
people usually can't tell when they're being bm
i agree karma is very mannered
what's really annoying is when you lose to someone of equal skill because you know you can beat him and you spend forever analyzing what you did wrong
that's where most of my bm comes from anyways
or losing to cheese from a weaker player
after a series of losses, though, it can be helpful to find some scrub you know you can beat, spam the shit out for imba apm to make you feel good, and proceed to rape him/her
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"I love you too, in a stay the fuck away from me kind of way" 
Since I happen to be motivated purely by gratification, I find nothing wrong with cursing out people if it makes you feel good. If you do it too much, the gratification gets diluted, so I try not to do it so much... and it makes me feel worse if later I figure that it wasn't justified. So I usually wait until I find someone who's pretty bm to verbally abuse. I think you did a fantastic job of that!
"Your approval fills me with shame" might apply here for you, but whatever
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United States1654 Posts
I get pretty pissed too when I start losing games.
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I told him was whiny complainer that cheeses to get his wins.
What an asshole.
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EPT
