So here I am. I've been awake for 36 hours, I haven't eaten in 24. My body is screaming to do something, but my mind has no tasks for it to do. I'm writing with my eyes closed because they hurt.
You'd be amazed if you knew how long one can stare at a white wall. I never knew.
A woman I once considered a friend is no longer. I have done some bad things, but I can't accept people lying about me to hurt the girl I still love. I will not talk to her again.
My body is really weird. It feels very empty. Like nothing can fill it up. I am not hungry or thirsty, but there is something missing. I am unusually conscious of my feelings. I am very very sad, but it is a different sadness from what I'm used to. When someone dies I can deal with it, but this is new and different. The torrent of raw emotions from yesterday has slowed to a peacefull river, but only on the surface. It's worse now.
We are gonna try to be friends. I realize it will be super hard to go straight from relationship to friendship, but I'm gonna try my hardest. I can hide my love if it lets me be around her. She called me earlier, and we can still talk and laught about the things we used to. There were a few long silences, but I didnt mind them. They are a 1000 times better than not talking to her. Hanging up was weird. It's hard to repress a "love you" after 4 years of saying it every day. I cried.
I have a dog, but he is not here. I think I'm gonna go get him. Pets are great. They should be available on prescription.
I wouldn't talk to her for a while. My long term ex and I didn't talk for three months after the breakup and have somewhat of a friendship now. Talking to her just made things worse at the time. All it takes is time, so distract yourself as much as possible. Games, friends, work out, family - all good.
What can I say, I've been in it myself just that I acted somehow different. After I broke up with my gf she kept insisting we try to be friends. But I think I didn't have the nerves for it. It was really weird, I was constantly feeling I might say something out of place so I just started avoiding her.
Don't really know why I did that, I thought it might be the best for the two of us but maybe it was because I couldn't accept it was over. So I just avoided her and when we met we had those minimal conversations (hi, how are you, i'm ok, got to go etc.). That continued until she started not to matter to me anymore. At all.
I still have mixed feelings about it. Anyway, can't really compare the gravity of the situation since your relationship lasted 4 years. I guess it's just sky high different. But I don't think you remain friends, anyway not just right away, maybe you'll need some time off from each other.
But one thing is for sure. Time heals everything. I wish you the best of luck and I'm sure you'll get over it.
It will be tough for a while... Try to bounce back, or at least not let yourself get too low so that bouncing back is impossible, if you know what I mean. I'd say treat it like a death in the family - mourn the tragedy for an appropriate amount of time, then move on with your life. Try to relax a bit more, it's harder to do that than to say that obviously (I know, I've been in your situation), but don't spoil your health too much over her, over what's lost, over spilled milk. No one will be able to fully replace her, but there may be someone that will do even better. What I'm trying to say is, when you started out with her it was probably just good, but it grew to something amazing and intimate, yes? That means that you have to start with the same investment, but with someone else compatible - after some time, it too could become great, perhaps greater than anything else [:
Good luck and hope you feel better soon <3 If you want someone to talk to on like terms, since you seem to be relatively open about it, I am always available.
EDIT: About friendship... It will hurt, a lot. Despite the fact that you may think that because you had so much feeling for her before, it'd make sense to keep such a great person around - but I've found it to be the opposite. Being so close yet so far, so contained in your emotion for her and feeling her slip farther and farther away from you under the guise of "friendship"... It's just prolonging the pain, in a way. I had to stop talking to my ex a few months ago - it simply hurt too much, it gave me fits of insomnia, hysteria, fear, nightmares, sickness. I couldn't take it. Maybe you are stronger than me, and after all, this is just my opinion. Just wanted to put it out there for consideration, though.
EDIT: About friendship... It will hurt, a lot. Despite the fact that you may think that because you had so much feeling for her before, it'd make sense to keep such a great person around - but I've found it to be the opposite. Being so close yet so far, so contained in your emotion for her and feeling her slip farther and farther away from you under the guise of "friendship"... It's just prolonging the pain, in a way. I had to stop talking to my ex a few months ago - it simply hurt too much, it gave me fits of insomnia, hysteria, fear, nightmares, sickness. I couldn't take it. Maybe you are stronger than me, and after all, this is just my opinion. Just wanted to put it out there for consideration, though.
Agreed. The only time I can see friendship being helpful is when one of the persons is going through a rough time and REALLY needs a close companion, and obviously the rough time shouldn't be related to the relationship. Take a step back and analyze where you are in life and where you're trying to go, and I know I mention this in every "break up" thread but try running. Any kind of physical exertion is great for clearing your mind and it's very cathartic emotionally.
Wow, impressed that you're sharing such personal emotions with a community like this. Very beautifully written though, maybe you should start a diary or something, it might help you to process things. Og glemm ikke spise og drikke, för helvete!
Been in a relationship of 2.5 years and one of 1 year. Trust me on this, don't try to be friends right after. It will only make it harder on yourself. I'm not saying to go be a jerkoff to her, but to really get over it, I'd avoid chillin with her for the next few weeks, even if it means going to a different place on the weekend just to avoid her temporarily.
Seeing her, talking to her, etc; all it's gonna do is make you think of her and drive you absolutely apeshit. My advice is to hang out with your friends as much as possible—idle hands/minds = bad—and keep yourself occupied. Drink and just bs at a place with them, play sports, whatever. The friends thing don't work.
The second one of you finds someone else, or even just hooks up with someone, you're gonna be like WTF. Take yourself outta that potential shitstorm for a couple months, then try it if you wish.
On January 15 2008 07:08 {88}iNcontroL wrote: 4 year relationship?
Fuck dude
mine was 2 and it took me 6 months to "get over" (you never do). I consider myself functional now though... good luck.
I disagree, you get over it when you get someone new that is worthy of being as great or greater. Until then, you really don't.
22 months for me, been 17 months since then (oh my god... really? u_u) and I'm still hurting because I can find no one as good or better. Had to stop talking to her to at least keep my sanity a bit.
Not to dishearten a certain someone here >> You should see me as an example of what you should never permit yourself to become.
It depends on the person. I had a three year that I got over in about three months because of my friends. I didn't find anyone better (and still haven't, although I've come to think that I wouldn't have been happy in that relationship either), but I did find that I had lots of fun being single and independent.
I think a lot of it just depends on your situation, environment, and personality. Vague, I know, but that's what I've come to believe/guess in my experience.
I had a relationship 100% exact to what FirstBorn describes. My first big love. But she didn't love me at all (she told me that at least).
She broke up with me and insisted on to be friends - I eventually tried, but it was weird 'cause I still loved her. Then slowly, steadily, it all faded away 'til she eventually didn't care at all, and my feelings dried up. It was weird. Some days, even a year or two later I regret it - now I found someone else, and I don't have regrets anymore. I only wish this one wil last forever, cause, it IS something truly different.
But I really can't imagine being in your place yet...4 years...my relationships' times with all my GFs combined together (there weren't many) is way less than that. I can just share my condolences, I know how I felt...
It gets easier, but it takes awhile. And even when you get better, there will still be occasional jags of pain, and you'll miss her. 4 months out from my biggest relationship, I am doing well, and pretty happy, but sometimes I still miss her so much.
Try to focus on yourself, improving yourself and trying new things. Be with friends and family a lot, if possible.
Also, know that there are other women out there that you can be happy with and who will love you deeply.
And remember that difficulties can make us stronger and better people if we face them directly, soberly.
I thought you liked being heartbroken, it was in your first part but I guess it changed. Sorry to hear what happened, you're not some middle school drama kid are you?
On January 15 2008 10:08 il0seonpurpose wrote: I thought you liked being heartbroken, it was in your first part but I guess it changed. Sorry to hear what happened, you're not some middle school drama kid are you?
On January 15 2008 07:08 {88}iNcontroL wrote: 4 year relationship?
Fuck dude
mine was 2 and it took me 6 months to "get over" (you never do). I consider myself functional now though... good luck.
I disagree, you get over it when you get someone new that is worthy of being as great or greater. Until then, you really don't.
22 months for me, been 17 months since then (oh my god... really? u_u) and I'm still hurting because I can find no one as good or better. Had to stop talking to her to at least keep my sanity a bit.
Not to dishearten a certain someone here >> You should see me as an example of what you should never permit yourself to become.
If you truly love someone you can never fully "get over" them. If you can you werent in love. Its funny being so direct with something as amorpheous as "love" but I honestly think you can peg human beings on this one. That emotion is so damn powerful for 99.99% of the population that once you actually experience it with someone for a long duration of time you cannot _ever_ completely forget/ignore it. That being said having someone else in your life love or not does help dilude the effects or even make you temporarily forget. But you can never completely erase it, thats my point.
On January 15 2008 07:08 {88}iNcontroL wrote: 4 year relationship?
Fuck dude
mine was 2 and it took me 6 months to "get over" (you never do). I consider myself functional now though... good luck.
I disagree, you get over it when you get someone new that is worthy of being as great or greater. Until then, you really don't.
22 months for me, been 17 months since then (oh my god... really? u_u) and I'm still hurting because I can find no one as good or better. Had to stop talking to her to at least keep my sanity a bit.
Not to dishearten a certain someone here >> You should see me as an example of what you should never permit yourself to become.
If you truly love someone you can never fully "get over" them. If you can you werent in love. Its funny being so direct with something as amorpheous as "love" but I honestly think you can peg human beings on this one. That emotion is so damn powerful for 99.99% of the population that once you actually experience it with someone for a long duration of time you cannot _ever_ completely forget/ignore it. That being said having someone else in your life love or not does help dilude the effects or even make you temporarily forget. But you can never completely erase it, thats my point.
I agree to the bold, definitely.
What I meant is that it wouldn't haunt you when you finally meet someone that you can love. That's what I meant by getting over it.
I'm not going to read your story. Because I'm to lazy to read it.
However, I can tell you. You should sleep and eat. I went through the very same thing when my whore girlfriend admitted to me that she fucked another guy when we were broken up for like half a day (13.5 hours). I was so wrecked, that I deprived myself of food and sleep for about a week straight. I did sleep and I did eat, but it was so short and few. I ended up having a major panic attack coupled with me pulling my chest muscle and springing it which pretty much mimicked a heart attack. (As the doctor said.)
It wasn't worth it...
I should also mention that I did have to call an ambulance because of it. I thought I was dying. To make matters worse, there was no phone in my place. The people up stairs were not home. The neighbors next door were not home. The immigrant bastard across the street, totally denied calling me an ambulance. If I didn't think I was dying I would of kicked him in the head. Finally some other people were home and they let my girlfriend use there phone.
By time the ambulance arrived I felt my heart was much slower then when it first struck me. It was a pretty terrifying ordeal.
It's been 4 months since I broke up with my first real love. I am actually the one that called it off, but I still miss her and love her deeply.
I find myself thinking about her every single day. I don't usually regret my decision to end our relationship, although sometimes I do. But what is kind of interesting to me is that I find myself going back and listening to music that she gave me and that reminds me of her, and I savor that music so much, and the feelings that it brings up in me, even though those feelings are usually somewhat sad. So I get what you mean about savoring the pain - at least what you said about that in your first heartbreak post.
I miss her deeply and wish more than anything I could just talk to her (but she won't speak with me.) I wish we could be friends, even though I know that it would be incredibly difficult to even talk with her (we would both melt down, I think.) And all of this despite the fact that I am seeing a very cool, very beautiful woman now - one that I believe I am falling for.
So as far as I can tell, Control is right. You don't get over it, but it does get easier. Much easier.
I know how you feel, man. I FEEL YOU. As I read this I'm actually || close to crying. Hang in there man, if you're Christian, send a prayer to Him. If you're not I sent one for you anyway. GL HF man.
If you truly love someone you can never fully "get over" them. If you can you werent in love. Its funny being so direct with something as amorpheous as "love" but I honestly think you can peg human beings on this one. That emotion is so damn powerful for 99.99% of the population that once you actually experience it with someone for a long duration of time you cannot _ever_ completely forget/ignore it. That being said having someone else in your life love or not does help dilude the effects or even make you temporarily forget. But you can never completely erase it, thats my point.
I agree with this.
I had a break up just this July--it was a long-distance relationship, getting a bit strained, I reacted badly and got too clingy, and then one day she couldn't take it anymore.
We were friends for a while, I had hoped that she could love me again, but she slowly drifted away, until a few days after my birthday, she told me she's seeing someone else.
I was broken. I was punishing myself mentally for the stupid things I've done; taking her for granted, hurting her. It wasn't supposed to be that way.
We still tried being friends, but it couldn't work.
I love her. She turned me into a better man, a man I never thought I'd be. I wanted to give my life to her, to make her happy. I knew that had we been together, I would have married her by now. It hurts me so much that the distance between us was the reason for--or at least played a huge role in forming-- the rift between us. I thought either time or another love would make me forget her, but it didn't work. I shared my life with her, so much that now so many things remind me of her: songs, books, dates on the calendar . . . and I'm afraid of falling in love with someone else, because . . . there's this expression in Filipino, 'panakip-butas', literally something to cover a hole. I was afraid that the new girl might just be covering the hole in my heart that her loss made, and I do not want to hurt someone that way.
PS. Sorry for sorta hijacking the thread, not even giving tips. Well, I agree with a lot of them, distraction works. I got hooked to Progaming because I just discovered it recently, and I didn't get to share it with her--it was a part of my mind that didn't remind me of her, so when it gets too much, I dwell there. Pathetic, I know, but it kept me from killing myself.
On January 15 2008 10:08 il0seonpurpose wrote: I thought you liked being heartbroken, it was in your first part but I guess it changed. Sorry to hear what happened, you're not some middle school drama kid are you?
I think things like this reminds us that we are human. As I stated I like feeling alive and I like to feel something completely real. You will understand when you get older.
Thank you, everybody. For sharing and for advice. I've read it all.
A bit afraid of this:
On January 15 2008 10:35 {88}iNcontroL wrote: If you truly love someone you can never fully "get over" them. If you can you werent in love. Its funny being so direct with something as amorpheous as "love" but I honestly think you can peg human beings on this one. That emotion is so damn powerful for 99.99% of the population that once you actually experience it with someone for a long duration of time you cannot _ever_ completely forget/ignore it. That being said having someone else in your life love or not does help dilude the effects or even make you temporarily forget. But you can never completely erase it, thats my point.
You shouldn't be afraid of what inc. said. You won't ever forget about her, but you won't always feel the same way. Things do get better. It takes time though. I've been in your boat a few times. I still remember the first time I got my heart broken when I was 17. I still remember everything about her, but it doesn't bother me anymore. In fact when I think about, I'm happy about the experience. (Not the broken heart part, but the time we spent together.)
You'll be fine in the long run. It's the short run that's hard to deal with.
EPT
