Nooba

Noona is a word used by korean males to address female older than them who they are close to (biological or not).

It's often used in a romantic relationship when a guy refers to his girlfriend (or the guy hitting on a girl) who is older/same age as him.

Noona literally means "older sister"

From Urban Dictionary

Nooba: A Short Story

by: Linestine

6-8-2020

+ Show Spoiler +

"Hello, noob." Said Susan.

"No one calls me a noob," Jessica replied.

"I call you a noob because you are a noob." Susan retorted.

"Oh really?" Jessica replied. "Takes a noob to know a noob. I always say."

"I was never a noob." Susan said condescendingly.

"Oh, you were never a noob?" Jessica practically shouted. "You were never a noob?"

"The learning process is different for everyone." Susan spoke tersely. "Not everyone starts as a noober. True gosus are never chobos."

"Ha!! Then explain why you can never get a boyfriend." Jessica screamed into the receiver.

Susan turned as red as a tomato. She practically slammed the telephone down from her ear onto the table. But she managed to retain enough composure not to break anything.

"Boys all have sticks up their butts." Said Susan. "I don't need a boy. I need a man."

"A man!" Jessica howled. "You wouldn't know a man from a noona."

"I would so." Susan said quietly. She was fuming now. "I know a noona, and for your information I'm not a boy. There are no noonas in my world."

"You are a noona." Jessica spoke quickly. Her hands rising from her lap to her lips as she thought about what a noona Susan really was.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA." Susan burst into peals of laughter. "I'm a noona!"

Susan continued laughing for several moments.

"Jessie, a noona is something a boy calls an older woman." Susan said.

"Something a boy calls you!" Jessica was practically on the verge of tears laughing. Susan was so stupid.

Susan and Jessica were several blocks from each other, living separately in Chau Doc, Vietnam. They were identical twins who had been distanced at birth because of internal conflict among the nation's political elite. Susan was a student at the prestigious Institute of Arts located in an upscale district downtown. Jessica hadn't attended college. She wore a long kimono and worked at the Buddhist Temple. Her hair was tightly fixed into a bun. Two ends of teak wood protruded from a tight black ball at the crown of her head. She was very happy at the Temple and worked six days a week. Of the two sisters, Susan hated living in Chau Doc, and nothing that happened at the Institute of Arts ever improved her mood. Susan grew more unhappy by the day, and resented being called a noona. There were three boys interested in her, but they were all older than she was, being a freshman at the Institute of Arts. When Jessica called her a noona, Susan almost always broke into tears. She knew the boys didn't really like her or respect her and being called a noona just made her feel inferior.

"I hate you." Susan said. "You're so mean. You work at the Temple 6 days a week, but you don't learn anything at all. You might as well light the monks' farts instead of burning incense. I hope they make you sweep the floors with your tongue for being such an ugly person."

"Everyone at the Temple loves me." Jessica replied haughtily. "Besides the monks are very pious and respectful. They're nothing like you."

"The monks are dirty old men who dig through each others' rucksack clothing." Susan shook her head, tempted to hang up the phone. "I hope one of the ugliest ones with a big beard, ugly nose, and wrinkled face beats you with his cane. They probably beat the nuns in secret."

"Religious persecution ended centuries ago. Everyone at the Temple is well-behaved. If you weren't so ungrateful for your soul, you would see clearly how beautiful they are." Jessica smiled to herself. "You just wish the Buddha cared for you like he does for the monks. If you had good energy your art wouldn't stink."

"My art doesn't stink!" Susan cupped her hand above her ear and ran it briskly through her hair. "You know what stinks is your attitude. Dad would never have sent you to the Temple if you weren't such a spoiled brat. Girls of high birth and good standing go to school so they can meet a nice man and get married. You just call me a noona because you're jealous. I'll have a rich husband and play the cello for him. You'll be buried with the stinking monks and their rotting bones. You'll die by yourself."

"Your art stinks. It smells like rotten cabbage. I work at the Temple to forget about what a nasty bitch you are." Jessica's smiling lips curled tightly until they formed a thin line. "People here know respect. They know proper manners. It doesn't pay a lot but at least they aren't narrow-minded art students. Art isn't even a real philosophy. If I were you, I'd drop out so father doesn't have to waste money on your tuition."

"Oh yea?" Susan decided to spring her trap. "Well last Thursday I visited the Temple to bring you lunch from mother. And guess what? When I was walking to your quarters, the Abbot was delivering scrolls from the monastic library. The Abbot was walking with them slung over his shoulder."

Jessica gasped. The Abbot was the most prestigious man at the Temple. He had presided there for more than fifty years. Jessica rarely saw him. When she did he always looked so wise. He had never even spoken to her, but she suspected he had noticed her. Jessica was very beautiful after all.

"I almost ran into him. The Abbot said he recognized me as your sister, but that he hadn't seen you today. It was like he read my mind. He said you had been teasing one of the brothers and that some of the monks thought you were a trouble maker. Before he left the Abbot told me you were spending more time with the nuns."

Jessica was red as a beat. She clutched her chest to the right of her heart. She felt the rapid pace of the throbbing in her chest. Tears moistened her vision. How could this have happened? Susan was spying on her!

"So much time spent with the nuns because the monks don't like you any more. I bet the Abbot doesn't like you either! You know what that makes you? It makes you a noona-wannabe. A wannabe noona!"

Jessica swooned. The blood rushed out of her face and she felt faint. The throbbing in her chest was a distant memory, like an airy gust on the sill of an open window. She felt her holy spirit ascend into the heaven realms.

"A wannabe noona!"

"I hate you!" Jessica screamed at her sister.

"Wannabe noona! Wannabe noona!"

"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" Jessica's presence gradually returned to her form but she found herself weeping, crying relentlessly. "I hope all your boyfriends break up with you! I hope you fail out! I hope they cast you out on the streets and you live as a vagabond! I hope you go without jewelry and they tear your clothes and steal your food! You are cursed by the Buddha! You are a wretched livestock!"

Susan was burning with glee. Her body felt like it was being savaged by fire!

Jessica's face was wet and running with salty tears.

"After all those years of calling me a noona.... We caught you cloistered with the nuns! It's because you work at the Temple but don't pray. The powers don't favor you. You'll wrinkle like a prune and die with smelly bones. Even the Abbot knows there's no hope for you!"

"You're terrible! Next time I bang the Temple gong I'll wish that you had died in father's sac! From this moment forward your art will be cursed to drape like a rucksack on the body of a ragged whore! The tea in the Temple will smell like rose petals when you cry yourself to sleep! Only the Buddha's Wisdom understands the state of your soul! The hair will fall from your head like skin from white corn! The corner of your eyes will sting like the venom of a wasp!"

"Noona! Noona! Noona! Noona! Susan's voice rang triumphantly through her apartment. "Noona! Noona! Noona! Noona! Noona!

Jessica wrenched the receiver from her ear. The lights on the cellphone went out as she pressed the power button. Her face was slick with teardrops and her whole head was ringing like it had been beaten on an anvil. Jessica took one last, long look at the cellphone, an Android. She pictured Susan's stupid face, her drooling lips, awkward nose, a pair of dumb eyes above a vacant brow. Imagining that she was throwing the Android into Susan's gaping mouth and down her throat, Jessica hurled the phone at the window pane and the glass shattered into a thousand fragments. The Android phone flew out the window and into automobile traffic where it was crushed under the weight of cars and rotating tires on silver rims. Jessica collapsed on her bed, thinking she would never have to hear from her sister, Susan, ever again until she got a new phone. This time she wouldn't get an Android. She would get an iPhone in a protective case like everyone else had, and she wouldn't take it to the Temple, so no one could ever find her unless it was the Buddha's will.

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About the Author: Linestine is a student of Economics and Applied Mathematics. His major publications include thinking about the Tarski-Banach Paradox which details the cloning of a sphere.

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