EPT
CHAPTER 5: GENERAL POSTING PROFICIENCY
Alternatively known as all of the shit I neglected to mention before. Much like a container of dildos at an orgy, this will serve to fill up any holes that may have been left unaddressed.
With this last batch of information, you should theoretically be able to start constructing Worthy Posts. Of course, this is much akin to handing a monkey a set of schematics and a hammer and expecting it to build the Taj Mahal. It might look promising for a second, until the monkey just grabs the hammer and starts wailing on his peers. Either way, it's win-win.
+ Show Spoiler [Part 1] +
Part 1: Keeping your name out of the Ban list
The sheer length of the Automated Ban List shows how tricky it can be to stay afloat on the stormy TL seas. Although the previous chapters of this series should already provide ample protection to keep you from getting shanked, it's still worth explicitly discussing.
Essentially, it's all about leniency. The longer you manage to survive in this roach motel, the more Asshole Credits you gain. You can use these credits to buy a banworthy post that will be tolerated by the staff. Just know that your credits will run out sooner or later.
What is sometimes criticized as "postcount elitism", is in fact a reward to those who have proven themselves worthy.
+ Show Spoiler [no dont] +
You cannot deny a staff member his w00tw00t and expect to get away with it with your measly six posts. Other things you should not attempt:
- starting a thread unless you're sure it's about something completely new
- flaming anyone (and I do mean anyone)
- procreating
- making eye contact with established posters
+ Show Spoiler [Click here to claim your free Playstat…] +
This is the Internet as it should be: a meritocratic caste society. *sits atop throne of nub skulls, sips cup*
The sheer length of the Automated Ban List shows how tricky it can be to stay afloat on the stormy TL seas. Although the previous chapters of this series should already provide ample protection to keep you from getting shanked, it's still worth explicitly discussing.
Essentially, it's all about leniency. The longer you manage to survive in this roach motel, the more Asshole Credits you gain. You can use these credits to buy a banworthy post that will be tolerated by the staff. Just know that your credits will run out sooner or later.
What is sometimes criticized as "postcount elitism", is in fact a reward to those who have proven themselves worthy.
+ Show Spoiler [no dont] +
You cannot deny a staff member his w00tw00t and expect to get away with it with your measly six posts. Other things you should not attempt:
- starting a thread unless you're sure it's about something completely new
- flaming anyone (and I do mean anyone)
- procreating
- making eye contact with established posters
+ Show Spoiler [Click here to claim your free Playstat…] +
On June 12 2007 16:57 a lil nub wrote:
yes sir right away sir *acquires cream and tea leaf through great effort and suffering, stabs self in stomach for virgin's blood, offers cup with dying breath*
yes sir right away sir *acquires cream and tea leaf through great effort and suffering, stabs self in stomach for virgin's blood, offers cup with dying breath*
This is the Internet as it should be: a meritocratic caste society. *sits atop throne of nub skulls, sips cup*
+ Show Spoiler [Part 2] +
Part 2: Becoming More Than Tolerated
Now that you know how you can keep your ass on the premises, let's see how you can actually be liked. I know, it sounds incredible, but everything's possible on the Internet (they don't have to put up with your odor and that annoying way in which you pronounce the word "ownage").
The failsafe way of being liked on TL is contributing. Just write a five page dissertation on why Reach is the Asian Superman and be sure to include lots of statistics and words like "Shinhan". You'll have so many tongues up your asshole, I guarantee you'll never have to buy toilet paper again in your life.
Alternatively, you can try being funny, although this will fail more often than not.
+ Show Spoiler [danger will robinson] +
Don't be that guy. Try coming up with original stuff. Instead of posting a picture of a cat with a hilarious "my pen0r isnt teh workingz!!" caption, construct a few words of your own. It's not all that hard.
+ Show Spoiler [yes this] +
This will get you popular in no time, and all it takes is hours of grueling labor to garner the empty affection of an anonymous Internet crowd. Piece of mothafuckin' cake.
Now that you know how you can keep your ass on the premises, let's see how you can actually be liked. I know, it sounds incredible, but everything's possible on the Internet (they don't have to put up with your odor and that annoying way in which you pronounce the word "ownage").
The failsafe way of being liked on TL is contributing. Just write a five page dissertation on why Reach is the Asian Superman and be sure to include lots of statistics and words like "Shinhan". You'll have so many tongues up your asshole, I guarantee you'll never have to buy toilet paper again in your life.
Alternatively, you can try being funny, although this will fail more often than not.
+ Show Spoiler [danger will robinson] +
On June 23 2007 09:05 some weeny tryin tah be funny wrote:
you shuold micro your zeals into her hive perhaps?? hahah sneakz0r teh lings into the exp im not even makin sense anymore
*chuck norris reference*
you shuold micro your zeals into her hive perhaps?? hahah sneakz0r teh lings into the exp im not even makin sense anymore
Don't be that guy. Try coming up with original stuff. Instead of posting a picture of a cat with a hilarious "my pen0r isnt teh workingz!!" caption, construct a few words of your own. It's not all that hard.
+ Show Spoiler [yes this] +
On June 23 2007 09:17 a very nice boy wrote:
This will get you popular in no time, and all it takes is hours of grueling labor to garner the empty affection of an anonymous Internet crowd. Piece of mothafuckin' cake.
So, this was the final chapter in the Art of Posting series. I hope you guys enjoyed it and picked up some Posting Skills somewhere along the way (although I'm not quite sure where, exactly).
I'm not sure what I'm going to use this blog for next, but I'll probably think of something.
Always remember, kids: ~it's not a good post till somebody quotes u~
Meretriciously yours,
The #1 Poster
