• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 06:16
CEST 12:16
KST 19:16
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
TL.net Map Contest #22 - Voting & Ladder Map Selection1Code S Season 2 (2026) - RO8 Preview4[ASL21] Finals Preview: Two Legacies21Code S Season 2 (2026) - RO12 Preview2herO wins GSL Code S Season 1 (2026)7
Community News
StarCraft II 5.0.16 PTR Patch Notes may 26th94Weekly Cups (May 18-25): MaxPax wins doubles0Crank Gathers Season 4: BW vs SC2 Team League4Weekly Cups (May 11-17): Classic wins double1Code S Season 1 (2026) - RO8 Results2
StarCraft 2
General
StarCraft II 5.0.16 PTR Patch Notes may 26th Changing from 12 to 8 is just asking for StarCraft TL Poll: How do you feel about the 5.0.16 PTR balance changes? Weekly Cups (May 11-17): Classic wins double TL.net Map Contest #22 - Voting & Ladder Map Selection
Tourneys
RSL Revival: Season 5 - Qualifiers and Main Event GSL Code S Season 2 (2026) Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament Crank Gathers Season 4: BW vs SC2 Team League GSL Code S Season 1 (2026)
Strategy
[G] Having the right mentality to improve
Custom Maps
[D]RTS in all its shapes and glory <3 [A] Nemrods 1/4 players
External Content
Welcome to the External Content forum Mutation # 527 Hell Train The PondCast: SC2 News & Results Mutation # 526 Rubber and Glue
Brood War
General
Soma's ASL Finals Review BW General Discussion OGN to release AI-upscaled StarLeague from Feb 24 FlaShFTW vs A.Alm Grudge Match Event BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/
Tourneys
[ASL21] Grand Finals [Megathread] Daily Proleagues Escore Tournament StarCraft Season 2 [BSL22] WB Final & LB Semis - Saturday 21:00 CEST
Strategy
Any training maps people recommend? Muta micro map competition [G] Hydra ZvZ: An Introduction Fighting Spirit mining rates
Other Games
General Games
Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Nintendo Switch Thread ZeroSpace Megathread Path of Exile Dawn of War IV
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
Vanilla Mini Mafia Mafia Game Mode Feedback/Ideas TL Mafia Community Thread Five o'clock TL Mafia
Community
General
Russo-Ukrainian War Thread US Politics Mega-thread Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine Trading/Investing Thread Dating: How's your luck?
Fan Clubs
The herO Fan Club!
Media & Entertainment
[Manga] One Piece Anime Discussion Thread [Req][Books] Good Fantasy/SciFi books
Sports
2024 - 2026 Football Thread McBoner: A hockey love story TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023 Formula 1 Discussion
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread Facing Challenges in Mobile App Development
TL Community
The Automated Ban List
Blogs
Esportsmanship: How to NOT B…
TrAiDoS
Why RTS gamers make better f…
gosubay
ramps on octagon
StaticNine
ASL S21 English Commentary…
namkraft
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 1756 users

June 18, 2007

Blogs > ZaplinG
Post a Reply
ZaplinG
Profile Blog Joined February 2005
United States3818 Posts
Last Edited: 2007-08-30 17:13:47
June 18 2007 06:17 GMT
#1
So here's the deal. I am writing a story about zombies and will be posting the first couple of chapters here for critiques. See the thread http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=55159 for a more detailed intro.

Without further ado, here is the first chapter (at least for right now):

------------------------------------Chapter 1 ------------------------------------

Need an intro

“I’m dying…”

“Oh, you are not. Stop complaining.”

“But I haven’t eaten in, like, ten hours! I’m going to waste away.”

“Fine.”

Ericka took one last handful and threw her bag of spicy potato chips over the table to Josh, her boyfriend Razi’s roommate. She had known him now for little over a year now and they had become fairly close. Close enough for her to not mind giving him the last few remaining crumbs.

“Aw, c’mon. What’s this trash?” Josh hissed immediately after he felt the bag’s light weight. He spun around on his chair to get underneath the light and peered inside for a better look. “I thought we were friends.”

“Oh, we are,” chuckled Ericka, “I just didn’t want to spoil your appetite before dinner.”

“Yeah right, that’s impossible. Razi probably skipped town with our money anyway.”

“All nine dollars of it?”

“ Haha, yeah. I wouldn’t put it past him.”

At this, Ericka grinned. It did not seem like something he would do, but it was still funny anyway.



Razi glanced down at the clock on his cell phone and grimaced. He had been waiting in line forever and was still only fifth in line. It was all expected of course. Every time the pizza store held a Student Appreciation Day and offered extremely discounted pies the place immediately became congested with college students trying to get the most out of their meager budgets.

A couple of female students in front of him wearing trendy school colored gym clothes turned to each other and started chatting loudly over the general noise of the store, “This is ridiculous.”

“I know. Every time I come here it’s like this.”

“We totally should have gone to the Sub Shop instead.”

“Alright, let’s go.”

“Okay, but you are driving this time.”

“Fine,” the girl on the left said. With this, they both turned out of the line and forcefully thread their way through the mass of bodies, heading for the door.

A kid who looked as if he had been working in a pizza store that had seen constant activity for seven hours straight slowly waddled over to a closed register and flipped a switch. After typing a few numbers on the keypad he regretfully announced, “I can help someone over here.”

This signaled the start of a maddening dash as the students in the back of the line quickly tried to out sprint the ones in the front to the new register. Razi had anticipated this, though, and took up a defensive stance, effectively blocking off their path and sealing the first spot for himself.

“Can I help you?” the kid behind the counter asked.
“Yes, could I have two medium pizzas – one with ham and the other with pepperoni, please” said Razi, as he fished around in his back pocket for his wallet.

“Is that all?” asked the kid. With a nod from Razi, he continued, “That will be $10.70 please. Your pizzas will be done in about fifteen minutes.”

After receiving his change, Razi took up an empty booth near the counter and pulled out his cell phone. In order to waste some time, he started scrolling through his pictures, deleting the ones he no longer cared for: a close-up of a friend taking a shot of cheap vodka, a different friend sitting on a recliner flipping the camera off, an off-center picture of a huge boat he had taken while vacationing on the coast, a picture of a homeless man who seemed to be chasing…

The picture disappeared and was replaced with large, blinking text that read ‘INCOMING CALL FROM Ericka’. Razi quickly clicked the green Talk button and flipped the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

“Hey Razi,” answered Ericka, “We are starving – where are you?”

“Still at the pizza place. Everyone is going nuts, but I managed to get our order in without breaking any bones.” explained Razi, only half joking.

“How much was it?”

He hesitantly answered, “Ten seventy,” Something outside the large glass window that served as a wall had caught his eye. A group of around five students, presumably members of the football team by their clothes, were sprinting down the narrow two lane road leading from campus towards the pizza store.



“Hello…?” questioned Ericka.

Looking over at Ericka’s puzzled face, Josh laughed, “Haha, what wrong now?” He had taken up residence on his bed which occupied the greater right half of their dorm room. “I told you he was skipping town!”

“I’m st…ll here,” replied Razi.

With a confused face, Ericka asked, “What is all that noise in the background?? Where are you?”

“St… in the pi…a store… A gr…p of guys …st ran into here…”

Ericka wrinkled her nose, “Razi I can’t hear you! Talk louder!”

“Holy …uck, they are attacki…,” shouted Razi.

Her expression changed from confusion to one of fear. The campus was safe enough, but there was recently a stabbing just off the grounds. Looking for some quick cash, a presumed crack addict had viciously attacked a student who was waiting at the local bus stop.

Josh, able to clearly hear the louder than normal conversation sat up and moved to the edge of his bed. All too aware of the recent attack himself, he no longer was smiling. “What’s going on?” he demanded.

A deafening crash was heard on the other end of the telephone line, which was followed by piercing screams.

“On…f them just tackled through the gl…ss. I have to get th.. hell out of here!”

At this, Ericka let out a short gasp. Josh urgently motioned for the phone. When it was passed to him, he shouted into it, “What’s going on, dude? You want me to come down there?!”

“I’m go…g to try to … et to my ca…”

“You sure, dude?”

“Yeah… Du… they are fuc…ng … eating people…”



Razi was knocked back against the booth table he had been sitting at only minutes earlier, forcefully pushing the air from his lungs and causing his cell phone to be thrown to the floor. The taste of blood crept into his mouth as he lie temporary helpless and unable to move. What was going on?

The football player who earlier crashed through the window slowly regained his footing. Razi could do nothing but stare as he murderously leapt, despite the shards of glass embedded in his face and hands, at the kid still trapped behind the counter. In a feeble attempt of defense, the cashier began to wildly flail his arms at his assailant in a manner that may have looked comical had the situation been slightly less bloody. In their short scuffle, the microphone pager sitting near the cashier was knocked off the counter and crashed to the floor with the power switch in the ‘on’ position. The sounds of ripping flesh and gurgled cries as the football player grabbed and sank his teeth into the cashier’s arm were amplified as they echoed through the back end of the store. A smattering of blood exploded from the kid’s open wound onto the opposing wall which was enough to finally spur Razi to his feet.

Another football player clambered into the store through the large broken window. Diving upon a screaming girl who was wearing an obnoxiously brightly colored sorority shirt, the two fell to the floor in a tangled mess. Most of the other customers had rushed into the parking lot leaving Razi and a few others who were furthest away from the doors alone with the two football players who were busy feasting on their fallen victims. *******rework******

Razi heard another scream coming from the direction of the broken front door. A quick glance in the direction of the voice showed a grim scene as the remaining football players were attacking the fleeing students. Deciding that the safer route would be through the window, Razi started running towards it. With a nimble leap, he cleared the low post and was outside.

After making a wide sweep around the center of action, Razi arrived at his car. He fervently searched his pockets for keys and found only the change he received for his pizza. They must have fallen out of his pocket when the mob knocked him down earlier in the store. He would have to go back in to get them.



“What? Dude, I’m coming down there… Hello?” A large bang followed seconds later by a prerecorded message explaining how his call was lost ended the conversation. He handed the phone back to Ericka. “I’m gonna head down there and see what’s up,” he said, “Just stay here incase he comes back before I do. Once I figure out what’s going on, I’ll call you and let you know.”

“Alright,” came an answer, “You think he’s okay?”

Josh forced a smile, “Yeah I’m sure he’s fine. It’s probably just a bunch of drunk idiots anyway.”

“But I heard him say ‘they are eating people’...”

This caused Josh to pause. He had subconsciously ignored that part of the conversation with Razi. Now with Ericka saying the phrase again, it forced him to consider it. Without an immediate answer, he simply shrugged his shoulders and grabbed his keys.


***
Don't believe the florist when he tells you that the roses are free
ZaplinG
Profile Blog Joined February 2005
United States3818 Posts
June 18 2007 06:27 GMT
#2
Wow, I have no idea how to write action/fight scenes. If anyone has words of advice, please let me know :O
Don't believe the florist when he tells you that the roses are free
decafchicken
Profile Blog Joined January 2005
United States20163 Posts
June 20 2007 05:16 GMT
#3
Describe the fights more. Random blood flying from jugular on to wall?
How was he attacked?
Did he struggle?
etc...
how reasonable is it to eat off wood instead of your tummy?
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
RSL Revival
07:00
Season 5: Playoffs Day 6
herO vs ClemLIVE!
Tasteless2068
IntoTheiNu 625
Ryung 484
IndyStarCraft 232
3DClanTV 134
Rex123
LiquipediaDiscussion
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
Tasteless 2068
Ryung 484
IndyStarCraft 232
Rex 123
StarCraft: Brood War
firebathero 4542
Sea 3649
Horang2 1905
EffOrt 268
sorry 72
ZerO 70
ToSsGirL 63
JulyZerg 62
Last 52
Sacsri 50
[ Show more ]
[sc1f]eonzerg 31
IntoTheRainbow 16
NotJumperer 15
Barracks 10
Nal_rA 5
Counter-Strike
edward144
Heroes of the Storm
MindelVK8
Other Games
summit1g10675
Happy267
amsayoshi68
Mew2King65
ZerO(Twitch)5
Organizations
Counter-Strike
PGL248
StarCraft: Brood War
lovetv 27
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
[ Show 12 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
• sooper7s
StarCraft: Brood War
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
League of Legends
• Nemesis2085
• Stunt596
Upcoming Events
Maestros of the Game
2h 44m
SHIN vs Nicoract
Rogue vs Gerald
ByuN vs Shameless
Cure vs TriGGeR
OSC
2h 44m
IPSL
5h 44m
Dragon vs Artosis
dxtr13 vs Hawk
Showmatch
5h 44m
Percival vs Lambo
ByuN vs Clem
YoungYakov vs GuMiho
ByuN vs Creator
BSL
8h 44m
Wardi Open
1d 1h
Monday Night Weeklies
1d 5h
Replay Cast
1d 13h
Sparkling Tuna Cup
1d 23h
WardiTV Spring Champion…
2 days
[ Show More ]
Maestros of the Game
2 days
The PondCast
2 days
Kung Fu Cup
3 days
uThermal 2v2 Circuit
3 days
Maestros of the Game
3 days
Replay Cast
3 days
Replay Cast
3 days
WardiTV Spring Champion…
4 days
Maestros of the Game
4 days
Replay Cast
4 days
uThermal 2v2 Circuit
5 days
Maestros of the Game
5 days
Replay Cast
5 days
Solar vs Classic
uThermal 2v2 Circuit
6 days
GSL
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Escore Tournament S2: King of Kings
2026 GSL S1
Heroes Pulsing #1

Ongoing

2026 KK StarCraft Pro League
BSL Season 22
IPSL Spring 2026
KCM Race Survival 2026 Season 2
KK 2v2 League Season 1
Acropolis #4
CSCL: Masked Kings S4
YSL S3
SCTL 2026 Spring
WardiTV Spring 2026
Maestros of the Game 2
2026 GSL S2
RSL Revival: Season 5
Murky Cup 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 2
CS Asia Championships 2026
Asian Champions League 2026
IEM Atlanta 2026
PGL Astana 2026
BLAST Rivals Spring 2026
IEM Rio 2026
PGL Bucharest 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 1
BLAST Open Spring 2026

Upcoming

BSL 22 Non-Korean Championship
CSLAN 4
Blizzard Classic Cup 2026
Kung Fu Cup 2026 Grand Finals
CranK Gathers Season 4: BW vs SC2 Team League
HSC XXIX
uThermal 2v2 2026 Main Event
Heroes Pulsing #3
Heroes Pulsing #2
Esports World Cup 2026
BLAST Bounty Summer 2026
BLAST Bounty Summer Qual
Stake Ranked Episode 3
XSE Pro League 2026
IEM Cologne Major 2026
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2026 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.