• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EST 13:13
CET 19:13
KST 03:13
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
[ASL22] Finals Preview: Sweet Victory!12[ASL22] Ro4 Preview: Mirror Mirror6[ASL22] Ro8 Preview: Within Reach5[ASL22] Ro8 Preview: In A Tizzy11[ASL22] Ro16 Preview: Holy Diver5
Community News
Weekly Cups (October 19-25): Clem triples first in 5.0.175Evil Geniuses - shutting down21ISSL (IntoTheTV x SOOP SC2 League): Premier6Weekly Cups (October 12-18): 5.0.17 era begins1[$1250] International ShieldBattery League98
StarCraft 2
General
No more SC2 streamers on team liquid? Evil Geniuses - shutting down Behind the Blue - Team Liquid History Book SC2 Power Rank: epic29 Weekly Cups (October 19-25): Clem triples first in 5.0.17
Tourneys
Stellar Fest TWO the Moon (Dec 16-20) Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament RSL goes to London! 2026 Offline Finals Nov 21-22 ISSL (IntoTheTV x SOOP SC2 League): Premier RSL 2026 Offline Finals LCQ Sign-Ups
Strategy
[H] ZvP Mid-Late Game: Stalkers Collossi HT
Custom Maps
[D] the control group Simple Questions/Answers [G] How to playtest arcade maps [A] Nemrods 1/4 players
External Content
The PondCast: SC2 News & Results Mutation # 549 Endless Sparkles Mutation # 548 Shining Bright Mutation # 547 Temple Of Terror
Brood War
General
BW General Discussion Rollback Netcode in Brood War Mathematicians needed to calc "Low Econ Epicness" SCHNAIL now supports Remastered Ziemie's Starcraft 1 Prequel Campaign
Tourneys
[$1250] International ShieldBattery League [Megathread] Daily Proleagues [ASL22] Grand Finals 2v2v2v2 Tournament Stage 1: Community Poll
Strategy
50,000-Word Terran Builds Memo 2026-10-22 Cliff Jump Revisited (1 in a 1000 strategy) Simple Questions, Simple Answers
Other Games
General Games
Deus Ex 3!? Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Nintendo Switch Thread Mobile Legends: Bang Bang Armies of Exigo - YesYes?
Dota 2
Dota 2 Champions League Season 3 Begins April 25!
League of Legends
[TL LoL EUW IHs] Teemo shall perish
Heroes of the Storm
Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug
TL Mafia
TL Mafia Community Thread
Community
General
Russo-Ukrainian War Thread US Politics Mega-thread Canadian Politics Mega-thread Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine European Politico-economics QA Mega-thread
Fan Clubs
Reynor Fan Club The Flash Fan Club Serral Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
Anime Discussion Thread Movie Discussion! [Manga] One Piece
Sports
Football (Soccer) Thread TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023 MLB/Baseball 2023
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread
TL Community
Recent Gifted Posts
Blogs
Why I built Repalyzer (1.1.…
BlueStar
Innovate or Game Over?
TrAiDoS
ShieldBattery on Mac
Kraekkling
[ASL22] Ro4 Day1 Ticket Giv…
bITt.mAN
Can Bots Beat Pros?? Starcr…
namkraft
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 7817 users

June 18, 2007

Blogs > ZaplinG
Post a Reply
ZaplinG
Profile Blog Joined February 2005
United States3818 Posts
Last Edited: 2007-08-30 17:13:47
June 18 2007 06:17 GMT
#1
So here's the deal. I am writing a story about zombies and will be posting the first couple of chapters here for critiques. See the thread http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=55159 for a more detailed intro.

Without further ado, here is the first chapter (at least for right now):

------------------------------------Chapter 1 ------------------------------------

Need an intro

“I’m dying…”

“Oh, you are not. Stop complaining.”

“But I haven’t eaten in, like, ten hours! I’m going to waste away.”

“Fine.”

Ericka took one last handful and threw her bag of spicy potato chips over the table to Josh, her boyfriend Razi’s roommate. She had known him now for little over a year now and they had become fairly close. Close enough for her to not mind giving him the last few remaining crumbs.

“Aw, c’mon. What’s this trash?” Josh hissed immediately after he felt the bag’s light weight. He spun around on his chair to get underneath the light and peered inside for a better look. “I thought we were friends.”

“Oh, we are,” chuckled Ericka, “I just didn’t want to spoil your appetite before dinner.”

“Yeah right, that’s impossible. Razi probably skipped town with our money anyway.”

“All nine dollars of it?”

“ Haha, yeah. I wouldn’t put it past him.”

At this, Ericka grinned. It did not seem like something he would do, but it was still funny anyway.



Razi glanced down at the clock on his cell phone and grimaced. He had been waiting in line forever and was still only fifth in line. It was all expected of course. Every time the pizza store held a Student Appreciation Day and offered extremely discounted pies the place immediately became congested with college students trying to get the most out of their meager budgets.

A couple of female students in front of him wearing trendy school colored gym clothes turned to each other and started chatting loudly over the general noise of the store, “This is ridiculous.”

“I know. Every time I come here it’s like this.”

“We totally should have gone to the Sub Shop instead.”

“Alright, let’s go.”

“Okay, but you are driving this time.”

“Fine,” the girl on the left said. With this, they both turned out of the line and forcefully thread their way through the mass of bodies, heading for the door.

A kid who looked as if he had been working in a pizza store that had seen constant activity for seven hours straight slowly waddled over to a closed register and flipped a switch. After typing a few numbers on the keypad he regretfully announced, “I can help someone over here.”

This signaled the start of a maddening dash as the students in the back of the line quickly tried to out sprint the ones in the front to the new register. Razi had anticipated this, though, and took up a defensive stance, effectively blocking off their path and sealing the first spot for himself.

“Can I help you?” the kid behind the counter asked.
“Yes, could I have two medium pizzas – one with ham and the other with pepperoni, please” said Razi, as he fished around in his back pocket for his wallet.

“Is that all?” asked the kid. With a nod from Razi, he continued, “That will be $10.70 please. Your pizzas will be done in about fifteen minutes.”

After receiving his change, Razi took up an empty booth near the counter and pulled out his cell phone. In order to waste some time, he started scrolling through his pictures, deleting the ones he no longer cared for: a close-up of a friend taking a shot of cheap vodka, a different friend sitting on a recliner flipping the camera off, an off-center picture of a huge boat he had taken while vacationing on the coast, a picture of a homeless man who seemed to be chasing…

The picture disappeared and was replaced with large, blinking text that read ‘INCOMING CALL FROM Ericka’. Razi quickly clicked the green Talk button and flipped the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

“Hey Razi,” answered Ericka, “We are starving – where are you?”

“Still at the pizza place. Everyone is going nuts, but I managed to get our order in without breaking any bones.” explained Razi, only half joking.

“How much was it?”

He hesitantly answered, “Ten seventy,” Something outside the large glass window that served as a wall had caught his eye. A group of around five students, presumably members of the football team by their clothes, were sprinting down the narrow two lane road leading from campus towards the pizza store.



“Hello…?” questioned Ericka.

Looking over at Ericka’s puzzled face, Josh laughed, “Haha, what wrong now?” He had taken up residence on his bed which occupied the greater right half of their dorm room. “I told you he was skipping town!”

“I’m st…ll here,” replied Razi.

With a confused face, Ericka asked, “What is all that noise in the background?? Where are you?”

“St… in the pi…a store… A gr…p of guys …st ran into here…”

Ericka wrinkled her nose, “Razi I can’t hear you! Talk louder!”

“Holy …uck, they are attacki…,” shouted Razi.

Her expression changed from confusion to one of fear. The campus was safe enough, but there was recently a stabbing just off the grounds. Looking for some quick cash, a presumed crack addict had viciously attacked a student who was waiting at the local bus stop.

Josh, able to clearly hear the louder than normal conversation sat up and moved to the edge of his bed. All too aware of the recent attack himself, he no longer was smiling. “What’s going on?” he demanded.

A deafening crash was heard on the other end of the telephone line, which was followed by piercing screams.

“On…f them just tackled through the gl…ss. I have to get th.. hell out of here!”

At this, Ericka let out a short gasp. Josh urgently motioned for the phone. When it was passed to him, he shouted into it, “What’s going on, dude? You want me to come down there?!”

“I’m go…g to try to … et to my ca…”

“You sure, dude?”

“Yeah… Du… they are fuc…ng … eating people…”



Razi was knocked back against the booth table he had been sitting at only minutes earlier, forcefully pushing the air from his lungs and causing his cell phone to be thrown to the floor. The taste of blood crept into his mouth as he lie temporary helpless and unable to move. What was going on?

The football player who earlier crashed through the window slowly regained his footing. Razi could do nothing but stare as he murderously leapt, despite the shards of glass embedded in his face and hands, at the kid still trapped behind the counter. In a feeble attempt of defense, the cashier began to wildly flail his arms at his assailant in a manner that may have looked comical had the situation been slightly less bloody. In their short scuffle, the microphone pager sitting near the cashier was knocked off the counter and crashed to the floor with the power switch in the ‘on’ position. The sounds of ripping flesh and gurgled cries as the football player grabbed and sank his teeth into the cashier’s arm were amplified as they echoed through the back end of the store. A smattering of blood exploded from the kid’s open wound onto the opposing wall which was enough to finally spur Razi to his feet.

Another football player clambered into the store through the large broken window. Diving upon a screaming girl who was wearing an obnoxiously brightly colored sorority shirt, the two fell to the floor in a tangled mess. Most of the other customers had rushed into the parking lot leaving Razi and a few others who were furthest away from the doors alone with the two football players who were busy feasting on their fallen victims. *******rework******

Razi heard another scream coming from the direction of the broken front door. A quick glance in the direction of the voice showed a grim scene as the remaining football players were attacking the fleeing students. Deciding that the safer route would be through the window, Razi started running towards it. With a nimble leap, he cleared the low post and was outside.

After making a wide sweep around the center of action, Razi arrived at his car. He fervently searched his pockets for keys and found only the change he received for his pizza. They must have fallen out of his pocket when the mob knocked him down earlier in the store. He would have to go back in to get them.



“What? Dude, I’m coming down there… Hello?” A large bang followed seconds later by a prerecorded message explaining how his call was lost ended the conversation. He handed the phone back to Ericka. “I’m gonna head down there and see what’s up,” he said, “Just stay here incase he comes back before I do. Once I figure out what’s going on, I’ll call you and let you know.”

“Alright,” came an answer, “You think he’s okay?”

Josh forced a smile, “Yeah I’m sure he’s fine. It’s probably just a bunch of drunk idiots anyway.”

“But I heard him say ‘they are eating people’...”

This caused Josh to pause. He had subconsciously ignored that part of the conversation with Razi. Now with Ericka saying the phrase again, it forced him to consider it. Without an immediate answer, he simply shrugged his shoulders and grabbed his keys.


***
Don't believe the florist when he tells you that the roses are free
ZaplinG
Profile Blog Joined February 2005
United States3818 Posts
June 18 2007 06:27 GMT
#2
Wow, I have no idea how to write action/fight scenes. If anyone has words of advice, please let me know :O
Don't believe the florist when he tells you that the roses are free
decafchicken
Profile Blog Joined January 2005
United States20176 Posts
June 20 2007 05:16 GMT
#3
Describe the fights more. Random blood flying from jugular on to wall?
How was he attacked?
Did he struggle?
etc...
how reasonable is it to eat off wood instead of your tummy?
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
IPSL
02:00
Ro24 Group C
Artosis vs RiceHat
Kyrie vs Sony
Liquipedia
Yamato Cup
01:00
Double Elimination Bracekt
killerbeecast12
LiquipediaDiscussion
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
Harstem 576
IndyStarCraft 381
BRAT_OK 54
EmSc Tv 28
StarCraft: Brood War
Bisu 1131
Horang2 525
Soulkey 226
Dewaltoss 150
Mind 95
Zeus 73
HiyA 47
Hyun 43
soO 29
sorry 26
[ Show more ]
ToSsGirL 19
Sacsri 12
Dota 2
febbydoto4
LuMiX1
Counter-Strike
allub766
kRYSTAL_44
Super Smash Bros
C9.Mang00
Heroes of the Storm
Khaldor423
Other Games
tarik_tv9509
singsing2144
Liquid`RaSZi2132
Grubby1179
B2W.Neo1070
XaKoH 240
KnowMe191
RotterdaM119
dupreeh117
QueenE93
Organizations
Counter-Strike
PGL1507
Other Games
gamesdonequick449
ComeBackTV 404
StarCraft 2
EmSc Tv 28
EmSc2Tv 28
angryscii 14
[ Show 21 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• EmpressLilyy105
• StrangeGG 42
• Hinosc 30
• Adnapsc2 15
• Reevou 1
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• Laughngamez YouTube
• Migwel
StarCraft: Brood War
• Airneanach120
• 80smullet 17
• FirePhoenix7
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
Dota 2
• C_a_k_e 2952
• WagamamaTV669
Other Games
• Shiphtur545
• imaqtpie529
Upcoming Events
Map Test Tournament
4h 47m
WardiTV Weekly
17h 47m
Ultimate Battle
17h 47m
Rush vs BeSt
Replay Cast
1d 4h
Rogue vs Classic
Patches Events
1d 18h
PiGosaur Cup
2 days
Kung Fu Cup
2 days
The PondCast
3 days
KCM Race Survival
3 days
IntoTheTV X SOOP
5 days
herO vs Rogue
Reynor vs Solar
ByuN vs SHIN
Clem vs MaxPax
[ Show More ]
WardiTV Invitational
5 days
IPSL
5 days
WorsT vs nOmaD
Dewalt vs andersOn
IntoTheTV X SOOP
6 days
WardiTV Invitational
6 days
IPSL
6 days
Azhi_Dahaki vs ggnore13
Double vs WIZARD
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Proleague 2026-10-30
Blizzard Classic Cup 2026
HCC Season 3

Ongoing

Acropolis #5
KCM Race Survival 2026 Season 4
International ShieldBattery League
BSL Season 23
IPSL Winter 2026-27
PGL Masters Bucharest 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 5
1win Private Club #2
Thunderpick World Champ. '26
ESL Pro League Season 24
Stake Ranked Episode 4
1win Private Club #1
Logitech G Play Connect 2026
SL StarSeries Fall 2026
FISSURE Playground #3
BLAST Open Fall 2026
Esports World Cup 2026

Upcoming

1xBet Invitational
SC4ALL II: Brood War
BSL 23: Non-Korean Championship
HSC XXX
Stellar Fest 2: Lunar Cup
SC4ALL II: StarCraft II
Kung Fu Cup 2026 Grand Finals
RSL Offline Finals
BLAST Bounty Winter 2027
eXTREMESLAND 2026
PGL Major Singapore 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 6
BLAST Rivals Fall 2026
IEM Beijing 2026
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2026 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.