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There's this girl from my previous that I am now trying to date. But there's one thing: she's TOO busy. She works from 8:30 to 21h almost every day, and when she gets home she has to do other work-related stuff.
She has always thought of me as a friend, despite me trying many times to become her bf. But a few days ago she told me the reason she didn't like me was because I seemed "lazy", and I kinda changed her mind (though she wasn't really wrong). She agreed to date me if I work hard. She had a cute, shy smile when she said that. It was such a romantic moment.
But then a few days later, I asked her out to a football match and she said ok, but needed to ask her landlady about moving her stuff and would tell me in the morning if she could. Our date was 7pm but she still hadn't said anything when it was 5:30pm, so I texted her. She said "I can't go, you go ahead". Like it's fucking nothing. Then out of frustration I called her:
Me: hey you couldn't go?
Her: yeah I can't, you go ahead.
Me: why?
Her: I have to move my stuff from the 1st floor to 4th floor.
etc.
I drove to her house to see if I could help her, but she wasn't there. Something seemed fishy. I called her:
Me: hey where are you?
Her: uhm.............. I'm at my friend's!
Me: then why the hell did you tell me you were moving stuff?
Her: I did! then I went to my friend's. (it was only like 6h53pm, which meant she still could have gone with me, but chose not to).
We had a quarrel and I decided we should talk, so I went to her friend's. I wanted to talk about the fact that despite being "friends", she never initiated any contact with me whatsoever, it was always me texting her. And the fact that twice she had canceled our hangout at the last minute with a simple message.
She was there with her friend and told me they were going to have a birthday party for her friend, so if I had something to say let's talk real quick. I had too much to say so after some hesitation I decided to schedule the talk for tomorrow.
I'm gonna tell her that being friends with her is too tiring and that she has to choose: be in a official relationship with me or nothing. It feels a bit harsh, but I can't take this anymore.
 
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Why cant you just remain friends? If she doesnt want to make time for you then shes not interested so you move on. Find some other girl to date. No reason to waste your time.
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shouldnt drive to her place w/o invite
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On May 13 2019 18:09 solidbebe wrote:
Why cant you just remain friends? If she doesnt want to make time for you then shes not interested so you move on. Find some other girl to date. No reason to waste your time.
Did you read everything? I like her but being friends with her is too tiring.
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Get the hint? She doesn't want to date you. You don't want to be friends with her. What is the problem?
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On May 13 2019 19:03 Garnet wrote:Show nested quote +On May 13 2019 18:09 solidbebe wrote:
Why cant you just remain friends? If she doesnt want to make time for you then shes not interested so you move on. Find some other girl to date. No reason to waste your time. Did you read everything? I like her but being friends with her is too tiring.
Being friends with her is too tiring, so you want to date her instead?
Just move on and find someone you actually like spending time with.
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I think you’re coming off as a needy beta and she is super turned off by it. A lot of women want what they can’t have, they don’t want some guy pestering them for a date, you need to just say fuck it and accept that she doesn’t want to date you and move on this second. As soon as you stop trying to hit her up and when she realizes that you’re done with her, she may come back to you for attention. If she does you have to not come off as a needy weirdo like you have been doing and I’m sure things will go more in your favour
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She ain't interested. I suggest you move on and find another girl to date. It's very obvious from the way your telling the story.
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girls don't have to date you. blowing you off doesn't make them bad people nor does it entitle you to any type of reparation from them. if it's this hard for you to get over a girl with zero interest in you then you need to take a very serious look at your attitude toward women
also please ignore castleemg's inaccurate incel shit
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Bisutopia19190 Posts
I find it's much more enjoyable when you meet a girl and just simply "hit it off". I personally never pursued a girl who doesn't seemed interested in me. I've known too many guys who do this and spend years hung up on one girl. It's not worth your time trying to force this to happen and definitely don't do any formal dates. Group settings where you can show you are just a fun person to be around or meeting for coffee and chat is the best way to form a bond with someone.
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On May 13 2019 23:26 brickrd wrote:
girls don't have to date you. blowing you off doesn't make them bad people nor does it entitle you to any type of reparation from them. if it's this hard for you to get over a girl with zero interest in you then you need to take a very serious look at your attitude toward women
also please ignore castleemg's inaccurate incel shit
Might be too late. The girl did a jerk move, probably hoping he'll get the hint, but he is already engaging in some stalker behaviour...
Pretty strange that he knew where her and her friend was.
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On May 13 2019 23:26 brickrd wrote:
girls don't have to date you. blowing you off doesn't make them bad people nor does it entitle you to any type of reparation from them. if it's this hard for you to get over a girl with zero interest in you then you need to take a very serious look at your attitude toward women
also please ignore castleemg's inaccurate incel shit
What? Lol im saying girls don’t like when you come off as needy guy which OP has pretty much expressed that he’s been overly perusing this girl despite the obvious signs that she’s just not that interested. What does my reply have to do anything with incels? Because I used the word “beta”? Or because I said a lot of girls want what they can’t have or want what is harder to obtain? Both of which are very true. Or are you implying that I’m an incel? Lmao very interesting
Edit: I think the situation is past the point of fixing anyways. I don’t get the idea behind saying “be my girlfriend or don’t be friends with me at all.” That’s not how relationships are built lol. Plus you tracked her down when she canceled plans, that’s a big yikes
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Girls blogs never disappoint 
Thanks TL <3
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All this is in your head.
In her mind, it's pretty simple - you are not important enough.
You 'scheduled' the talk for tomorrow, but guess what, tomorrow she will not have time for it. Let me know if I'm right :p
Sounds like you're having a relationship in your head, that's pretty disassociated from reality.
Good luck, grow, approach more girls, get experience and it will be easier. Right now you seem too clumsy and too inaccurate in reading the other person.
Short messages if in majority mean 'you don't mean enough to me'. ' i am not curious about you'.
You are objecting to her that she never initates contact? Like, you think she forgot? She really cares about you, is curios, eager to hang out, but forgets to initiate contact? Or, do you think she's crying at home, waiting for your message because 'girls shouldn't initiate'?
Dude 
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Papua New Guinea1058 Posts
It does seem like you really want to break out of the friendzone but she wants none of that. Giving her the ultimatum will not solve any of your problems. Grow up and move on.
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On May 13 2019 17:11 Garnet wrote:There's this girl from my previous that I am now trying to date. But there's one thing: she's TOO busy. She works from 8:30 to 21h almost every day, and when she gets home she has to do other work-related stuff. She has always thought of me as a friend, despite me trying many times to become her bf. But a few days ago she told me the reason she didn't like me was because I seemed "lazy", and I kinda changed her mind (though she wasn't really wrong). She agreed to date me if I work hard. She had a cute, shy smile when she said that. It was such a romantic moment. But then a few days later, I asked her out to a football match and she said ok, but needed to ask her landlady about moving her stuff and would tell me in the morning if she could. Our date was 7pm but she still hadn't said anything when it was 5:30pm, so I texted her. She said "I can't go, you go ahead". Like it's fucking nothing. Then out of frustration I called her: Me: hey you couldn't go? Her: yeah I can't, you go ahead. Me: why? Her: I have to move my stuff from the 1st floor to 4th floor. etc. I drove to her house to see if I could help her, but she wasn't there. Something seemed fishy. I called her: Me: hey where are you? Her: uhm.............. I'm at my friend's! Me: then why the hell did you tell me you were moving stuff? Her: I did! then I went to my friend's. (it was only like 6h53pm, which meant she still could have gone with me, but chose not to). We had a quarrel and I decided we should talk, so I went to her friend's. I wanted to talk about the fact that despite being "friends", she never initiated any contact with me whatsoever, it was always me texting her. And the fact that twice she had canceled our hangout at the last minute with a simple message. She was there with her friend and told me they were going to have a birthday party for her friend, so if I had something to say let's talk real quick. I had too much to say so after some hesitation I decided to schedule the talk for tomorrow. I'm gonna tell her that being friends with her is too tiring and that she has to choose: be in a official relationship with me or nothing. It feels a bit harsh, but I can't take this anymore.
from all the info you've given she's not into you, sorry man
and your behavior sounds clingy. wanting to "talk" because she cancelled the hangout at the last minute should've already sent you the clear signals you need. move on, find someone else.
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You are wasting your time
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Speaking from experience, she is not into you & it is in your best interest to let it go soon. Even if she said she "agreed to date" you if you work harder. Even if she wanted to hang out with you initially or maybe even flirted with you at one point. She may have even been interested in you at one point. BUT, there is this thing that happens ALL THE TIME. They LOSE INTEREST and would rather stay friends. It's normal & happens all the time, like I said.
If she liked you, she would make an effort to talk and hang out with you. She is clearly not doing that. You need to get the message.
At this point, all you can really do is salvage a friendship with her.
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![[image loading]](https://s3.amazonaws.com/lowres.cartoonstock.com/marriage-relationships-knight-knight_in_shining_armour-armor-boyfriend-husband-jknn460_low.jpg)
Funny your choice of words:
she says you are lazy (she's scared of your "laziness")
you say this thing is too tiring?
do you not see this?
you can't be anyone's knight in shinning armor if you got potato chips on your belly and mayo on your sword...
you can't have your cake and eat it too!?
or you are madly in love and it is sad that she isn't
or she's too much work so then time to check if there's more chips...
most people here want to help you even if they told you all those nastiness..
indeed, if she did see you in a more favorable light (her type of lighting obviously, you working to become more better faster lol) and you did play aloof then maybe you'd get somewhere..
on the other hand i do agree (read "ag reeee") with the sentiment that stalking her will get you in prison or worse.
not sure this is at all a girlblog,
this is a "boi" blog
(not that there's any issue with that, just wanted to highlight the miss-titling)
gl and yes hf
(fun is a good base for a relationship to go further, "tiring/lazy" is not a foundation at all)
gl coz you know.. relationships are hard and need work (not cheat* but actual work)
cheat* : cheating would be you stalking her (using all your might pumping you up with all the testosterone) and cornering her like (and this was mentioned earlier in the thread) she owes you anything.
she doesn't owe you anymore than to let you off easy (which is probably what she is doing?)..
and you want to make her say she was hiding it? you weird dude,
ohh .. did you forget to also cry and beg her?
..you know she isn't going to jump on your "feverish" horse and ride into the sunset if you do this particular song.. you know this!? or do you?
the puzzle seems less weird when u take into account that you blog about it?
.. mmm!?then i'm here to wish you "good luck",
yes you deserve some form of happiness (maybe .. i don't know you, how would i know?) but..
she owes you nothing and you are taking all this relationship thingee backward..
and
no you can't put people on the spot (her lying to "avoid" you) and expect to end up in their pants later...
![[image loading]](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSJtF_irynQ0AvTC3z7XOrU4r5zsrrYGegbOsqjUp31RfXelh8F)
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Entertaining read, to be sure. A guy makes himself like a total clown, like a needy creep, humiliates himself a couple of times. Yet he is desperate (I dare not use stupid) enough to share this total lack of dignity and self-respect with a board related to pc games.
My advice would be to let this girl be and immediately start to improve your personality somehow. Why are you even wondering she is avoiding you and cancelling "plans" with you? Look at yourself - getting frustrated at her cancelling plans with a random nobody. What right do you have to inquire further after the cancellation? It's done, get over it, move on, reality is what it is, it is not changing to suit your moods.
You seem to only moan and mourn, digging further into the situation when it was blindingly obvious that she never really meant to go out with you. Is this how a man is supposed to act around a girl he says he likes? If you answer with a resounding "Yes!" I pity you even more than I do so now.
Your behavior is really shameful. Who would not hate such a creature as you?
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On May 13 2019 17:11 Garnet wrote:
there's one thing: she's TOO busy. She works from 8:30 to 21h almost every day, and when she gets home she has to do other work-related stuff.
One question: Are you really sure that she actually does work that long everyday? I read the first blog and you say there that you guys are colleagues, which makes me stop from instantly claiming that it's a lie.
On May 13 2019 17:11 Garnet wrote:
She has always thought of me as a friend, despite me trying many times to become her bf.
Trying many times just shouldn't have flown with you in the first place. If trying to become her boyfriend doesn't work the first time, it's not going to work the subsequent times. The best you'll be getting is called "pity sex" or "mercy fuck" and chances are slimmer than a paper even on that one.
On May 13 2019 17:11 Garnet wrote:
But a few days ago she told me the reason she didn't like me was because I seemed "lazy", and I kinda changed her mind (though she wasn't really wrong). She agreed to date me if I work hard. She had a cute, shy smile when she said that. It was such a romantic moment.
It was not a romantic moment. It was a textbook shit test and not even a subtle one.
On May 13 2019 17:11 Garnet wrote:
...rest of the story...
I don't even want to talk about it because it's impossible to say anything constructive about it. Going to the friend's place is unacceptable in any western country, almost to the point of getting in trouble with the law (thank God you're in Vietnam) and even if you don't get in any trouble with the law, it just puts you in an inferior position to the girl. You don't want that. One of the reasons why you don't want that is the simple fact that women hate that. Women simply hate men with inferior positions to them. The other reason is that you have self respect. You don't need to fact-check her lies, you're better than that. You don't need to go over and talk to her about her lies too, you're better than that. She lied to you for one reason or another. You, in my opinion, shouldn't care why, because you're better than that. I honestly would cut all of my contact with her and keep her strictly business from now on. There are better women out there, proper ladies. Go find them instead of wasting your time on someone who doesn't even want to have anything with you.
P.S. There is a reason why I never invite anyone for a first date to places where I need to buy tickets in advance. Because getting bailed on in the first date happens to all of us, especially for worse looking people than you (I do believe that I'm not exactly good looking myself) and when that happens, I don't want to be stuck with the price of two tickets as if being stuck with my dick in my right hand isn't bad enough.
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On May 14 2019 19:33 Djagulingu wrote:Show nested quote +On May 13 2019 17:11 Garnet wrote:
there's one thing: she's TOO busy. She works from 8:30 to 21h almost every day, and when she gets home she has to do other work-related stuff.
One question: Are you really sure that she actually does work that long everyday? I read the first blog and you say there that you guys are colleagues, which makes me stop from instantly claiming that it's a lie.
She's a teacher and from 2pm to 6pm she doesn't have to teach, but still chooses to do work-related stuff.
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On May 14 2019 17:10 JoinTheRain wrote:
Entertaining read, to be sure. A guy makes himself like a total clown, like a needy creep, humiliates himself a couple of times. Yet he is desperate (I dare not use stupid) enough to share this total lack of dignity and self-respect with a board related to pc games.
My advice would be to let this girl be and immediately start to improve your personality somehow. Why are you even wondering she is avoiding you and cancelling "plans" with you? Look at yourself - getting frustrated at her cancelling plans with a random nobody. What right do you have to inquire further after the cancellation? It's done, get over it, move on, reality is what it is, it is not changing to suit your moods.
You seem to only moan and mourn, digging further into the situation when it was blindingly obvious that she never really meant to go out with you. Is this how a man is supposed to act around a girl he says he likes? If you answer with a resounding "Yes!" I pity you even more than I do so now.
Your behavior is really shameful. Who would not hate such a creature as you?
How Incels Are Made. Why not just post a link to 4chan to help him find “like-minded individuals”, pre-type him a manifesto, and speed up the process?
Obviously you’re not irredeemable Garnet, despite what some posters say. In fact, a lot of us may have been in similar situations and some are projecting their hatred and disgust of their previous selves on to you. There’s no shame in feeling the way you do, you’re not inherently broken, wrong, or unlovable.
That being said, the trick as some have mentioned is to accept the idea that whatever fulfillment you’re looking for her to give to you, you can already give to yourself. Relationships don’t fill holes in ones personal life, they build towers and beautiful things on already solid foundations. Using a relationship to fill holes is cheating to try and avoid hard, personal work.
You don’t need her. You need you. You probably have ideas on how to better yourself already, put your efforts on making them reality. I promise you once you’re doing this, the relationship aspect will fall into place (seemingly without even trying).
EDIT - Realized I didn’t give practical advice. Here’s what you do...
- Tell her you appreciated the fun times together, but that you need to work on yourself and that you can’t hang out anymore, OR just stop talking/texting her completely.
- Pick something about yourself that you want to improve.
- I recommend hygiene for starters if you’re not already brushing x2/day and showering x1/day, otherwise...
- change your look (go clothes shopping for yourself and try on nice clothes like dress shirts, slacks, polos, and/or get a new haircut if you’re not happy with your current style). You’d be surprised how much updating your style does for your mindset.
- make fitness goals for yourself and exercise
- take time to meditate, read up on different authors/philosophies and develop your personal belief system
- financial/career planning goals
- (take away here is that there’s ALWAYS something to do)
- Love yourself for where you are in your journey and feel free to make friends and have a good time while you’re doing these things, including talk to girls. It should feel spontaneous, easy, and fun. Any time you find yourself obsessing about this girl or any other one (you should be able to recognize this kind of thinking in yourself), force/train yourself to think about your personal improvement goals instead.
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On November 03 2018 01:06 Epishade wrote:
You just passed up a solid opportunity to shit where you eat and then give us another girl blog a few months from now telling us how you screwed up at work.
I'm very disappointed
Only slightly disappointed now?
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On May 13 2019 23:57 Dangermousecatdog wrote:Show nested quote +On May 13 2019 23:26 brickrd wrote:
girls don't have to date you. blowing you off doesn't make them bad people nor does it entitle you to any type of reparation from them. if it's this hard for you to get over a girl with zero interest in you then you need to take a very serious look at your attitude toward women
also please ignore castleemg's inaccurate incel shit Might be too late. The girl did a jerk move, probably hoping he'll get the hint, but he is already engaging in some stalker behaviour... Pretty strange that he knew where her and her friend was.
I asked her where she was and she told me.
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EPT
