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I'm not sure if anyone would still remember me.. I was a Korean pro player back in WoL aka Rain (Terran). There is another Korean pro who used the same nickname and he achieved way more than I did, so please don't get confused with Protoss Rain.
This is me  Rain (Korean Terran)
English is not my first language, so please take into consideration!
So, as some of you might know, I moved to United States in 2014 to attend community college, and finally I transferred to 4 years university earlier this year. I just wanna write a story about myself, who dropped out of high-school, and how much I am struggling right now due to lack of my educational experience.
The main reason why I decided to retire was simply because I was not doing well. I was doing pretty okay, but I was not able to compete at the top level anymore. Even before I started programming, I knew at one point I had to go back to study, and it was the perfect time for me. At the time, I could speak a little bit of English, and I was enjoyed learning the language more than anything else. Therefore, I decided to study in U.S, and found a community college in Sacramento CA.
I did pretty okay in the junior college, and I transferred to University of Illinois at Urbana Champagne aka UIUC. Its a pretty decent school, and I'm kind of proud of myself about it. But after I transferred, I'm struggling a lot.
Not only because the materials I learn is a lot difficult, but also I don't really know what I wanna do. I'm currently a Chemistry Major, even though I originally wanted to be a programmer. I just vaguely thought that something related to computers would work out well for me, and that is why I chose to major in Computer Science. I took a bunch of programming classes in Community college, and I figured out this isn't my thing. So I had to make a quick transition to Chemistry which was the only subject I enjoyed and did well at the time.
Now I start losing interests in classes I am taking. Calculus 3 is whooping my ass so hard, I will probably have to drop the class soon, and physics and other subjects... I'm not doing well either. I start asking myself.. "is this what I really wanna do for the rest of life?"
And now that I think, I never really had a time to think about what I really wanted to do and it is too late to change anything. I'm 24 (Korean age 26), and I haven't served in military yet which is mandatory for most Korean males. So that is automatically +2 years, and I have +2 years to graduate. So I will be around 28, when I am ready to make money.
All the Korean kids I met here are younger than me, and finished their military service. And it makes me ask myself what I have done with my life. Yea. I wasted too much time trying out new things and see if I can do well. I did internship in WCG for 6 months, and I found out working in a Korean company would not work out for me, I tried to be a LOL player right after I retired, and that did not work out either. I even took a semester off to become a pro poker player. I should have realized that I am not young enough anymore to mess around with my life.
Someone asked me what do you really wanna do after you get a degree, and I was not able to answer it. I just vaguely answered I wanna work in the lab, and I know that is a total bs.
Yea I feel lost these days. I don't even know what I really wanna do or I can do. I don't have motivation for anything. Starcraft was the only thing I truly enjoyed, and I don't wanna think I wasted my life on playing Starcraft. It is still one of the best experiences in my life.
Chemistry would be the last thing I would try or I can try, and if this doesn't work out... then.. I don't really know what to do.
 
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youre not alone man, a lot of people this age feel this way
try some books if you are feeling lost
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Hello - sounds like things are pretty tough for you right now. This always a difficult time of life, having to make a decision that feels like it will impact on the rest of your life and not having a clue what you really what to do.
Your English is really good by the way!
It is normal to feel the way you do - I certainly never knew what I'd end up doing after I finished studying. I appreciate that younger people don't have the luxuries I had just a few years ago when I could make a few mistakes and not have it hit me that hard.
I was in a punk band when I was your progaming age - learned so much about myself and had such a great time, did a few tours, got a record out, never became a millionaire. Wouldn't be who I am today without it - you should feel the same about SC2! The memories you have are what count, you've achieved what only some could even dream! But I reckon you've learned more than you think from being a pro, even skills you take for granted you'll quickly realise are way ahead of others in whatever field you go into.
In terms of school - my advice is to make as much out of it as possible. Any opportunities that come on career development, student societies, given them a shot. While the grade and study are important, the skills that go around it are really hard to come by.
Good luck - I hope you come out fighting soon!
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My philosophy is the opposite of "follow your dreams."
Find something you're somewhat good at. Try multiple things, and the first thing that gives a real career opportunity just take it immediately. Once you have the first opportunity, become an expert as fast as possible. Especially if when someone is in their 20's, the bumps in the road are not so consequential in the long term. Try losing your job at 60. Now THAT is a problem.
Every career path has its pros and cons. The grass is never greener on the other side. As long as you don't want to kill yourself every morning when you lift your head off of your pillow, you will be able to find some satisfaction in what you do.
My anecdata: I was a consistently terrible student and I dropped out of a polytechnic school as soon as I got a job offer. The job offer was not exactly what I wanted to do with my life, but it's good enough and there is bread on my table.
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On March 11 2018 11:00 Thaniri wrote:
My philosophy is the opposite of "follow your dreams."
Find something you're somewhat good at. Try multiple things, and the first thing that gives a real career opportunity just take it immediately. Once you have the first opportunity, become an expert as fast as possible. Especially if when someone is in their 20's, the bumps in the road are not so consequential in the long term. Try losing your job at 60. Now THAT is a problem.
Every career path has its pros and cons. The grass is never greener on the other side. As long as you don't want to kill yourself every morning when you lift your head off of your pillow, you will be able to find some satisfaction in what you do.
My anecdata: I was a consistently terrible student and I dropped out of a polytechnic school as soon as I got a job offer. The job offer was not exactly what I wanted to do with my life, but it's good enough and there is bread on my table.
Adding onto this to make it more balanced and informative:
![[image loading]](http://www.cabarrus.k12.nc.us/cms/lib09/NC01910456/Centricity/Domain/6838/Venn%20Diagram%20-%20Job%20Happiness.jpg)
I went from "happy but poor" to "rich but bored", sacrificing what I love in the process.
It'd be wonderful to hit that center where all 3 factors overlap, but for many people you can only choose 2 out of the 3.
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It's been too long since the last Rain blog. Good to hear from you.
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I wish you good fortune Rain, I hope you figure this out.
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Hey, its going to be ok. You are not wasting your time. 20's are your time to figure out what you want to do with your life. Keep branching out, maybe go back and do military. I struggled with school as well in my mid 20s, wasn't until i found a job I liked when i was 27 did things start to make sense for me. Just keep your chin up.
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Oh, I remember your blogs! Hello. 
I love physics, and I attended a college for it, but midway trough, I got bored, depressed and disappointed by the system, even though I still love physics. I somehow managed to finish it after losing motivation and my way, but it took me way longer than normal. It's rather funny, because for the first one-two years I was doing really really well, on par with top students.
Now I don't know what I want to do. I mean I know, I want to do many things, but I have to choose one, and the road to my dreams is a long and difficult one, and choosing one thing over the other is hard.
My plan is just to get a normal job for a while until I figure out something, or I get an opportunity. I think that's the best course of action.
As for your problems, I suggest finishing the college as fast as you can, give it everything you got. Don't worry about military, think of it as a opportunity to get fit, train your discipline, and meet new people. At the very least, once you get into the military, you can stop worrying about what to do, for a while.
I think you're thinking too much, same as me. We gotta stop thinking and worrying too much, and just do things. When I was in high school, I had the same problem, but once I started worrying less about failure and started doing and trying things, everything got a lot better. Even when I failed, I learned a lot from it. At some point along the way, I stopped fearing failure and started enjoying what I learn from failing. Life was easy and amazing at that point. Everything was interesting, even the things I found boring before. Gotta find things that are interesting, even in boring text.
I guess I forgot those lessons during college, and I have to re-learn them again now. I can guarantee that it works though, since I've done it successfully before. "Just do it!"
For parts of calculus, I used this problem book to practice and learn, it's a really good Russian book (we call it Demidovich, after its author's last name):
http://www.karlin.mff.cuni.cz/~vybiral/MAII-2016/Demidovich-Problems-in-Mathematical-Analysis.pdf
Each section has a short theoretical introduction that shows you what you need to know to solve the problems from that section. It then lists a million of problems, from easy to hard, there's a progression so you don't get stuck, and it usually has a bunch of similar problems so you can check if you learned how to solve that kind of a problem after doing the first few.
Just sit down and start solving them one by one. If you don't know some, skip them and return to them later, read the introduction and previous problems again, and stop to think about the problem. This book helped me a lot. It's straight to the point, unlike many other books.
There was one other really book for calculus that I used, but I can't find it right now. All I can remember is that had "Engineering" in its name, and was written in English, by someone with an English name. It was mostly about differential equations.
For physics, good starting points are probably Schaum's Outlines and David Griffith's Introduction books, followed by some more in-depth books. Depends on what you're studying.
As for programming, I find the college lessons and text books on it to be extremely boring and useless. If I had to learn it like that, I would never have learned programming. I learned it by doing small projects, scripts that do some things that I needed, usually related to online games I played. Then I just googled things I needed, searched stackoverflow.com and looked things up in the documentation of the programming language I used. I slowly started doing more complicated things, and now my knowledge is decent. Things you learn in school/college are useful, but if you don't need them and don't apply them to something interesting that you need, it's not fun, it's just a boring chore, and you forget most of it.
Good luck!
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I don´t understand why do you see the age as such an issue. Why do you feel like you need to do X at age Y? Unless you have a life-threatening condition or real bad luck, you are very likely to live for another 40 years with full capability to do thing and possibly even a lot longer, so why would you care about a couple of years? If you feel that people your age are in "another place" and that makes your social contacts difficult, just seek younger friends.
I finished my PhD at 35 years last fall and I have zero regret about the road I took, despite even actually having a potentially life-shortening disease.
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Sometimes you have to "look for enjoyment" in the things you do" if it isn't something that you naturally enjoy.
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I know exactly how you feel. I love video games too and thought computer science would be my thing but i realized it wasn't. Then i worked for a couple of years and traveled a bit. The years passed by and i started in university at the age of 26 so i just wanna tell you, it's never too late for you to study and do what interests you and what you want. Otherwise you're going to regret it later. I started in university when i was 26, i'm 28 now and my class mates are 3-5 years younger than me but it doesn't matter because we're all in out 20's so it doesn't feel that much of a difference. I'dd be 29 when i finish my bachelor and 31 when i finish my master but it doesn't matter because it's better to do something that you like and interests you.
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On March 11 2018 11:22 EngrishTeacher wrote:Show nested quote +On March 11 2018 11:00 Thaniri wrote:
My philosophy is the opposite of "follow your dreams."
Find something you're somewhat good at. Try multiple things, and the first thing that gives a real career opportunity just take it immediately. Once you have the first opportunity, become an expert as fast as possible. Especially if when someone is in their 20's, the bumps in the road are not so consequential in the long term. Try losing your job at 60. Now THAT is a problem.
Every career path has its pros and cons. The grass is never greener on the other side. As long as you don't want to kill yourself every morning when you lift your head off of your pillow, you will be able to find some satisfaction in what you do.
My anecdata: I was a consistently terrible student and I dropped out of a polytechnic school as soon as I got a job offer. The job offer was not exactly what I wanted to do with my life, but it's good enough and there is bread on my table. Adding onto this to make it more balanced and informative: I went from "happy but poor" to "rich but bored", sacrificing what I love in the process. It'd be wonderful to hit that center where all 3 factors overlap, but for many people you can only choose 2 out of the 3.
Interesting picture, but I don't care all 3 since I was ~25. Especially the money part, I hate money with passion since I was born. Money factor will never exist in my head.
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What about outside of your studies, what do you like?
Maybe it could be worth to find something you like outside of work. Then you could manage to find a job with your degree (if you can finish it, and I'm sure you can!), and focus on enjoying your free time? Some people have this mentality.
Fnatic.Rain!
I'm myself in a class in which everyone is younger, and most of my friends have a job and I'm here being late on everything (and in other aspects of my life too)... if that can help you to know that you are not alone.
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imo it's better to get military service out of the way first, because i feel like if you go to university then graduate THEN have to spend 2 years not making money, you're going to be super pissed about it. just get it out of the way early then party your way through school imo
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China6327 Posts
Your experience is absolutely astounding and inspiring.
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Thanks for all the valuable advice! I guess I am not too late, and most people around my age are struggling with the same issue. Yea I guess I gotta work hard on things I'm doing right now, and I might be able to find something I truly enjoy. =]]
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If you enjoy learning languages the arts might be the place for you..
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I believe that people in your situation have not "wasted their lives", because they have experienced many things in life already.
These experiences in things you didn't enjoy or succeed tell you what you will not be. Knowing that is a big step in constructing yourself, and it's much better to attempt to do things, and fail, and learn stuff, than not doing anything and stay on the rails.
It's even better to ask yourself those questions now at your age than 15 years in the future, when you'll be trapped with job, mortgage, and kids.
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Hey Rain,
Hope you still remember me, it's been years! I was in a very similar situation as you for the last few years so I can relate to this blog a lot. Stay strong and I'm sure you'll be able to make a career out of whatever you choose to do. You are talented enough for that - I don't believe a former progamer can be screwed for life.
By the way have you seen Idra? Last I heard he was studying physics at your campus lol
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Hello Rain, been a while since your last blog. I was familiar with you before but I've since seen your play in a number of MLG tournaments in 2011 - that Metalopolis game vs BoxeR at Anaheim was a particular delight of mine!.
I have a degree (computer science), and honestly it hasn't helped my employment situation whatsoever. I'm mostly doing data entry and manual work in my current job, though there are a few perks, so you have my sympathies in that regard. I do hope you find a career path that's just for you, but it will be a difficult process I think.
Best of luck in your future endeavours, and your English is amazeballs! .
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On March 11 2018 21:54 Dingodile wrote:Show nested quote +On March 11 2018 11:22 EngrishTeacher wrote:On March 11 2018 11:00 Thaniri wrote:
My philosophy is the opposite of "follow your dreams."
Find something you're somewhat good at. Try multiple things, and the first thing that gives a real career opportunity just take it immediately. Once you have the first opportunity, become an expert as fast as possible. Especially if when someone is in their 20's, the bumps in the road are not so consequential in the long term. Try losing your job at 60. Now THAT is a problem.
Every career path has its pros and cons. The grass is never greener on the other side. As long as you don't want to kill yourself every morning when you lift your head off of your pillow, you will be able to find some satisfaction in what you do.
My anecdata: I was a consistently terrible student and I dropped out of a polytechnic school as soon as I got a job offer. The job offer was not exactly what I wanted to do with my life, but it's good enough and there is bread on my table. Adding onto this to make it more balanced and informative: I went from "happy but poor" to "rich but bored", sacrificing what I love in the process. It'd be wonderful to hit that center where all 3 factors overlap, but for many people you can only choose 2 out of the 3. Interesting picture, but I don't care all 3 since I was ~25. Especially the money part, I hate money with passion since I was born. Money factor will never exist in my head.
Agreed, never understood why people are so obsessed with money.
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On March 12 2018 05:47 Charoisaur wrote:Show nested quote +On March 11 2018 21:54 Dingodile wrote:On March 11 2018 11:22 EngrishTeacher wrote:On March 11 2018 11:00 Thaniri wrote:
My philosophy is the opposite of "follow your dreams."
Find something you're somewhat good at. Try multiple things, and the first thing that gives a real career opportunity just take it immediately. Once you have the first opportunity, become an expert as fast as possible. Especially if when someone is in their 20's, the bumps in the road are not so consequential in the long term. Try losing your job at 60. Now THAT is a problem.
Every career path has its pros and cons. The grass is never greener on the other side. As long as you don't want to kill yourself every morning when you lift your head off of your pillow, you will be able to find some satisfaction in what you do.
My anecdata: I was a consistently terrible student and I dropped out of a polytechnic school as soon as I got a job offer. The job offer was not exactly what I wanted to do with my life, but it's good enough and there is bread on my table. Adding onto this to make it more balanced and informative: I went from "happy but poor" to "rich but bored", sacrificing what I love in the process. It'd be wonderful to hit that center where all 3 factors overlap, but for many people you can only choose 2 out of the 3. Interesting picture, but I don't care all 3 since I was ~25. Especially the money part, I hate money with passion since I was born. Money factor will never exist in my head. Agreed, never understood why people are so obsessed with money.
I think it's because money is used to buy things.
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Yeah man you are not alone at all! I'm 33 now and I dropped out of high school to commercially harvest timber in 2002. I did that full time until early 2016 when the timber industry really fell apart in my area. I now own/manage a small landscaping company which pays the bills, but isn't my passion. I'm doing well enough financially but I still loved the old days cutting wood and riding my skidder (logging machinery).
A piece of advice I might be able to offer is if you don't have family, i.e. wife and kids, it's easier to commit to getting a degree in what you are pursuing. Also are there further educational opportunities in your upcoming military service? It may be a good way to expand your education and acquire new contacts for the future. Good luck!
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On March 12 2018 07:20 Ej_ wrote:Show nested quote +On March 12 2018 05:47 Charoisaur wrote:On March 11 2018 21:54 Dingodile wrote:On March 11 2018 11:22 EngrishTeacher wrote:On March 11 2018 11:00 Thaniri wrote:
My philosophy is the opposite of "follow your dreams."
Find something you're somewhat good at. Try multiple things, and the first thing that gives a real career opportunity just take it immediately. Once you have the first opportunity, become an expert as fast as possible. Especially if when someone is in their 20's, the bumps in the road are not so consequential in the long term. Try losing your job at 60. Now THAT is a problem.
Every career path has its pros and cons. The grass is never greener on the other side. As long as you don't want to kill yourself every morning when you lift your head off of your pillow, you will be able to find some satisfaction in what you do.
My anecdata: I was a consistently terrible student and I dropped out of a polytechnic school as soon as I got a job offer. The job offer was not exactly what I wanted to do with my life, but it's good enough and there is bread on my table. Adding onto this to make it more balanced and informative: I went from "happy but poor" to "rich but bored", sacrificing what I love in the process. It'd be wonderful to hit that center where all 3 factors overlap, but for many people you can only choose 2 out of the 3. Interesting picture, but I don't care all 3 since I was ~25. Especially the money part, I hate money with passion since I was born. Money factor will never exist in my head. Agreed, never understood why people are so obsessed with money. I think it's because money is used to buy things.
Once you are obsessed with money, you want more money, that my experience with my all friends/people around me once they have a job. It's unreal to see how "work" make the behaviour of people worse. I wouldn't buy a ferrari or a 50,000 sq m house even when I were billionaire.
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On March 12 2018 17:18 Dingodile wrote:Show nested quote +On March 12 2018 07:20 Ej_ wrote:On March 12 2018 05:47 Charoisaur wrote:On March 11 2018 21:54 Dingodile wrote:On March 11 2018 11:22 EngrishTeacher wrote:On March 11 2018 11:00 Thaniri wrote:
My philosophy is the opposite of "follow your dreams."
Find something you're somewhat good at. Try multiple things, and the first thing that gives a real career opportunity just take it immediately. Once you have the first opportunity, become an expert as fast as possible. Especially if when someone is in their 20's, the bumps in the road are not so consequential in the long term. Try losing your job at 60. Now THAT is a problem.
Every career path has its pros and cons. The grass is never greener on the other side. As long as you don't want to kill yourself every morning when you lift your head off of your pillow, you will be able to find some satisfaction in what you do.
My anecdata: I was a consistently terrible student and I dropped out of a polytechnic school as soon as I got a job offer. The job offer was not exactly what I wanted to do with my life, but it's good enough and there is bread on my table. Adding onto this to make it more balanced and informative: I went from "happy but poor" to "rich but bored", sacrificing what I love in the process. It'd be wonderful to hit that center where all 3 factors overlap, but for many people you can only choose 2 out of the 3. Interesting picture, but I don't care all 3 since I was ~25. Especially the money part, I hate money with passion since I was born. Money factor will never exist in my head. Agreed, never understood why people are so obsessed with money. I think it's because money is used to buy things. Once you are obsessed with money, you want more money, that my experience with my all friends/people around me once they have a job. It's unreal to see how "work" make the behaviour of people worse. I wouldn't buy a ferrari or a 50,000 sq m house even when I were billionaire.
Same I just don't see the purpose of purchasing these things other than to brag with it.
My opinion on money is that it's important up to the point where all your basic needs are covered and beyond that it's just a luxury that isn't really needed.
And since almost all jobs in 1st world countries cover your basic needs the money factor is completely irrelevant to me.
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On March 12 2018 20:34 Charoisaur wrote:Show nested quote +On March 12 2018 17:18 Dingodile wrote:On March 12 2018 07:20 Ej_ wrote:On March 12 2018 05:47 Charoisaur wrote:On March 11 2018 21:54 Dingodile wrote:On March 11 2018 11:22 EngrishTeacher wrote:On March 11 2018 11:00 Thaniri wrote:
My philosophy is the opposite of "follow your dreams."
Find something you're somewhat good at. Try multiple things, and the first thing that gives a real career opportunity just take it immediately. Once you have the first opportunity, become an expert as fast as possible. Especially if when someone is in their 20's, the bumps in the road are not so consequential in the long term. Try losing your job at 60. Now THAT is a problem.
Every career path has its pros and cons. The grass is never greener on the other side. As long as you don't want to kill yourself every morning when you lift your head off of your pillow, you will be able to find some satisfaction in what you do.
My anecdata: I was a consistently terrible student and I dropped out of a polytechnic school as soon as I got a job offer. The job offer was not exactly what I wanted to do with my life, but it's good enough and there is bread on my table. Adding onto this to make it more balanced and informative: I went from "happy but poor" to "rich but bored", sacrificing what I love in the process. It'd be wonderful to hit that center where all 3 factors overlap, but for many people you can only choose 2 out of the 3. Interesting picture, but I don't care all 3 since I was ~25. Especially the money part, I hate money with passion since I was born. Money factor will never exist in my head. Agreed, never understood why people are so obsessed with money. I think it's because money is used to buy things. Once you are obsessed with money, you want more money, that my experience with my all friends/people around me once they have a job. It's unreal to see how "work" make the behaviour of people worse. I wouldn't buy a ferrari or a 50,000 sq m house even when I were billionaire. Same I just don't see the purpose of purchasing these things other than to brag with it. My opinion on money is that it's important up to the point where all your basic needs are covered and beyond that it's just a luxury that isn't really needed. And since almost all jobs in 1st world countries cover your basic needs the money factor is completely irrelevant to me.
To be fair, this is the european viewpoint. Many US jobs don't cover enough for sufficient helathcare for example. Or maybe you don't consider US first world and then you are completely right But in Europe, I agree, people who have money issues usually ahve problems with just spending too much on useless shit, not getting enough in.
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Oh ok, didn't know about the situation in the US.
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[/QUOTE]
Same I just don't see the purpose of purchasing these things other than to brag with it.
My opinion on money is that it's important up to the point where all your basic needs are covered and beyond that it's just a luxury that isn't really needed.
And since almost all jobs in 1st world countries cover your basic needs the money factor is completely irrelevant to me.
[/QUOTE]
Very very true, especially with all the healthcare and welfare benefits you get from having a job that covers all your basic needs, and the fact that even tho you pay high taxes, the benefits in return are worth it.
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Hey Rain!
Don't give up! I think it's great that you were a progamer. We're the same age, and I once dreamed of being a progamer, but I went to college instead. You had a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and you took it. In the future there won't be chances to become an RTS pro, so it's great that you did it when it was possible, and all of us who were there will remember the scene and tournaments that you contributed to, and that wouldn't have been possible without you having taken the sacrifice to go pro. We're really proud of you for doing the thing we all loved, but didn't dare to do.
This is to say, don't worry about comparing yourself to other people. They were not brave enough to skip the normal path in order to follow their dreams like you did. Don't be ashamed that you weren't super super successful either, the mere fact that you lived the progamer life is glory already! Many people in college are older than 20-22. It's easy to recognise young people, because they are more immature and arrogant. But the older ones are more mature so their age is not as obvious. Doing military service can make you tougher and more hard-working (more valuable than being a spoiled college-kid with no work experience), and it pays a bit.
In my experience, doing a Chemistry degree can suck if you're not into it. But don't be worried, it opens many opportunities! Please go book a meeting with your College careers adviser, they can show you all sorts of opportunities of careers that are interesting and rewarding, but don't force you to stay in the lab or learn picky useless things.
It can help build confidence, and open your eyes to what opportunities are out there, if you can work to write a CV and list all your strengths. You may not realise it, but you having been a progamer, and doing Chemistry, give skills that are really valuable.
You'll be be good at learning to use new software interfaces. A lot of technical jobs (think, being the person who runs the command center that controls the cryogenics and power infrastructure for a big factory/chemical plant) require you to learn how to use multiple pieces of proprietary software. Having been a progamer, you'll be really good at learning new hotkeys, how to perform repetitive computer tasks quickly and efficiently, and how to make quick decisions with little effort.
Studying Chemistry is pretty lame, but actually doing Chemistry research (not so much Organic, but certainly Physical and Materials) consists entirely of using the computer to collect and analyse data. It's just like a game! You enter commands, and get results, then you analyse your results the way you'd analyse a replay - review and try to understand patterns so that you can improve. Studying a new topic is like learning build orders and timings for a new matchup. Chemistry is nice because the topics don't branch too much, if you learn all the things and how they connect, you'll be quite able to make good predictions.
American institutions in particular really respect anyone who was 'competitive', typically for sports, but you could also argue that because your sport was digital, you are good at using computers. Also, when trying to use 'plays computer games' to get a job, be sure to emphasise that it wasn't you alone in a basement, but constantly interacting with other team-mates and discussing strategy in a team.
Being able to weigh the options, and make quick strategy decisions quickly, is super valuable. For example, imagine you're playing a game, and you're dropping their expansion, but they come in and attack your natural. You have to make a quick decision.
1. Stay completely focused on the drop micro, but don't defend.
2. Queue up the attack moves as a suicide attack, abandon the drop and bring the medivac back, and defend the natural.
3. Bring the drop's units back to help defend the natural.
You have to use the information available to you, to make that decision REALLY quickly. If there's a good chance for a base-trade, you'd do 1, if the drop could get back to help defend in time, you'd do 3.
These are exactly the same ways of thinking, when working on management or strategy tasks. Imagine you're running a party for 100people, and considering buying some hats/glowsticks to sell at the event. You don't have a guarantee that the event will have anyone coming.
1. Buy $200-worth of stuff, hoping to sell it all.
2. Buy $50-worth of stuff, hoping to sell it all.
3. Buy $10-worth of stuff, and direct $40 towards promoting the event (pay some ppl to go and get other ppl to come).
In a meeting, that decision needs to be made fast, and you need to have good reasons for your answer. If you think of it like a game, it's much easier.
The overall goal is to make the most money (win the battle), don't invest all your money tied-into a super-lategame tech victory (similar to building a Wonder in Age of Empires) which has no guarantee of paying-off. Keep your strategy more flexible.
Prioritise publicity, because once they're at the party people can give you money in other ways, but no one will give you money if they don't even come to the party. Even if this party flops, the fact that you did publicity gives your Brand some market awareness, which you can build-upon to convince more people to come next time.
Therefore the best strategy is 3. Plus, going and doing market-research is like scouting - it tells you ahead-of-time if you're gonna lose and might as well GG early to not waste your time.
That was an example to show that strategy decision-making is not something everyone can do, therefore its valuable, so you can get a job doing it. Careers like this include marketing, analytics, consulting, and sales. Chemistry (and math) teaches you to be comfortable using computers to make models, find trends, and process data. This is SUPER valuable! 80% of people with humanities degrees are useless at doing that! Those skills also open options towards business, management, and accountancy.
Lastly, a lot of the specific things you study in college end up not being used. But you will benefit from the strength and determination required to complete those tasks, the skills you learn from throwing yourself into a new topic that you totally don't understand (like, the meta to a completely new game) and learning to figure-out how the system works. Check out this website, it really really helps UNDERSTAND calculus: betterexplained.com/cheatsheet
The nice thing about doing calculus problems is that they're super safe and repetitive. They always have one right answer, and the mechanics of how to approach them is consistent between each problem. Think of it like macro. People don't have fun doing macro, and to improve you just have to grind and grind doing exactly the same moves over and over again, gradually getting faster. But then when you step away, applying your macro and MENTAL-APM to new jobs is easy.
Rain hwaiting!
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On March 12 2018 21:10 opisska wrote:Show nested quote +On March 12 2018 20:34 Charoisaur wrote:On March 12 2018 17:18 Dingodile wrote:On March 12 2018 07:20 Ej_ wrote:On March 12 2018 05:47 Charoisaur wrote:On March 11 2018 21:54 Dingodile wrote:On March 11 2018 11:22 EngrishTeacher wrote:On March 11 2018 11:00 Thaniri wrote:
My philosophy is the opposite of "follow your dreams."
Find something you're somewhat good at. Try multiple things, and the first thing that gives a real career opportunity just take it immediately. Once you have the first opportunity, become an expert as fast as possible. Especially if when someone is in their 20's, the bumps in the road are not so consequential in the long term. Try losing your job at 60. Now THAT is a problem.
Every career path has its pros and cons. The grass is never greener on the other side. As long as you don't want to kill yourself every morning when you lift your head off of your pillow, you will be able to find some satisfaction in what you do.
My anecdata: I was a consistently terrible student and I dropped out of a polytechnic school as soon as I got a job offer. The job offer was not exactly what I wanted to do with my life, but it's good enough and there is bread on my table. Adding onto this to make it more balanced and informative: I went from "happy but poor" to "rich but bored", sacrificing what I love in the process. It'd be wonderful to hit that center where all 3 factors overlap, but for many people you can only choose 2 out of the 3. Interesting picture, but I don't care all 3 since I was ~25. Especially the money part, I hate money with passion since I was born. Money factor will never exist in my head. Agreed, never understood why people are so obsessed with money. I think it's because money is used to buy things. Once you are obsessed with money, you want more money, that my experience with my all friends/people around me once they have a job. It's unreal to see how "work" make the behaviour of people worse. I wouldn't buy a ferrari or a 50,000 sq m house even when I were billionaire. Same I just don't see the purpose of purchasing these things other than to brag with it. My opinion on money is that it's important up to the point where all your basic needs are covered and beyond that it's just a luxury that isn't really needed. And since almost all jobs in 1st world countries cover your basic needs the money factor is completely irrelevant to me. To be fair, this is the european viewpoint. Many US jobs don't cover enough for sufficient helathcare for example. Or maybe you don't consider US first world and then you are completely right But in Europe, I agree, people who have money issues usually ahve problems with just spending too much on useless shit, not getting enough in.
Not sure how it works in Europe, but in the US your taxes are basically considered dead weight if you're 25 middle/upper middle class. There are next to zero social programs that benefit you, and zero public services that benefit you other than road maintenance and other relatively minor investments on the municipality's part. Public transit is hardly subsidized if at all, so people just own cars instead if you can afford it (ie gas, car payments, maintenance, insurance, safety inspections, etc). Healthcare is usually covered by any large company unless you have major surgeries/issues, then it becomes exceedingly expensive for the patient since your deductible doesn't cover most of it. Also, cost of living is high in the US and jobs aren't plentiful, meaning that you're often more or less forced to live in a high cost city while competing for low wage jobs. On top of that, most fresh graduates have a ton of student loan debt which takes a material amount of cashflow to safely handle. As a result, I think it's pretty easy to see why a lot of people care about money in the US, it is the lifeblood of your life. Without money you might be "free," but you can't travel and you certainly can't have an apartment, a gf, a car, an education, or a job.
Like consider being a fresh graduate from UCLA and you want to work for google or twitter or something, large companies that pay better than their contemporaries/offer better benefits. If we assume that you're making like 55k out of school, then we can start budgeting on a monthly basis:
Income
3200 - post tax job income
Expenses
2200 - rent (this one is tricky. i googled average rent in SF, 1br came out at around 3.3k, 2br around 4.4k, so let's assume you get a roommate and call it even at 2.2k)
100 - internet/phone
300 - student loan costs, i just googled this one and rounded up for simplicity, it said "The monthly payment on a $25,000 student loan is approximately $280 "
300 - food
50 - gym
300 - car/gas/maint/insurance
50 - rental insurance
Net Cashflow
-200 - including only essentials for living in SF. this doesn't include having a gf, going out at all, buying entertainment, saving for the future, etc. all of that costs extra in the city too btw, so good luck. The budget also doesn't include any emergency costs/travel to see your parents/anything else..
You can also say "well what about cost of living adjustment!" In my experience, it's a myth outside of high end bankers in Manhattan. I have known a lot of people that live in LA/SF/NYC that just get paid 55k at entry level and are told the compensation will come as they advance. You can also say "just find a job in a cheaper place to live," but I think that the job markets are shrinking a lot faster than people know. Anecdotally, I knew and still know a lot of good students out of school that just can't find work (with good degrees, normally double majors, internship experience, good gpas, generally just strong undergraduate resumes).
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Yeah that was actually my point, that we Europeans see money as much less of an issue than the average US person, even though we eastern ones make much less in absolute numbers (Chairosaur is western, but anyway). The free healthcare, education and widely available public transport is a big part of the difference obviously.
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I love reading your blogs Rain, I remember you from WoL days dude, keep fighting!
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Rain!! Love the blogs man. Sounds like you're going through some tough times, but a lot of the advice here is spot on. Your age isn't an issue at all. Sure you're older than a lot of your classmates, but you also have had experiences they haven't had. It might not seem like it, but that is valuable! Especially for someone who put in the amount of work required to succeed at Starcraft.
I went back to school in my 30s, and most ppl were younger than me. But, I had a lot of experiences that helped. Some things taught in classes I understood because I had work experience in those subjects. Also, I was just better at school than I was 15 years earlier. Much more mature, much less procrastination, etc.
One thing though: Are you sure Chemistry is for you? My understanding is that an BS/BA in Chemistry doesn't really do much for you. I could be wrong, but I was also a Chemistry major at one point about 15 yrs ago... I ended up switching out because I didn't want to go to grad school and I thought the only jobs it qualified me for was "lab tech".
Anyway, if you ever come to NYC msg me and I'll buy you some beers 
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@ endymion
you should invite your friends to germany... literally anyone with a decent qualification and fluent german gets a job here equal to your little math example. except rent is quite a lot less. infact spending more then a 1/3 of your net income on rent is rather rare for anyone with a normal income. soo if they dont mind putting up with a bunch of burocracy and learning german i think its a pretty decent idea.
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On March 13 2018 20:40 alpenrahm wrote:
@ endymion
you should invite your friends to germany... literally anyone with a decent qualification and fluent german gets a job here equal to your little math example. except rent is quite a lot less. infact spending more then a 1/3 of your net income on rent is rather rare for anyone with a normal income. soo if they dont mind putting up with a bunch of burocracy and learning german i think its a pretty decent idea.
it really is a good idea, it's not super uncommon for people to just straight up uproot and leave to work elsewhere. I actually have a friend with a mechanical engineering undergrad that is thinking about moving to berlin to work. It just takes a very special kind of person to be willing to uproot from your home country and move to another continent, even more so if you have family/friends/gf in the states. it's a difficult situation all around for young people here, which explains a bit of the political anger that undertones a lot of domestic discussion.
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Hey Rain! I remember you it's so nice to hear from you again. I'm sorry you feel lost but trust me most of us go through this phase. When I went through what you are feeling now, I was fortunate to have lots of good, motivated people around me. Try talking to a lot of different people and explore, no stress or anything, just go out there and see what you enjoy. University is the perfect time for this. You are only 24, that is YOUNG! Don't worry about others just focus on yourself.
Best of luck.
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oh hey huge fan. you made it into gsl finals, and you were hated on because of cheese, but you did what needed to be done to win. good job. sorry things seem confusing for you right now, best of luck
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It's better to retrace your steps than to make a bad decision and endure it for the rest of your life.
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Hey Rain, I do remember your pro-gaming career, and for the record, never apologize for being cheesy in Starcraft or in life. Do what you need to do.
I think you're doing great. Finish your chemistry degree, and then do your military service. When you get back, get a job in chemistry. Keep moving forward. I had a very similar experience to you (getting my ass kicked by classes and wondering if I was doing what I really wanted to). I did eventually graduate and just recently got a job in my field. I enjoy it a lot more than i thought I would. You're doing great, keep up the hard work and re take whatever classes you need to.
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Hi Rain, I'm 26 and just started my first job a month ago. I didn't even have such a great pro gaming life like you or something to put in my CV, just a diploma. The things you did earlier in life will look great on your resume later and 28 isn't late at all. It always looks depressing when you don't see a clear path ahead but everything will work out, I hope.
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I know exactly what you mean, for me I had no idea what I wanted to do and attended a community college for a couple of years before I landed on Athletic Training (which is sport's medicine). Even before my senior year in the program at a university I wasn't 100% sure it was what I wanted, but senior year I really fell in love with it.
I wish you the best and I hope you find something that pleases you.
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I am struggling as well. I grew up thinking I wanted to do an accounting or finance related career when I was in high school and university. However my marks tanked because I hated my university and while I still graduated with a Bachelor of Commerce degree, my degree is literally worthless. Right now I have a decent job in insurance and am making decent money. I'm also taking classes so I may progress further in this profession as I get older, giving myself an opportunity to earn more and one day be able to afford a property. However a part of me wants to drop everything and just go back to school for computer science or accounting or finance. The problem is, I'm already 26 and that is definitely not feasible to do, nor do I know if I'll actually like that career.
According to the venn diagram, if I'm able to be successful in insurance as I get older, then at the very least I got 2 bubbles right. But I'd literally need to double or even triple my current income within the next 10 to 15 years if I want to afford a decent condo and drive a decent car ($35k to $40k). Toronto is just that expensive to live in right now.
At the very least, keep on trying Rain and don't give up. Ask your classmates to teach you or find a tutor. There is nothing wrong with getting a tutor.
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"Not knowing what you want to do in life" is a common thing - You aren't alone.
Believe it or not , your experiences with progaming / moving to another country will be a great asset in your future interviewing process for anything.
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I'm in the same boat as you, except I'm 33 and have no money and, well, no job at the moment either. I also have no clue what my "Major Definite Purpose" is (as Brian Tracy calls it).
I've been reading some good books lately though. Brian Tracy, Tony Robbins and all the other big names have some great self mastery material that you can read and/or listen to.
I've also finished both of Jen Sincero's You Are A Badass books too, which are great.
Honestly, I still feel stuck, same as you. We have to realize that we are the architects of our own lives and that we are 100% responsible for everything that has happened and will happened in our own lives.
The best way to find happiness is to follow your joy, whatever that may be. The only way to light a fire underneath yourself is to constantly work towards something that is truly meaningful to yourself.
Another good book/movie is The Secret. Some people don't believe in the Law of Attraction and the pseudoscience behind that movie. But it's still interesting.
Good luck and all the best.
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United States2095 Posts
Thanks for the post Rain. I too, often struggle with this sort of thing. If you ever figure it all out, please let me know. Best of luck, in the search for finding happiness.
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![[image loading]](https://i.imgur.com/kLfuadw.jpg)
better image
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Hey Rain,
It's been years since I played SC but I ran across your post and I had to make an account to comment.
I can understand this feeling of being lost. I don't know much about life or about SC, but I do know chemistry. It sounds like computational chemistry might interest you. It combines aspects of computers that you have found interesting with the best parts of chemistry. You don't need to be a wizard programmer or mathematician either.
Also, I think you are overlooking your own achievements. You learned english, played SC at a pro level, and made it to a top tier university. Consider reaching out to some of the professors at uni to do research in their labs. This may help you find direction.
I've found in life it is better to focus on what you are good at instead of a grand reason of being.
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You should stop worring about work, money and education and instead focus on what is makeing you happy. If you find happieness everything else is a lot easier. Focus on what makes you happy and do that!
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On March 12 2018 02:31 Rain wrote:
Thanks for all the valuable advice! I guess I am not too late, and most people around my age are struggling with the same issue. Yea I guess I gotta work hard on things I'm doing right now, and I might be able to find something I truly enjoy. =]]
Life is a journey, unique and precious to each of us. We are all living it together. If you're in Busan, near the airport, i'll buy you a meal sometime and we can talk about this wonderful journey. katalk ID is in my profile.
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I haven't made a post on TL since Dec 2015, but I was moved to brush the dust off of my account and respond to your blog.
I think you are exactly where you should be in life right now. When you think about it, you have already had an entire career where you were on the top of your field and you're only 24. Most people our age are just finishing school and getting their careers off the ground, doing grunt work or internships or work in a field that they didn't even study for. Most people with the experiences and learning you've had from SC2 are in their late 60's, early 70's. There's no reason for you to feel less than people you may have gone to high school with, or whatever. You chose a very different path by pursuing your passion and putting in the work to become a pro gamer, so I think it is OK to cut yourself some slack and accept that the rest of your life will be a bit different, but almost certainly for the better.
I think this is a difficult time in everyone's life. We have to make adult decisions for the first time in our lives, and it feel like each one is so heavy. Additionally, the world is so different today than it was when our parents were our age, that it sometimes feels like there is no one to reach out to for help like we could growing up. I think it is very admirable that you were able to reach out for help or just tell your story and vent a little bit. That was a very healthy thing to do, and all of the kind words from people who remember you from your SC2 days must feel amazing!
So, keep your chin up! You're in a great spot in your life, with some hard work ahead of you, but the fact that you were able to achieve as much as you did in SC2 is proof that you are more than capable of handling the hardship.
If you want advice, check the spoiler, otherwise, gg gl on your journey, you got what it takes to be amazingly successful and happy!!
+ Show Spoiler +
It seems like you are at a bit of a turning point with school, so I would suggest at least considering dropping out of school and getting your military service out of the way. I'm not sure what your financial or visa situation is right now, so it might not be possible. From what I know about visas though, it would probably be a lot easier for you to come back to America on a student visa after you finish your service to finish your degree than it would be to try and get another type of visa, especially a work visa since our government is trying to make it more difficult to get a work visa.
The military should be a great experience for you, too. It probably sounds like the worst right now since you are forced to do it. But, if you just accept the fact that it has to get done, I think you can go through basic training and get placed into a field that will give you a lot of life experience. You may also find what you really want to do while you're in, which will give you more focus in life and make everything that comes next much easier.
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Don't worry. What you're going through is normal. Everyone has that sense of being lost, especially when they're finishing school.
But think on the bright side. You escaped Hell Joseon and now live in the US where you speak English and Korean fluently. And even if being a progamer didn't pan out for you, it's an experience that most people don't have. So I think being a few years behind is a small price to pay for the opportunity you had and that unique experience probably gives you some insight that can't be found elsewhere.
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I read all the comments, and I guess I'm not the only one who is struggling with this issue. Also, I want to say thank you to everyone! I definitely feel better after reading thru all the comments.
KawaiiRice! I definitely do remember you! I hope you are doing well! Haha I didn't know we go to same school. He might have graduated already =]
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You are never too old to mess around with your life. You people have way too strict imaginations of what a life "should" look like. One shouldn't be too focused on "achieving". And to be honest, many people who "achieve" do little good for the world, so its questionable at least whether they truly achieved something.
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Hey Rain,
it took me 10 years from my 20s well into my 30s to even be able to earn money in my dream profession (filmmaking) and it was worth it, definitely.
Those "love" jobs, they take a lot of time to get into, there is a lot of competition, at first, funny enough just like in Starcraft! But only the strong prevail, only the strong keep on doing and and are able to live on a small enough income with maybe some help from their parents to keep going, to keep on dreaming and to be able to find something they love to do, at some point in their life and become happy.
There are two things I want to tell you. First of all, it's never too late (look at this: http://fundersandfounders.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/lost-in-life-people-who-took-indirect-path-to-success-infographic.png). You can always start something new, and there is always enough time to do what you love to do. You have to believe that you CAN do it. And you definitely CAN. Playing Starcraft on such a high level is something that you have achieved as well, and it took you a long time!
Second of all, happiness is made inside. Happiness is not achieved because you earn enough money so that your peers respect you. It is if you are happy with what you are doing. And you don't seem happy with what you have been doing right now, so probably you deep down know what you actually want to do?
If not, then go on a soul search. Take some time off, maybe even do your military service to be able to have that time, to be able to "take two years off" and think about what you really want to do. Make yourself a plan during that military time, even if you only think about your dream and what you want to do for 10 minutes every day before you fall asleep. Then come out of the military and go for it. DO IT.
Maybe it's something with progaming (NOT programming) that you want to do? I know, back in the day and even today for a lot of people gaming is laughable and not serious. All those great serious jobs, lawyers, economists, doctors, etc. etc., there are enough people doing those anyways. Why not look for a job that really satisfies you, but is not that "respected" YET?
Did you try to reach out to teams or cooperations like the ESL, maybe work for IEM or something similar? Find your niche! You know what it takes to be a progamer and you are bilingual in Korean and English, what could your speciality be?
FIND IT! LOVE IT! DO IT!
You can! Let me know if you want to talk more and feel free to message me privately too.
all the best and keep your head up, remember:
- it's NEVER too late
- you CAN achieve what you would love to do, so many people have, and they are making a living out of that
- FIND YOUR NICHE, find that thing that you can do and would love to do and money will come
GG
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Hey Rain, very insightful blog! Glad to see so many people coming forward with their stories too.
I will say something that not many of the other posters are saying. I agree with others who are saying that 24 is still very young. If you are working as a professional by 30 you will have no problems financially in the long term. Many Phd's are well into their 30s! Even 30s is okay as long as you find your direction and are working towards a goal.
But in my opinion, rather than trying to find something you "enjoy", "love", or whatever, come up with a list of careers that the market needs and will need in the future...something that there's money in! Then pick one of those and devote yourself to learning it and getting good at it. (Chemistry and especially computer science are fine choices!)
You may not like it at first or even until after you graduate. But when you've been working for a while and gain confidence in your profession, pride in your work, and financial independence you will enjoy it a lot more. People enjoy and like the things they're good at, and people are good at the things they devote time to excelling in. You will have to "re-wire" your brain to think differently, to accept and take interest in the material you want to learn, but it will pay off in the end.
Best of luck!
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Rain: I definitely still remember your progaming career. I regularly stayed up all night to watch the first several seasons of GSL (had to see it live because VODs just weren't the same), and I was in the audience for your games at MLG Anaheim 2011. Rain hwaiting!!!
I don't have any great wisdom/advice that hasn't already been said, but I can definitely relate to your struggles... I'm a few years older than you, and still figuring out what I want from life. Thank you (everyone) for posting. This thread has actually helped me with some of the uncertainty I've been grappling with.
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Don't be too hard on yourself. If you can get your life right at 30 or even later, you're a lucky man. Most people just do what they can to be able to pay the bills.
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2nd Worst City in CA8938 Posts
Hey Rain, I hope I'm not too late to the thread. Hopefully I can provide you with a bit of assurance that things will be okay by sharing with you my experiences, which share similarities with your story.
I dropped out of high school when I only had six months to go due to some very serious depression and gaming addiction. It was the darkest period of my life thus far, yet it was also the best decision of my life. After dropping out the depression did not fade for a long time, but it was the first step to getting my life back in order. For a year and a half I mainly stayed holed up in my bedroom playing games and minimized contact with people, including my family who resided in the same house. I had no motivation to do anything but game, let alone work or go back to school.
I enrolled in community college when I was 19 when I began recovering just a bit. From dropping out to enrolling in college, I had always felt that I was far behind the rest of my friends, my cousins, and my peers at large. The weight of this pressure certainly didn't help my depression, nor did it inspire me to take action. It was just another source of anxiety.
I began college not knowing what I wanted to do. Again, I had no motivation at this point except to play games. I chose to major in music because it was the one thing aside from video games that I enjoyed in my life; however, I had never learned how to play an instrument or sing as a kid. What I thought was a passion through endless hours awake and asleep listening to music was actually not a passion that would provide any ambition to my life, and I did not switch majors to programming because I knew things would end up the same way.
In my second year of community college, I changed majors to Japanese Studies. I had always loved learning Japanese, watched anime almost as much as I played games, and actually felt like working in Japan would not be a bad idea. This tiny bit of hope that I felt regarding Japan was able to spur me through my studies (to an extent). I spent an extra year in community college due to the switch in majors, and ended up further behind my friends. By the time I transferred to my now alma mater, UCSD, my friends who were of the same age were graduating from their own. And again, that realization suffocated me.
I was now 22 and starting my first year at UCSD. I was taking classes with kids who were 18-20. I was always older than my classmates (different from community college, which had a lot of older students), and any introductions to new friends always left them curious as to why I was at the point where I was. I was always too ashamed to tell anyone I was a high school dropout, so I always told people I took a break after high school. That was able to stave off any curiosity, but it never made me feel any better.
I spent a year studying abroad in Japan during my second year at UCSD. It was the obvious thing for me to do, and I was lucky enough that government assistance plus scholarships enabled me to experience it. The year in Japan was absolutely magnificent, and it was around this point where I began to feel same change within myself. I felt that the holes inside of me were slowly being filled, and I was retrieving my "self," however it was not my past self, but a new self. A better self.
When I came back from Japan in 2012, I was 24. By the time I graduated, I would be a month away from 25. I was a few years behind, and although Japan was a huge eye opener to me, I realized that I still had questions regarding my future. I no longer wanted to work and live in Japan, as much as I loved the people and the country. A life in Japan was just not for me; one year was plenty. Instead, the courses in university began to instill in me a lot of interest in politics and society. Living in Japan exposed me to various cultures (I lived in an international dorm) that provided me with a lot of insight into myself and the U.S., and I was suddenly ignited with a flame to change the world. I became absolutely engrossed in politics, and it was the first time I enjoyed anything outside of games and Japanese culture. I would graduate soon with a degree in Japanese, but that degree was already obsolete to me. I didn't feel the desire to completely switch majors again to pursue my new interest; instead, I began internships in the political sector during my final year of school.
After interning for both a State Assemblymember and Congressmember, my dream of changing the world did not change, but my method of going about it did. I no longer wanted to work on the side of politicians, but decided that in the current climate, it would be more worthwhile to participate in grassroots efforts. After I graduated, I volunteered for a veterans organization for a year and spent a short time doing grassroots canvassing for a nonprofit.
I became disenfranchised again.
I realized that change did not come easily. Although I felt my intentions and actions were good, the majority around me seemed to close their eyes and ears to the problems of the country. I was devastated, although my dreams remained unchanged. However, I realized that my dreams will have to be pursued much later on in my life, when I've gained the experience, knowledge, connections, and money required to make the impact I really want to.
And so I looked for a job--any job--that I could do while I tried to reinvent my path in life. I found a part-time marketing and sales job that I knew I wouldn't like, but I needed to build more experience, and most importantly, money to spend. All this time I was living with my parents, and thankfully for their support I didn't have to rush. My friends were already well into their careers at this point, but I didn't care how behind I was anymore. Throughout everything I experienced, I discovered that I am someone who just needs to do what they enjoy. Without enjoyment, there was no way for me to crawl through life doing some dead-end job just to pay the bills. That was not me and I knew it, so I refused to crumble to societal pressures and work just to make ends meet.
In the middle of my new part-time job I got heavily involved with volunteering for Team Liquid's CS:GO subforum. I spent more hours writing, editing, coordinating, and brainstorming than I did at work or on video games or anime. Before I knew it I was so engrossed in what I was doing, everything I loved doing before just slowly slipped out of my life. I barely followed politics, the amount of hours I spent gaming steadily declined, and the amount of anime I watched decreased heavily. I absolutely loved doing what I did for Team Liquid.
When I saw a job posting for an Esports Coordinator job at HTC, I mustered up my courage and applied. And thanks to the backing of the wonderful Nazgul and Bumblebee from TL, I got the job. And that is when my life took off.
I am hitting 30 this year and doing what I absolutely love. I had always enjoyed gaming since before I can remember, and now I am involved in it, although in a different manner than being a player. Although I no longer work for HTC, I am now the Director of Esports at a startup company. I travel tons and enjoy most things about the job and industry at large (nothing's ever perfect of course). I've already caught up to my friends in salary, and have friends who have even gone back to school to earn a new degree as they didn't quite enjoy their first one. I would say that out of all my friends, I'm definitely the one enjoying what I do the most, and it is absolutely rewarding. And miraculously, I somehow even got myself engaged, even though I always told myself I would never get married before. Shit just happens.
To sum it up, everyone has their own path and their own time. You should never feel pressured because you feel behind or because you don't know what you want to do. In life, you have to discover yourself, and you must do it at the pace most accommodating to you. For some people who are in the unfortunate position of absolutely needing to make ends meet and unable to wait, it does sadly make sense to have to force themselves to do whatever they can. Although I don't know your situation completely, just from guessing I think your circumstances are more similar to mine, and that you still have time to find your calling.
Don't let the pressures and lack of motivation crush the future you never knew you could have. Continue walking, however slowly, towards the end of the tunnel. I assure you that without a doubt, there is something there for you. Just keep walking and never stay still. Don't be afraid of being forced back a few steps; every failure is a new learning experience and another chance at success. Standing still is worse than falling back. Move forward.
Good luck to you.
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Well, you're not the only one. I'm 38 and I feel the same way. Studied, worked and still feeling this is not the thing for me... Imho explore, travel and when you enjoy someting a lot, try make a living out of it...
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It doesn't matter how many accomplishments you achieved on stage, what you have done as a pro player is an incredible once in a lifetime feat. People NEVER go through school, then the military, then get a job, and then "go pro" while working. What you've accomplished following your dreams and experiencing is something you can and should cherish for a lifetime. Sure, your future is more uncertain now and you may not have understood the full ramifications of your decision to go pro back in the day, but living through that pro-player drive and determination to play is an unfathomable dream to most. That experience is a dream to most, so far away from reach that they assume its not even possible but would love to hear about.
You are not alone, your worries and troubles are completely understandable, and your stories enrich the lives of all other pro-gamers of any genre. Please continue to tell them.
I know it can be incredibly frustrating to not know what you want and to feel like so many things are not going well. It also doesn't help that the people around you seem younger and more successful while you still carry the burden of not only military service but also the uncertainty of your own future. This does not mean you are doing poorly in life.
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It's common for people to be unsure of what they want to do for the rest of their lives when they're in their 20s. First, do your very best with the commitments you've taken on (i.e., coursework). Second, don't think of military service as an obstacle --- having structure, disciple, and camaraderie can be amazingly valuable for someone in your shoes, who has talent but not direction. You may find that, after military service, you have a much better idea of what you want and the mental tools to work toward it. Perhaps you should aim to do your service sooner rather than later, since you'll have to do it some time. Third, if you're depressed, take that seriously. As a starting point, a lot of colleges have programs for free counseling. You might also consider letting a professor know if you're beginning to struggle in their class. Most professors would love to give you a helping hand. For example, a professor might let you do homework in their office on a weekly basis, or might tutor you, or might let you redo coursework (depending on the circumstances). Having any kind of trustworthy mentor can be a huge help.
Your situation doesn't sound at all hopeless. I expect that in 5 or 6 years you will look back and marvel at how far you've come.
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One of my many keys to unhappiness is to compare myself to others. I will either find them frustratingly insufficient, or I will find myself woefully inadequate. This is the kind of zen principle I live my life by, and I see you're coming along nicely.
To be honest, if you think about what happiness really is, you'll see how silly it is to believe you can control it. Happiness is about things unexpectedly going well. If you work really hard and achieve what you wanted, the happiness is never proportional to the effort you put in, you spend ages working toward something and feel good about it for a few hours once you're done. On the other hand, when you just out of no where meet someone really cool, or find out about something interesting, it feels amazing and you didn't have to work for it at all, and that excitement about this new thing can even last quite awhile.
You work hard and learn stuff so that you can survive and get by. That's what I'm starting to believe. It's not the fun part of life most of the time. The fun part of life is when things go well for no reason. The more you try to control that and manufacture fun, the less fun anything is. At best you can just try to make sure your life doesn't get too routine and that you're allowing the possibility of fun things happening.
One final thought is that some people are just better at feeling neutral when nothing is going on than others, some people are more resilient to a streak of bad luck, some people's brains light up more quickly to a small amount of happiness than others, or can hang onto that happiness longer. You can't really control that much either. But you can try to understand what type you are and maybe understand on at least an intellectual level whether or not your situation is truly serious, or if you are just sensitive. Lots of people give up too easy because they convince themselves things are too hard when they really aren't, and sometimes those people end up denying themselves some future happiness or stability.
In any case, there's a difference between not being sure where you'll land and not being happy doing anything. You know your own mind, and you can best judge whether this is a pathological issue or if this is just a short phase.
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English is my 3rd Language so be prepared^^
@Rain I feel with you I studied business information(Bachlor 6 semester) but I am just bored of this shit,too and I dont know what to do with my life ....During my studies I was very social did different stuff like tried learning Chinese(HSK !) and Spanish(A2).My biggest issue is I can get along with every person or group but I dont really fit complete in one group. I mean I like food,olympic weightlifting/sports in general,politics and so on to find people.Sometimes I am just tired of all this shit around me when I stand up.
Maybe the Military Service gives you a break about worrying to get a clear mind to sort what would you like to do.Perhaps you could try to become a teacher in the USA if you like to teach people.I noticed when I helped my younger mates in the university It was pretty nice feeling to teach other people and it was fun to me like 7 years ago to play a fucking long macro game in TvZ/TvT (No love for Protoss->IMBA) :D.In the end it is your choice to do it even if you are 30 it isnt the apocalypse just do which you can enjoy but dont hang around in a low wage trap with a shitty work life balance.In Germany you see enough people who study their 2nd subject because 'something with media' doesnt work always well.
Btw. I am the same age like you so I can understand your situation well.
Tl;dr,Do what you like. you are responsible for yourself and not for others but deal with the consequences and try always hard like in your Starcraft days this will help a lot with a good mind set!
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Hey Rain, you have another 40 years of work ahead of your if you retire at 65. That's a LONG time. Don't beat yourself up and compare yourself to others. Enjoy the rich experiences you have had and know that you have a long work life ahead of you!
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I dropped out of 2 schools, finally finished when I was 26? I felt behind, but now 5 years later I feel really good. Life is hard. Just believe you'll be able to make some money and be successful one way or another, it takes time to find your way and its always evolving. It sucks that some lessons have to be expensive but if everything turns out, and it seems like it will, you'll be happy.
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Many wise words already have been said. I wish you good luck! And indeed - you're not alone
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2 pieces of advice:
1. Don't compare yourself to others, but do learn from others
2. Don't regret decisions you've made in the past, and don't do anything you might regret in the future
We'd all love to hear your success story in the future. Keep working hard and smart.
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Hey rain ! dont give up
But I wanted to know, why did you stop starcraft ? even if you couldnt be the best, you could had made good money with it, like TRUE who moved to USA, or even in korea, there is a lot of stuff to make money with starcraft, ur only 24, I bet if you go back to starcraft you can still rock it and make money from it.
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Hey man, 24 is still not that old. I go to Purdue, and I just turned 28, and I'm not even the oldest, and I know many Koreans here who are 25 ~ 27, though they already did their military service.
There are more people than you realize who are finishing their undergrad in their late 20s for various reasons.
At least you have a very legitimate reason that you started college late; you were a progamer, someone who was at the top of his field, something 99.9% of people cannot say.
I don't have that privilege. I just dicked around when I was young, playing games instead of studying and had to be dropped for years before I came back.
I too had those moments where I wondered if my major is right for me. I think everyone will go through that, so don't worry too much.
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Thank you for the very thoughtful and honest post, Rain. I definitely remember you. Who wouldn't if they watched sc2 from the days of Wings? I truly wish you the best, and hopefully we can all remember this hard time together with a bittersweet memory!
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Hey Rain.
I truly understand your situation, as I was there for a few years myself.
I was born in Israel, where I lived in most of my life, until recently.
In Israel the army service is also mendatory (for men and women) 3 years minimum.
I was different than most other people who just watned to luve a 'normal' life which meant: do the army until 21, then go to university, get a job, get married, have kids.
I left the army not wanting to start studying, instead I went travelling all over the world, working in temporary jobs for years and years, until I found myself 29 years old without any formal education, not knowing how to proceed, feeling very lost.
Making a long story short, I started a deep search of what I'm actually passionate about, as well as what are my gifts and talents, what can I truly do well, and how much can it be a part of my professional life. This was a long inner search of a few years with a lot of trial and error on the outside world.
I am now 35 , very happy, living with my girlfriend in south america, working very successfuly without any formal education, and I get a lot of business because pepole see and recognize my skills and passion with what I do.
The reason I'm telling you this, is to afirm to you that it's not too late in any way shape or form. You can start or re-start at any given moment, any age. Start a clean page. Forget about the age of others around you - many of them are not even living their own lives yet (just going through the motions and/or living their parents desires rather than their own), where they are or how old they are is of no imporance to you in your own journey.
I know so many people who re-start at age 3X, 4X and even 5X, letting go of old professions and starting a new one because they realized that what they've been doing until that point was not what their heart's desire.
Focus on finding your own path. You will find the way!
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I wasnt prepared to find so much life advice after randomly clicking on this, i follow Sc2 since 2012 so i didnt know about Rain, but i just now did a quick history check what i missed from early sc2
Im 22 so not quite in the same spot but i currently feel similar about my life, i hope it will work out for all of us.
Good luck Rain
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Good luck Rain! I too know that feeling, it can really weigh on you. "Will I ever have a true calling? Is this really the right thing to do?" For now, just go with something, that's the best you can do. Keep on rolling! Be open to any chances you get. It's good to think about these things but don't let it get you down too much. : )
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You have our support!! I wish you the best.
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yea... feel the exact same way. 27 and i just quit my fucking headache of a job as a software engineer. gearing up to do study for interviews and shit but i'm thinking really hard about making a career change, cause idk if this software shit is for me
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Not remembering you? I was there looking you smash BoxeR in Battle Cruiser/Viking battles in Metalopolis- Pretty sure you smashed Liquid´Nazgul skull at some point. I will not add redundant words to all these cool dudes said. Just good luck my dear friend.
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Wow Rain, I did not know that you go to the same school. I am Engineering Physics major and currently a junior. If you would like to get some advice related to UIUC like available career services, I would be more than happy to meet you or just text you. My NETID is hyun14 btw.
This school has a big international student body and thus has a lot of resources for international students like you (I am assuming that you are international) and in general that I am sure you would love to exploit.
Moreover, your question is something that a lot of physics people have been asking as well because there are few jobs that specifically requires physics. The quick answer that older students give to the new and thus depressed students is that STEM majors have a quality of an engineering major: being able to think analytically. Especially when you have undergraduate research experience, where you don't have a certain set answer and have to plow your way through, you are a good problem solver by the end of your degree. Thus, even if it may not look that obvious, you are actually pretty qualified for a lot of jobs.
The problem is that extra 10%. The recommendation that I heard is that you should do outside-of-class-projects that interests you. Not only does it show that you think outside the box and take initiatives, it covers whatever requirement that you were lacking before in that area. For example, I am doing a project in deep learning, which would cover my data science/ AI knowledge and prove to potential employers that I am good at that particular field, if not an expert.
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박서용 선수,
샴페인 대학으로 트랜스퍼를 하셧다는거 자체가 높이 살만한 업적이에요.
아직 젊구요 지금부터 그렇게 걱정하실거 없으세요.
화학이 재미있으시면 Pre Med (의사) 쪽으로 진로를 한번 생각해보시는것도 괸찮으세요.
여기서 한번 생각해보실게 일단 나는 내가 돈을 많이 벌수있는 직업을 택할것이냐 아니면 그냥 내가 좋아하는일을
택할것이냐 인데, 화학이 재미있으시면 Pre Med 아님 Dental School 쪽도 괸찮을거같네요.
저는 30 에 이회사 저회사 방황하다가 대학을 복학해서 제가 하고싶엇던 영어선생님을 해볼려고
언어학을 전공하고 지금은 전혀 다른 일을하고잇어요. 어떻게 하다보니 돈을 더벌수있는 직업쪽으로 선택을해서
결국에는 좋아하는 일보다는 돈을 더버는 일로 전향을햇는데요, 나이는 정말 그저 숫자에 불과합니다.
지금도 늦지않앗구요, 한번 잘생각해보세요 그러면 대충 윤곽이 잡혀요. 그리고 절대 않늦엇습니다!
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You're not alone man, best of luck to you in the future!
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I remember you! I was in the crowd in Anaheim during your match with Boxer, and I screamed my head off and lost my voice shortly after that match ><
My uncle used to tell me, there's no such thing was wasted time; everyone's story is different, everyone's books are different, and everything you've been through is unique to your own personal story. It's really easy to compare ourselves to child prodigies, to people who started much earlier, to people who always knew what they wanted to do...but that's their story. Not yours. Where does Rain go from here?
My uncle also told me, find something you love, anything, and just work your ass off at it. You will never achieve more than what you can achieve working as hard as you possibly can - so just work as hard as you possibly can and be satisfied with that.
I wish you the best of luck with everything!
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Dear Rain,
Never give up on Starcraft, if it is what you truly enjoy.
And never be ashamed of your age, because sucess is not measured in youth or dollars.
My name is Chow. Remember my name. I am older than you and I will be at a GSL finals.
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Rain, do you still play SC?
How long to finish school?
do you know discoverpraxis.com? it may be good for you
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5/5 Man, you are amazing and I always loved your play, don't feel you wasted your life playing this game, I also feel the same way and MANY others do as well.
You have to find your new passion, your NEW starcraft, what you love to do and what makes you happy. Do some soul searching and praying, and it will come to you naturally.
Don't over think too much about the past, or worry too much about the future.
You got this
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Chemistry is hard but not nearly as hard as starcraft! You don't actually need calculus for chemistry, i havent used it in years. Also, there are tens of thousands of chemists that earn a living doing this job, lots make much more than >100K year. There are only 20-30 pro SC gamers that arent living under the poverty line, so you have a much better chance of making it.
If you are wondering if you are doing the right thing studying chemistry, go to a research group that interests you and ask if you can work in the lab over the summer doing a project of some kind. You will either like it or not like it. Studying is nothing like being employed as a chemist and in real life you can be selective about the types of things that you do.... You don't like inorganic chemistry, then don't do it. Don't like calculus, thats ok, you don't need it.
Also, understanding the game mechanics of starcraft is sort of analogous to understanding the rules in organic chemistry, but real life is a lot more forgiving. There are no elimination BO3 in chemistry.
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Okay so I don't think higher education is atm worthy unless you want to be a doctor, lawyer or scientist.
Getting $$$ and practical knowledge is more important and will move you faster.
If you are interested in specific subject you can find a lot of valuable materials online.
Advice:
- start earning money - doesn't matter if it's mac-donalds, starcraft streaming or office job, just get something
- improve your personal life - find new friends, partner, try new hobby
- eat healthy - you don't have to remove your sinful foods just cut down on them
- don't compare to other people, just try to improve yourself
- good luck and have fun
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Try to remember the phrase "this too shall pass." The one constant in life is that things change. In a few years the problems you are struggling with now will likely seem much less significant than they do now.
Try to keep learning, and try to find things to do that interest and engage you. But most importantly keep on moving.
Try to make it through college, if that's a priority for you. Ask your teachers for help if you are struggling, most of them are very friendly and kind people and want you to succeed. Don't isolate yourself and try to do everything on your own, no one can do everything on their own.
If you don't make it through school, it's not the end of the world. You can always try something different or try again.
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If you do like chemistry I would recommend you join a lab and see if it fits you -- doing chemistry is very different from learning it, and it could either be better or worse. And if you might consider doing research in the future (say, PhD) then as you start working in a lab you'll find out if it is what you want.
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Let's go Rain!!!!!!
You are the man!
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have you considered to become an industrial engineer? process engineer? it's like managing resources for factory, it's like managing mineral and gas for starcraft, it's quite interesting.
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im 34, living in germany, bachelor degree, aborted master degree and i am currently jobless. i had several "mini-jobs", some werent even listed (not paying taxes). i dont have any interests and i dont know where i belong. why am i writing this? just wanna tell you, that you are not alone my dude. you are still young, you´ll find your way - and if not, its ok my dude. we cant all be happy, rich and have a meaningful job - thats just how it goes. gl hf.
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Dear Rain
There is hope. You can always make a picture of yourself having wonderful life with your dream job. And you dont have to make that picture (regarding job part) clear. You dont have to analyze everything. You dont have to know excatly your road to there where you want to go. For the first you just need somekind of clear, big image in your mind that gives you motivation. Then you will find the way.
“You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.”
― Steve Jobs
If you really have to go military, think of how you could use that time beneficially? I have been in army (one year) and there I have lot of time to think and read things. When I got off I knew better myself and I had practiced skills like mindfulness, and got more knowleadge reading good books. +Armythings I did. Perhaps that 2 years it is just a break you need. Make most of it.
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Korea (South)1897 Posts
I didn't start making money until I was 28ish,
After I finished my BA and 2 masters.
but I played rugby, and I guess I did it longer than I should have,
all ex-athletes can go through the same feelings.
But I don't regret it.
If you have time,
https://www.gallupstrengthscenter.com/home/en-us/strengthsfinder
do this test, it can give you perspective on yourself, its the absolute best test I ever took in articulating my capabilities.
And I'll say this,
there is always time,
because, when you find what you want to do,
intensity will always make up for whatever time was lost.
and most of the time, that time lost was necessary for you to find your path,
the broader the scope the more fulfilling will be your path.
just never give up.
fighting! STRONG!!!
-I'm Korean too
-I'm almost 45 (Korean age hehe)
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Hi Rain, I remember you from the WOL days. I grew up playing Starcraft 1, but I never ever even knew about the pro scene in Korea. It wasn't until WOL came out that I became aware of professional e-sports, and though I played a little, I watched the professional matches quite religiously. I still do watch all of the GSL matches, even if its just the replays a week after the games were played. I love Starcraft so much, and watching the Korean Terran's destroy, is something that I hope I can watch forever.
I feel compelled to reply to your story, because I also completed a major in chemistry. I finished my undergraduate degree when I was 21 (we start school earlier in Canada, than is done in USA), but I really had no idea of what I truly wanted to do either. By the time I finished my degree, I was so stressed and felt "burned out". I had went through a breakup with my girlfriend during the last year of my degree and I just seemed to hate everything about my life during that time.
I worked in various jobs, none of which I considered to be anything I could (or would want to) make a career out of. I felt like I was wandering aimlessly and wasting my life away, without having any sense of direction. After 8 years, I decided to go back to grad school and earn a M.Sc. As the years passed, I found myself looking up the synthetic route to each and every drug that I heard about in the news, or any pesticide or chemical agent that I heard about - I knew I had a passion for chemistry, and I had to get back to it.
The truth be told, I had convinced myself that I didnt want to have a career in chemistry after finishing my undergraduate degree, but not because I didnt love chemistry. It was because of all of the other stress that made me lose motivation in everything. The chemistry kept calling me back. Now I am working on completing my PhD.
I dont really have any advice to offer you, other than to keep plugging away at your degree. A chemistry degree is something that I can promise you wont ever regret. It is such a valuable degree because it is so damn hard. People know that if you have a chemistry degree, then you are at the very least, a trainable person. If you can learn chemistry, you can learn anything. Whether or not you ever want to work in chemistry, you can get hired for other jobs because of your trainability.
I should tell you though, that once you finish your first couple of years, and get all of the math and physics out of the way, your last couple of years will be much more specific and you will likely feel a lot better about not being pulled in every direction. I would also like to make sure you are aware about graduate school. If you decide to do your M.Sc or PhD, you will have your own research and your own project to work on. It is SOO much different than undergrad, and SOO much more enjoyable. You will essentially be working in the lab everyday, doing all kinds of cool stuff, even having the freedom to do random things that you just think would be cool, unrelated to your research. I make all kinds of cool shit just for fun - all of the time.
Anyway, I just thought I'd tell you that you're on the right track. You aren't too old either. If you go to grad school, you still will be younger than a lot of other people there. Im 30 now, and there are people in their 40's around, in my own lab, and in some other labs. It isnt that big of a deal! So keep truckin' Rain. You'll be just fine.
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That is a reality everyone must have to face off sometime during their life. I hope that you will find the correct way for you.
But the most important thing does not give up on what you think is important to you. Good luck, man. As an SC2 fan, there are always people who support you. Have a great time
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You need to set a goal for yourself.
1.Food
2.Shelter
3.Clothing
4.Sex
5.Self Respect
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your 24 ? you ARE YOUNG ...
i am 32 and i have NO idea what to do with my life, i start some jobs then quit i learned to be a it programmer but i not like and now i thinking about what doing next xD
i also tried poker too xD
24 is young dont panic
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Hi Rain, I don’t know if you remember me but we played around the same time. I went to Romania to play as the first member of team Newrosoft (NrS). I really enjoyed my time, loved practicing every day and competing in online cups and offline events. Eventually I decided that I wanted to experience more of life though and I moved home and started working production like jobs. Everywhere I have gone I seem to excel because of my experience with Starcraft, I guess I have a way of making even the crapiest job into a game and being the best I can at it. Because of this I’ve gotten a lot of raises earlier than most people would. I also have becone passionate about nutrition (basically optimizing the human body with a nutrient dense whole food diet) and lifestyle. I’m in school for another 6 months but once I’m out I’ll start seeing clients and help them to use their eating habits to become the healthiest that they can be.
I really think you just gotta get out there and start trying different things. You’re gonna suck at some stuff but you’re gonna excel at other things and by no means has Starcraft been a waste of time, just leverage that experience. I hope this hasn’t sounded boasty at all, I do empathize with you in that my time as a pro gamer was one of the best periods of my life. But I also choose to believe that there are far greater things ahead than any we leave behind.
Much love from a former competitor.
P.S. I don’t miss you cheesing me
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In my personal situation i started studying computer science but i changed to marketing because of the system that we live and windows programing is really bored i love linux or unix in general at the end of the day marketing dont like to me but give to me some good strategies, i dont know what are going to do but i have 2 majors lol, im master 1 in starcraft 2 sometimes i think i lost a lot of time playing ladder,i played 26k games, in my personal opinion you should follow your dreams and be happy is not about money, its about what you love to do.
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Oh shoot. I'm surprised it's been 7 years since you retired. You're one of my most favorite players in Starcraft. Any chance you attended CRC in Sacramento? My wife is currently attending that school. If you ever return to Sacramento, I'll treat you Korean BBQ. Just returned to watching Starcraft after all these years.
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EPT
