EPTAnyone have any reasons? Could use a few.
Why go on?
| Blogs > Zambrah |
Zambrah
United States7316 Posts
Anyone have any reasons? Could use a few. | ||
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JimmyJRaynor
Canada16716 Posts
BlizzCon 2016! the Toronto Maple Leafs improbable quest for their 12th Stanley Cup! | ||
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B-royal
Belgium1330 Posts
- good games - good music - making music - doing sports - visiting new places, meeting interesting people - watching quality adult entertainment lol - challenging yourself with goals and reaching them - creating desirable art - ... If you want more specifics you'll have to explain why you don't want to go on. | ||
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JimmyJRaynor
Canada16716 Posts
in this movie Pam Grier is 15 years older than Bridgette Fonda and 5000 times hotter. | ||
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goswser
United States3546 Posts
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Zambrah
United States7316 Posts
I have no car, I can't get a full time job in this fucking state, the process to get a state issued ID is absolutely irritating, requiring bills as proof of residence. I don't pay bills, I can't open a bank account without an ID either, so I can't even get a checking account to deposit money from my part time job into. I just seriously cannot understand what I have going for me right now. A massive looming debt? A fucking part time job at Home Depot? Living in a flea ridden room? Being without a car in a state where everything is separated by miles? What future do I have? Am I going to be able to fight through all of this shit? Do I have it in me? I really don't know, I'm in a state trapped in a house when I'm not at work, I can't go out to meet people, I can't go out and do ANYTHING, I feel fucking trapped in this shithole situation in this shithole house in this shithole state and I just don't know why I should ever aspire to anything better than this when it seems like every factor just desperately wants me to be in this situation. | ||
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JimmyJRaynor
Canada16716 Posts
On September 26 2016 12:29 Zambrah wrote: As lovely and wondrous as the future might be, I just can't be excited for it, I don't see a place in the future that leads anywhere good, I can't imagine appreciating the world around me when everything in my immediate life just feels like shit. It feels like an inescapable vortex of darkness, where do I go? What do I do? I spent 4 years at college and what is it going to amount to? Nothing? That seems most likely, my family is poor, I live in semi-squalor in a room with a dirty flea ridden carpet, crawling with large spiders, crickets, and, most recently, soldier beetle larvae. I have no car, I can't get a full time job in this fucking state, the process to get a state issued ID is absolutely irritating, requiring bills as proof of residence. I don't pay bills, I can't open a bank account without an ID either, so I can't even get a checking account to deposit money from my part time job into. I just seriously cannot understand what I have going for me right now. A massive looming debt? A fucking part time job at Home Depot? Living in a flea ridden room? Being without a car in a state where everything is separated by miles? What future do I have? Am I going to be able to fight through all of this shit? Do I have it in me? I really don't know, I'm in a state trapped in a house when I'm not at work, I can't go out to meet people, I can't go out and do ANYTHING, I feel fucking trapped in this shithole situation in this shithole house in this shithole state and I just don't know why I should ever aspire to anything better than this when it seems like every factor just desperately wants me to be in this situation. go where the money is, dawg. fish where the fish are... https://www.bloomberg.com/view/articles/2016-06-14/boom-states-and-bust-states-according-to-gdp most of my new customers are from New York and Manitoba while i live in Ontario. The Ontario economy is crap. i worked a part time job WHILE in a co-op program in university; even during academic terms i worked part time. basically for 4 and 2/3s years i did nothing but work, sleep, and exercise. zero social life and zero frivolous fun. as bad as having little to no social life was... the alternative of having no money and monster debt was worse. now that i've got my customer base established and a huge employee count of 2 i spend a lot of time just dicking around.  work non-stop man and build a trust network. if a lazy piece of garbage like me can do it.. any one can. if u r always working it won't really matter how amazing or lousy ur living accomodations happen to be. the feeling of being productive is a good feeling even when u r earning a low amount of cash. | ||
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Djzapz
Canada10681 Posts
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Zambrah
United States7316 Posts
I didn't even get the proper training in 3D (which is what I wanted to do once trying it in Junior year) because the school I went to doesn't have many people (pretty much noone) that knows the intricacies of the particular 3D programs I need to learn. Originally I was going to go into concept art and illustration, but I figured I like doing 3D, most other people hated it, it must be a feasible career path, right? You know what though, I found tutorials, I spent my meager earnings from school jobs and I bought some tutorials from real industry professionals (especially ones at Blizzard!) but I can't do anything with them. My old laptop can no longer handle 3D programs, it barely runs Photoshop anymore. I just don't know what Im supposed to do. I spend most of my time trapped in the house because I live like 5 miles away from anything and I have no car. Virginia sucks, I hate this god damned state, and I hate the bevy of Soldier Beetle larvae I have trapped in a cup next to the blanket on the floor I sleep on, I hate the fleas I drown in a glass near my bed, and I hate that I feel like I can do little to change my situation here. Do I get a futon to sleep on? Spend $150 on something that I intend to leave asap? Refloor this fucking room so that its not covered in stained, disgusting, flea ridden carpet? I just can't stand this feeling of blackhole-like despair, what do I do? I feel powerless, I feel trapped, I can't do anything here. I have a sketchbook, and I draw in it, but thats the absolute extent of what I can do here that isn't improving the home of a family that hasn't had any remote interest in doing it themselves, and who makes it very difficult for me to even do it. | ||
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Koivusto
Finland542 Posts
It's already good that you tell someone, how you feel. Edit: okay so art. How about employing yourself outside of your field temporarily until you save enough money to move or for example buy a new laptop? | ||
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Koivusto
Finland542 Posts
On September 26 2016 10:05 JimmyJRaynor wrote: the Toronto Maple Leafs improbable quest for their 12th Stanley Cup! You are alright | ||
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Zambrah
United States7316 Posts
On September 26 2016 14:28 Koivusto wrote: Like Jimmy there said, go somewhere where you have moäre possibilities. Another state or even country. You have the privilege of being a native speaker of world's lingua franca. What degree do you have from college? It's already good that you tell someone, how you feel. Edit: okay so art. How about employing yourself outside of your field temporarily until you save enough money to move or for example buy a new laptop? I'm currently working part time at Home Depot to do just that, but every passing month feels like falling one step behind the people who got their formal education in 3D, the software changes and advances so quickly in 3D, its not like digital painting where Photoshop will just reign supreme forever. All the time spent saving is time not spent doing art and the thing with art is you really HAVE to practice it, it takes so many years to become truly excellent. Every month I spend not learning 3D is another month closer to giving up on the dream and accepting whatever stable income I can because whats the point of trying to get in on a field thats filled with bright young talent and every year it seems like its going to become harder and harder to compete in the market. I've thought of spending a few years in Korea teaching english, but it seems like that market is also kind of going downhill and I'm not sure if thats going to be a viable path in like 8 months when I can afford to go. This whole environment is just awful, its filthy, lonely and isolating, and it just feels like a physical manifestation of the dread of never being able to move onwards from an upbringing of poverty. And this is before my student loan debt kicks in, in like three months I have to start paying $400 a month for the next ten years... | ||
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FFGenerations
7088 Posts
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HungrySC2
United States191 Posts
You may be one of the many people out there where College was the worst time of their life. It's not commonly talked about but there are many people you know who feel the same way, they just don't talk about it. Not to mention the financial burdens that follow afterwards. If you do in fact have a 4 year degree you do have some things going for you. The fact that you have a degree means something to many employers. It doesn't matter what the degree is in. Apply for anything and everything that you could tolerate doing short term. Don't decide that someone won't hire you before applying because of your credentials or current situation. If they want someone to work they will find someone to work and they will train/help out if it is in their best interests. That often times is people just like you. Yeah your job might suck, but you need to start making money if you want control of your life. That's how the world works for most of us. You can always keep looking for something better! Some internships and jobs include room and board. That may be something to look into. I also hope you talk to someone about whatever loans you might have and what options you may have. Especially if they were provided by the federal government. As for the ID. Do find out what you have to do and do it. I don't know anything about how it works, and I'm sure the process sucks, but it exists so figure the shit out and get it done. Most likely you're going to have to find an ally to help you out. Sadly other people usually are what make our lives better. I am very fortunate to have a very supportive family that has helped me during hard times. There are other people and organizations out there that can be supportive (and possibly even help you out) if you get involved. It always is healthy to be part of something. The hardest part is reaching out. I do not know if it is possible, but it sounds like a bicycle could be a decent tool to take advantage of. I don't mean to preach, but I rode a bike 40 miles a day to get to work/school when I also didn't have a car. I don't know if that is possible where you live, but it is free transportation. If nothing else it is a sliver of independence. But then again I always have known I feel much worse if I stop being active. Any small positive change in your current situation is worthwhile. No matter how trivial or unimportant it may seem. "When you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it." - Paulo Coelho "Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out." - Titus Best of luck | ||
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HungrySC2
United States191 Posts
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YokoKano
United States612 Posts
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mantequilla
Turkey779 Posts
On September 26 2016 12:29 Zambrah wrote: As lovely and wondrous as the future might be, I just can't be excited for it, I don't see a place in the future that leads anywhere good, I can't imagine appreciating the world around me when everything in my immediate life just feels like shit. It feels like an inescapable vortex of darkness, where do I go? What do I do? I spent 4 years at college and what is it going to amount to? Nothing? That seems most likely, my family is poor, I live in semi-squalor in a room with a dirty flea ridden carpet, crawling with large spiders, crickets, and, most recently, soldier beetle larvae. I have no car, I can't get a full time job in this fucking state, the process to get a state issued ID is absolutely irritating, requiring bills as proof of residence. I don't pay bills, I can't open a bank account without an ID either, so I can't even get a checking account to deposit money from my part time job into. I just seriously cannot understand what I have going for me right now. A massive looming debt? A fucking part time job at Home Depot? Living in a flea ridden room? Being without a car in a state where everything is separated by miles? What future do I have? Am I going to be able to fight through all of this shit? Do I have it in me? I really don't know, I'm in a state trapped in a house when I'm not at work, I can't go out to meet people, I can't go out and do ANYTHING, I feel fucking trapped in this shithole situation in this shithole house in this shithole state and I just don't know why I should ever aspire to anything better than this when it seems like every factor just desperately wants me to be in this situation. close every entrance with mosquito nets, clean and spray pesticide everywhere, burn the carpet and get some of those cheap "wall to wall" carpets :/ I may tolerate everything in life but NOT FKING BUGS | ||
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Zambrah
United States7316 Posts
On September 26 2016 15:12 HungrySC2 wrote: First off I don't think you need to spend $150 to find something to sleep on that is off the floor. Worst case scenario is you spend a few bucks on a cot. Best case scenario is you find someone getting rid of their stuff. (Craigslist, Goodwill, Rummage Sale, Estate Sale, etc) You may be one of the many people out there where College was the worst time of their life. It's not commonly talked about but there are many people you know who feel the same way, they just don't talk about it. Not to mention the financial burdens that follow afterwards. If you do in fact have a 4 year degree you do have some things going for you. The fact that you have a degree means something to many employers. It doesn't matter what the degree is in. Apply for anything and everything that you could tolerate doing short term. Don't decide that someone won't hire you before applying because of your credentials or current situation. If they want someone to work they will find someone to work and they will train/help out if it is in their best interests. That often times is people just like you. Yeah your job might suck, but you need to start making money if you want control of your life. That's how the world works for most of us. You can always keep looking for something better! Some internships and jobs include room and board. That may be something to look into. I also hope you talk to someone about whatever loans you might have and what options you may have. Especially if they were provided by the federal government. As for the ID. Do find out what you have to do and do it. I don't know anything about how it works, and I'm sure the process sucks, but it exists so figure the shit out and get it done. Most likely you're going to have to find an ally to help you out. Sadly other people usually are what make our lives better. I am very fortunate to have a very supportive family that has helped me during hard times. There are other people and organizations out there that can be supportive (and possibly even help you out) if you get involved. It always is healthy to be part of something. The hardest part is reaching out. I do not know if it is possible, but it sounds like a bicycle could be a decent tool to take advantage of. I don't mean to preach, but I rode a bike 40 miles a day to get to work/school when I also didn't have a car. I don't know if that is possible where you live, but it is free transportation. If nothing else it is a sliver of independence. But then again I always have known I feel much worse if I stop being active. Any small positive change in your current situation is worthwhile. No matter how trivial or unimportant it may seem. "When you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it." - Paulo Coelho "Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out." - Titus Best of luck I live within ~2.5 hours of walking to a large mall complex, and I applied to 90% of the stores there and they ALL rejected me. From Target, to Walmart, to the various small crap stores I got rejected by every single place that wasn't named Home Depot. I now have a part time job at Home Depot, but there are going to be a lot of financial drains doing home improvements here (like taking this god forsaken carpet up and burning it) and then the 400 a month for student loans. And then there are other potential complications about the work at Home Depot, like whether or not they expect me to be making sales quotas considering they didnt hire me as a specialist, because it sure seemed like it was something they were going to try and get me to do. I've also heard that having a degree makes getting smaller jobs harder because employers aren't willing to train you for months and then have you leave, which they'll assume you want to do because you have a degree. I've heard that a lot, so maybe Im in a uniquely shitty position with regards to getting jobs. No reliable transportation likely isnt helping the situation. As for the ID, I know what I need to get it, the problem is getting it is a massive pain in the dick in Virginia for god knows what reason. I need my birth certificate (easy), social security card (easy), and then proof of residence, which on their list more or less means bills, or a paystub. Sure, I can get a paystub, but I'm not paying any bills on any residency in Virginia so thats not going to happen. I'm trying to get my old transcripts but my old high school is a shitshack and god knows how long that will take them. I'm not even 100% sure if the paystub will work out, I assume my name is on it but I have to deposit my money into my mom's account because I can't open a bank account here without ID, I dunno, maybe that hampers me with regards to getting the paystub. College was probably the best time of my life, which isn't saying a lot because not a whole lot in my life has ever really conspired to go right, while it was nice to live in clean sanitary places and be able to focus on art, I also had yearly personal tragedies strike at school, and the people in my major could be very... sensitive and I never knew what was going to set them off. I wish I could spend another 4 years at school and actually redo everything I did there the first time, but alas here I am, with a few half developed skillsets. | ||
Liquid`Drone
Norway28675 Posts
or e) accept that life didn't quite turn out the way you were hoping. It's like that for virtually all of us, some are closer to where we hoped, some are further away, a select few are actually living the dream - but those people are rare and few inbetween. Literally all of us that are more than 25 would like to have spent a couple or several years of our adolesence over again, either cuz we did something wrong or because we're unhappy with our acquired skillsets. Maybe you're worse off than most, that's gotta apply to some of us, so I can buy that. But it's just.. if you're feeling like this when you're 50-60 years old.. then it's like, whatever, do what you wanna do. But as a reasonably intelligent 20-something year old guy, your life still has opportunities. Most people vastly overestimate what they can accomplish in 6 months - but they also vastly underestimate what they can accomplish in 5 years. You still have those 5 years. Think about what you did wrongly the first time around, and use them better this time. Hone your skills, or learn some new ones. The world might not be your oyster, but you can take something out of it, even if it's not a brightly shining beautiful pearl. Accept zirconium, or whatever. | ||
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Koivusto
Finland542 Posts
Reach out to friend/family/acquaintances to find a more suitable place to live? Maybe a shared apartment with a friend or two. Try what Hungry suggested: contact the institution which provided you your loan and ask for renegociated payment plan? I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you man. Try to find even a small piece of confidence and you will already feel a bit more like being in control. | ||
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