It's been awhile since I last wrote anything on here. It's hard finding things to wrote about or rather I can't decide on which to write to about. I didn't think people were still reading my blogs so long after I wrote them, but it seemed that a good number of people still did. Anyways, let's get to it.

I had some time recently to reflect on why my last relationship didn't go that well. It's something I didn't really understand that well, so perhaps a few of you on here have dealt with the same issue or currently going through it.

I went digging around my head for the issues that caused my previous relationship to fail. It's not easy for me to go searching like that, but I found out that I have some serious commitment issues. It just sort of clicked one day. Honestly, it makes a lot of sense to me and it was probably extremely likely that I ended up with them. I read up about it and the only cause that seemed to make any sense was my childhood environment. Those of you who have read my blog on my family, could probably guess as to what I'm referring to, but I'll go over a few things in this blog that wasn't mentioned in it.

My parents were stuck in a rather cold marriage for most of my life and they still are. From what my mom told me, my dad did something that caused her to resent him being in her life and it really showed to me at least. I won't go into the details of the what happened since it's not my place to say anything about it. Apparently it happened when I was a baby and a divorce was extremely likely, but she didn't want to tear me and my brother away from my dad. I can't say which way I would've liked it due to my many issues with my own family.

The issue that was going on between them definitely wasn't invisible no matter how much they tried to cover it up. That image of a 'healthy' relationship was stuck with me. If I had to describe it in one word, it'd be fake. It just felt like that to me and it still does honestly. I don't think I have any issues in relationships except for that. To me that's probably the worse way a relationship can end up and it's probably the cause of my commitment issues. From what I read, parents have a pretty big effect on these kinds of areas.

Once these things all clicked together, it doesn't seem all that unmanageable. Actually, I'm a little relieved in a way. I broke up with my most recent ex since I convinced myself that I didn't have feelings for her once we started to talk about the future. Now that I know it's wasn't that, I can feel a little better about future endeavors. Thinking you have an issue with not being able to develop intimate issues for people, is much harder to deal with then commitment issues. So I'll take it as a little win right there that my issue wasn't as severe as it seemed.

I think that it will get better, the more I think about it and get used to it. Now I that know what happened last time, I can actually try being in another relationship no matter how hard it is for me. I can actually pinpoint my anxiety about relationships, rather then being in the dark about it. I've heard meditation is a good way to deal with the anxiety, so if anyone knows a good site where I can read up about it, that would be great.

Thanks for bearing through, yet another long blog post. I appreciate any comments or questions you might have.

pebble444

Italy2503 Posts

August 27 2016 00:12 GMT

I did
This one today and it was pretty usefull. Its around 8 minutes;
Since the case is from an issue that is not stricly yours, you might want to imagine giving back to your parents what is theirs and not yours to carry for them; i' m sure that they love you and do not wish that you live with the problems they had to go throught. This could lead to a change in their situation, for better or for worse. In any case its about what you need the most, and you don' t want to be stuck in a cold relationship again. You may want to speak with your mother about this, unless she knowns about it but from the way you say it i don't think so. You seem to have analized the situation and seem to have a pretty good instinct about where the problem is and how to go about it. Its just a question of what are willing to do to resolve it

ApatheticSchizoid

Canada85 Posts

August 27 2016 21:55 GMT

On August 27 2016 09:12 pebble444 wrote:
I did
This one today and it was pretty usefull. Its around 8 minutes;
Since the case is from an issue that is not stricly yours, you might want to imagine giving back to your parents what is theirs and not yours to carry for them; i' m sure that they love you and do not wish that you live with the problems they had to go throught. This could lead to a change in their situation, for better or for worse. In any case its about what you need the most, and you don' t want to be stuck in a cold relationship again. You may want to speak with your mother about this, unless she knowns about it but from the way you say it i don't think so. You seem to have analized the situation and seem to have a pretty good instinct about where the problem is and how to go about it. Its just a question of what are willing to do to resolve it

I really don't think talking to my mother about this is a good idea. I'm not that close to her anymore and I'm not even sure if she thinks about it the same way I do. In the coming months, I plan to sever what ever relationship we still have left and I think that's the right call to make for me. There's various long winded answers for it, but it seems like the right choice to make.

I don't think my commitment issues will ever go away until I'm in a healthy loving relationship, but until then I can work with dealing on the anxiety. I'll look to trying meditation on my own or I could perhaps go to a Buddhist meditation centre not far from my house.

mierin

United States4943 Posts

August 29 2016 03:43 GMT

Honestly, you just need to figure out what you really want in a relationship. If you can post here (kind of dispassionately) talking about how a relationship ended, it probably didn't mean that much to you. I have only had about 2 relationships in my life that have meant so much it crushed me when they ended. I have a feeling that once you find someone you really, really, REALLY love and want to make things worth with, you'll take a chance and take it to the next level. If you screw up a relationship you feel that way about, then we can talk about other things.

pebble444

Italy2503 Posts

August 29 2016 21:54 GMT

On August 28 2016 06:55 ApatheticSchizoid wrote:

Show nested quote +

Help comes in ways that are not how we imagine them. I think i remember you suffered from social anxiety? If thats the case, i have experience with that myself. Do the best things to help yourself right now; that makes you feel worth it.
I know that openly talking to my mother about our issues helped a lot move foward; we had a fight, and then we both felt different, and later on we where able to have new kinds of interesting conversations. Things changed. It was hard, but worth it for me. Blood is thicker than water. But do what is the right thing for you.