Been awhile since I wrote these. I should be doing something more productive I'm used to start-up risks and situations. In fact, I intentionally seek it out because it gives me the most experience (in new positions or new ideas) and it has a work environment I thrive in (small/tight-knit).
Obviously start-ups fail, a lot. Ideas don't execute the way you expected or the atmosphere is a facade of corporate hierarchy, without the stability and comfort that usually comes with it. Nothing new. New country, new people, new culture.
As I move on from one project to another, I often face unemployment in-between. That's a consequence of things, whether in my control or not. I've been doing a job of keeping my time occupied: whether that is my Hero Builds Project or Analytical Writing but I often face a common issue of jealousy stemming from comparison. It's not a reasonable level of envy, it is completely unreasonable and contextually inappropriate.
But it is often the biggest dictator of my day-to-day emotions. Someone gets a job I wasn't even interested in, but has some value (whether that is prestige or financial security), I get temperamental. Someone seems to be having a good time at XYZ event, I get annoyed with jealousy. And the reason is obvious, I'm not dumb. I know I am just blaming them due to a comparison with myself, who is not "progressing" per se or achieving anything at the moment. It's unreasonable and uninformed of me to think like that, but it is a difficult habit to break. I always thinking selfishly and think: "I would have been more suited for the job" or "He/She only got that job because of X or Y", even if I wasn't interested in the position or under my circumstances, I wouldn't be able to take it.
But it only emphasizes my situation, that I understood before coming into and even so, I am in a better position that I make it out to be during that moment of anger/annoyance. If I wanted a "stable" position where I would be a cog in a larger company (say for a publisher or something), I would have taken it in the past (or have been more persistent in pursuing). But I'm consistently stuck in an irrational fit of moodiness that makes it so hard to break. It's not like I don't have things going on, both in terms of opportunities, progress in my personal projects and more; but for some reason it isn't enough. I am not even fair with my comparisons because there are many others who are in a worse position than myself, so I only compare when it puts me at a disadvantage, but never in consideration of where I am at an advantage. So am I intentionally seeking to put myself down or it's just a habit of sorts?
On top of that, I set myself up to be disappointed. Social media, of course, only shows what people want to show; so their positive outcomes (even as I write this, I think: "Do I want to share with people who will judge me now and in the future?") so naturally I will be prone to experience everyone else's progress and showcasing. Or maybe the person who took that job is getting paid less than I would have been comfortable with, maybe the policies of that company are too restrictive for my taste or simply I am not remotely qualified for it.
If you're constantly looking at what others are doing, you'll never see where you are and where you could be
In many ways, comparison can be a good or bad thing - but to be rid of it entirely is perhaps the ideal of thought-processes. I also know when I compare, I get motivated to do more, to compensate and follow-through. It's not right, but it works.
Just thinking aloud. Felt I should write something. Jealousy is the fear of comparison, I read. I think comparison and jealousy are just absolutely awful thinking because it is so inherently egotistical and self-centered. Someone does something that isn't even remotely about you or within your realm of possibilities and your immediate response is to make it about yourself - the unfairness of a situation or how you want it instead of appreciating their success and their own path? That's wrong and it's pretty filthy to immediately go to you when it is about them.
To off-set that poor thinking, I sometimes reach out to a lot of people I know in esports and congratulate them. Just as a token of appreciation that what they did is without a doubt: great and impressive. I'm genuine about it because even though I am flawed, a part of me realizes the truth of the matter and the truth that they have earned, one way or another, what they do and they are proud about it and rightfully so. Even though this comparison thing doesn't hurt anyone but myself; I still feel it is fair to give credit where it is due and to publicly (or privately) acknowledge their hard work, even if my opinion ultimately doesn't matter (or isn't accounted for in the people they seek out for reception).
Surprisingly applicable in many ways in life
Whenever I get a sense that I haven't gone anywhere or achieved anything. I think about comedians. I think about how there are so many comedians who are trying to break out today; who've been doing stand-up to empty rooms trying to relate to them on a personal level something that may not be funny at all. That's brutal. And they do that for years, decades even, few succeeding and most do not. An actor applies for roles and parts. A band makes albums, plays live-shows. But the comedian, he has to put himself out there, alone with the attention on him and no matter what is going in his life or how desperate he is to break-through, he has to remain funny, make new material and relate to the emotion of the crowd every time, consistently. Maybe I downplayed the others and overplayed what a comedian does under the guise of desperation equals perseverance. But to me, to be a comedian is struggling at its core. I went to a comedy club for the first time here in LA and I saw a variety of different comedians, some were great, many were uncomfortable and I spent 40 minutes talking about the comedians, how some rubbed me the wrong way or came across poorly. These guys only had 5 to 10 minutes to not only familiarize themselves with me (and about 50 other people in the room) but also had to make me like them and laugh with them. Multiply that by 50.
I commend them for they are trying to create a job out of something we do on a day-to-day basis for fun, as social people. I'm sure something like that sounds very familiar.
Divenire from Ludovico Einaudi has such strength and greatness to it. It comes out calm like an early morning and then just slowly rolls out into something magnificent, fast and great.
All in all, comparison is a defeating process. People move at different paces and at different levels. It's a hard habit to break, especially when you're in a routine low due to your choices and you see those who chose a different path move more steadily up. It's not fair to yourself and it isn't fair to others you may look up or down upon.
I'll try to help you with that by reminding you you're doing awesome stuff (and I probably don't even know the full extent of what you do).
Keep being awesome, keep doing what you really like doing, going where you want to go, and try to keep low how much you look at others and how you compare to them. You might not know everything about them anyway (and thus you might be really wrong when you think "that person didn't do anything to deserve that").
"There'll always be at least one person better at something than you are". Except for comprehensive DotA2 guides. I don't know of anyone above you in that domain.
when Led Zeppelin formed the heavy metal genre did not exist. When producers demanded each song be three minutes and thirty seconds long so it would fit into radio commercial break times Robert Plant said : "go fuck yourself". When Presley's hip gyrations were edited out of popular appearances Jimmy Page used his guitar neck to simulate jacking off during the climax of their most powerful songs. Whille "they" were busy editing old Elvis appearance videos Robert Plant screamed... ."shake for me girl... i wanna be your back door man".
On May 25 2016 08:43 Shady Sands wrote: When my startup failed and it felt like I was falling behind my friends, I felt pretty down too. Don't sweat it. Just pick yourself up and get going
If this career has taught me anything, it's that life is never a straight line and in many ways; when parts of it are up, others are down. But then you have to keep your emotions a straight line. Upward and positive when it is needed most and when it is the hardest.
On May 25 2016 19:24 Ragnarork wrote: It makes me sad to see you sad.
I'll try to help you with that by reminding you you're doing awesome stuff (and I probably don't even know the full extent of what you do).
Keep being awesome, keep doing what you really like doing, going where you want to go, and try to keep low how much you look at others and how you compare to them. You might not know everything about them anyway (and thus you might be really wrong when you think "that person didn't do anything to deserve that").
"There'll always be at least one person better at something than you are". Except for comprehensive DotA2 guides. I don't know of anyone above you in that domain.
It's a losing battle to try and compare. Grass is always greener, etc. He/she may be doing something better than me but I'll have something he/she doesn't have. It's just not a fair comparison to make.
On May 25 2016 20:59 Barrin wrote: I let go of comparing long ago, probably as some sort of defense mechanism. Unfortunately, comparing is the favorite topic of some of my family that I can't seem to get away from.
Divenire is one of my favorites. Here's another powerful melody from Ludovico Einaudi -- Nuvole Bianche:
I find it both sad and hopeful.
My parents used to hit me whenever I compared. They would scream to never do it and yet, always contradicted themselves by using it as an argument to justify X/Y. I can somewhat relate to your family.
Nuvole Bianche is great. It's my third favourite right after Primavera
On May 26 2016 02:20 Kau wrote: I think my favorite is I Giorni, with Nuvole Bianche a close second.
when Led Zeppelin formed the heavy metal genre did not exist. When producers demanded each song be three minutes and thirty seconds long so it would fit into radio commercial break times Robert Plant said : "go fuck yourself". When Presley's hip gyrations were edited out of popular appearances Jimmy Page used his guitar neck to simulate jacking off during the climax of their most powerful songs. Whille "they" were busy editing old Elvis appearance videos Robert Plant screamed... ."shake for me girl... i wanna be your back door man".
I should listen to Led Zeppelin. I just discovered AC/DC (I had heard one or two of their songs, but didn't know it was AC/DC).
On May 27 2016 01:43 Jealous wrote: "You Can Be the Moon, But Be Jealous..."
That's just how it shows up in the sidebar so it caught my sttention. Everyone wants to be like Jealous
EDIT: Definitely listen to Led Zeppelin. Fantastic music. My favorite song is "Achilles' Last Stand." Some others to check out: Dazed and Confused, Since I've Been Loving You, Babe I'm Gonna Leave You, Tea for One, Black Dog, Trampled Underfoot... and so so many others to be honest.
On May 27 2016 08:52 Jealous wrote: That's just how it shows up in the sidebar so it caught my sttention. Everyone wants to be like Jealous
EDIT: Definitely listen to Led Zeppelin. Fantastic music. My favorite song is "Achilles' Last Stand." Some others to check out: Dazed and Confused, Since I've Been Loving You, Bane I'm Gonna Leave You, Tea for One, Black Dog, Trampled Underfoot... and so so many others to be honest.
Led zeppelin used to be my bible; was particulary biased towards Babe i' m gonna leave you. All great other songs you listed too
On May 27 2016 08:52 Jealous wrote: That's just how it shows up in the sidebar so it caught my sttention. Everyone wants to be like Jealous
EDIT: Definitely listen to Led Zeppelin. Fantastic music. My favorite song is "Achilles' Last Stand." Some others to check out: Dazed and Confused, Since I've Been Loving You, Bane I'm Gonna Leave You, Tea for One, Black Dog, Trampled Underfoot... and so so many others to be honest.
Led zeppelin used to be my bible; was particulary biased towards Babe i' m gonna leave you. All great other songs you listed too
As a young lad I listened to a lot of classic rock because of my parents without knowing song or album names. The hook from "Babe I'm Gonna Leave You" was stuck in my head for years until my parents bought the Remastered CD and I found out what song it was ^^
On May 30 2016 11:27 pebble444 wrote: 5/5 Einauidi is the real shit
On May 27 2016 08:52 Jealous wrote: That's just how it shows up in the sidebar so it caught my sttention. Everyone wants to be like Jealous
EDIT: Definitely listen to Led Zeppelin. Fantastic music. My favorite song is "Achilles' Last Stand." Some others to check out: Dazed and Confused, Since I've Been Loving You, Bane I'm Gonna Leave You, Tea for One, Black Dog, Trampled Underfoot... and so so many others to be honest.
Led zeppelin used to be my bible; was particulary biased towards Babe i' m gonna leave you. All great other songs you listed too
As a young lad I listened to a lot of classic rock because of my parents without knowing song or album names. The hook from "Babe I'm Gonna Leave You" was stuck in my head for years until my parents bought the Remastered CD and I found out what song it was ^^
Nice!!! i think all of the classical rock i used to listen too, my mother would come into my room and say, "yeah" , i' ve seen them in concert;except for pink floyd;
A star is a much more powerful and complex thing than a moon. Only quality of moon is it being close. So the analogy is, someone close to you appears better just because they are close, or something easier to attain appears better just because it's easier to get?
Having knowledge of something makes it harder to see from the point of non-knowing. Not harder but you need to think twice instead of once.
I would first ask, how old are you? In my personal experience I had about the opposite of you.
My family, friends and even Ex-gfs always expected me to become the new Bill Gates or something similar. They were always saying I am wasting my opportunities and life on things like gaming, movies and music.
At 32 I find myself not really knowing what I want in my life (sort of, do I even have an objective? Everyone else is having Kids, Im thinking of learning programming). But I dont envy the lives of those around me, in most cases I pity them.
Not because I think their lives are bad (objectively many things in their lives are much more valuable at a professional or personal level than anything I have), but because I see they had to sacrifice something for it and no longer seem happy.
I guess that is my main surprise: Everyone seems unhappy or depressed. There is a chance that my childhood kept my expectations too low for my future life and I actually enjoy what life I now have...
By all standards of society I should be sad (No girl, very few friends, a repetitive job, a small apartment...), and yet I dont. I feel happy about so many small things, every day. That one song while I am in the Bus going to work. That small snack at work. The fresh air when I go to bed at night (with some city pollution ofc, you cant have everything).
I am unsure If I ever compared myself to others in general (I probably would not have enough information about other people to do that sort of comparison, so I would be really guessing), but I have ofc have compared specific skills to other people.
Can I run faster than him, can I lift more than him, etc. I am sure however that what I remembered was that I needed to improve when i was coming out poorly. Not sure what that means thou.
So if it becomes a habit, then simply telling yourself "this is pointless" isn't exactly enough to break it...not in my experience anyway. There have been many points in my short life where comparison has crippled my self-esteem, but instead of motivating me, it discourages me and perpetuates in a negative feedback loop. I don't quite grasp the idea of how reinforcing its fruitlessness makes it easier to stop doing. Similarly, if I catch myself doing it and say "stop, don't do that," I have no concept of self-improvement, and life loses some of its purpose and meaning.
EPT
