These are words that strike fear into introverts such as myself, but having destroyed my happy existence with the love of my life I've gotta get back in the game, and I don't have the social mechanisms that allow me to meet new people very often.
So here we go.
I'm a bit of a fatty for a start so who do I go for? I could send a thousand messages to skinny pretty girls and I doubt I would get any back so i've decided against that.
Other fatties it is.
This seems like a poor choice, and one that is bound to end in disaster.
So its December 2015 when I send my first message. Its a comic book nerd with beautiful eyes.
We hit it off straight away. She's got a great sense of humour, is cheeky and funny and we must have sent each other a hundred messages.
Then it comes to actually asking her out. To understand this problem you have to know a couple of things:
1: My shyness borders on retardedness to be honest. Its a horrible problem and added to this I have a deep seated fear of rejection. Also, being fat and scruffy doesn't really help because my self esteem is rock bottom.
2: I've just got out of a 9 year relationship so asking people out is not something i'm necessarily practised in.
Anyway I approach the subject too delicately and don't end up getting an actual answer. This leads me to become sure in my mind that she doesn't actually want to meet me. I stop messaging her.
Attempt 1: failed before it really got started.
While all this was going on, I was talking to other ladies. A quite large lady decided to invite me to her house. She was nice enough if a little bit simple, but not good looking in any sense of the words.
Fuck it, i thought, you only live once.
I trekked across Manchester on on my day off work.and went up to her apartment. The place was a nightmare. She explained that she didn't have any working light bulbs and yet for some reason all the curtains were closed, which only added to my sense of impending doom. Honestly i'm not sure if i've ever been in such a shithole in my entire life.
She was a fairly nice person but the conversation was.... not awkward, but just not on the sort of level i'm normally operating on. That sounds snobby doesn't it? Its true though.
Nevertheless, I had sex with her and never saw her again.
I'm not that kind of guy though, and it felt disgusting to be honest.
Attempt 2: Would you call that success? I wouldn't probably.
Then came a Ellen. Ellen was lovely.We chatted alot about ice hockey and other stuff. She wasn't really into the same things as me but she was really easy to talk to. Again she was of the larger persuasion but that's fine by me as long as the conversation is good, which it was.I met with Ellen 8 or 9 times, usually going round her house (only a 2 minute walk from mine) when her kid was asleep for a coffee and a chat.
So by now I am getting used to actually meeting new women which is good.
But i'm far from the finished article lol
This never developed into anything remotely sexual and I began to feel awkward, like I didn't know what the whole thing was about. I stopped calling and answering calls from Ellen last month.
Attempt 3: The most awkward kind of failure, and left me feeling like a bit of a cunt to be honest.
So I tried POF again tonight and got chatting with another girl. She works in a lab like me and we have alot to talk about which is great. Unfortunately my experiences have left me even less confident than usual about this stuff and i'm just fucking scared of the whole thing haha.
So I was wondering if anyone on here has experienced the murky world of online dating as an introvert?
Because frankly I need some fucking help with this shit.
Honestly someone should write a comedy series based on me.