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United Kingdom10011 Posts
Online dating.
Internet dating.
These are words that strike fear into introverts such as myself, but having destroyed my happy existence with the love of my life I've gotta get back in the game, and I don't have the social mechanisms that allow me to meet new people very often.
So here we go.
I'm a bit of a fatty for a start so who do I go for? I could send a thousand messages to skinny pretty girls and I doubt I would get any back so i've decided against that.
Other fatties it is.
This seems like a poor choice, and one that is bound to end in disaster.
Fuck it.
So its December 2015 when I send my first message. Its a comic book nerd with beautiful eyes.
We hit it off straight away. She's got a great sense of humour, is cheeky and funny and we must have sent each other a hundred messages.
Then it comes to actually asking her out. To understand this problem you have to know a couple of things:
1: My shyness borders on retardedness to be honest. Its a horrible problem and added to this I have a deep seated fear of rejection. Also, being fat and scruffy doesn't really help because my self esteem is rock bottom.
2: I've just got out of a 9 year relationship so asking people out is not something i'm necessarily practised in.
Anyway I approach the subject too delicately and don't end up getting an actual answer. This leads me to become sure in my mind that she doesn't actually want to meet me. I stop messaging her.
Attempt 1: failed before it really got started.
While all this was going on, I was talking to other ladies. A quite large lady decided to invite me to her house. She was nice enough if a little bit simple, but not good looking in any sense of the words.
Fuck it, i thought, you only live once.
I trekked across Manchester on on my day off work.and went up to her apartment. The place was a nightmare. She explained that she didn't have any working light bulbs and yet for some reason all the curtains were closed, which only added to my sense of impending doom. Honestly i'm not sure if i've ever been in such a shithole in my entire life.
She was a fairly nice person but the conversation was.... not awkward, but just not on the sort of level i'm normally operating on. That sounds snobby doesn't it? Its true though.
Nevertheless, I had sex with her and never saw her again.
I'm not that kind of guy though, and it felt disgusting to be honest.
Attempt 2: Would you call that success? I wouldn't probably.
Then came a Ellen. Ellen was lovely.We chatted alot about ice hockey and other stuff. She wasn't really into the same things as me but she was really easy to talk to. Again she was of the larger persuasion but that's fine by me as long as the conversation is good, which it was.I met with Ellen 8 or 9 times, usually going round her house (only a 2 minute walk from mine) when her kid was asleep for a coffee and a chat.
So by now I am getting used to actually meeting new women which is good.
But i'm far from the finished article lol
This never developed into anything remotely sexual and I began to feel awkward, like I didn't know what the whole thing was about. I stopped calling and answering calls from Ellen last month.
Attempt 3: The most awkward kind of failure, and left me feeling like a bit of a cunt to be honest.
So I tried POF again tonight and got chatting with another girl. She works in a lab like me and we have alot to talk about which is great. Unfortunately my experiences have left me even less confident than usual about this stuff and i'm just fucking scared of the whole thing haha.
So I was wondering if anyone on here has experienced the murky world of online dating as an introvert?
Because frankly I need some fucking help with this shit.
Honestly someone should write a comedy series based on me.
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No one ever answers me. So good for you! At least you got some responses. 
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" I stopped calling and answering calls from Ellen last month"
Please don't do this. It's the most annoying ass fucking thing. Please be courteous and let them know that you're no longer interested, even if it's on a voicemail or something.
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alcohol usually does the trick..
also yea don't just drop people wtf. actually having closure on a 'relationship,' regardless of the level, will also really probably help you with your self-perceived inability to date. it'll help you understand how not a big deal it is. because if it's not working and you can express that and move on, it's easier. wrapping your head around that will be a plus.
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Attemp 1: sounds like a nynfo to me. Casual sex with nothing else after, and not an enjoyable experience on the whole.
Attemp 2: you developed a friendship, family role? theres nothing bad with that, i would contact her again, if you want to have her with a friend. Just talk to her about it. If after 9 meetings there are no sexual feelings, say it openly or mention to her that you enjoy spending time with her and you really value the friendship.
Attemp 3: seems like a ripe possibility. One piece of advice: Don' t meet up with her in a private place. Meet in a public one. Not at her home; if you are looking for a relationship, then meet in a neutral place first.
First of all, get offline: don' t talk with her for 20 different times and then meet. This just makes you even more in fear of what is to come talking face to face. Talk 3 times and ask to meet.
The points i am mentioning, you might find that you knew all of them already but forgot since you had such a long relationship. (i did myself)
On the whole, you need to work on building confidence on who you are and what you have to offer to a lady.
Don' t have expectations. Right before the date release any you do have.
Present yourself clean cut. Women like men that can take care of themselves or so it seems. The limit is overdoing it, creates the opposite effect.
Whenever you don' t know what to say ask a question about her, and stop and listen and take in what she is saying. Based on that, ask furthur questions. When you feel like you have asked a lot of questions, do some jesture towards her showing that you are present, interactive, and curious about her. A jesture is worth 1000 words.
My point here being is this: Be yourself during the date, but focus your attention, needs and demands on her.
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No wonder i don't like you
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On April 22 2016 09:58 Jerubaal wrote:
" I stopped calling and answering calls from Ellen last month"
Please don't do this. It's the most annoying ass fucking thing. Please be courteous and let them know that you're no longer interested, even if it's on a voicemail or something.
I do agree it's nicer to do this. At the same time, if someone doesn't message you or return your call after you've tried 2-3 times 99% of the time the reason is pretty clear. My guess is that lots of women run into problems with men that either get angry or desperate when they do that, and find it easier to just stop responding.
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To the OP what specifically do you want help with?
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On April 24 2016 07:52 L_Master wrote:Show nested quote +On April 22 2016 09:58 Jerubaal wrote:
" I stopped calling and answering calls from Ellen last month"
Please don't do this. It's the most annoying ass fucking thing. Please be courteous and let them know that you're no longer interested, even if it's on a voicemail or something.
I do agree it's nicer to do this. At the same time, if someone doesn't message you or return your call after you've tried 2-3 times 99% of the time the reason is pretty clear. My guess is that lots of women run into problems with men that either get angry or desperate when they do that, and find it easier to just stop responding.
This is the exact same discussion that was hashed out in the Dating Thread. How about don't be a child? If you're scared for your life to send a text, you shouldn't be dating.
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EPT
