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If you couldn't already tell, this blog will be about relationships. Primarily focusing on romantic relationships. Seeing as how Valentine's Day is just around the corner, I figured why not. This will probably be different from my first blog. The first one was pretty much facts followed by personal examples. This blog will be essentially all personal opinion. I don't think I'm a terribly good writer, so it might be hard to convey certain things to people who don't understand it. I'll try to break things into paragraphs to separate thoughts easier. I feel I do need to preface this by saying that I've never had a healthy relationship. I've been neglected, used and a few other things of that nature. I'm sure my views will probably be skewed in a certain direction.
I think I'm very much in love with the idea of romantic relationships. Let's not focus on how being that close with someone scares the shit about me. I'll talk about that later. I think the most attractive thing about it would having that support network. Having someone in the next room who I can walk up to and express my problems all while knowing she's listening, seems like a really nice thing. I know that'd be what I'd crave the most. I've battled and hopefully won my bout with depression, but I can't say for sure it's 100% gone. I know that if I did have any sort of support network while working through it before, it wouldn't have been anywhere near as destructive as it was. It just boggles my mind when a friend is in bad relationships. Ones where they are extremely shallow. I couldn't help thinking that they were throwing away the best part of it. I'm sure I have different views on relationships then they do.
Despite popular belief, schizoids can enjoy physical closeness. I've enjoyed it before. That doesn't mean that we can just give up our alone time. I forgot to mention this before, but another coping mechanism schizoids use is to close themselves up from everyone. I mean like confining myself in a room and not coming out until I feel better. We do that when things just become too much to handle. I once had a period like that last months. Generally they don't last that long, but they can. I'm getting a little off topic here. I do enjoy some forms of affection and I hate others. For example, I actually really enjoy cuddling. Don't really know why. Hand holding is up on that list too. I for one can't stand hugging or kissing. Sometimes they can be the most uncomfortable thing to go through. People use them to force their emotions on others. You might not have ever thought about it, but why do people usually hug each other? It's either used to express their feelings of one another or to console each other. Well in my opinion they are. That's a lot to thrust on someone who's emotionally stunted and numb. Kissing is just too intimate for me most times. There will be times where I'll get the desire to hug or kiss someone, but it's only if I'm relaxed, safe and if I trust the other person. Usually I'll never feel one of those, let alone all three. I think there is some sort of expectation to do those things, I just hope I never feel forced or pressured to do so.
There is one sort of silly thing I'd want my partner to have. I'd really enjoy having a partner who can cook and enjoys doing it. I'm a decent cook myself, but that's not why. When I get into periods of time where I need to be alone, I usually forgot to eat and even when I do, I don't usually have the motivation to make a meal. Even going as far as only having one meal every 24 hours. I think having someone who makes food for me, but leaves it on the counter for me to eat when I do notice I'm hungry, sounds really amazing. I find a lot of comfort in that. To have someone go out of their way to make food just for me because they know I wouldn't make myself something to eat when I do get hungry, that would comfort me immensely. I think it'd be great to know that someone is respecting my need to be alone, but is also waiting for me to go back to how I usually am. I think things like that would get me through those periods.
I think that schizoids and probably most people share this, but having someone who is patient with me is a must. Schizoids take a long time before they'll let someone see even a little of them. It's a lot of work for us to share even little things about us. Usually patient people are the people who are good at compromising. I know that it'll be very important in a relationship with a schizoid. I'll have to compromise as well. I know that there are things that I just can't do. Like let's say my partner was devastated by something and it's up to me to console her. I will say that I'm god awful when I see girls crying and usually I'd just walk away. That sounds terrible I know, but it just overwhelms me and I just don't understand what to do. If I'm in a committed relationship, I obviously can't do that. I'd have to compromise by trying to console her and she'd have to realize that even if I'm terrible at it, I'm really trying. Also I jumble up words a lot. So having someone not freak out at me because I said something the wrong way and letting me explain once I found the mistake. I used to have a really bad stutter as a kid and I even had to go to a speech therapist for years to try and work through it. The way I have to cope with it, is to pause every so often to remember my train of thought. I think that I'll always jumble up words since my brain is going a mile a minute.
Since this blog is about romantic relationships, I'd feel amiss to mention something about appearances. I can really say that there isn't an emphasize on physical looks on someone. Sure I think some people are cute and others aren't, but it's not something I'd ever place importance on. There is one physical thing I can't do without. It's a weird one. I think that the only thing I think is important for physical looks is nice hair. It's an absolute must for me. Long, straight, well taken care of hair just does it for me. Everything else, I don't care about in the slightest. I never claimed to be normal.
I recently had a conversation with another schizoid on whether or not schizoids can be in a healthy relationship and whether or not a normal girl can be in a healthy relationship with a schizoid. He seemed adamantly against both arguments. It seemed he had a relationship of girls using him as I have and it was weird that we'd go to different ends of the spectrum. The point that won him over was that both parties had to put in a lot of work to get things to work. It's hard work too. Nothing comes easy for us anyways. Obviously this is all hypothetical, but I can see it working out. Whether or not I'll actually find someone that I want to take the plunge with is different matter altogether. When all your hobbies are solitary hobbies, you don't really meet people.
These are just my thoughts on romantic relationships. Don't think that that the things I listed seem easy. Maybe for you they are, but for me it's a big struggle.
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what do you think of deleuze and guattari's reappropriation of the schizoid experience- in particular as a tool for cultural analysis?
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On February 12 2016 18:00 aRyuujin wrote:
what do you think of deleuze and guattari's reappropriation of the schizoid experience- in particular as a tool for cultural analysis?
I'm not too familiar with them. From what I read they seem to be talking about someone that has schizophrenia. I have schizoid personality disorder. While there definitely are some similarities, there's too many differences too. I'm not well versed on it, so I don't think I can give a well informed answer.
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Deleuze and Guattari's usage of schozoid analysis was more as an antithesis/alternative to psychoanalysis rather than using this psychological condition to interpret the world.
Deleuze wrote an excellent history of the development of the word 'schizophrenia'. Though in my, admittedly aged, reading of their work, no differentiation between schizophrenia and schizoid was made, and certainly both conditions are incredibly different despite similar sounding words. Their schizoid analysis was more an abbreviation of schizophrenic analysis; analysis of culture beyond the power relations of psychoanalysis, of bifurcation.
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On February 13 2016 05:04 Deleuze wrote:
Deleuze and Guattari's usage of schozoid analysis was more as an antithesis/alternative to psychoanalysis rather than using this psychological condition to interpret the world.
Deleuze wrote an excellent history of the development of the word 'schizophrenia'. Though in my, admittedly aged, reading of their work, no differentiation between schizophrenia and schizoid was made, and certainly both conditions are incredibly different despite similar sounding words. Their schizoid analysis was more an abbreviation of schizophrenic analysis; analysis of culture beyond the power relations of psychoanalysis, of bifurcation.
I'm surprised they didn't make a distinction between the two seeing as how schizoid personality disorder was around since the 40s. I suspect it took awhile to make it into the academic eye however. Still it seems a little weird that they didn't include something about it.
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you are a good writer, don't doubt yourself. These are well written, you're open, and your thoughts are neatly organized. I think the comments on the other make it clear people find your writing interesting
when you say you've been in relationships, what do you mean by that? If were dating or doing whatever with someone, were they also people who had mental health issues or what?
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On February 14 2016 00:32 QuanticHawk wrote:
you are a good writer, don't doubt yourself. These are well written, you're open, and your thoughts are neatly organized. I think the comments on the other make it clear people find your writing interesting
when you say you've been in relationships, what do you mean by that? If were dating or doing whatever with someone, were they also people who had mental health issues or what?
Thanks for compliment. I'm pretty sure everyone thinks they're a bad writer. I've dated a few girls before and they were are normal surprisingly. No mental health issues that I was ever aware of. They just weren't a good match for me.
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not a problem, I think you're too rough on yourself!
I was just curious because you mentioned you felt used or that they were unhealthy. Obviously people without diagnosed mental health issues are more than capable of all that. I was just wondering why you felt that way about your past relationships, and I guess more in depth how you overcame your challenges within those relationships.
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On February 14 2016 01:08 QuanticHawk wrote:
not a problem, I think you're too rough on yourself!
I was just curious because you mentioned you felt used or that they were unhealthy. Obviously people without diagnosed mental health issues are more than capable of all that. I was just wondering why you felt that way about your past relationships, and I guess more in depth how you overcame your challenges within those relationships.
I was in a pretty unhealthy relationship with my childhood friend. Who would've thought that the person I knew longer then anyone else would be the that would treat me the worse out of the women I date? I know it's only a handful of women, but still. We dated for a couple months and I thought things were going well. We actually fell out of contact during high school and I was the one who opened that line of communication after we fell out. Anyways, it was just like all of a sudden she was always busy. She apparently didn't even have time to talk on the phone any more. Then she kept making plans so that she could make it up to me and she kept breaking those. Eventually I gave up on most things I wanted to do with her and I suggested like a 20 minute walk every few days since she only lived 3 blocks away. Then all I got was silence. After a month or so of silence, I just couldn't take it any more. I moved on by cutting all ties with her. Which was hard since our families were pretty close. Actually I saw everyone in her immediate family except for her last weekend. I was pretty mean when I broke it off with her, but just what she was saying brought it out of me. I had to do it twice actually since she didn't understand what I meant by wanting absolutely no contact with her the first time.
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Canada8991 Posts
The girl hair things is not strange at all, it is very common to be attract by hair, that is why Muslim wear Hijab, or nun covert their hair, there is other reason of course but it is still mostly to not attract man "lust".
Don't be to preoccupy by the standard of beauty.
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On February 14 2016 01:36 Nakajin wrote:
The girl hair things is not strange at all, it is very common to be attract by hair, that is why Muslim wear Hijab, or nun covert their hair, there is other reason of course but it is still mostly to not attract man "lust".
Don't be to preoccupy by the standard of beauty.
I'm not saying the attraction itself is weird, but the intensity. I'd very much describe it on the level of a fetish.
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Canada8991 Posts
On February 14 2016 01:38 ApatheticSchizoid wrote:Show nested quote +On February 14 2016 01:36 Nakajin wrote:
The girl hair things is not strange at all, it is very common to be attract by hair, that is why Muslim wear Hijab, or nun covert their hair, there is other reason of course but it is still mostly to not attract man "lust".
Don't be to preoccupy by the standard of beauty. I'm not saying the attraction itself is weird, but the intensity. I'd very much describe it on the level of a fetish.
Yes but fetish are a lot more common then people thinks, breast attraction is pretty much a fetish, which is reinforce by society, but it is still pretty much a fetish.
Anyway I am not the biggest expert of that in the world, a sexology doctor could answer that better then I could.
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On February 14 2016 01:52 Nakajin wrote:
Yes but fetish are a lot more common then people thinks, breast attraction is pretty much a fetish, which is reinforce by society, but it is still pretty much a fetish.
Anyway I am not the biggest expert of that in the world, a sexology doctor could answer that better then I could.
I know it's probably more common then I'm making it seem to be. To me it's the only thing I would ever be really picky with when it comes to anything physical.
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down some clozapine and call it a day.
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On February 14 2016 13:19 riotjune wrote:
down some clozapine and call it a day.
Well I don't have schizophrenia, so why would I take it?
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EPT
