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Was a bit stuck on a title, just wanted to say things and see responses ect.
So I went out to the cinema with a girl who is my friend, it wasn't as a date nor was it friends watching a movie together was some sort of mix.
We've known each other for ages we're friends but not like friendzone friends? It's pretty open/flirtyhumour sort of thing.
We were talking and I said I wanted to see hateful eight she said she did also so I arranged to go.
Anyway went to see hateful eight fucking cinema didn't accept my tickets bought online so had to buy another two for a later time. The girl who went with me is scared of blood apparently it's fine when she knows its fake but she wasn't sure and I thought you're going to a Quentin tarantino film and you feel dizzy at sight of blood. Anyway I feel like she went more because she wanted to be with me?
The film was three hours long and slow as fuck, won't spoil anything but was expecting better, wasn't bad but was not what I was expecting.
Anyway none of that is really the point, the main thing I wanted to ask was this.
The thing wasn't defined as either a date or friends going to watch a film, I felt at lots of opportunities that I could just switch it into a date and I get the feeling she was hoping that I would. But I didn't and the reason is I'm not sure I would want to date her I just think it could be a disaster, but I value her as a friend but I feel like my actions are sort of stringing her along? Like I find her attractive I guess, reason I say I guess is because she has one of those faces where she either looks amazing or not.
Like I would mind fwb but not sure that it could be no strings.
Then again I'm a bit of a recluse self employed not in education and not a fan of the partying scene so not exactly meeting lots of women.
Ugh this just all probably looks shallow or dumb and its sure as hell poorly constructed/written but was just writing shit as it came to mind.
I don't feel like saying to her I don't want to go out with you for fear I'm misreading or it ruins friendship but then I feel bad that I might be stringing her along. I think she's into me, like she laughs at things I say a lot either I'm a funny guy or she's into me?
TL:DR How do you make it clear to someone you don't want to date them without saying it or stringing then along but still keeping friendship?
Where do you find not crazy women in places that aren't bars/clubs or work as I'm self employed?
Once again sorry for this mess of words/thoughts.
 
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Canada11355 Posts
Why can't you just say you only want to be friends? Assuming you are both adults, since you say you are self employed, the best option here is to have a conversation about what you and her are looking for in a relationship or friendship.
If talking about what you expect from a relationship is enough to end it, it wasn't going to work out anyway
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On January 17 2016 09:50 Fecalfeast wrote:
Why can't you just say you only want to be friends? Assuming you are both adults, since you say you are self employed, the best option here is to have a conversation about what you and her are looking for in a relationship or friendship.
If talking about what you expect from a relationship is enough to end it, it wasn't going to work out anyway
I may be oversimplifying how I this but if I say that I see it going in one of these ways.
I highlight that we're just friends and she actually want to be more than friends, just sours the friendship, then again stringing her along wouldn't be good.
I say we're just friends and we really are just friends, would make for a pretty awkward situation depending on how it was discussed could make it awkward or would end up fine.
That and I'm not 100% if I don't actually want to try and date her, I just feel like long term it wouldn't work and that I could maybe do better. That last bit is a bit shallow but it s a real feeling so I'm just going to say it.
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Tell her you are gay, or pee in your pants or vomit all over her in cinema they next you have a date that is not a date.
This will help you keep her off of you.
Trust me I am an expert.
or, you could just talk to her.
Tell her that you have the impression or the slight impression that she is flirting with you or wants more and tell her that you think she is a great person and you like watching movies with her and talking with her and what ever stuff you do but you are not romantically interested in her/your type.
That actually even makes more sense then my first suggestions. Who would have thought.
Simply be honst, polite and yourself.
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You could just give her some space. Other people seems to be saying you should just be honest or tell her how you feel but in my experience there are many times where that really does not work out so well.
Who knows, maybe after a while leaving her be she'll lose interest? Well at the very least it'd probably leave her more open to talking about it.
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Lucky you didn't go see The Revenant with her. I thought that was slow as fuck.
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Ask her if she is the ugly one of her girlfriends, and if so, if she could play matchmaker for you.
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link
More than 20 years ago, the psychologist Arthur Aron succeeded in making two strangers fall in love in his laboratory. Last summer, I applied his technique in my own life, which is how I found myself standing on a bridge at midnight, staring into a man’s eyes for exactly four minutes.
Let me explain. Earlier in the evening, that man had said: “I suspect, given a few commonalities, you could fall in love with anyone. If so, how do you choose someone?”
[...]
“Actually, psychologists have tried making people fall in love,” I said, remembering Dr. Aron’s study. “It’s fascinating. I’ve always wanted to try it.”
I first read about the study when I was in the midst of a breakup. Each time I thought of leaving, my heart overruled my brain. I felt stuck. So, like a good academic, I turned to science, hoping there was a way to love smarter.
I explained the study to my university acquaintance. A heterosexual man and woman enter the lab through separate doors. They sit face to face and answer a series of increasingly personal questions. Then they stare silently into each other’s eyes for four minutes. The most tantalizing detail: Six months later, two participants were married. They invited the entire lab to the ceremony.
You should try that, stare into her eyes long enough and maybe you too will find love.  The set-up is already perfect in that you consider her attractive and you're semi-dating her and want to sleep with her.
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I don't see how putting the cards on the table will be awkward unless you're naturally awkward, no offense intended since I'm definitely not great with women either. Just formulate the question in a proper way like this:
Ovid: So, I've been wondering for a while, do you like me? Like more than a friend? (in b4 everyone calls me an awkward nerd)
Girl: *stumped* *relationship ruined*
This will surely happen.
Obviously, since you're both adults she can answer the question and I don't really see how this would affect your friendship unless she outright says: "EWW fuck no man, you ugly" and it not being in jest...
Where to meet women besides bars/clubs? Honestly, the only thing I can say is: you meet women by having hobbies and doing STUFF. Literally. Go on a group vacation? Join a book club. Enroll in an evening class (new language for example). Find a sport you're interested in.
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On January 17 2016 23:41 B-royal wrote:
Where to meet women besides bars/clubs? Honestly, the only thing I can say is: you meet women by having hobbies and doing STUFF. Literally. Go on a group vacation? Join a book club. Enroll in an evening class (new language for example). Find a sport you're interested in.
This has the added benefit of enabling you to actually meet people who share some kind of common interest with you, aka the cornerstone of functional relationships (romantic or otherwise)! I don't understand this mindset of needing to meet "women," that's so vague..
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i'm self employed. my customers' locations are a great place for me to meet women... bring some hershey's kisses with you... keep them cool though... you don't want to give a woman a melted hershey's kiss... just smile and say "hi" and start yapping... if things are going good.. thrown in a hershey's kiss.
The DR is in..
as far as dealing with the situation you are in.
+ Show Spoiler +
hand-job and nothing further. no intercourse ever. tell her you'll go down on her for an hour straight if she wants it ( Ric Flair may have been Pro Wrestling's 60 minute man but i'm.....). back on topic, for you , tell her the most you want is a hand-job at the end. that will get your point across loud and clear and still offer her lots of enjoyment if she wants it.
and a little nit picky note here....
normally, i don't respond to "girl blogs". i like women. girls bore me.
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You're thinking too hard man. Until she makes it clear she wants a relationship, you don't have to do shit to discourage it. As long as you're not putting any moves on her or making any promises, you're not leading her along. You say you've been friends for ages. Well, friends do shit together, stupid. Buying her ticket might have been a bit more than friendly, but there are new-age chivalry doormats out there too so it's not too suspect.
The way women are, they will either crack eventually and spill the beans because they can't take the ambiguous state they are in, or they will wait for you to make the move so long that they lose interest and you remain friends anyway. So just be patient and don't be so reliant on your perception of her intentions. You might just be complicating something that has no complication in the first place.
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man, I recommend that you have sex with her, but before sex tell, that you're not sure that you want any relationship.
So date her or fuck her or be friends with her or go out with her and spend time together or all of this at the same time, but at some early point tell, that you have trouble with relationships. Probably she wants you to fuck her anyway. You can be "friends", who have sex. It's normal.
Maybe even not tell her this openly, just don't promise things you're not sure about and don't lie to her. Say, that you like her and you want her. If you like each other, you will have sex and friendship. Don't idealize women, they are pretty dirty.
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EPT
