• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 05:07
CEST 11:07
KST 18:07
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
[ASL19] Finals Recap: Standing Tall10HomeStory Cup 27 - Info & Preview18Classic wins Code S Season 2 (2025)16Code S RO4 & Finals Preview: herO, Rogue, Classic, GuMiho0TL Team Map Contest #5: Presented by Monster Energy6
Community News
Firefly given lifetime ban by ESIC following match-fixing investigation5$25,000 Streamerzone StarCraft Pro Series announced4Weekly Cups (June 30 - July 6): Classic Doubles6[BSL20] Non-Korean Championship 4x BSL + 4x China9Flash Announces Hiatus From ASL66
StarCraft 2
General
Weekly Cups (June 30 - July 6): Classic Doubles The SCII GOAT: A statistical Evaluation The GOAT ranking of GOAT rankings Firefly given lifetime ban by ESIC following match-fixing investigation Jim claims he and Firefly were involved in match-fixing
Tourneys
$25,000 Streamerzone StarCraft Pro Series announced FEL Cracov 2025 (July 27) - $8000 live event Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament RSL: Revival, a new crowdfunded tournament series WardiTV Mondays
Strategy
How did i lose this ZvP, whats the proper response Simple Questions Simple Answers
Custom Maps
[UMS] Zillion Zerglings
External Content
Mutation # 481 Fear and Lava Mutation # 480 Moths to the Flame Mutation # 479 Worn Out Welcome Mutation # 478 Instant Karma
Brood War
General
[G] Progamer Settings i aint gon lie to u bruh... ASL20 Preliminary Maps BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/ [ASL19] Finals Recap: Standing Tall
Tourneys
[BSL20] Non-Korean Championship 4x BSL + 4x China [BSL20] Grand Finals - Sunday 20:00 CET CSL Xiamen International Invitational The Casual Games of the Week Thread
Strategy
Simple Questions, Simple Answers I am doing this better than progamers do.
Other Games
General Games
Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Nintendo Switch Thread Path of Exile What do you want from future RTS games? Beyond All Reason
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
TL Mafia Community Thread Vanilla Mini Mafia
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine Summer Games Done Quick 2025! Russo-Ukrainian War Thread Stop Killing Games - European Citizens Initiative
Fan Clubs
SKT1 Classic Fan Club! Maru Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
Anime Discussion Thread [Manga] One Piece [\m/] Heavy Metal Thread
Sports
2024 - 2025 Football Thread Formula 1 Discussion NBA General Discussion TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023 NHL Playoffs 2024
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread
TL Community
The Automated Ban List
Blogs
momentary artworks from des…
tankgirl
Culture Clash in Video Games…
TrAiDoS
from making sc maps to makin…
Husyelt
StarCraft improvement
iopq
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 637 users

Memaw

Blogs > lisward
Post a Reply
lisward
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Singapore959 Posts
Last Edited: 2015-05-14 15:28:59
May 14 2015 13:43 GMT
#1
Mothers day passed and I wrote this. Hope you enjoy reading it.

Before I hang up the phone on my grandmother, I always squeeze in the words, ‘love you’. Not on passing, but on purpose.

After I hang up the phone on my grandmother, I always think to myself, ‘Did she notice?’

My grandmother sets the bowl down on the glass sheeted table. They clink. I dine at the table with four empty chairs. My father slumps on the couch as he plays poker stars, and my sister plays club penguin in my uncle’s room as he watches her.

Beyond the window, the day wears the shade of cobalt blue and the shadows wax and wane. An Asian Koel cries over and over, louder and louder. The pearly white Correlle bowl is older than me. It is strong, and it steams. I loom over it. The food is this coarse and uneven pudding, like bleached white tarmac. Tiny orange cubes and green tubes swim in what I call porridge. Minced pork is strewn across its surface.

Breathe. I savour the smell of steamy umami, the fifth taste. What appears to be blasé is my favourite food. Not Ossu Bucco, Foie gras or beef wellington, which is what I tell people. Conversation pieces.

Dabble in self-help and it won’t be long before you encounter neuro associative conditioning. In NAC, you have things called anchors. When you avoid The xx because it reminds you of that time you were cuckolded, that’s an anchor. When you catch a whiff of Marlboro light and it calms you because you are reminded of a loved one who smokes it, that’s an anchor. Stimuli that trigger specific thoughts and emotions.

Congee is an anchor.

When I was little, I visited my grandma every fortnight or so. This was before we weren’t allowed to see her. Then, she lived in a se-tenant house. The houses along the stretch of road were old and the roofs were made of rusted, benga style metal. It was more common for houses then to be roofed with spanish tiles. The gates were formed by two rectangular iron frames with metal wires that criss crossed to form diamonds, and a latch that grated when touched.

On the cramped driveway made of cracked concrete that was laid before the house, I had many fond memories. During the festive season, I would light sparklers with my grandma, these little handheld sticks of fireworks. My favourite sparkler was green. I remember running around the driveway with lanterns, kicking dust and rock. The animal shaped lanterns were made of wire and translucent, coloured sheets. There was a placeholder right in the center of the hollow lantern for a candle. My lantern took the form of a rooster, which was also my zodiac sign.

In that home away from home, housed my old mom, my true mom. We heal by forgetting, and how it works is, we can’t control what we forget. Not fully. In the process of forgetting the time outside that place, I forget much of what happened inside. But what I never forget, is the wicked bowl of congee my grandmother served me without fail, every visit.

Grandma has a habit of nicking things. Not shoplifting, just things like the hotel towels, cups and utensils. My favourite spoon, which I hold at my grandma’s apartment now, has been with me for years. It’s small, almost like a teaspoon. It has the logo of a bird stamped into it’s handle, courtesy of Singapore Airlines. The rest of the family joins me at the dining table and we eat. My grandma is getting older, so sometimes the porridge is salty. Sometimes theres too much water and other times there’s not enough stock and it’s tasteless. Today, just like every other day, it’s perfect. We speak as we eat, but we don’t say much. My dad plays eyeballs his phone as he eats. I mention something that happened on the news in passing and my uncle grunts. My sister abandons her half-finished bowl of rice for the computer and we’re done. And I slouch next to my dad on the couch, day-dreaming in front of the television screen that blares some taiwanese game show into the night. The kind of program that has silly graphics and sounds to cue the funny parts.

My grandma sits at the empty table that brims with unfinished food. Chewing in silence. Lost in the strange thoughts of the old. Red-rimmed, cataract filled eyes hover the leftovers. She rises and clears the dishes.

After the separation, my father and I moved just across the street from her. No longer barred from seeing her, we frequented her apartment for a time. The closeness hit and we spent less and less time together.

I think of her mortality and it scares me. All the time that I should have spent with her in the years that passed, but didn’t.

It has been months since I’ve spent time with her, and I tell myself, tomorrow. On the rare occasion that I do go out with her, for dinner, lunch, or a movie, she chides me.

Did you know that your father is under a lot of stress?

Did you know that you need to study hard and be a good son?

I know these things.

Did you know that none of you appreciate me?

Did you know that you are good for nothing?

I know these things.

I guess while I may not like hearing these things, I should bear with it nonetheless. The price of spending time with her.

Is this what love is about?

One time, I was fifteen and depressed. My first girlfriend had dumped me and I needed to go out. I needed to be with someone. I called my grandmother and she was in the middle of some chinese opera thing. The kind with white face paint, pink eye shadow, high pitched voices and gaudy costumes in shapes and patterns that I don’t understand. I called her, and she dropped everything to spend time with me.

She may not be tender about it, but she’s always there for me, and in spite of the sometimes hurtful nagging, I know that she loves me.

Dear Mama, Papa, Sister, Friend, Ex-lover. Love me. That’s what I write on greeting cards. On the top, and then on the bottom. Pre-written generic message sandwiched in the middle.

May all your wishes come true.

One time, I scribbled the words, thanks for always being there.

Did she notice?

My grandma the cook, my grandma the babysitter, sometimes we drop my rowdy sister off at her place. They yell at each other a lot, my rude bratty sister, and my angry, nagging me-maw. Just as we use her to have a few hours of peace, my sister uses her, bosses her, makes her buy crap she doesn’t want.


My grandma the giving tree, she’s the glue that holds this dysfunctional family together.

What will I do when you are gone.

Do you know that you are loved.

*****
Opinions are like phasers -- everybody ought to have one
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Next event in 53m
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
JimRising 487
trigger 41
StarCraft: Brood War
Shuttle 1238
firebathero 677
Stork 361
Larva 319
actioN 272
TY 252
Zeus 210
ToSsGirL 115
PianO 90
Soma 89
[ Show more ]
Nal_rA 50
Noble 42
sSak 41
sorry 41
JulyZerg 36
Sharp 33
Yoon 32
EffOrt 31
Mini 28
Rush 25
Sacsri 23
hero 20
Barracks 15
IntoTheRainbow 7
ivOry 3
Dota 2
Gorgc1552
XcaliburYe448
XaKoH 404
Fuzer 252
Counter-Strike
Stewie2K1214
Other Games
tarik_tv11011
shahzam1026
ceh9481
Happy355
crisheroes197
monkeys_forever176
Pyrionflax97
Organizations
Other Games
gamesdonequick33798
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 13 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• Berry_CruncH396
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
• sooper7s
StarCraft: Brood War
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
Dota 2
• lizZardDota2178
League of Legends
• HappyZerGling118
Upcoming Events
The PondCast
53m
uThermal 2v2 Circuit
6h 53m
WardiTV European League
6h 53m
Jumy vs NightPhoenix
Percival vs Nicoract
ArT vs HiGhDrA
MaxPax vs Harstem
Scarlett vs Shameless
SKillous vs uThermal
Replay Cast
14h 53m
RSL Revival
1d
ByuN vs SHIN
Clem vs Reynor
OSC
1d 3h
Replay Cast
1d 14h
RSL Revival
2 days
Classic vs Cure
FEL
2 days
OSC
2 days
[ Show More ]
RSL Revival
3 days
FEL
3 days
FEL
3 days
CSO Cup
3 days
BSL20 Non-Korean Champi…
3 days
Bonyth vs QiaoGege
Dewalt vs Fengzi
Hawk vs Zhanhun
Sziky vs Mihu
Mihu vs QiaoGege
Zhanhun vs Sziky
Fengzi vs Hawk
Sparkling Tuna Cup
4 days
RSL Revival
4 days
FEL
4 days
BSL20 Non-Korean Champi…
4 days
Bonyth vs Dewalt
QiaoGege vs Dewalt
Hawk vs Bonyth
Sziky vs Fengzi
Mihu vs Zhanhun
QiaoGege vs Zhanhun
Fengzi vs Mihu
Replay Cast
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Proleague 2025-07-07
HSC XXVII
Heroes 10 EU

Ongoing

JPL Season 2
BSL 2v2 Season 3
Acropolis #3
KCM Race Survival 2025 Season 2
CSL 17: 2025 SUMMER
Copa Latinoamericana 4
Jiahua Invitational
Championship of Russia 2025
RSL Revival: Season 1
Murky Cup #2
BLAST.tv Austin Major 2025
ESL Impact League Season 7
IEM Dallas 2025
PGL Astana 2025
Asian Champions League '25
BLAST Rivals Spring 2025
MESA Nomadic Masters
CCT Season 2 Global Finals
IEM Melbourne 2025

Upcoming

2025 ACS Season 2: Qualifier
CSLPRO Last Chance 2025
CSL Xiamen Invitational
2025 ACS Season 2
CSLPRO Chat StarLAN 3
K-Championship
uThermal 2v2 Main Event
SEL Season 2 Championship
FEL Cracov 2025
Esports World Cup 2025
Underdog Cup #2
StarSeries Fall 2025
FISSURE Playground #2
BLAST Open Fall 2025
BLAST Open Fall Qual
Esports World Cup 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall Qual
IEM Cologne 2025
FISSURE Playground #1
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2025 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.