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I decided that I want to try to not just get better, but try to go pro. It's been about a month since then, and I actually got Plat 2 days after the post. But, it has done something to me. I have just been getting anxious more that usual. Yeah going 1 - 9 is always going to do something to you, but it is worse some how. I was thinking about it and I think that taking this path and taking my play super seriously has stressed me the hell out. Which is bad, considering some stuff that normally goes on in my life that makes me stressed out already. But, I digress.
So, Jitters, doubt, ladder anxiety, doesn't matter what you call it, it is bad. I have been playing better, but worse. I have noticed myself throwing matches easily, feeling fearful when I start games, and just in general just horrible when I start a match.But, I still see myself improving little by little eveygame. It's weird because I still enjoy SC2 a lot, but those experiences of fear is starting to grow. I had considered taking a break, but my mouse went out so I ended up taking one anyways. I finally got it all sorted and I found myself wanting to stay the hell away from Starcraft, but I still wanted to play it. I'm glad I did, because it helped me to recognize this problem.
I have always been a person with not a lot of self esteem, so when I try to do really difficult tasks I fall flat on my face from doubt and fear. This didn't happen with Starcraft. No matter if I went 5 - 30 I could always keep going and dust myself off. So, now that I can't do that it scares me. Mentally, I am freaking out about this, because doing this just is just getting to the point where it is unhealthy. I really don't like this because I still want to get better and become a pro. I still want to be the best, but I don't know whether or not it is worth it if I will just be getting upset.
Overall, I think I am just pushing myself way to hard and taking this way to seriously. I was googling about ladder anxiety and most people seem to have trouble like this are mostly freaking out over rank not really play, or so it seems. It is all about play for me. I see my rank plummet its a little disheartening, but its a huge deal. But, when I miss a timing, upgrade, don't macro for a second, I just lose all hope for the match and lose all focus. I am working to deal with this. I find having a chill playlist, someone to just talk to and keep your mind off of it, having a few games to stop and continue a playthrough with, there there is just a lot of things I have tried, and they are really just a small rag on a bloody wound.
I can't figure out why I am letting it get to me now though. No matter how bad it got, I could just keep playing and having fun, but it just isn't like that anymore. If anyone has this problem too and didn't just quit playing SC, which if you did you probably made the right decision for you. I am just unwilling to stop on something that I was finally able to put effort into with out immediately walking out the door. So, I just can't give up, and I don't think I really should have to.
To rap it up, I just don't want to give up, but if I can't work through it I may have to just for my own sake. In the end it's just a video game. A great one, but a game none the less. Hell just writing this is helping me, but I need to figure out a way to release this pent up garble of bleh. Thank for read the whole wall of text, it was kind of a downer. I appreciate all comments and feedback (as long as you aren't a penis about it), and I'll see you all on the forums.
 
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I think you need to put things in the right context. Your chances of going pro are pretty much zero, but it doesn't mean the pursuit is worthless. Use the game to learn about yourself, how you react to failure, how well you review and systematize your experience, etc. It sounds like you are already doing that. In all endeavors in your life it will help you immensely if you understand yourself.
If you're playing for fun and to blow of stress, then you should stop playing when it's not doing that for you. But if you're using the game as a means to another end, don't let it be "go pro", but rather learning how to learn, which will carry over to many things in your life.
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United Kingdom20301 Posts
To be honest, your opening lines were really cringey -
I decided that I want to try to not just get better, but try to go pro. It's been about a month since then, and I actually got Plat 2 days after the post.
You should get to know yourself and the game a lot more before making considerations like that. I started out in sc2 and it was my first real multiplayer RTS, i was a legit silver player but i did the climb to masters eventually. Even then, i was probably not even halfway to seriously being able to play at a competitive level.
I think you should play and improve consistently with good habits focused around that (playing when you can play well, not spamming games for no reason, dedicating ~10-50% of each game time to viewing the replay for it, asking the right questions, posting regular threads/replays for better players to nudge you in the right direction or tell you when you're making correct/incorrect assumptions or focusing on the right/wrong things etcetcetcetc)
when you're a lot better, you'll understand yourself and the game much more and most importantly, how it makes you feel to relentlessly improve. I enjoyed it a lot up until masters - but found myself not really happy or enjoying the experience of trying to go from top ~1-2% in a matchup to top 0.1%. It was a huge amount of work to even get there in the first place.
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Just judging from your post, I think it's not a coincidence that you gave yourself such an utterly impossible goal in SC2 and also feel like you fall flat on your face in life when things seem hard. I bet in most things you set too high a goal or expect too much from yourself. That is always very daunting and simply unfair to yourself.
If the thing you are aiming at is practically perfection it will only impede your improvement and enjoyment because futility will always set in. More reasonable goals are better and more productive. You can always then set your eyes on a new goal and you will be far far better equipped to get there since you gained the foundations and experience of your previous journey. Baby steps, my man! Your enjoyment of SC2 will come back if you lower your sights because you know you will get there. You will never be pro, but if you can keep reaching smaller goals you will eventually reach a point where you can easily be proud of whatever it is.
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United Kingdom20301 Posts
You will never be pro
I think a lot of people can be, but very few have the mindset for it. Relentless iteration and improvement at any rate puts you in a much, much better position than shooting too high initially
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United States4883 Posts
To be honest, if your goal is to go pro (ignoring all the "you'll never be pro, especially if you only got plat now" comments), you should know that it's pretty much like this. It's going to be stressful. If we DO talk about where you are now versus where you want to be, we also have to take into account that it's going to be a long, long road. Skill ramps up exponentially, so the difference between a low masters player and a GM is much much more noticeable than a gold vs a plat for example; the higher you get, the more difficult it's going to be to improve. If you're struggling now with maintaining a positive attitude, it's probably not going to be a good experience leveling up.
That said, I think the most important thing with any game is to just enjoy it. We play this game for fun, and when we turn it into something we don't enjoy anymore, then we've probably made a mistake. Personally, I quit at the end of last year after trying to for 5 consecutive seasons to hit masters. I was playing all masters players, I was doing well, but I couldn't get promoted, and there were still so many gaps in my play that just made me hate myself for no good reason. The stress of just playing the game got to me, and I completely quit playing all games seriously and started dabbling elsewhere. Since then, I've been a "casual" gamer, and it's been a much more rewarding experience. I mean, SC2 has been a huge influence on my life, but I don't think I can ever play like that again. This is just my experience though.
Like I said, I think the most important thing is to evaluate whether you enjoy what you're doing or not. If it's getting to the point where you dread playing the game more than enjoy it, you probably need to take a step back, reevaluate, and consider doing something else.
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Overall, I think I am just pushing myself way to hard and taking this way to seriously.
exactly.
relax man
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My first impression is that you are not cut out for this line of work.
1. You seem to be lacking in natural talent
2. You seem to have issues with nerves
3. You are setting goals that are higher than most people who attain master\high master without too much effort would set
That being said
I have always semi-jokingly said "Hey, I'm master in SC2, of course I can do that" when it comes to various tasks. It holds a bit of truth though, it's one of those games where it's generally very hard to improve, and it only becomes harder. You really do need to work on it, be selfcritical and have a healthy mindset to last, nevermind grasping the complexity of the game itself. You also become better at avoiding tunnelvision and dealing with stressful situations. I'm not claiming this is absolute science, but personally I believe it's true.I feel like I've become a better person through being good at various RTS games, so having a goal of becoming good in an RTS is far from a waste of time.
If I was you, I wouldn't really focus on league or that it's a career choice. Focus on improving your play, watch replays, get rid of mistakes and figure out when you fail and why. Practice builds vs ai until they are almost perfected. If you apply proper work ethic, you should soon see if you're cut out for this or not. Try to find measurable milestones when executing builds to track improvement.
You're only plat because you macro like shit and \ or have bad strategies. In fact, that's the mindset you should have. You suck and your true enemy is your own shortcomings and not your opponent. After quite a long break I'm currently only high diamond, and the previous is still my mentality. I suck, and I try to get rid of the suckiest parts, 1 piece at a time. This way will also more frequently lead to a sense of accomplishment, rather than having a maingoal that likely never will happen.
Whatever you do, don't quit your dayjob. If you can't go master part-time, you can't go pro fulltime. It's just that simple.
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On May 04 2015 18:13 DannyJ wrote:
Just judging from your post, I think it's not a coincidence that you gave yourself such an utterly impossible goal in SC2 and also feel like you fall flat on your face in life when things seem hard. I bet in most things you set too high a goal or expect too much from yourself. That is always very daunting and simply unfair to yourself.
That is fairly close actually. But, I am not sure if has been the goals or just the confidence to do so. Some of the goals I wished to achieve were affected by some other issues I have. I will agree that I may be going to hard in such a short time.
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United Kingdom20301 Posts
I'm not claiming this is absolute science, but personally I believe it's true.I feel like I've become a better person through being good at various RTS games
I agree 1000%, it was worth every minute to legit play to masters if only for the skills developed during that time that apply outside of the game
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EPT
