EPTHomage to my Catalonia
Oh boy.
It's been a long time since I came here, apparently. Five years ago I joined teamliquid.net, starting my journey with Starcraft 2 Beta, and a short while later with TL Mafia. The past me is different in many ways from the present me, but perhaps unsurprisingly to some of you, not all that different. Turns out it is possible to stick to your great-making properties and get rid of those which contribute to viciousness. I have been and still am amazed by people, I have been and still am optimistic about the future, I have been and still am working on becoming a better human being.
My hunch in the past told me that the biggest value in life should be love. The arguments for it were different back then, but you could bring it down to one thing such as absolute devotion to the imperfectness of human flesh, human mind, human soul. Devotion to another being in its existential confusion. Love is the motor of the Universe. The calmness of the World, its indifference, is a big sign of it - Nature never seems to cry, it always shrugs off anything that comes its way.
It's really astounding how much I have got to know. It is surprising how little I do know. It's flabbergasting how much it does not matter. I would also never guess how it is to connect with someone on every level possible. Although I am in this world of love and always have been, just like Faust it was both inconceivable and unintelligible. No words could describe the depth of labyrinth of passion, no lab could recreate fiery desire, no photo could show the closeness you feel to her. My attempt on catching the essence of it is imperfect in so many ways it'd be futile to talk about that imperfectness, but that is the absurdity and human-ness of it; to experience something great is to never understand it fully, never conceive every signal, never be able to recreate it in your head.
What is a being greater than the being than which nothing greater can be conceived if not love in its actuality? What is the infinite if not love? What never stops growing, what always escapes our judgements? Why do we never stop craving it?
Thanks TL, I've been with you for a quarter of life and that time was well spent. More time shall pass before I stop coming here (if ever). I am not as active as in the past, reasons vary, but for the most part it is just the sheer lack of time. Shoutouts to all folk from TL Mafia and all folk who make TL an amazing place. Godspeed.
