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One of the worst things that ever happened to me while being a progamer was a shift in thinking toward being afraid to fail. I was so desperate to succeed immediately. Each loss hurt me so much emotionally and mentally. I spent more time doing Starcraft than I had done anything else in my whole life. Even as a full time player I didn't hit any sort of stride for almost a full year. I lost consistently to part time players and students while not even coming close to the full-time players and it broke my spirit. I spent significantly more time and had invested more of my life into the game but still fell so short of what I hoped for.
I consistently felt depressed and lost a lot of self confidence. I never felt like it was the game at fault. Every loss was due to my own failing and I took responsibility for my performance. When I did well, I celebrated that my hard work and practice had paid off, and when I didn't do well... you probably know how that turned out.
I had become too invested emotionally and mentally in the game so that I couldn't let myself fail. I hurt too much when I didn't succeed and it made me incredibly difficult for me to improve and see my losses with a clear mind.
Failure is an incredibly important part of the learning process. Virtually every idea I've come up with has initially been sub-optimal. It may have been good enough for the situation at end, but it was never perfect. Whether it's a build order, a unit composition, negotiating a contract, or working as a commentator. The first draft of anything is virtually guaranteed to be sub-optimal.
The path to improvement involves coming up with ideas and then testing those ideas. If you become afraid to fail as I was, you will lose this part of the learning process and progress may stagnate. Good ideas are forged through the repeated failures of trying many different variations and strategies and only by accepting this experimentation as part of the learning process can the best progress be made.
In designing my board game, Discord, I consistently accept failure as a part of the process. Nearly every idea I've had as been terrible at first, but by testing that idea I come closer to the desired result. Thinking about things is hard, and at a certain point there's little to gain from thinking further because there's too much information I don't have. I constantly come up with new ideas and test them as soon as possible. Then I get new information and that allows me to make another educated guess toward further improvement. On and on the iterative process of design continues.
By accepting the fact that the game will not be good or done for a long time, I can more easily accept that each new idea is a learning experience. With each new idea tested, I get a little more information about how to shape the game exactly in the image I hope for.
 
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"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better." - Samuel Beckett
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Do you feel that this is a typical western mindset compared to Korea? That westerners often get too emotionally to the idea of winning every game that they cannot train efficiently? While koreans are better at seing a lost game as a valuable learning experience.
I've gotten than picture from watching streams (typically of westerners), and then comparing to what koreans talk about in interviews, specially when they compliment other players, where they will talk about putting in a lot of work in training. While a typical western compliment is "he beats me on ladder every time".
Is this maybe even part of the reason why Koreans are better?
Agree? Did I get it wrong?
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Without failure you can't refine to something greater. But I heard a saying which stuck with me lately, "Better to say, "Oh well" instead of, "I wish it could have been"" and I'm glad you are taking constructive steps rather than be dejected and crushed from it.
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thats why people look up to you buddy.
hope you make a breakthrough in lotv!
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If you fail, you see your flaws and make sure those flaws do not occur in the future. The more you fail, the more you learn, and less unknowns exist. If you aren't failing, you must be doing something wrong.
Thanks for the blog post, qxc. Hope your boardgame-making is going well, and I am eager to see you stage a return for Legacy <3
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Thanks for the insight qxc, you have always been a staple player in the NA scene, I hope you continue to grow and prosper. GL HF ! Thanks for sharing.
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On March 11 2015 17:32 JacobShock wrote:Reminds me of someone.. + Show Spoiler +
+ Show Spoiler +
Nikola Tesla commenting to the New York Times after Edison's death.
"His method was inefficient in the extreme, for an immense ground had to be covered to get anything at all unless blind chance intervened and, at first, I was almost a sorry witness of his doings, knowing that just a little theory and calculation would have saved him 90 percent of the labor. But he had a veritable contempt for book learning and mathematical knowledge, trusting himself entirely to his inventor's instinct and practical American sense."
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Braavos36390 Posts
i might be out of the loop but where can we find out more about the board game
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Fails teach good lessons.
Success is overrated.
How's Discord so far :D?
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Took me about 10 years to figure this out, but by that time it was far too late 
A friend of mine who did an NLP course said to me one day "Failure isn't failure; Failure is feedback".
Stuck with me ever since.
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I think we can all relate to the feeling of being afraid to fail. The worst thing is when you're playing at your best but are worried about losing your peak performance and going on tilt, so you end up repeating the same safe strategies that you know you can win with instead of trying out new things when you're at your best (because you could probably learn faster that way).
Anyway I always liked watching you play qxc, I mean the time where you played with aggressive builds and did medivac drops all over the map to keep your opponent busy. You were def my favourite terran to watch back then!
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The next blog I post will contain pretty extensive details about what I've been working on the last month... currently planning for 1 blog a week, so next tuesday at the latest
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Good write up. I think this is just another demonstration of the superior training format of the korean system. By playing consistently with teammates and coaches your relative successes and failures are compared to your team. Progression in practice is just simply practice rather than a true definition of your skill or desire at the game. Plus its easier to take feedback and accept losses when the person is sitting right next to you (most of the time).
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On March 12 2015 17:14 qxc wrote:
The next blog I post will contain pretty extensive details about what I've been working on the last month... currently planning for 1 blog a week, so next tuesday at the latest
While i'm all about Korean players, you are one of the few foreigners that i always enjoyed watching because i always felt you had a weird but enjoyable playstyle.
Dunno why but when someone asks me who i think is a creative players in foreigner, you're always there with TLO in my mind. Maybe because of the liberty period.
Up to learn about your new game and hope to see you in Starcraft of course too.
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Thanks for doing blogs  Loved reading it, really insightful
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On March 12 2015 02:59 URfavHO wrote:+ Show Spoiler +
Nikola Tesla commenting to the New York Times after Edison's death.
"His method was inefficient in the extreme, for an immense ground had to be covered to get anything at all unless blind chance intervened and, at first, I was almost a sorry witness of his doings, knowing that just a little theory and calculation would have saved him 90 percent of the labor. But he had a veritable contempt for book learning and mathematical knowledge, trusting himself entirely to his inventor's instinct and practical American sense."
+ Show Spoiler +Never trust a guy who fell in love with a pigeon.
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I think the biggest reasons for the difference in mentalities between kr/west are because
1) progaming is much more accepted as a culture in Korea. Sometimes I feel like I have to be a successful progamer or I'm wasting my time because of how it's viewed here. I imagine in Korea it feels like it's more okay to be working as a progamer with the intent to do well sometime in the future even if the present isn't going as well.
2) Teamhouses have a huge effect on overall mental health and productivity. It's always easier to do something that others around you are doing and in this way a team house helps everyone bring everyone else up. The few times I've spent in a house I found it much easier to practice and remain motivated overall.
Maybe there's more, but those are my initial thoughts
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EPT![[image loading]](https://mikethomas317.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/thomas-edison.jpg)
