EPTSince my last chapter, I wasn't sure if I was going to write any more, especially with as much transparency and openness as I did when I was in university. Times have changed, my own fear of words being used against me instilled a sense of insecurity that comes with the high-school politics of eSports and the culture as a whole. In truth, what I think everyone needs to realize is that no one truly gives a shit what you do or where you go until it either impedes their own realm of controversial interest or, quite frankly, you are comparatively at a better (or worst) place than that person. Even then, it's highly unlikely this comes up as a blip on the radar for more than a week at most (or until what it means for me to be in Copenhagen and how that pertains to eSports).
I now leave Berlin early Saturday morning. They're taking away my two-headed square PC tomorrow early so I suppose I should write this now. I'm starting another chapter in my career and I like to think that I'm truly moving somewhere. Perhaps not as stable or secure as traditional work, nor for certain if I considered the more mainstream positions that I was interviewing for but it's moving somewhere better than before and I could not be more gracious and fortunate.
It's only natural that I think retrospectively of my life. Each step shaky as the next and yet, better to have moved forward on dangerous territory to find myself bolstering my career and adding another checkbox under credentials on my CV. I now struggle to fit a two-page CV into one page because of the valid and notable work I seem to have the fortune of being recruited for.
I'm going to miss Berlin, a little bit because the city is absolutely magnificent during Autumn, but also because of its cost and facade of lifestyles, its personality of people (sometimes I feel more German than Jewish when it comes to verbalizing uncomfortable/awkward situations, that oversensitiveness to use more words to avoid a misunderstanding and thusly, come to a fast and sometimes sympathetic resolution).
Apparently her personality sucks and so are her mannerisms, but I always about the music anyways (I love Mariah Carey but can't stand her recent garbage [post-Glitter] and her overall attitude since the start of the 21st century. But it's hard to deny her voice, strength and style of music. Ariana Grande, when you step out of those hits the radios try to push onto you (Problem, Break Free [all fucking garbage]) and listen to her more genuine, smooth stuff, you get something more mature in voice, control and of course, immature unrequited love lyrics we were so used to back in the 90s).
I'm also not going to miss Berlin for the feeling that every employee in the service industry is a starving artist in disguise (I don't think I've ever had a haircut that was not absolute trash, but inexplicably expensive for just a buzz cut) or the laissez-faire attitude of the city's split-look. Going in the direction of Schonefeld felt like stepping into shithole portals, hoping to God that the train doesn't break down. To me, it felt Germany tightened its reins of order, business and attitude in all the right places and didn't bother focusing on some other areas. It works as a city, but it felt mish-mashed. Like Howl's Moving Castle where you were sure that house was on the brink of falling apart and yet it was not only consistent, but fast-moving and efficient. That's how I would describe Germany: homely and efficient.
To the point: I will be leaving Germany for Copenhagen. A more expensive city with a much smaller population and a finer sauce than curry: remoulade (which is delicious). Their pickles, unfortunately, are still the European/non-Polish orientation and they have a faux-7/11 but I'm still anxious to go. The quality of living is higher, the prices are higher and it is much more quaint. Which is unfortunate as I am more of a London/New York City/Seoul kind of guy who loves sky-rises and the isolation of an alienated civilization. Rotterdam, Holland was pretty much my most preferred city and not because I enjoy Joppiesaus on my potato chips so damn fucking much but because it felt modern, scenic and the people are relaxed and you could feel a sense of multiculturalism as does Berlin.
But we will see how Copenhagen is. It usually takes me 3 months to find a new job and through that process, I made many new (influential) friends who were not only optimistic about my career growth, but also keen on keeping in touch and it really gives you a sense of confidence, a reminder that you are going the right way. For many, they rely on their retrospective thought to assure they've hit a ceiling of success ("I've been in eSports for X years") and I'm guilty of it too, but I think more of how helpless I was back in college: no aspirations, ideas or ambitions and how much I despised myself instead of how long I've been doing something because I'm not quite yet ready. I'm not where I want to be yet. I started working in 2007. I started doing eSports things in 2010 and I started professionally right out of university (2013), so I think I still have another 3 to 5 years before I make up my mind (and even then, never decide on a future that can't be at least outlined).
Sinatra's Young at Heart will always be my reminder video. Hey, I'm still young, I still got things to learn, places to go and people who I want to meet. The best advantage you have in life is to be and remain young at heart. You just need to act like it and do away with all the unnecessary thoughts of a future you haven't gotten a choice in yet
As for this new job, you will see. I've had my entry-level experience, my mid-manager experience and now I get headhunted for a new idea as senior level (so to speak) so I'm excited and fearful at the same time. I won't talk about it yet so I'm sorry if this is all a tease. I was watching a documentary about voice actors and it inspired me to write: something about them striving and trying. We'll see how it turns out, I spoke optimistically about my previous company and everyone used it to show how fucked I am as if I don't have any foresight or intelligence. Some of us went to college y'know. I'm just joshing, but I was a little insulted people spoke how naive I was personally and then spoke poorly about me professionally without knowing half my work or abilities.
I don't know, just relieved to see things come together (and when I die, I'll be completely relieved). If any of you are applying or trying for a job and are just completely lost: trust me, it'll come through if you compromise. I have dealt with so many incompetent HR people and you wonder: "How the fuck do these people still have jobs?" and you get incredibly bitter because not only did you feel you didn't get your chance but they are also so uncaring about communication and following-up that you feel like an ass for constantly poking them. My advice is three-fold:
- Be confident and act confident. The one thing I got a lot compliments on was my ability to present and speak with persistence, but courtesy and mindfulness. Don't reject yourself or think lowly of yourself. That's, hopefully not, their job. Yours is to think you're the best for the job and show how.
- Talk of your results and qualifications, not how hard you worked. Everyone, presumably, either works hard or lies about working hard. Only one of those people can prove how hard their work has created results (and even in failed business, there are accomplishments you either did yourself or as/with a team) and those results affirmed their ability to master the needed tasks expected from this applied position.
- Never think about your possible future until it is something you're offered. That's probably my biggest issue. I apply for a job and I think this is it, this job is meant for me and this is my only shot. I must have thought this every time: 2012-2013-2014. Every time, I see a position and I think: If I don't get this, nothing will be better and I'm always wrong, every single time. When I do get an interview, I immediately and regretfully think how awesome my life will be to move to Paris, New York, London, LA, Irvine, Ireland with XYZ salary (looking up the general salaries at companies, etc.). Then I don't get a second/third interview and I am immediately deflated. Soul-crushing defeat because I thought of success before the hardest of work: convincing others I'm not some sapless little shit.
So that's it. Haven't quite made it but definitely starting to see a another step in the ladder: Lazy Gamer -> Active Community Member -> Volunteer and Community Contributor -> Entry-Level Worker -> Full-time Employee -> Recruited.
Yeah, the final brush of work on Michael Jackson's unfinished pieces are a bit overzealous, but overall I like them. This has got to be my favourite from the album. Though most are good
Any advice for Copenhagen is appreciated. I'm already aware of the insane tax-rate, the cost of living and some of the laws. The work environment sounds incredibly relaxed, especially in a corporate environment and so far, it might be slower than my own pace which is a little scary. I'm intending to buy a Wii U for Christmas as a small gift to myself (I haven't bought anything large since my PC back in August of 2013) and of course for Smash Bros.!
