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I was kind of in the dark these past few days. My mom is in Germany right now visiting her mom over there. We got a call yesterday that something happened to my grandma and my dad told me it didn't look good and he would most likely leave the next day. I had to stay behind to look after our dog and two cats. I Got a call at around noon today from my sister, saying my grandma had passed a couple hours ago. She was 83 years old.
I felt somewhat angry that my dad couldn't call me up and tell me what was going on with her. I had no idea wtf was going on. I had to call my mom in Germany and let her know what had happened because she didn't know what was going on either for the most part, and I couldn't control myself, I broke down and cried when I had to tell her that she had passed....
It's just been a confusing day for me as I have never had a loss of this magnitude in my family. It couldn't have happened at a worse time either with my mom out of the country, and with me having to stay behind. My sister had to go up to Atlanta because she is also going to Germany to visit them and she had to get some stuff with her passport taken care of with the German Embassy. She stopped by earlier today with some food for me. She has a flight tomorrow though to get over there, she can't really cancel it so she is still going. Everyone else for the most part is up there (my grandparents had six kids so it's a pretty big family). Feels so empty here being alone with all this going on.
As morbid as it sounds, I used to think about if someone passed away in my family.... if I would ever go to the funeral. Not because I wouldn't want to pay my respects, but I don't know if I could handle it. Some people grieve with their family, others maybe want to distance themselves and grieve for themselves. I always thought the latter but now I'm not so sure I was right. A part of me wishes I could have gone up there for the funeral and paid my proper respects before that opportunity is lost forever.
I guess maybe I should feel somewhat good because she got to live a long and happy life for the most part.
I apologize as this is mostly rambling. I don't know where I was going with this......It's been a tough day for me and I just felt like writing about it to get it off my chest.
I think I will always remember for how happy she always was. She would take joy in the tiniest of things, many of which I'm sure most people take for granted everyday.
Goodbye Grandma.
Edit: Decided to add a picture of her. This was always my favorite. This was in the 50s when she worked in a store in town there.
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I've lost two grandparents in the last few years, both made it to their nineties. My grandfathers passed in 1989 (two weeks after I was born) and 1975. These much more sudden shocks are more difficult to handle, akin to when my uncle came down with acute pancreatitis; I'll never forgive the professor who gave me flak about missing a quiz to be by his bedside the morning I found out he had moments to live. To this date, I only regret that I didn't get to know this uncle as he was definitely most like me in terms of interest and personality.
My advice is to not be angry if you can manage, make whatever celebration you can about her life and try to appreciate that she lived a good life. There is no telling how events like this can affect us, but we can do our best to make sure that our loved ones' memories are thoroughly appreciated. I couldn't find a picture of my maternal grandmother, but this was my father's mother.
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I agree. I have cooled down a bit since earlier today.... I feel honored that I got to know such an amazing woman in my life even though I didn't get to see her much. Like I said, she was always so happy and upbeat whenever I saw her. She was so positive all the time. Thanks for giving me a little perspective on things.
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83 is a good run dude. It's probably better you go to the funeral, but from what I understand it's in Germany and you can't go? Or did I misread that.
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On August 27 2014 10:42 miicah wrote:
83 is a good run dude. It's probably better you go to the funeral, but from what I understand it's in Germany and you can't go? Or did I misread that.
Yeah, she definitely had a long life, I can't say she died young or anything tragic like that. It was just old age for the most part.
No, my mom is in Germany right now. My grandparents live in Fayetteville, up in North Carolina, as do a lot of other family members. I had to stay behind because of the pets, nobody is around that can watch them really.
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I'm sorry for your loss  R.I.P. At least she had a long and happy life 
I like to think of a funeral as a celebration of her life, rather than her death.
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TLADT24920 Posts
Ah I'm so sorry to hear that Enki. It's definitely rough having a family member passing away. My grandfather passed away several years back and I wasn't able to attend his funeral since the timing was the worst possible at that time. I wouldn't worry about not being able to go to the funeral as long as you had a good reason. You can always go to the cemetery and pay your respects later on once you get the chance.
I hate to say it but I think you should cut your father some slack. Chances are that he's just as saddened (likely a lot more actually due to more memories) about what happened and wasn't thinking that he'll have to call everyone and let them know asap. The mind doesn't work when it's faced with such sad situations so it's understandable why he didn't call right now. Sorry again about your loss. Just try to remember what a wonderful person she was (seems that way from what you wrote) and remember that she lived a long happy life. If you feel the need to talk, feel free to pm.
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I appreciate the condolences.
Yeah, I don't know.... I assumed I would hear it from him first rather than my sis. He called not long after her and told me what happened. I guess maybe he didn't want me to worry or something as that's just how he is.... I just wish I was kept in the loop as to what was happening. I understand that as bad as I feel, it's probably magnified 10x for him. I guess I was just really emotional at first and wasn't really considering what he was going through as much.
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TLADT24920 Posts
On August 27 2014 11:10 Enki wrote:
I appreciate the condolences.
Yeah, I don't know.... I assumed I would hear it from him first rather than my sis. He called not long after her and told me what happened. I guess maybe he didn't want me to worry or something as that's just how he is.... I just wish I was kept in the loop as to what was happening. I understand that as bad as I feel, it's probably magnified 10x for him. I guess I was just really emotional at first and wasn't really considering what he was going through as much.
yes, it's understandable that you would feel that way. It's just an emotional roller coaster and likely will be for quite a bit of time. You're also right, it's easier to be emotional at first without thinking about what someone else is going through but at least you've had the chance to think about it now and realize it's understandable how things turned out.
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Sorry for your loss mate .
I lost my Grandfather last year and my family didn't communicate it to to me for a couple weeks, and I was left with the news to tell my little brother. It was very frustrating to say the least.
I kind of had similar thoughts regarding the funeral. It had passed by the time I had found out of my Grandfathers death but not having to be strong at a funeral was kind of a relief. I feel like the closure of a funeral might have made it harder.
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Sorry for your loss May she rest in peace.
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Netherlands6187 Posts
I'm sorry to hear that Enki but yeah, as people say, 83 is a good lifespan, and least it was mostly happy. Losing a family member or friend always hurts though. Also that is a really nice picture of her. I absolutely loved that era and wish my family had more photos of that time period.
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Sorry for your loss =/
Everyone grieves differently and there's nothing wrong with that. I knew a kid who killed himself, his older brother didn't show for the funeral. Guess he couldn't handle it and I for one don't blame him for that. You have to sort things out on whatever terms you're comfortable with and the grave is always there for you to pay respects down the road.
My grandpa's death a few years ago hit me super hard, way harder than any previous one. We were close, I looked up to him, he was 81, and like your grandma he always tried to find the joy in things. I hadn't cried in forever but seeing him in the hospital days before he died I blubbered like a little girl. He'd been losing his mental faculties for a while from dementia and seeing him helpless and frail in that bed, knowing we'd never get into trouble together again, I'd never learn from him again, it all sank in, I was losing my grandpa, my buddy, and I lost my shit.
It must be hard being alone during this time, I'm sorry that you have to go through it by yourself at home.
But I was wrong about one thing. While we'd never share experiences together again, I did still learn from him after his death. I can think back to how he'd do something, the advice he gave me, the fact he had plenty of money but didn't give a damn for it making the people around him happy is what he was interested in, him finding joy in the little things in life. Sometimes when I'm having a bad time or life is giving me nothing but a turd sandwich, when things are hard I can look back at him and learn again from those lessons he gave me, when he taught me so much without either of us knowing it at the time.
I hope that you too keep those things your grandma taught you when she wasn't even trying to teach you. Whether you know it or not she gave you a lot of knowledge and you get to hold on to that knowledge forever.
I know it hurts now, and it's going to sting for a long time. But, again, I'm sorry for your loss. May Grandma live in your heart and mind forever.
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Bearded Elder29903 Posts
I lost both of my Grandpas, both dying because of cancer and I know how it hurts, especially since one of them was really close to my hearth....
Stay strong, time heals all wounds.
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On August 27 2014 11:30 vol_ wrote:Sorry for your loss mate . I lost my Grandfather last year and my family didn't communicate it to to me for a couple weeks, and I was left with the news to tell my little brother. It was very frustrating to say the least. I kind of had similar thoughts regarding the funeral. It had passed by the time I had found out of my Grandfathers death but not having to be strong at a funeral was kind of a relief. I feel like the closure of a funeral might have made it harder.
Yeah, I feel the same for the most part. As much as I would have liked to go, I feel like it would have been very difficult for me.
On August 27 2014 13:12 dravernor wrote:I'm sorry to hear that Enki but yeah, as people say, 83 is a good lifespan, and least it was mostly happy. Losing a family member or friend always hurts though. Also that is a really nice picture of her. I absolutely loved that era and wish my family had more photos of that time period.
Yeah, she lived a good long life and that is a positive I can take from this. This is actually the first death we have had in the family and the first I have had to deal with. I have lost pets before, sure, but nothing of this magnitude. If anything now I feel guilty that I didn't try to see her more often. Last time I went up to see her was in January, and she seemed ok then. I guess I can take away that I got to see her when I could.
I always loved it too. She was 22 in that picture, it's the drug store where she worked shortly after they got married.
On August 27 2014 13:22 OuchyDathurts wrote:
Sorry for your loss =/
Everyone grieves differently and there's nothing wrong with that. I knew a kid who killed himself, his older brother didn't show for the funeral. Guess he couldn't handle it and I for one don't blame him for that. You have to sort things out on whatever terms you're comfortable with and the grave is always there for you to pay respects down the road.
My grandpa's death a few years ago hit me super hard, way harder than any previous one. We were close, I looked up to him, he was 81, and like your grandma he always tried to find the joy in things. I hadn't cried in forever but seeing him in the hospital days before he died I blubbered like a little girl. He'd been losing his mental faculties for a while from dementia and seeing him helpless and frail in that bed, knowing we'd never get into trouble together again, I'd never learn from him again, it all sank in, I was losing my grandpa, my buddy, and I lost my shit.
It must be hard being alone during this time, I'm sorry that you have to go through it by yourself at home.
But I was wrong about one thing. While we'd never share experiences together again, I did still learn from him after his death. I can think back to how he'd do something, the advice he gave me, the fact he had plenty of money but didn't give a damn for it making the people around him happy is what he was interested in, him finding joy in the little things in life. Sometimes when I'm having a bad time or life is giving me nothing but a turd sandwich, when things are hard I can look back at him and learn again from those lessons he gave me, when he taught me so much without either of us knowing it at the time.
I hope that you too keep those things your grandma taught you when she wasn't even trying to teach you. Whether you know it or not she gave you a lot of knowledge and you get to hold on to that knowledge forever.
I know it hurts now, and it's going to sting for a long time. But, again, I'm sorry for your loss. May Grandma live in your heart and mind forever.
Thank you. It's true I could always pay my respects later. I think we plan on going up there soon to visit my grandfather. He isn't in the best of health either, if anything he is in worse shape than my grandma was. It sounds like a terrible thing to say, but I just never expected her to pass before him. It has been harder being by myself I think but I am ok I think. Maybe it just hasn't fully set in for me yet. I'm just kinda still in shock from it all.
Thank you for the kind words and sorry to hear about your grandfather, he sounded like an amazing man.
On August 27 2014 15:48 739 wrote:
I lost both of my Grandpas, both dying because of cancer and I know how it hurts, especially since one of them was really close to my hearth....
Stay strong, time heals all wounds.
Sorry to hear that As hard as this is, I think it would have been worse if she had died from cancer or something else that slowly progressed.
My sister was up in Atlanta while this was going on and stopped by the house on the way back to her place. I guess she figured something was up with me because she ended up calling a little later asking if I was ok. She told me that my grandma was having problems a few days before all this. I don't fully know to what extent because she is getting second-hand information herself. Maybe nobody knows exactly what happened but it's still frustrating not having answers to it right now.
Thanks you guys, you have put things into perspective for me and made this a bit easier for me to deal with. I really appreciate all the kinds words and condolences.
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EPT![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/PqjcwqI.jpg)
