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This is closer to a vent than anything else, but it's been a crazy week.
I was initially surprised with how tired I was after long casting days, barely having any time left over to talk to friends or even ladder. The work has been good and I'm glad I chose to come out to LA and pursue my dreams but it has been nothing short of exhausting so far.
The non-casting parts have been all right, to say the least. I felt great eating at regular times and not in large amounts, and can already feel the effects of a better diet coupled with a few nights at the gym every week making me feel better all throughout the day. I know I'm doing better, and it's helped me physically as well as mentally in my gameplay.
Obviously the road to Grandmaster was one I embarked upon a long time ago, but I had been in a much more difficult time in my life. I paid my rent and bought my schoolbooks with stream money, I was absorbed by the game hoping it would give me a way out of my miserable life. I dreamed of being good enough to make a living off of streaming or tournaments.
Even though I knew I hadn't played in a long time, I was so happy to have a few hours out of a couple evenings this week to play some sc2. I didn't realize how much my balanced life would improve my gameplay as I cruised right to the top of masters. A lot of my builds are cheesy but I had never executed and followed them up so well before, especially my Macro TvZ games.
Feeling better than ever, I made plans to work on other parts of my life as well. I'd booked a flight for my girlfriend to come see me during MLG and set everything up to see her after being gone for a month. I knew she'd been quite upset since I left after living with her for a year (I hadn't a place to stay back home after I lost my house in 2009, I often bounced around places), and I wanted to do my best to keep her assured I wanted to make things work.
Getting GM was great. It was an exhilarating feeling that really made me feel like the 3 years of ladder I've been grinding were worth it. Many people had come and gone from my stream and many naysayers and promised me I would never reach my goal. I had to become a better person in order to be a better player, and I feel like I can continue to improve as a player as long as I can keep my life sane and my well-being in good standing. I can really feel the confidence I was looking for a few months ago when I would get super close and then lose because I was too anxious to keep playing or did stupid builds. I still feel very driven to keep getting better and I still want to become good enough to be a pro, despite the obvious reasons why that will be difficult  But I guess things were about to get a bit more stressful for me.
Today I discovered that after I left for Fragbite my girlfriend had begun seeing a close friend of mine back home, and that she was no longer interested in a relationship with me so she could be with him since I abandoned her to come make money.
It's really a painful situation for me as I haven't seen my friends in a while and I'm still adjusting to living out here with a real work schedule. I never intended for money to be a reason to "leave" behind people, moreso I wanted to stop living off of charity and be able to take care of myself. The very first thing I've spent money on since I got paid by ESL is a tombstone for my long-dead mother back home. I have so many things in my life I need to set right and in the midst of all the madness I still can't really believe the parts back home fell apart so quickly.
I'm still a bit upset writing this, but I've learned it's very important to at least talk about it all and keep in mind that every positive in life will rarely come without setbacks. I've always believed that nothing worth having comes easy and while I'm willing to work for what I want it's impossible to please everyone.
Hopefully you're all doing well and my next blog can be about something happy like Getting top 16 GM or qualifying for WCS Challenger.
PS: I guess I'm open for PMs from Korean fangrills o/ gotta try to be positive about it all, eh?
 
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Nathan fighting! Awesome you could reach your goal after so long :-) thats a great accomplishment to be proud of!
Sounds like your girlfriend is petty...hooking up with your close friend seems to me to be a revenge ploy. Tough to digest that  One can only hope that their significant other would recognize that they are pursuing your dreams and kicking ass at doing so, doesn't always work out perfectly though. Take some time and enjoy the freedom of being single again for a while! 
Keep striving for that balance with your work and personal life! You seem to be doing great at accomplishing what you want so I see nothing but further success with this in your future!
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China6330 Posts
That hurts Nate, feels bad for you man. Keep your good work up, life is always ahead looking forward to a good man like you!
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You wanted to pursue your dream and achieve economic independence after living "at the claws" of other people and she can't blame you for that ; she doesn't want a botyfriend that she can't see without boarding a plane and you can't blame her for that.
This has nothing to do with revenge, pettiness or whatever. It's just that long distance doesn't work.
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Well, sad situation you're in, Nathan - but keep on doing what you love, and you'll be fine. Also, time helps.
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T.T.........
the feels man......
Great appreciation for the good work you are doing and the sacrifices you've made...
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Sad to hear about you and your GF, but maybe its for the best ? i dont know..
Glad to hear you are looking forward. Hope to read more of your blogs, love your honesty !
Congratulations on the GrandMaster !
Keep trucking !
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Well said @8mmspikes. I can't believe she did that to you after all this time. My heart truly aches for what you had to go through today. And it also warms my heart to hear that you spent time and money to purchase a tombstone for your mother--you're such a wonderful person. Your sacrifices are not in vain. You're well loved by the community, and you're certainly well equipped with a plethora of supporters. The beginning of a new beginning starts now and I will be there ALWAYS to be as supportive and useful as I can for you even if it's just being that annoying mod in your chat. I hope all gets better and better from this point on. Take care!
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man, sometimes I just feel the urge to give you a highfive for the whole cinderella story, I hope that things will turn up great for you!
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Nathanias, you are the man! I'm really happy for you because I have watched you put in so much hard work and now you are one of our premier casters.
Not to be too blunt, but maybe if the gf back home wasn't fully behind you pursuing (and achieving!) your dream, maybe a separation is for the best.
Keep up the good work, dude <3
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I've been in London working for Twitch for 2 months now, and I feel quite similar to you. A 'real work' schedule is hard, but can be quite fulfilling if your work is good. Which, in esports it mostly is, I like to think : )
But I also have the girlfriend problem. It's really unlikely that it's going to happen, me being in London fulltime and her just starting her studies in Stuttgart. After HSC I'll go to Stuttgart to see her and I'm hoping for 3 days of love before we just part ways - pretty straight up. It really hurts but I feel it's necessary for both of us. There is too much emotional burden to keep it running long distance like that.
But hey, there is a lot to explore in the coming months ; ) Wish you all the best Nathan.
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NATHAN <3 I've loved you since 2012, so great and funny to watch you. Hwaiting!
Keep it going dude, and if your girlfriend did that then apparently it was for the better. Your career is reaching heights and I can only imagine where it goes from here. Keep fighting, keep winning!!
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On June 07 2014 19:56 Apom wrote:
You wanted to pursue your dream and achieve economic independence after living "at the claws" of other people and she can't blame you for that ; she doesn't want a botyfriend that she can't see without boarding a plane and you can't blame her for that.
This has nothing to do with revenge, pettiness or whatever. It's just that long distance doesn't work.
I completely agree with this and not with any talk of a revenge ploy.
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keep going forward. you got this Nate.
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Hats off to you taking the good and the bad in your stride. Chin up, keep doing a great job and thanks for sharing your experiences with the community
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Katowice25012 Posts
Sorry to hear Nathanias, you've dedicated yourself wholly to your dream and that's extremely admirable. Frankly there are not many people in the SC2 world who are as dedicated to the grind as you are and it shows in your progress and will be why you continue to find success.
This situation sucks right now but it sounds like you're learning to find balance in your life and ultimately that will be how you reach the next peak and bring yourself to that additional level, playing well and being awesome in casts. You will always have friends here to help you through.
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Bro you deserve someone better than that awful woman. It's one thing to be greedy for money but to get basic money to live off takes priority #1. I'm confident things can only improve from here on for you! We're here for you man.
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Canada13389 Posts
This blog is full of feels man.
All I can say is good luck and a balanced life is really important, and it seems like you are getting there.
Also, you did right by your Mom. No matter what happens, that is, in my opinion, the most important thing so far.
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Sad to hear, Nathan, but as often as not, these types of things turn out to be a positive turn in one's life. Long distance relationships are hard to maintain and often quite expensive. If she used that as an excuse to start seeing someone else, you might just have dodged a bullet on that one. Regardless, there are literally millions of awesome girls out there, and I'm sure you will meet some in your local area who will fall in love with that beard just like the rest of us have. 
Chin up, bro! It gets better.
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If she couldn't wait for you - she isn't right for you.\
If she is seeing your close friend - she is a lot worse than right for you.
You need to change your perspective on your gf and realize that she is a bad person. How can someone leave you for your close friend because you aren't around enough? And how can that friend be a friend?
Nathanias you've done a lot, look at where you are now. You are experiencing life and traveling and basically - you're living the dream. While some times difficult situations will make you feel different , the fact remains you have a unique life and that'w why we are on this rock; we are suppose to experiences all sorts of different situations and learn from them. That's fucking life.
I hope this doesn't affect your confidence and I hope you + Show Spoiler + some cutie to help you forget about the lady that left you.
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EPT
