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This is closer to a vent than anything else, but it's been a crazy week.
I was initially surprised with how tired I was after long casting days, barely having any time left over to talk to friends or even ladder. The work has been good and I'm glad I chose to come out to LA and pursue my dreams but it has been nothing short of exhausting so far.
The non-casting parts have been all right, to say the least. I felt great eating at regular times and not in large amounts, and can already feel the effects of a better diet coupled with a few nights at the gym every week making me feel better all throughout the day. I know I'm doing better, and it's helped me physically as well as mentally in my gameplay.
Obviously the road to Grandmaster was one I embarked upon a long time ago, but I had been in a much more difficult time in my life. I paid my rent and bought my schoolbooks with stream money, I was absorbed by the game hoping it would give me a way out of my miserable life. I dreamed of being good enough to make a living off of streaming or tournaments.
Even though I knew I hadn't played in a long time, I was so happy to have a few hours out of a couple evenings this week to play some sc2. I didn't realize how much my balanced life would improve my gameplay as I cruised right to the top of masters. A lot of my builds are cheesy but I had never executed and followed them up so well before, especially my Macro TvZ games.
Feeling better than ever, I made plans to work on other parts of my life as well. I'd booked a flight for my girlfriend to come see me during MLG and set everything up to see her after being gone for a month. I knew she'd been quite upset since I left after living with her for a year (I hadn't a place to stay back home after I lost my house in 2009, I often bounced around places), and I wanted to do my best to keep her assured I wanted to make things work.
Getting GM was great. It was an exhilarating feeling that really made me feel like the 3 years of ladder I've been grinding were worth it. Many people had come and gone from my stream and many naysayers and promised me I would never reach my goal. I had to become a better person in order to be a better player, and I feel like I can continue to improve as a player as long as I can keep my life sane and my well-being in good standing. I can really feel the confidence I was looking for a few months ago when I would get super close and then lose because I was too anxious to keep playing or did stupid builds. I still feel very driven to keep getting better and I still want to become good enough to be a pro, despite the obvious reasons why that will be difficult  But I guess things were about to get a bit more stressful for me.
Today I discovered that after I left for Fragbite my girlfriend had begun seeing a close friend of mine back home, and that she was no longer interested in a relationship with me so she could be with him since I abandoned her to come make money.
It's really a painful situation for me as I haven't seen my friends in a while and I'm still adjusting to living out here with a real work schedule. I never intended for money to be a reason to "leave" behind people, moreso I wanted to stop living off of charity and be able to take care of myself. The very first thing I've spent money on since I got paid by ESL is a tombstone for my long-dead mother back home. I have so many things in my life I need to set right and in the midst of all the madness I still can't really believe the parts back home fell apart so quickly.
I'm still a bit upset writing this, but I've learned it's very important to at least talk about it all and keep in mind that every positive in life will rarely come without setbacks. I've always believed that nothing worth having comes easy and while I'm willing to work for what I want it's impossible to please everyone.
Hopefully you're all doing well and my next blog can be about something happy like Getting top 16 GM or qualifying for WCS Challenger.
PS: I guess I'm open for PMs from Korean fangrills o/ gotta try to be positive about it all, eh?
 
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Nathan fighting! Awesome you could reach your goal after so long :-) thats a great accomplishment to be proud of!
Sounds like your girlfriend is petty...hooking up with your close friend seems to me to be a revenge ploy. Tough to digest that  One can only hope that their significant other would recognize that they are pursuing your dreams and kicking ass at doing so, doesn't always work out perfectly though. Take some time and enjoy the freedom of being single again for a while! 
Keep striving for that balance with your work and personal life! You seem to be doing great at accomplishing what you want so I see nothing but further success with this in your future!
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China6329 Posts
That hurts Nate, feels bad for you man. Keep your good work up, life is always ahead looking forward to a good man like you!
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You wanted to pursue your dream and achieve economic independence after living "at the claws" of other people and she can't blame you for that ; she doesn't want a botyfriend that she can't see without boarding a plane and you can't blame her for that.
This has nothing to do with revenge, pettiness or whatever. It's just that long distance doesn't work.
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Well, sad situation you're in, Nathan - but keep on doing what you love, and you'll be fine. Also, time helps.
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T.T.........
the feels man......
Great appreciation for the good work you are doing and the sacrifices you've made...
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Sad to hear about you and your GF, but maybe its for the best ? i dont know..
Glad to hear you are looking forward. Hope to read more of your blogs, love your honesty !
Congratulations on the GrandMaster !
Keep trucking !
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Well said @8mmspikes. I can't believe she did that to you after all this time. My heart truly aches for what you had to go through today. And it also warms my heart to hear that you spent time and money to purchase a tombstone for your mother--you're such a wonderful person. Your sacrifices are not in vain. You're well loved by the community, and you're certainly well equipped with a plethora of supporters. The beginning of a new beginning starts now and I will be there ALWAYS to be as supportive and useful as I can for you even if it's just being that annoying mod in your chat. I hope all gets better and better from this point on. Take care!
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man, sometimes I just feel the urge to give you a highfive for the whole cinderella story, I hope that things will turn up great for you!
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Nathanias, you are the man! I'm really happy for you because I have watched you put in so much hard work and now you are one of our premier casters.
Not to be too blunt, but maybe if the gf back home wasn't fully behind you pursuing (and achieving!) your dream, maybe a separation is for the best.
Keep up the good work, dude <3
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I've been in London working for Twitch for 2 months now, and I feel quite similar to you. A 'real work' schedule is hard, but can be quite fulfilling if your work is good. Which, in esports it mostly is, I like to think : )
But I also have the girlfriend problem. It's really unlikely that it's going to happen, me being in London fulltime and her just starting her studies in Stuttgart. After HSC I'll go to Stuttgart to see her and I'm hoping for 3 days of love before we just part ways - pretty straight up. It really hurts but I feel it's necessary for both of us. There is too much emotional burden to keep it running long distance like that.
But hey, there is a lot to explore in the coming months ; ) Wish you all the best Nathan.
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NATHAN <3 I've loved you since 2012, so great and funny to watch you. Hwaiting!
Keep it going dude, and if your girlfriend did that then apparently it was for the better. Your career is reaching heights and I can only imagine where it goes from here. Keep fighting, keep winning!!
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On June 07 2014 19:56 Apom wrote:
You wanted to pursue your dream and achieve economic independence after living "at the claws" of other people and she can't blame you for that ; she doesn't want a botyfriend that she can't see without boarding a plane and you can't blame her for that.
This has nothing to do with revenge, pettiness or whatever. It's just that long distance doesn't work.
I completely agree with this and not with any talk of a revenge ploy.
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keep going forward. you got this Nate.
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Hats off to you taking the good and the bad in your stride. Chin up, keep doing a great job and thanks for sharing your experiences with the community
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Katowice25012 Posts
Sorry to hear Nathanias, you've dedicated yourself wholly to your dream and that's extremely admirable. Frankly there are not many people in the SC2 world who are as dedicated to the grind as you are and it shows in your progress and will be why you continue to find success.
This situation sucks right now but it sounds like you're learning to find balance in your life and ultimately that will be how you reach the next peak and bring yourself to that additional level, playing well and being awesome in casts. You will always have friends here to help you through.
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Bro you deserve someone better than that awful woman. It's one thing to be greedy for money but to get basic money to live off takes priority #1. I'm confident things can only improve from here on for you! We're here for you man.
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Canada13389 Posts
This blog is full of feels man.
All I can say is good luck and a balanced life is really important, and it seems like you are getting there.
Also, you did right by your Mom. No matter what happens, that is, in my opinion, the most important thing so far.
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Sad to hear, Nathan, but as often as not, these types of things turn out to be a positive turn in one's life. Long distance relationships are hard to maintain and often quite expensive. If she used that as an excuse to start seeing someone else, you might just have dodged a bullet on that one. Regardless, there are literally millions of awesome girls out there, and I'm sure you will meet some in your local area who will fall in love with that beard just like the rest of us have. 
Chin up, bro! It gets better.
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If she couldn't wait for you - she isn't right for you.\
If she is seeing your close friend - she is a lot worse than right for you.
You need to change your perspective on your gf and realize that she is a bad person. How can someone leave you for your close friend because you aren't around enough? And how can that friend be a friend?
Nathanias you've done a lot, look at where you are now. You are experiencing life and traveling and basically - you're living the dream. While some times difficult situations will make you feel different , the fact remains you have a unique life and that'w why we are on this rock; we are suppose to experiences all sorts of different situations and learn from them. That's fucking life.
I hope this doesn't affect your confidence and I hope you + Show Spoiler + some cutie to help you forget about the lady that left you.
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On June 07 2014 19:56 Apom wrote:
You wanted to pursue your dream and achieve economic independence after living "at the claws" of other people and she can't blame you for that ; she doesn't want a botyfriend that she can't see without boarding a plane and you can't blame her for that.
This has nothing to do with revenge, pettiness or whatever. It's just that long distance doesn't work.
This is a very smart post.
Anyways, you describe the road of a man that is bettering himself and becoming indipendet and realizing his potential. Quite inspirational. Keep going down that road and love will find you, but you seem to know that already. 5/5
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I'm happy for you that your gf leaving you haven't completely destroyed you.
Break ups can easily mess up lives before you learn to live with it and move on.
and if shes not Korean what would become of your kids?! gotta get that master race gene flowing
Best of luck Nate on your continuing journey of following your dreams.
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I'm glad your life is improving in so many ways. I don't want to be judgmental but a girl that is wiling to leave you so shortly after you left no matter how she phrases you "abandoning" her or whatever isn't so bad. Especially if with a close friend of yours. Sounds like she isn't a great person.
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On June 07 2014 19:56 Apom wrote:
You wanted to pursue your dream and achieve economic independence after living "at the claws" of other people and she can't blame you for that ; she doesn't want a botyfriend that she can't see without boarding a plane and you can't blame her for that.
This has nothing to do with revenge, pettiness or whatever. It's just that long distance doesn't work.
This is 100% accurate.
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Would you rather have your ex see someone probably think is a good person or some douche bag? Its a lot worse to get dumped for someone you hate. The reality of it is distance is hard, and its really unlikely that a girl would understand your passion for sc2. No one here can call her "good" or "bad". All that being said I will echo everyone on here and say I hope you make it and you acheive everything you set out to do. And if you meet a nice asian girl feel free to PM me with her sisters number
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This is pretty much a textbook example of what bittersweet means. :/
Really sorry to hear things didn't work out with your girlfriend. For what it's worth, I think you've managed to do more than just achieve GM status - you've also managed to become one of the most well liked casters and personlities in the community. Best of luck in the future, keep up the good work.
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Sorry about you mom. Its been two years since I lost mine, it isn't easy.
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Someone as passionate as you deserves a girlfriend who understands and appreciates that passion. Simple as that. If she isn't that person then so be it.
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I have nothing but respect and admiration for you, Nathan. You chose the road less travelled.
As to your girlfriend, nothing anyone can say will make it easier for you now or in the near future. But, time will. As others have said, she might not have been the best person for you, anyhow. When it is time, move on. Maybe someone else, someone better, will come along. In the meanwhile, enjoy your work and make the most of your new life.
GL and go well.
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Nathanias very nice post I was the kid talking to you at the LAN today. GL in ur road to Challenger and gl with your passion for your career !
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Korea (South)227 Posts
Don't worry Nathanias! Life is all about balance after all, with downward spirals followed with upward surges of happiness. Your dedication is something so many people don't have the guts to actually try and accomplish, and you should be proud of where you are right now.
Its great waking up in the morning in Korea early to see you cast, its great to sometimes tune in into your stream and simply watch your passion actually take place in front of my eyes. Your work makes me feel proud to be a sc2 fan through and through, and so with that I hope this sudden crash with your girlfriend won't stop your contributions towards starcraft, and I hope you keep up the great work, because no great work goes unrewarded.
Keep up positivie! hehe
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That was a nice read. Hope you can keep the spirit up, fighting!
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Sorry to hear it man, but I honour you for treating the issue responsibly.
If she couldn't wait for you - she isn't right for you.\
If she is seeing your close friend - she is a lot worse than right for you.
You need to change your perspective on your gf and realize that she is a bad person. How can someone leave you for your close friend because you aren't around enough? And how can that friend be a friend?
I just kind of want to add to this. I agree, if you needed her support and she couldn't offer it, she isn't right for you. Seeing your friend though, I hate that people see this as a betrayal. She told you why she didn't want to wait. If you care about her- if *you* were in the relationship for more than your own needs then recognizing that she is simply taking care of her own and being happy for that may help. Sometimes shit like this happens, and it's easy to feel betrayed and wronged. Neither is true, though I don't mean this to try and diminish your pain.
Your GF still probably cares about you, but you were not there to give her what she needed in that kind of relationship and expecting her to suffer for you isn't particularly wholesome. You don't own her, or your friend, and they're free to pursue their own relationships. If you let your frustration and confusion at the situation turn into anger and bitterness at them, then you'll be being far more of an asshole than either of them and probably cutting yourself off from people who still do care for you if you let them.
From what you've written you're a pretty responsible and upright guy. I hate to see you go through that kind of shit, even though I've never met you and don't know you. Still, I'd urge you to soldier on and treat this as just one of those things that happen from time to time when stuff doesn't work out in your favour or in a way you expected. Adjust your expectations, rethink what's important to you and proceed to where you want to be going.
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I'm sorry about your personal situation. But you will be better off in the long run. You will meet someone else. Your ex showed her true colors. Maybe you "dodged a bullet" thanks to her leaving now instead of years from now. I hope the next girl is better. Also, congrats on GM and the job!
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Hey man, just wanted to say that you are doing an awesome job casting and I really appreciate all of your contributions to the scene. I hope that everything works out okay for you, and I hope that you stick around in SC2 for a long time
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That blog hit me hard man, i'm all teary eyed. I admire you for having the strength to go through with all this. I wish you the best of luck. And on a side note : I love this community, I love this game, I love how supportive people here can be. I havent played starcraft 2 in forever but I still love watching it and love the people in it. STAY STRONG MAN!!!!!!!!
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Good luck man. It is always important to pursue ones' own life goals and career before settling for another anyways. Keep bettering yourself in every aspect of your life, which it looks like you have been doing, and I'm sure when you look back at this years down the road it will only seem minor and insignificant in the long haul.
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Plenty more fish in the sea man. And just look at em
+ Show Spoiler +
Gratz on GM.
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Sorry to hear that man. You deserve better anyway.
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she was no longer interested in a relationship with me so she could be with him since I abandoned her to come make money.
Wow dude stop beating yourself up. Your (ex)girlfriend must be a really shitty person if she made you feel as if you abandoned her for money.
If she was really in love with you, she would understand your reasons and encourage you to pursue your dreams. The relationship may or may not have worked out in the long run, but both she (and you) would have tried your best to make it work. Trust me as a guy who was in a long distance relationship with the girl of my dreams for the past 2 years, and finally married her the beginning of this year. Never for once did we doubt that anything was going to happen that would jeopardize our relationship. When you are truly in love, distance is just a minor hurdle that can be solved over the course of time, and you eventually find a way to make it work. It can be challenging sometimes to satisfy your physical needs, but there's nothing that a bottle of lotion and porn cant solve .
tl;dr - you are better off without your ex.
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Having gone through something similar, I can tell you that when the immediate pain of the betrayal subsides, you will come to realize that if she couldn't stand by you while you followed your dream, then you are genuinely better off without her. Likewise for your "friend."
Congratulations not just on reaching GM, but on persevering and making your way in this world in the face of adversity. Now it's time to set your next goal, put your nose down, and go for it with renewed confidence and vigor. Keep your personal life healthy and balanced, and you'll find yourself a new fangrill soon enough.
gg wp congrats!
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I fuckin love you man, you deserve all the praise you get and you are incredibly hard working. Sorry to hear about all the personal bullshit you have been going through but hopefully with time things will get better and you can go further! Keep at it and don't lose sight of your goals!
Also once I have a job again I will surely re-sub to your stream! :D
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That's pretty rough but hang in there because the best is yet to come!
Onwards and upwards!
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On June 08 2014 09:20 Liquid`Nazgul wrote:
Someone as passionate as you deserves a girlfriend who understands and appreciates that passion. Simple as that. If she isn't that person then so be it.
So true.
On a side note, I can tell that you have been working out, keep up the good work! GF in no time
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i think the love you get from all of us nerds is better than having a gf
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On June 07 2014 19:56 Apom wrote:
You wanted to pursue your dream and achieve economic independence after living "at the claws" of other people and she can't blame you for that ; she doesn't want a botyfriend that she can't see without boarding a plane and you can't blame her for that.
This has nothing to do with revenge, pettiness or whatever. It's just that long distance doesn't work.
Those two aren't even equivalents. It's good he found out sooner rather than later that his girlfriend treats boyfriends as disposable based on convenience or inconvenience. Sounds like by going for self improvement, he dodged a terrible girlfriend bullet.
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The feels in this blog are real, life is a bitch sometimes but you're an admirable guy Nathan and you've worked hard to get to where you are and to a point where you can actually get by and in an area you're super passionate about so thumbs up for that man! I look forward to your attempts at becoming American ToD as a player/caster
In regards to the gf situation, she seemed like a terrible person and finding out now rather than later down the line was probably a good thing, on the bright side you have Rotti now. He'll always treat you right!
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On June 07 2014 18:48 Nathanias wrote:
A lot of my builds are cheesy but I had never executed and followed them up so well before, especially my Macro TvZ games.
"The cheesiest thing a cheesy player can do is to play a macro game" ?
Follow your dreams and kepp it up!
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That is indeed bittersweet. I am happy for you that you are following your dreams. That would be something you would regret forever, if you wouldn't had given it your very very best. Everything that I would like to say to show support has already been said, so I fully back all the valuable comments posted here!
The close friend relationship is unclassy, sometimes things just don't go your way. You can't change that. You can change the way you handle these situations though. Go Nathanias! Keep being healthy, in both body and mind! You are doing very well for yourself
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I understand this circlejerking about "what a bitch, got your back brah". But to be honest, shit like that happens every day and none of you can know if she just genuinely grew into another guy or she is just a bitch. That stuff happens, and normally it is not about being a bad person. The good thing, is that you have a lot of reasons to go ahead, and you will come to understand that it was for the better, for you, and for her. You weren't what she needed neither was she for you.
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Women aren't loyal. What can you do?
Well move on. Delete her number, etc., and focus on yourself. You're doing good work Nathan. Forget about her
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Sucks about the girl man, but these things happen. There are a lot of people in this thread going "what a bitch man, she isn't for you" etc. but the truth is that scenario is very common. I'm glad you're pursuing your dreams and achieving some kind of success. Keep trucking. You'll find someone else soon enough. Guys who can show this much passion for anything are usually in high demand.
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Ur a grandmaster now. The girls should be lining up down the street don't worry. I caught the moment u were promoted on stream and you looked happier than any one girl could make you.
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On June 10 2014 08:44 Socup wrote:Show nested quote +On June 07 2014 19:56 Apom wrote:
You wanted to pursue your dream and achieve economic independence after living "at the claws" of other people and she can't blame you for that ; she doesn't want a botyfriend that she can't see without boarding a plane and you can't blame her for that.
This has nothing to do with revenge, pettiness or whatever. It's just that long distance doesn't work. Those two aren't even equivalents. It's good he found out sooner rather than later that his girlfriend treats boyfriends as disposable based on convenience or inconvenience. Sounds like by going for self improvement, he dodged a terrible girlfriend bullet.
Wow man, if everyone on Earth who failed to make long-distance relationships work is a boy/girlfriend bullet, then the world is full of assholes.
Also you assume that she left if out of "convenience", this assumption is based on nothing. Maybe it was inconvenience, or maybe she didn't love him, or something entirely different... Neither of us knows.
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Dude, you're doin a great job. Keep up the good work. Hang in there, buddy.
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Good luck Nathan! You are really great when you cast with Rotterdam (you are on the serious side whereas Rotterdam sounds a bit more casual.) Pursue your dreams!
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Hey, Nathanias, I'm a great fan of your work. I just wanted to say, I'm sorry, and this is a shitty situation. It's normal to hurt after these things. I just want to encourage you to go on with what you're doing. Many people here are taking the view of "she sucks, how could she do that, etc". I believe that being constructive, like the following two posters, and saying, well, this sucks, but I'll get over it, is the most healthy way to break up in the long run.
On June 07 2014 19:56 Apom wrote:
You wanted to pursue your dream and achieve economic independence after living "at the claws" of other people and she can't blame you for that ; she doesn't want a botyfriend that she can't see without boarding a plane and you can't blame her for that.
This has nothing to do with revenge, pettiness or whatever. It's just that long distance doesn't work.
On June 07 2014 19:57 boxerfred wrote:
Well, sad situation you're in, Nathan - but keep on doing what you love, and you'll be fine. Also, time helps.
GG to this battle, GL for the many more to come.
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Congrats. It's her fault she can't understand someone passionate like you wants to pursue something. You did nothing wrong. She, however, went behind your back.
You can do much better. Keep doing what you love and someone more supportive will come along.
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A lot of people are making assumptions about things and people they know nothing about and saying things like "It's probably for the best" "What a bitch" etc. And that might not be what you want to read at the present moment, so I'm going to refrain from all that. What I do know is all pain is fleeting and the intensity of any emotion usually drains a bit over time, how much differs from person to person depending on how strong of a character they have and you seem like a strong determined person. Just look at all the shit you have accomplished. Keep at it Nathanias, you are one of the best casters and THE best solo caster around imo.
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You're a little bit of a hero of mine, TBH sir. Life has a way of maintaining balance itself... Something good happens, something bad happens. I know this sucks but don't worry sir, you got lots of awesome stuff that is yet to happen in your life
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You did what you needed to do, end of story. You got this far with improved positivity in your life, keep it up and the doors will keep opening!
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You should not consider your friend a close friend if he was able to do something like that. A close friend should put your friendship over a girl.
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I know it's an old thread, but frack....WE LOVE YOU NATE!!!!
KEEP FIGHTING!!
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EPT
