• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 23:52
CEST 05:52
KST 12:52
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
RSL Season 1 - Final Week6[ASL19] Finals Recap: Standing Tall10HomeStory Cup 27 - Info & Preview18Classic wins Code S Season 2 (2025)16Code S RO4 & Finals Preview: herO, Rogue, Classic, GuMiho0
Community News
Firefly given lifetime ban by ESIC following match-fixing investigation17$25,000 Streamerzone StarCraft Pro Series announced7Weekly Cups (June 30 - July 6): Classic Doubles7[BSL20] Non-Korean Championship 4x BSL + 4x China10Flash Announces Hiatus From ASL76
StarCraft 2
General
RSL Revival patreon money discussion thread The GOAT ranking of GOAT rankings Weekly Cups (June 30 - July 6): Classic Doubles Server Blocker RSL Season 1 - Final Week
Tourneys
RSL: Revival, a new crowdfunded tournament series FEL Cracov 2025 (July 27) - $8000 live event $5,100+ SEL Season 2 Championship (SC: Evo) $25,000 Streamerzone StarCraft Pro Series announced Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament
Strategy
How did i lose this ZvP, whats the proper response Simple Questions Simple Answers
Custom Maps
External Content
Mutation # 481 Fear and Lava Mutation # 480 Moths to the Flame Mutation # 479 Worn Out Welcome Mutation # 478 Instant Karma
Brood War
General
BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/ Flash Announces Hiatus From ASL BW General Discussion A cwal.gg Extension - Easily keep track of anyone Script to open stream directly using middle click
Tourneys
2025 ACS Season 2 Qualifier [Megathread] Daily Proleagues Small VOD Thread 2.0 Last Minute Live-Report Thread Resource!
Strategy
Simple Questions, Simple Answers I am doing this better than progamers do.
Other Games
General Games
Path of Exile Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread CCLP - Command & Conquer League Project The PlayStation 5 Nintendo Switch Thread
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
TL Mafia Community Thread Vanilla Mini Mafia
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread Russo-Ukrainian War Thread Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine The Accidental Video Game Porn Archive Stop Killing Games - European Citizens Initiative
Fan Clubs
SKT1 Classic Fan Club! Maru Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
Movie Discussion! [Manga] One Piece Anime Discussion Thread [\m/] Heavy Metal Thread
Sports
2024 - 2025 Football Thread Formula 1 Discussion NBA General Discussion TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023 NHL Playoffs 2024
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread
TL Community
The Automated Ban List
Blogs
Men Take Risks, Women Win Ga…
TrAiDoS
momentary artworks from des…
tankgirl
from making sc maps to makin…
Husyelt
StarCraft improvement
iopq
Trip to the Zoo
micronesia
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 519 users

Mentoring an addict

Blogs > dreamseller
Post a Reply
dreamseller
Profile Blog Joined August 2006
Australia914 Posts
February 11 2014 11:03 GMT
#1
About 6 months ago I volunteered with a NFP (not for profit organisation) who organise mentoring relationships with young people living in full time registered housing. Typically these young people come from abusive families or have their primary care giver (s) imprisoned. I am not sure of the exact number of kids in this situation but it is in the thousands.

The young man (let's call him James) I was matched with is a keen gamer and is addicted to minecraft. He is about 15 years old but psychologically I would put him at much younger. He is smart and has a dry sense of humour. I have struggled to connect with him outside of gaming, while also pursuing the objectives of the volunteer program. The main objective is to get the mentee involved in some sort of community activity, something outside of "the system" where they can form organic friendships. This "system" for a young person from an abusive family usually involves little to no schooling (James gets less than a day of schooling per week with a tutor), drugs and alcohol abuse during developmental phases, crime, and usually involvement with the police and then ultimately prison and the associated recidivism.

In order to connect with James it was easy for me to buy minecraft, and kerbal space program, and learn the basics so that when he sat me down in his filthy room to show me his latest achievements I knew what he was talking about. We even played multiplayer a few times and had a skype call going. The fine line I found myself walking in the first few months of getting to know James was trying not to condone his addiction to his computer while also needing to build rapport and trust, making sure he saw me as a friend instead of a worker, someone from outside.

Getting a commitment to do something fun that wasn't playing computer games was harder than I had imagined, and I now know a little bit better the frustration that many of my friends have expressed when I would rather play one more game than spend time with them. Today marked a milestone as I finally discovered a mutual interest outside of gaming which was the
ocean. James is quick to claim expertise in all things and so I lay the challenge out to him that I could duck dive longer. Here's hoping that as a non smoker I can win that challenge . From a swim I hope to go snorkelling with James, an activity which I personally find quite healing and surreal, especially in deeper waters, where suddenly one's mortality is so keenly felt and the awe of nature can take over. Scuba diving is also on the cards but not until he is an adult as it is too high risk.

--

Some musings

Unlimited access to computer and internet has done dreadful things to James' social development and stymied the natural desire to learn. I think it is an escape for him and the digital fantasy world he experiences for most of his waking hours crosses over into our conversations where he makes outlandish claims of expertise in any discipline we talk about and specific bizarre claims like knowing Notch personally (minecraft creator) and inventing gaming platforms for Google. When gently pressed for more details he becomes vague and trails off. I am doing some research into conversational techniques to allow James to express whatever he is expressing through these lies in a more authentic way.

The paid workers who stay in the registered unit with James and three other young people seem to have very limited say in the way that he lives his life. They complain about his poor hygiene, sugar addiction, and gaming addiction but can't or won't help him form more constructive habits.

I see a lot of similaririties in James and I. Honesty challenges, gaming addiction, frustration with the systems we find ourselves in. In time I hope I can pass on some of what I've learnt and already spending time with him has made me think more deeply about my own upbringing.

****
PGtour admin
FuRong
Profile Joined April 2010
New Zealand3089 Posts
February 11 2014 11:31 GMT
#2
Sounds like you're doing a good job man, being a mentor isn't easy,
Don't hate the player, hate the game
AnachronisticAnarchy
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
United States2957 Posts
February 11 2014 13:47 GMT
#3
Mentoring. No better way to help somebody with role model problems. No harder, more time-consuming way either.
I'd just like to thank you for being a great person. It's so easy to donate your words and your money to a cause, but the one thing that is hardest to donate is your time.
"How are you?" "I am fine, because it is not normal to scream in pain."
FO-nTTaX
Profile Blog Joined January 2013
Johto4932 Posts
February 11 2014 14:38 GMT
#4
On February 11 2014 22:47 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:
Mentoring. No better way to help somebody with role model problems. No harder, more time-consuming way either.
I'd just like to thank you for being a great person. It's so easy to donate your words and your money to a cause, but the one thing that is hardest to donate is your time.

As a broke student like me, it's sometimes much easier to donate time than donate money, since i need every single Cent to pay for my place to live, whilst always having some free time on my hands.
But for someone working in a full time job, you're probably right, then money could be the "easier choice". And of course, when you're someone who doesn't like to come out of himself and spend time with strangers, it can be very hard, to do such a commitement.

I personally never did something like in OP, but i always enjoyed spending time in my Clubs, like the chess club i'm in, where i help in the team that organises our two yearly chess tournaments and my sports club, where i give practice sessions for first- and secondgraders. It can be really rewarding to do so, if one sees, that it matters to someone.
Administrator@FO_nTTaX | FO-nTTaX.de | 0xff0000.dev | Senior Lead Liquipedia Developer
"Nimm es. Es ist nicht viel, aber es kommt von Herzen. Vergiss mich nicht!"
FFGenerations
Profile Blog Joined April 2011
7088 Posts
February 11 2014 14:59 GMT
#5
i suggest learning and taking him to gym, it is quite an intense and invigorating experience that a gamer can respect (since everything is boring compared to gaming)

also getting him into computer activities that are professional skills is good. minecraft players can enjoy computer programming or modelling, animation

i guess these things arent social but they give you a drive for living other than gaming
Cool BW Music Vid - youtube.com/watch?v=W54nlqJ-Nx8 ~~~~~ ᕤ OYSTERS ᕤ CLAMS ᕤ AND ᕤ CUCKOLDS ᕤ ~~~~~~ ༼ ᕤ◕◡◕ ༽ᕤ PUNCH HIM ༼ ᕤ◕◡◕ ༽ᕤ
EJK
Profile Blog Joined September 2013
United States1302 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-02-11 17:03:17
February 11 2014 16:53 GMT
#6
how about trying to connect to him through the game? Maybe like play the game with him, see what his behiavor is like IN the game. Then after developing a form of trust do something like say, hey I need a break lets go get some food (excuse to get him into an environment around people and off of the computer). If he trusts you, he won't say no.

It sounds like you already are trying to connect with him through the game so it looks like you are going in the right direction. This is going to take a really long time though, this kid needs a stable person in his life and it is most likely going to have to be you if you want him to stop playing minecraft so much

edit: also take note of what the accomplishments he strives towards and is excited by the most is in minecraft. Noticing what he likes in the game can also be an indicator of what he might like outside of the game
Sc2 Terran Coach, top 16GM NA - interested in coaching? Message me on teamliquid!
Mothra
Profile Blog Joined November 2009
United States1448 Posts
February 11 2014 18:18 GMT
#7
Good for you, it's nice reading stories of people doing stuff like this. Sounds like a tough challenge to get him off the computer... maybe try some games that can be played in real life? Like he might enjoy going to a chess or Magic cards tournament.
quirinus
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
Croatia2489 Posts
February 11 2014 19:26 GMT
#8
Thank you for doing this. I had a few great teacher/mentors for various things in my life that helped me tremendously. I wish i had some mentors later, in high school and college, it would have helped a lot.
All candles lit within him, and there was purity. | First auto-promoted BW LP editor.
Shauni
Profile Blog Joined July 2004
4077 Posts
February 11 2014 20:24 GMT
#9
You probably already know this, but obviously the minecraft addiction is not the cause of his problems and the ultimate goal shouldn't be to drive him away from it. Trying to give him other interests is a good thing though, but I'd try to put more emphasis on solving his underlying problems (which you briefly describe) than being forceful about his minecraft 'addiction'. It's just his means of escaping his fears and eventual trauma, alike the blatant lying. Perhaps you could try to widen his perspectives intellectually by making him interested in philosophy, psychology or morals and ethics. It's cool that you're using his lying nature to spur him on however, I don't think I would have done that.
I'm taking whatever coverage I can get, because frankly, I'm busy working on this million dollar deal at my job. Early retirement is a good thing brotha man. - MessengerASL
Chocolate
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States2350 Posts
February 12 2014 02:27 GMT
#10
I am not sure what James' past is like but he sounds similar to me at age 15. I am a lot better now, but I feel like at that time of my life what caused me to become a video-game hermit was social anxiety and social insecurity. I was afraid of males who were "more popular" than me, I was afraid of losing the friends that I had (which caused inaction/playing it safe, so I did lose them), I was afraid of authority figures, and I was so nervous around girls that I actively avoided them.

Swimming sounds awesome. Maybe you should see how James interacts with his peers, as well. I wish I had been confident in myself at his age... I never was a chronic liar, but to me that only indicates that James is perhaps so insecure that he doesn't even want to tell the truth about himself, lest he be put down. It's great that you are trying to get him to form organic friendships though, hopefully he is successful.
hp.Shell
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States2527 Posts
February 12 2014 05:40 GMT
#11
One thing that I found when I first got instant messenger programs like ICQ, AOL, and MSN Messenger was that I was a much wittier and bolder person online than I was in real conversations. Over the years I had a couple epiphanies about my type of humor, and combined with the confidence I managed to display as a jr high and high school trumpet soloist, I have become much closer to my original "online self" than I was when I first started chatting to classmates (and girls) online. I daresay I have even crossed that line in terms of potential. The wit is there when I look for it. The confidence goes up and down just like everyone else.

My point is, perhaps there is a similar situation here with James. Is he a different person in his online dealings than in his personal and "real" life? Try to identify qualities he has online as he interacts with others, and then maybe encourage those qualities in your own conversations with him. If the online him is the him "under the shell," so to speak, then show him where the shell is so he can break it.
Please PM me with any songs you like that you think I haven't heard before!
obesechicken13
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States10467 Posts
February 12 2014 10:53 GMT
#12
An addiction to minecraft while severely damaging probably isn't as bad as drugs. My little brother plays minecraft. I won't defend gaming addiction as I have it too.

What you're doing is great. I wish I could get into this too.
I think in our modern age technology has evolved to become more addictive. The things that don't give us pleasure aren't used as much. Work was never meant to be fun, but doing it makes us happier in the long run.
Japhybaby
Profile Blog Joined February 2013
Canada301 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-02-12 16:42:50
February 12 2014 16:42 GMT
#13
I think I'm more like "James" than I am like OP. I'm still not very good at being the "every man's man," you know. I will say that there's a difference between getting someone "pumped' on fake confidence and actually helping someone find his or her appropriate social grace's. The fake confidence one is where you just ask the questions that are easy for him to answer and laugh at the jokes when he needs you to laugh. That's what a person who lacks confidence doesn't get, a chance to fail and still not feel like a fuck up. The more realistic one would be to find a way to make him see that he is not the mastermind he thinks he is.
hold on! i'm callin' you back to the pool, and we'll dazzle them all!
a176
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
Canada6688 Posts
February 12 2014 18:57 GMT
#14
Sports, man. sports saved my life from computer addiction. there must be some sport he has an interest in ... !
starleague forever
Kingsky
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Singapore298 Posts
February 14 2014 06:16 GMT
#15
get him to really learn to code, he will thank you in the future when he lands a job
Why do people hate the Colossus? Because the Colossus is like banksters from Wall Street: “too big to fail”. - TheDwF
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Next event in 6h 8m
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
Nina 224
RuFF_SC2 155
StarCraft: Brood War
Leta 195
PianO 128
NaDa 100
Noble 26
Zeus 0
Dota 2
NeuroSwarm149
League of Legends
JimRising 1136
Counter-Strike
Stewie2K771
Heroes of the Storm
Khaldor191
Other Games
summit1g11153
WinterStarcraft371
ViBE252
Trikslyr61
Organizations
Other Games
gamesdonequick46128
BasetradeTV28
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 16 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• Berry_CruncH238
• Adnapsc2 8
• OhrlRock 1
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
• sooper7s
StarCraft: Brood War
• Azhi_Dahaki16
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
League of Legends
• Doublelift4843
• Jankos2138
Upcoming Events
Sparkling Tuna Cup
6h 8m
RSL Revival
6h 8m
Classic vs Clem
FEL
11h 8m
Elazer vs Spirit
Gerald vs MaNa
BSL20 Non-Korean Champi…
14h 8m
Bonyth vs Dewalt
QiaoGege vs Dewalt
Hawk vs Bonyth
Sziky vs Fengzi
Mihu vs Zhanhun
QiaoGege vs Zhanhun
Fengzi vs Mihu
Wardi Open
1d 7h
Replay Cast
2 days
WardiTV European League
2 days
PiGosaur Monday
2 days
uThermal 2v2 Circuit
3 days
Replay Cast
3 days
[ Show More ]
The PondCast
4 days
Replay Cast
4 days
Epic.LAN
5 days
CranKy Ducklings
6 days
Epic.LAN
6 days
BSL20 Non-Korean Champi…
6 days
Bonyth vs Sziky
Dewalt vs Hawk
Hawk vs QiaoGege
Sziky vs Dewalt
Mihu vs Bonyth
Zhanhun vs QiaoGege
QiaoGege vs Fengzi
Liquipedia Results

Completed

KCM Race Survival 2025 Season 2
HSC XXVII
NC Random Cup

Ongoing

JPL Season 2
BSL 2v2 Season 3
Acropolis #3
CSL 17: 2025 SUMMER
Copa Latinoamericana 4
Jiahua Invitational
2025 ACS Season 2: Qualifier
BSL20 Non-Korean Championship
CSLPRO Last Chance 2025
Championship of Russia 2025
RSL Revival: Season 1
Murky Cup #2
BLAST.tv Austin Major 2025
ESL Impact League Season 7
IEM Dallas 2025
PGL Astana 2025
Asian Champions League '25
BLAST Rivals Spring 2025
MESA Nomadic Masters

Upcoming

CSL Xiamen Invitational
CSL Xiamen Invitational: ShowMatche
2025 ACS Season 2
CSLPRO Chat StarLAN 3
BSL Season 21
K-Championship
uThermal 2v2 Main Event
SEL Season 2 Championship
FEL Cracov 2025
Esports World Cup 2025
Underdog Cup #2
StarSeries Fall 2025
FISSURE Playground #2
BLAST Open Fall 2025
BLAST Open Fall Qual
Esports World Cup 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall Qual
IEM Cologne 2025
FISSURE Playground #1
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2025 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.