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Praise Elfi.
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I'm stopping at 18 simply because 18 is 50 verses long while most of these are between 5 and 20. Then I'll probably drop to 7-8 at a time since these actually do get longer as you go farther in. Pt. 1 ran for 11,745 characters, this one's exactly 11,000.
Psalm 11
In Elfi I take refuge.
How then can you say to me:
"Flee to your natural with your probe.
For look, the Zerg spreads his creep;
He sets his overlords against the cliffs
To scout your proby shenanigans
Before they even happen.
When the proxy pylon cannot be placed,
What can the Protoss do?
Elfi knows the proxy locations;
Elfi is on his ergonomic comfort chair.
He sees the proxy location on Heavy Rain that nobody bothers to check;
The one behind the fourth.
Elfi examines the probe,
But the zerg, who expand greedily,
He hates with a passion.
On the zerg he will spawn
Two sentries and many zealots;
+1 attack will be their lot.
For Elfi is righteous,
He loves cats;
And cats hate icky sticky bugs.
Psalm 12
Help, Elfi, for no one believes in foreigners anymore;
Those who await a foreign hope have vanished from the human race.
Everyone supports the Koreans;
They support the foreigners in the LR
But side with the Koreans in their predictions.
May Elfi silence all pretending posts
And every heart vs. head poll -
Those who say,
"By their APM, the GSL Code S prevails;
They infest every region - who is our single hope?"
"Because EU is plundered and NA groans,
I will now arise," says Elfi.
"I will protect them from the absence of region lock."
And the words of Elfi are flawless,
Like a car fresh from a 32-vehicle pileup,
Like a man struck in the testicles seven times with a hammer.
You, Elfi, will keep EU safe,
And protect NA from the KR-rejects,
Who freely switch regions
When their chances of winning at home are lost.
Psalm 13
How long, Elfi? Will you stay out of IEM forever?
How long will you throw games to the likes of Dear?
How long must I wrestle with the fact
That Dear's 99% chance of winning the set might as well be 100%?
Look on me and answer, Elfi my God.
Give light to the ladder, or I will browse Liquipedia in hopelessness,
And the bracket will show one flag in every slot,
The rest condemned to fall.
But I trust in your unending spree,
My heart rejoices in seeing Pekka on stream.
I will sing Elfi's praise,
For he is my foreign hope.
Psalm 14
The fool says in his heart,
"Foreigners can't beat Koreans."
They post too much, their content is vapid;
There is no one who contributes to the LR thread.
Elfi looks from his chair into his monitor
On all of Team Liquid
To see if there are any who believe,
Any who worship him.
All have turned away, all have become disillusioned;
There is no one who votes for Elfi in liquibet,
Not even one.
Do these simpletons know nothing?
They ingest the stream as though ingesting bread;
They never call on Elfi.
But there they are, overwhelmed with mockery,
For "84" is visible in the APM counter.
You negative nancies frustrate the plans of the Finn,
But Elfi's strategy knows no bounds.
Oh, that salvation for Europe would come out of Finland,
When Elfi restores the balance of the bracket,
Let WCS shine and let Europe be glad!
Psalm 15
Elfi, who may dwell on your stream?
Who may sit on your ergonomic comfort chair?
The one whose micro is shameless,
Who loses units intentionally,
Who speaks Nordic gobbledegook when furious;
Whose tongue is faster than his keyboard,
Who does no wrong to his cat,
And casts many slurs on the other races;
Who despises those who play Zerg
But honors those who play Protoss;
Who keeps a bookmark of cat videos on hand,
And forgoes practice to observe said bookmark;
Who receives subscription from those with hope;
Who does not accept surrender when all is hopeless.
Whoever does these things
Shall triumph in tournaments.
Psalm 16
Keep me safe, Elfi,
For in you I take refuge.
I say to Elfi, "You are my God;
Apart from you I have no favorites."
I say of Naniwa and Scarlett in the bracket,
"They are the noble ones who shall guide you to victory."
Those who run after other players will suffer more and more.
I will not pour out my sympathy to these players
Or get banned from Team Liquid for losing bets on them.
Elfi, you alone are my keyboard and my mouse;
You make my play secure.
My forcefields have fallen for me in unpleasant places;
Surely you know what to do in this situation.
I will praise Elfi, whose stream I watch;
Even in the early morning when it's bedtime in Finland.
I keep my eyes on Elfi's stream.
With him on my second monitor, I will not be shaken.
Therefore, my heart is glad and my hand rejoices;
My mind will also rest secure,
Because your special tactics will not leave me dead,
Nor will your builds ever see decay.
You make known to me clutch warp prism drops;
You show me unorthodox blink stalker timings,
And halve the APM of my right hand.
Psalm 17
Hear me Elfi, my post is just;
Listen to my rant.
Hear my prayer -
It does not rise from unfaithful lips.
Let my relief come from you;
May my eyes see what is viable.
Though you know me not,
Though you are above the likes of me and my kind,
You will find that I have planned no ignorance;
My mouth has not transgressed.
Though people tried to dissuade me,
I have kept myself from supporting the Koreans
Through what your play has offered.
My steps have held to your leaps;
My mind has not faltered.
I call on you, Elfi, for you will answer me;
Turn your face to the webcam and read my message.
Show me the wonders of 1 base colossus,
You who harass from a warp prism
Very slowly, yet kill very quickly.
Keep us as the viewers of your stream
Hide us from the spectre of foreign loss
From those who hop regions to dominate us,
From those who think I should be weakened.
They close up their small bases,
And their fingers type with arrogance.
They have scouted my forces, they now contain me,
With eyes hazy, to a-move to our death.
They are like a sloth who wishes food
Like a cat stuck in a tree.
Rise up, Elfi, confront them, give me points;
With your innovations rescue me from the lower leages.
By your hand save me from the ragers, Elfi,
From those of the world whose reward is others' rage.
May what you have stored for your enemies fill their minds;
May they claw themselves apart over it,
And may there be spatters from their ends.
As for me, I will be promoted and play you one day,
When I rise, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness.
Psalm 18
I love you, Elfi, our spirit.
Elfi is our rock, our fortress, our paladin;
He is our rock which we collapse to protect us,
Our fortress, our salvation, and our stronghold.
I called to Elfi, who is worthy of praise,
And I have been saved from my enemiese.
The armies of death encircled me;
The torrents of broodlings overwhelmed me.
The locusts of the earth circled around me;
The corruptors of corruption confronted me.
In my distress I activated Photon Overcharge
As I had seen Elfi do.
From his chair he heard my click
He became my nexus, in my base.
The building trembled and quaked,
And the map began to shake,
And the nexus began to move around as Elfi possessed it.
Blue light rose from its apex;
Fire burst out of its pyramid,
Burning light targeted each dark beast.
He parted the waves with his blasts;
The blue light soared towards the broodlords.
He killed them and half the swarmhosts;
He made the zerg his bitch, the corpses around him -
The ramp covered in red blood.
Out of the nexus a probe came to rebuild the wall,
With money from the backlog of ~5000 being spent.
Elfi thundered from the stream;
His voice overrode that of my soundtrack.
The valleys of the map filled with units
And the foundations of the map pointed to salvation
At the command of Elfi
The blast was heard, the fire was felt.
He reached down and pushed his units faster;
He warped in more from deep within.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
From my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
But Elfi was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place;
He rescued me because he delighted in me.
Elfi has dealt with me according to my righteousness;
According to my faith he has rewarded me.
For I have kept the ways of Elfi;
I am not guilty of turning from my God.
All his laws are before me;
I have not turned away from his commands.
I have been blameless in the shift in popularity
And have kept myself loyal to him.
Elfi has dealt with me according to my righteousness;
According to my unshakeable faith.
To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
To the blameless you show yourself blameless,
To the pure you show yourself pure,
But to the faithless you show yourself shrewd.
You save the humble
But defeat those who are arrogant.
You, Elfi, never cease to amaze me;
My God can bring hope to a hopeless bracket.
With your help I can advance with my all-in;
With Elfi I can go up the ramp.
As for Elfi, his mechanics are perfect;
Elfi's commands are flawless;
He shields all who take refuge in his shield.
For who is God besides Elfi?
Who is the rock besides Elfi?
It is Elfi who arms us with hope
And keeps our dreams secure.
He makes my army like a tank of iron;
He causes me to see what I cannot unsee.
He trains my hands for battle;
My fingers can click like a jackhammer.
You make your saving help my shield,
And your right hand sustains me;
Your left has made me great.
You provide a broad path of options,
So that my will does not give way.
I pursued my enemies and overtook them;
I did not turn back till they were destroyed.
I crushed them so that they could not rise;
They fell beneath my feet.
You armed me with strength for battle;
You humbled my adversaries before me.
You made my enemies turn their backs in flight,
And I destroyed my foes.
They cried OP, but Blizzard was not there to satisfy them,
To Elfi, but he did not answer.
I beat them as fine as windblown dust,
Trampled them like mud on the map.
You have delivered me from the attacks of the broodlords;
You have made me the victor of the impossible.
People I did not know ask me for advice;
Foreigners cower before me [this line is actually Ps. 18:44, I find that hilarious]
As soon as they hear of me, they obey me.
They all lose heart;
They come trembling from their bases.
Elfi lives! Praise be to Pekka!
Exalted be our duo, our saviors!
He is the God who maphacks for me,
Who takes control of the replay of life,
Who saves us all from our worst nightmares.
You exalted me above my foes;
From a violent end you rescued me.
Therefore I will praise you, Elfi, among the highest.
I will transcribe these psalms in your name.
He gives his players great victories;
He shows unfailing love to his cat,
To his streamers, and to his fanclub forever and ever.
Amen.
