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After a few years of on and off usage of a few dating websites (pof, okcupid and tinder), I have come to the conclusion that as a general rule, dating websites should only be considered a method of hooking up.
While this might sound like a cynical view, I think the reasoning behind it is sound. Let me explain.
First, lets assume we are ignoring anything beyond looks when we classify people, because lets be honest, that is the most important aspect of online dating.
The majority of men will willingly have sex with a woman who is "below" them. In other words, if we had a slightly above average male (a 6-7), chances are he will be perfectly willing to hook up with a slightly below average female (a 3-4).
Online, there is no "shame" feature associated with a girl who you might not want your friends to see you with. Everything is confidential and it's all between you and her.
The result is that women on dating websites receive messages from men who they normally wouldn't receive attention from in the real world. This means that a female who is a 5 will receive messages from men who are 7s 8s, even 9s, all looking for a quick and easy hookup.
Of course she will get messages from males who are 5s as well, but chances are very high that she is going to ignore those messages if she is getting attention from guys who are far more attractive.
So the female 5 meets up with the male 7, they have sex because she is insecure and knows he is better looking, and then she crosses her fingers and hopes he wants something real, but deep down they both know why she is there.
Maybe they have sex a few times, maybe it's just once, but either way the chances of a real relationship forming under these circumstances are minimal. And honestly it probably shouldn't happen if your looking for a healthy relationship anyways.
 
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Congratz on getting the hookups!
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Your logic is flawless. As for the sake of completeness, remember girls that are > 5 don't sign up on said websites.
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i just ask girls to 1v1 me and send them my character code.
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On February 04 2014 08:38 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
i just ask girls to 1v1 me and send them my character code.
genius. wont work often, but when it does you found a keeper.
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I made a joke online dating profile, and found a "former" tl member, sent her my 1v1 code and didn't hear anything lololol, she's already with someone, but still...
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This is how I felt too, but I'm sure there are people who aren't just there for hookups.
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I just started using dating sites/apps the other day, and I'll share with you my observations. On the Hot or Not app it's just looking at pictures of people and deciding if, well, they are hot or not. Every girl on there will have 1000+, often as high as 3-4000 ratings. The guys on the other hand, have a maximum of 150 ratings (although to be fair I didn't spend long looking at guys). I've been on the site for 5 days now and received a total of 38 ratings and a couple matches but most of them fall short because honestly what conversation are you going to have based on 3 pictures of a person. So it's just as simple as girls aren't looking for guys as much as guys are looking for girls.
Note: You have to give the person a rating to view the next person, so # of ratings is independent of your attractiveness.
Sites with a profile such as OKCupid are better and you can get a much higher message back % since you can message meaningful/funny things based on their profile, but there really isn't that big of a pool to pick from where I'm from at least.
Also your premise that guys will drop their standards on an online site I don't think is true, and is in fact the opposite for me.
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I feel like I have a few things to say about this, as I have used POF a bit and hooked up with 4 women off there.
#1 Almost everyone on there (at least in my area) is damaged goods. They are all on there for the reason that they can not find someone in real life or have burned their bridges etc. They have some issue that keeps them from normal healthy relationships; crazy drama, attention seeking, codependency, or some weird quirk etc. And if this isn't the case, it's for other non dating/relationship reasons. People don't take it seriously.
#2 The ratio of men to women is sick bad, so any woman ugly or not just gets 100s of msgs an hour/day and she can't possibly read them all. Most of these messages are canned mass sent msgs or vulgar shit that works on like 1% of women and ruins the experience for the rest of them which repels healthy women.
#3 The ones you sort of connect with refer back to #1 even if (and especially) if they are higher than a 6. PS- The rating number thing is only like 2nd or 3rd on the important things for women to be attracted.
etc.
That being said, the initial reason I signed up was because I had been hearing about POF for years and knew at least a couple of people who are still in decent relationships with semi cool/attractive girls. So I gave it a go. Like I said I hooked up with 4 chicks and I can briefly elaborate on the experiences. Besides the 4 I did date I had talked to dozens of others. Of those, at least a half a dozen were seriously interested in me but for whatever reason didn't want to meet me (including chicks who msg me first). Who knows if it was me, or just their insecurity, it doesn't matter either way. What is important is that it's sort of a waste of time, just chatting.
So the first girl I met, we chatted a bit, texted a bit, and one drunken night at the bar I called her. She sounded really excited to talk to me. I probably called her a few different times like that, until I finally told her to come over. She came, we banged. I felt shitty about it and told her I'm an asshole and ignored her from then on. She was kind of weird, not exactly what I expected and not my type.
2nd girl, she seemed really cool, not very attractive or anything but I'm willing to give that up for personality and intelligence. One of my friends actually worked with her and said she was cool too (I eventually found out she lived with a crazy dumb druggy bitch that I knew too). It was her bday and she was gonna be at a bar so I showed up, It was also around halloween so people had costumes too. Again she seemed a little different than the profile and pics and her friends were weird and I could tell the dudes were orbiters and her females were batty. She instantly was hanging on my arm and really into me, we went to some friends apt and she cuddled next to me on the floor. I dated her a few more times, we banged a couple of times but she seemed to have some issues and lots of drama around her and she wasn't nearly attractive enough (sort of overweight too) to begin to get into that relationship. She would try and contact me and I sorta shined her on a bit and she got the hint fast and I never heard from her again.
The 3rd girl was a semi cute girl who seemed pretty smart and preppy and totally not the type of girl I normally go after (figured I would try to ignore my normal attraction in hopes of finding something I might have been missing out on), although a little desperate. I setup a date to play pool etc even though she wasn't a drinker. She was super dorky and not nearly as cute as her pics. However, she was really into me and I didn't want to give up so fast. She ended up coming over and sleeping with me that night. Since I wanted to try and date this girl who isn't really my type I gave it a lot of effort. She was very co-dependent, could not make a single decision on her own, very insecure, tried a few jealously/sabotagey shittests on me, and had a real trauma history (she got me to verbally abuse her in a clothing store, I was shocked). I dated her a few months before finally breaking it off with her when she started to try and take it to the relationship level. I felt really bad, but I had to. I talked to her a few times via AIM or whatever and she always seems to be trying to achieve something. What I mean by that, is she had some agenda by slipping in details about herself or asking ones about me in order to make me jealous or try to get me attracted or something. She did have some previous bf baggage shit when we were dating so I assume it's the same shit she was doing with those guys. I had some of her belongings and I dropped them off on her car at night and left her a message to get them.
The last girl I dated was really kind of a strange one. She again wasn't really my type (cause that's what dating is right, trying to figure shit out) but she liked some of the same shit I did and seemed pretty cool. She invited me out to some bar with her friend and she liked me. She was way skinnier than her pics, like 90lbs and no curves. I was willing to ignore this fact though because she was pretty fun. I dated her a couple of weeks before she stood me up too many times and I just got over it. The weird part though is that she was the one setting up the dates or being late or flakey and genuinely not using it as a tactic to cold shoulder me. I got to thinking maybe she had a drug issue (which would explain the skinny etc) or maybe she was anorexic or something. She would try and call me a couple of times when she was in the area for a booty call or whatever but I ignored.
TL;DR The fantasy of online dating is ruined by actually meeting these people.
Or maybe I'm just and idiot and I'm doing it wrong. Or have some issue that attracts these problem women.
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That's a survey that only involved married couples...more of a statement about marriage than it is about dating sites.
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On February 04 2014 12:04 MarlieChurphy wrote:
I feel like I have a few things to say about this, as I have used POF a bit and hooked up with 4 women off there.
#1 Almost everyone on there (at least in my area) is damaged goods. They are all on there for the reason that they can not find someone in real life or have burned their bridges etc. They have some issue that keeps them from normal healthy relationships; crazy drama, attention seeking, codependency, or some weird quirk etc. And if this isn't the case, it's for other non dating/relationship reasons. People don't take it seriously.
#2 The ratio of men to women is sick bad, so any woman ugly or not just gets 100s of msgs an hour/day and she can't possibly read them all. Most of these messages are canned mass sent msgs or vulgar shit that works on like 1% of women and ruins the experience for the rest of them which repels healthy women.
#3 The ones you sort of connect with refer back to #1 even if (and especially) if they are higher than a 6. PS- The rating number thing is only like 2nd or 3rd on the important things for women to be attracted.
etc.
That being said, the initial reason I signed up was because I had been hearing about POF for years and knew at least a couple of people who are still in decent relationships with semi cool/attractive girls. So I gave it a go. Like I said I hooked up with 4 chicks and I can briefly elaborate on the experiences. Besides the 4 I did date I had talked to dozens of others. Of those, at least a half a dozen were seriously interested in me but for whatever reason didn't want to meet me (including chicks who msg me first). Who knows if it was me, or just their insecurity, it doesn't matter either way. What is important is that it's sort of a waste of time, just chatting.
So the first girl I met, we chatted a bit, texted a bit, and one drunken night at the bar I called her. She sounded really excited to talk to me. I probably called her a few different times like that, until I finally told her to come over. She came, we banged. I felt shitty about it and told her I'm an asshole and ignored her from then on. She was kind of weird, not exactly what I expected and not my type.
2nd girl, she seemed really cool, not very attractive or anything but I'm willing to give that up for personality and intelligence. One of my friends actually worked with her and said she was cool too (I eventually found out she lived with a crazy dumb druggy bitch that I knew too). It was her bday and she was gonna be at a bar so I showed up, It was also around halloween so people had costumes too. Again she seemed a little different than the profile and pics and her friends were weird and I could tell the dudes were orbiters and her females were batty. She instantly was hanging on my arm and really into me, we went to some friends apt and she cuddled next to me on the floor. I dated her a few more times, we banged a couple of times but she seemed to have some issues and lots of drama around her and she wasn't nearly attractive enough (sort of overweight too) to begin to get into that relationship. She would try and contact me and I sorta shined her on a bit and she got the hint fast and I never heard from her again.
The 3rd girl was a semi cute girl who seemed pretty smart and preppy and totally not the type of girl I normally go after (figured I would try to ignore my normal attraction in hopes of finding something I might have been missing out on), although a little desperate. I setup a date to play pool etc even though she wasn't a drinker. She was super dorky and not nearly as cute as her pics. However, she was really into me and I didn't want to give up so fast. She ended up coming over and sleeping with me that night. Since I wanted to try and date this girl who isn't really my type I gave it a lot of effort. She was very co-dependent, could not make a single decision on her own, very insecure, tried a few jealously/sabotagey shittests on me, and had a real trauma history (she got me to verbally abuse her in a clothing store, I was shocked). I dated her a few months before finally breaking it off with her when she started to try and take it to the relationship level. I felt really bad, but I had to. I talked to her a few times via AIM or whatever and she always seems to be trying to achieve something. What I mean by that, is she had some agenda by slipping in details about herself or asking ones about me in order to make me jealous or try to get me attracted or something. She did have some previous bf baggage shit when we were dating so I assume it's the same shit she was doing with those guys. I had some of her belongings and I dropped them off on her car at night and left her a message to get them.
The last girl I dated was really kind of a strange one. She again wasn't really my type (cause that's what dating is right, trying to figure shit out) but she liked some of the same shit I did and seemed pretty cool. She invited me out to some bar with her friend and she liked me. She was way skinnier than her pics, like 90lbs and no curves. I was willing to ignore this fact though because she was pretty fun. I dated her a couple of weeks before she stood me up too many times and I just got over it. The weird part though is that she was the one setting up the dates or being late or flakey and genuinely not using it as a tactic to cold shoulder me. I got to thinking maybe she had a drug issue (which would explain the skinny etc) or maybe she was anorexic or something. She would try and call me a couple of times when she was in the area for a booty call or whatever but I ignored.
TL;DR The fantasy of online dating is ruined by actually meeting these people.
Or maybe I'm just and idiot and I'm doing it wrong. Or have some issue that attracts these problem women.
Wow dude, mad props bro!!!
![[image loading]](http://4.media.bustedtees.cvcdn.com/4/-/bustedtees.fd000f94-10fc-4cf4-a28a-16390404.jpg)
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Do you think of yourself as a 6-7 male? (assuming you're male of course)
Because all you've talked about are high end males. Do lower end males not exist, or are they not on these websites?
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On February 04 2014 08:04 dream-_- wrote:
I have come to the conclusion that as a general rule, dating websites should only be considered a method of hooking up.
The only flaw in your logic is the part where you assume this brilliant insight of yours is too complicated for women to figure out. There might be women, both on- and offline, who are looking for serious relationships and do understand that single, charming guys with lax standards might not really be interested in something long term, even if they say so. Before you postulate that women in general have been fooled into a never-ending cycle of flings and are incapable of breaking the loop, you really want to make sure you aren't overestimating your product.
On February 04 2014 12:04 MarlieChurphy wrote:
She got me to verbally abuse her in a clothing store, I was shocked.
She got you to was my favorite part.
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I've always assumed that people who date (and eventually marry) through internet simply have such low expectations about their relationships, they will be likely to feel satisfied more with whatever they get than 'regular' couples. It doesn't necessarily have to corelate with how really their bonds are doing objectively...
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I disagree... I think dating sites are what you make of them. Sure, there are tons of people just looking for hook ups on dating websites, but it is possible to find those that aren't.
So far, I've dated 2 girls from dating websites. One lasted for a year and the other has just been going on for a couple of weeks so far. The first girl... yes she had some issues and that relationship went on for too long... mostly my fault because I just kept telling myself to give her more chances.
The second girl (so far) has proven to be more normal... she has been divorced though so there is a bit of history there.
But either way, regardless of how either relationship ended/will end, they weren't just random hook ups. I've never been the type of guy to just hook up with a girl because I just enjoy the sex more with someone I actually like... plus why go on a website when it is so easy to pick a drunk girl up from a bar (especially in a college town like where I live)...
If you go into it expecting a hook up or willing to settle for a hook up, that's what you'll get out of it. It takes a long time to find someone decent and worth actually dating online, but it definitely exists. However, things like Tinder where all you get is a picture... yea that is pretty much for hook ups.
Also, you are going to be searching a very long time if you want someone who isn't at least a little damaged... everyone I know has got their issues and I'm willing to bet you do too.
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Wait until 30+, any male with a good job pretty much bottoms out at 9 and instant marriage material.
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On February 05 2014 00:42 Burrfoot wrote:
Wait until 30+, any male with a good job pretty much bottoms out at 9 and instant marriage material.
I hope so......I fail at dating lol
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it's really what you make of it. you can find either or if you really want to. in some ways it is better than finding some random at a bar and going out on a couple dates. you can usually find out real fast if the person has some kind of horrible opinions
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On February 04 2014 22:48 Niflheim wrote:
I disagree... I think dating sites are what you make of them. Sure, there are tons of people just looking for hook ups on dating websites, but it is possible to find those that aren't.
On February 05 2014 02:11 QuanticHawk wrote:
it's really what you make of it. you can find either or if you really want to.
I agree with these two. Firstly, I think there's a difference between the sites in which you pay to host a profile and the free dating websites. I have heard that sites similar to Plenty of Fish have a lot more members who are just interested in hooking up, but a site like EHarmony has more members looking for a relationship - it also weeds out a few of the people just fucking around on the website because it's costing you some money - not just your time.
My wife's good friend met her current husband on a dating site - not sure which one. The best man at my wedding met a woman six - eight months ago on a dating site and things have been going well with them, probably his most successful relationship. My wife and I went to the latter couples apartment for dinner one night and the girl was telling us all the creepy messages and pictures she would get on a daily basis - apparently a lot of dick shots - so it's no wonder that the female percentage is higher on a site in which you pay for a membership.
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On February 04 2014 12:04 MarlieChurphy wrote:
I feel like I have a few things to say about this, as I have used POF a bit and hooked up with 4 women off there.
#1 Almost everyone on there (at least in my area) is damaged goods. They are all on there for the reason that they can not find someone in real life or have burned their bridges etc. They have some issue that keeps them from normal healthy relationships; crazy drama, attention seeking, codependency, or some weird quirk etc. And if this isn't the case, it's for other non dating/relationship reasons. People don't take it seriously.
#2 The ratio of men to women is sick bad, so any woman ugly or not just gets 100s of msgs an hour/day and she can't possibly read them all. Most of these messages are canned mass sent msgs or vulgar shit that works on like 1% of women and ruins the experience for the rest of them which repels healthy women.
#3 The ones you sort of connect with refer back to #1 even if (and especially) if they are higher than a 6. PS- The rating number thing is only like 2nd or 3rd on the important things for women to be attracted.
etc.
That being said, the initial reason I signed up was because I had been hearing about POF for years and knew at least a couple of people who are still in decent relationships with semi cool/attractive girls. So I gave it a go. Like I said I hooked up with 4 chicks and I can briefly elaborate on the experiences. Besides the 4 I did date I had talked to dozens of others. Of those, at least a half a dozen were seriously interested in me but for whatever reason didn't want to meet me (including chicks who msg me first). Who knows if it was me, or just their insecurity, it doesn't matter either way. What is important is that it's sort of a waste of time, just chatting.
So the first girl I met, we chatted a bit, texted a bit, and one drunken night at the bar I called her. She sounded really excited to talk to me. I probably called her a few different times like that, until I finally told her to come over. She came, we banged. I felt shitty about it and told her I'm an asshole and ignored her from then on. She was kind of weird, not exactly what I expected and not my type.
2nd girl, she seemed really cool, not very attractive or anything but I'm willing to give that up for personality and intelligence. One of my friends actually worked with her and said she was cool too (I eventually found out she lived with a crazy dumb druggy bitch that I knew too). It was her bday and she was gonna be at a bar so I showed up, It was also around halloween so people had costumes too. Again she seemed a little different than the profile and pics and her friends were weird and I could tell the dudes were orbiters and her females were batty. She instantly was hanging on my arm and really into me, we went to some friends apt and she cuddled next to me on the floor. I dated her a few more times, we banged a couple of times but she seemed to have some issues and lots of drama around her and she wasn't nearly attractive enough (sort of overweight too) to begin to get into that relationship. She would try and contact me and I sorta shined her on a bit and she got the hint fast and I never heard from her again.
The 3rd girl was a semi cute girl who seemed pretty smart and preppy and totally not the type of girl I normally go after (figured I would try to ignore my normal attraction in hopes of finding something I might have been missing out on), although a little desperate. I setup a date to play pool etc even though she wasn't a drinker. She was super dorky and not nearly as cute as her pics. However, she was really into me and I didn't want to give up so fast. She ended up coming over and sleeping with me that night. Since I wanted to try and date this girl who isn't really my type I gave it a lot of effort. She was very co-dependent, could not make a single decision on her own, very insecure, tried a few jealously/sabotagey shittests on me, and had a real trauma history (she got me to verbally abuse her in a clothing store, I was shocked). I dated her a few months before finally breaking it off with her when she started to try and take it to the relationship level. I felt really bad, but I had to. I talked to her a few times via AIM or whatever and she always seems to be trying to achieve something. What I mean by that, is she had some agenda by slipping in details about herself or asking ones about me in order to make me jealous or try to get me attracted or something. She did have some previous bf baggage shit when we were dating so I assume it's the same shit she was doing with those guys. I had some of her belongings and I dropped them off on her car at night and left her a message to get them.
The last girl I dated was really kind of a strange one. She again wasn't really my type (cause that's what dating is right, trying to figure shit out) but she liked some of the same shit I did and seemed pretty cool. She invited me out to some bar with her friend and she liked me. She was way skinnier than her pics, like 90lbs and no curves. I was willing to ignore this fact though because she was pretty fun. I dated her a couple of weeks before she stood me up too many times and I just got over it. The weird part though is that she was the one setting up the dates or being late or flakey and genuinely not using it as a tactic to cold shoulder me. I got to thinking maybe she had a drug issue (which would explain the skinny etc) or maybe she was anorexic or something. She would try and call me a couple of times when she was in the area for a booty call or whatever but I ignored.
TL;DR The fantasy of online dating is ruined by actually meeting these people.
Or maybe I'm just and idiot and I'm doing it wrong. Or have some issue that attracts these problem women.
I just read this completely randomly and I have no idea who you are, so I don't want to sound like I'm judging you, because that would make no sense, but .. are you serious? Is this yout real life or you just watched some TV series and felt like writing about it? Do young Americans (judging from the use of pounds) really live like that? I probably shouldn't just open random blogs, that's too much for me to handle apparently.
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Four of out 8 people on my vball team are in long term relationships (shortest one is currently sitting at 2.5 years) that started out on POF/EHarmony. 3 girls, 1 guy. It's not just a meat market.
Personally I haven't signed up for any sites but I have dated women in the past whom I met online (roommate of a friend in another city who was moving, other one was through various games). I think it helped me because they got to know me instead of getting a snap judgment by looks, where I know I'm average. Nowadays though, it seems like most women 30+ are hearing their biological clocks ticking very loudly and therefore want to get to know anyone with a respectable job. I have less hair than I used to and I'm taken but I get more offers than before even though I'm no longer actually looking...
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On February 04 2014 13:13 Darkwhite wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2014 08:04 dream-_- wrote:
I have come to the conclusion that as a general rule, dating websites should only be considered a method of hooking up. The only flaw in your logic is the part where you assume this brilliant insight of yours is too complicated for women to figure out. There might be women, both on- and offline, who are looking for serious relationships and do understand that single, charming guys with lax standards might not really be interested in something long term, even if they say so. Before you postulate that women in general have been fooled into a never-ending cycle of flings and are incapable of breaking the loop, you really want to make sure you aren't overestimating your product. Show nested quote +On February 04 2014 12:04 MarlieChurphy wrote:
She got me to verbally abuse her in a clothing store, I was shocked. She got you to was my favorite part.
As a general rule of thumb, healthy women don't really hookup (with few exceptions). In most cases, they will genuinely (even if briefly or drunkly) want to be with you in a relationships (even though they may deny it). Chicks just don't do NSA because of the way their brains are wired and sex is bonding, and their arousal in physical and mental are not connected. They have to be emotionally invested, where as guys do not and are often not. Which is why you will have things like women not understanding porn or freaking out on BFs looking at it etc.
So the types of chicks who are looking for hookups (subconsciously or not) are usually damaged goods in some way. They seek the emotional attention etc and probably wouldn't have sex with you if you didn't provoke the issue. Or they only want some weird sex fetish thing because of some severe trauma. The other exception would just be like older wiser women (cougars) who are just simply looking for physical relief that they know they can solicit from any young buck. Usually post marriage or relationship type flings. That movie Don Jon is a good example of that I think.
What I mean by me verbally abusing her, is that I usually am not the type of person to yell at people. I'm pretty calm and collected. We were at the store looking for dress shirts for work. I saw this weird light green shirt and tried it on, didn't fit right, looked a little weird, changed my mind. Had dozens of other shirts to try on etc. She kept referring back to the shirt and telling me to try it on again. She couldn't drop it for like for 10 minutes. I told her numerous times that I didn't like the shirt it was ugly etc. She persisted, literally started going all clingy about it saying "just try it on one more time." Like a victim/child. It was becoming dramatic and I had to very loudly and firmly say "I DON'T WANT THE FUCKING SHIRT, PUT IT BACK. FUCK!" and this was her little test that confirmed some suspicions of mine about her past. That abuse seeking mentality. I would later find out, after she repeatedly tried to get me to hit her in bed, that her dad had molested her and both of her parents were very verbally and physically abusive.
Which is why I felt so bad about yelling at her and even worse when breaking up with her.
On February 05 2014 06:33 opisska wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2014 12:04 MarlieChurphy wrote:
I feel like I have a few things to say about this, as I have used POF a bit and hooked up with 4 women off there.
-snip-
I just read this completely randomly and I have no idea who you are, so I don't want to sound like I'm judging you, because that would make no sense, but .. are you serious? Is this yout real life or you just watched some TV series and felt like writing about it? Do young Americans (judging from the use of pounds) really live like that? I probably shouldn't just open random blogs, that's too much for me to handle apparently.
Not really sure what you mean? I'm 29 from California and male ofc.
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On February 05 2014 06:47 MarlieChurphy wrote:Show nested quote +On February 05 2014 06:33 opisska wrote:On February 04 2014 12:04 MarlieChurphy wrote:
I feel like I have a few things to say about this, as I have used POF a bit and hooked up with 4 women off there.
-snip-
I just read this completely randomly and I have no idea who you are, so I don't want to sound like I'm judging you, because that would make no sense, but .. are you serious? Is this yout real life or you just watched some TV series and felt like writing about it? Do young Americans (judging from the use of pounds) really live like that? I probably shouldn't just open random blogs, that's too much for me to handle apparently. Not really sure what you mean? I'm 29 from California and male ofc.
I do not know any people who would get and dump girls with the ease you are showing. Then there are these small bits that are completely otherwordly:
- " She came, we banged. I felt shitty about it and told her I'm an asshole and ignored her from then on." - what? you have a sex with a woman and then never talk to her?
- " she wasn't nearly attractive enough (sort of overweight too) to begin to get into that relationship." - that's how you chose partners?
Yes, you see this kind of behaviour in TV and movies frequently, but I honestly don't know anyone who considers going outside, getting a girl, sleeping with her and then moving on as a normal way of life. Where I come from, it usually takes weeks to build a realtionship before anything happens.
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It's actually pretty common I'd say.
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On February 05 2014 23:30 opisska wrote:Show nested quote +On February 05 2014 06:47 MarlieChurphy wrote:On February 05 2014 06:33 opisska wrote:On February 04 2014 12:04 MarlieChurphy wrote:
I feel like I have a few things to say about this, as I have used POF a bit and hooked up with 4 women off there.
-snip-
I just read this completely randomly and I have no idea who you are, so I don't want to sound like I'm judging you, because that would make no sense, but .. are you serious? Is this yout real life or you just watched some TV series and felt like writing about it? Do young Americans (judging from the use of pounds) really live like that? I probably shouldn't just open random blogs, that's too much for me to handle apparently. Not really sure what you mean? I'm 29 from California and male ofc. I do not know any people who would get and dump girls with the ease you are showing. Then there are these small bits that are completely otherwordly: - " She came, we banged. I felt shitty about it and told her I'm an asshole and ignored her from then on." - what? you have a sex with a woman and then never talk to her? - " she wasn't nearly attractive enough (sort of overweight too) to begin to get into that relationship." - that's how you chose partners? Yes, you see this kind of behaviour in TV and movies frequently, but I honestly don't know anyone who considers going outside, getting a girl, sleeping with her and then moving on as a normal way of life. Where I come from, it usually takes weeks to build a realtionship before anything happens.
That's how things are in America. At least on the west coast, I can't say how things are in the more conservative areas of the country.
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So basically you are criticizing women's judgement for not selecting you in what you think is an even trade, but going for guys that are above them instead (of you, who wants a long term relationship)?
Or did I misread this?
Honestly I kinda find the idea of rating someone's looks on a scale of 1-10 incredibly immature and obnoxious. If you are just thinking about looks instead of looking for someone with similar interests who you might really hit it off with, then I'm sure such a system is going to work out this way. But that is the same in the real world lol.
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assigning numbers to females/human beings to rate their worth/attractiveness in a general way is absolutely disgusting
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On February 06 2014 14:32 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
assigning numbers to females/human beings to rate their worth/attractiveness in a general way is absolutely disgusting
yeah, "hot or not" is way better because it gets you rid of those disgusting numbers.
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On February 06 2014 14:32 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
assigning numbers to females/human beings to rate their worth/attractiveness in a general way is absolutely disgusting
What? This is like, incredibly common.
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On February 07 2014 00:00 dream-_- wrote:Show nested quote +On February 06 2014 14:32 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
assigning numbers to females/human beings to rate their worth/attractiveness in a general way is absolutely disgusting What? This is like, incredibly common.
How common it is has nothing to do with its merit.
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On February 07 2014 00:00 dream-_- wrote:Show nested quote +On February 06 2014 14:32 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
assigning numbers to females/human beings to rate their worth/attractiveness in a general way is absolutely disgusting What? This is like, incredibly common.
yeah it is pretty common you're right
pua culture is still filthy
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On February 07 2014 03:30 DoctorHelvetica wrote:Show nested quote +On February 07 2014 00:00 dream-_- wrote:On February 06 2014 14:32 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
assigning numbers to females/human beings to rate their worth/attractiveness in a general way is absolutely disgusting What? This is like, incredibly common. yeah it is pretty common you're right pua culture is still filthy
We are judging someone based on a picture. Do you have a better method?
It's not even being shallow because you have nothing else to judge on. What is your issue with that?
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On February 07 2014 03:44 dream-_- wrote:Show nested quote +On February 07 2014 03:30 DoctorHelvetica wrote:On February 07 2014 00:00 dream-_- wrote:On February 06 2014 14:32 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
assigning numbers to females/human beings to rate their worth/attractiveness in a general way is absolutely disgusting What? This is like, incredibly common. yeah it is pretty common you're right pua culture is still filthy We are judging someone based on a picture. Do you have a better method? It's not even being shallow because you have nothing else to judge on. What is your issue with that?
Anyone looking at pictures on a dating website is going to make judgments about how attractive they feel the person is but I feel it's objectifying to extrapolate that out to a numerical system that gives value to women based on how much they conform to conventional standards of beauty
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On February 07 2014 04:23 DoctorHelvetica wrote:Show nested quote +On February 07 2014 03:44 dream-_- wrote:On February 07 2014 03:30 DoctorHelvetica wrote:On February 07 2014 00:00 dream-_- wrote:On February 06 2014 14:32 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
assigning numbers to females/human beings to rate their worth/attractiveness in a general way is absolutely disgusting What? This is like, incredibly common. yeah it is pretty common you're right pua culture is still filthy We are judging someone based on a picture. Do you have a better method? It's not even being shallow because you have nothing else to judge on. What is your issue with that? Anyone looking at pictures on a dating website is going to make judgments about how attractive they feel the person is but I feel it's objectifying to extrapolate that out to a numerical system that gives value to women based on how much they conform to conventional standards of beauty
Or my own personal standard. The one that matters to me? You are doing the exact same thing when you decide if you are willing to date someone. The fact that you don't put it down on paper doesn't change much.
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On February 07 2014 04:23 DoctorHelvetica wrote:Show nested quote +On February 07 2014 03:44 dream-_- wrote:On February 07 2014 03:30 DoctorHelvetica wrote:On February 07 2014 00:00 dream-_- wrote:On February 06 2014 14:32 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
assigning numbers to females/human beings to rate their worth/attractiveness in a general way is absolutely disgusting What? This is like, incredibly common. yeah it is pretty common you're right pua culture is still filthy We are judging someone based on a picture. Do you have a better method? It's not even being shallow because you have nothing else to judge on. What is your issue with that? Anyone looking at pictures on a dating website is going to make judgments about how attractive they feel the person is but I feel it's objectifying to extrapolate that out to a numerical system that gives value to women based on how much they conform to conventional standards of beauty
Chill on the white knighting feminist agenda, bro. There is something wrong if you are sitting there telling each girl you meet what her number is but there is nothing wrong with it in context of conversation. It's similar to saying something like I'm 33% irish, or half black, or something along those lines. It's just a descriptor. Like if you had to create a drawing for a artist detective you could give him a 1-10 number on how attractive the person was to give him a general idea of what he's gonna be working with.
On February 06 2014 03:32 dream-_- wrote:Show nested quote +On February 05 2014 23:30 opisska wrote:On February 05 2014 06:47 MarlieChurphy wrote:On February 05 2014 06:33 opisska wrote:On February 04 2014 12:04 MarlieChurphy wrote:
I feel like I have a few things to say about this, as I have used POF a bit and hooked up with 4 women off there.
-snip-
I just read this completely randomly and I have no idea who you are, so I don't want to sound like I'm judging you, because that would make no sense, but .. are you serious? Is this yout real life or you just watched some TV series and felt like writing about it? Do young Americans (judging from the use of pounds) really live like that? I probably shouldn't just open random blogs, that's too much for me to handle apparently. Not really sure what you mean? I'm 29 from California and male ofc. I do not know any people who would get and dump girls with the ease you are showing. Then there are these small bits that are completely otherwordly: - " She came, we banged. I felt shitty about it and told her I'm an asshole and ignored her from then on." - what? you have a sex with a woman and then never talk to her? - " she wasn't nearly attractive enough (sort of overweight too) to begin to get into that relationship." - that's how you chose partners? Yes, you see this kind of behaviour in TV and movies frequently, but I honestly don't know anyone who considers going outside, getting a girl, sleeping with her and then moving on as a normal way of life. Where I come from, it usually takes weeks to build a realtionship before anything happens. That's how things are in America. At least on the west coast, I can't say how things are in the more conservative areas of the country.
I forgot to mention there was one girl I did date and hang out with (and later helped her out with a few things) that was pretty cool that I assume we both just didn't click right even though we were pretty similarly minded etc. The most we ever did was hug.
Anyway, I don't know where you are from or how old you are from or what kind of moral upbringing you started with but in my area, I'm pretty fucking tame. Most of the people I know have had sex with well over the number of people equal to their age and they do all the one night stand shit often. I hooked up with 4 over the course of like a year and only one of which was a one night stand. There were maybe a half a dozen other girls I had met at bars or whatever that I made out with or whatever and I never saw them again, which wasn't really up to me.
Responding to your specific notations; I was partly drunk and lonely. I'm a man we have drives that overpower us sometimes. I felt sick to my stomache the next day if you must know.
I wasn't very physically attracted to her, more to her personality. I didn't see the relationship going anywhere long term and her friends were trouble. So I bailed. Really if i'm gonna be totally honest, the best thing about her was the fact that she was a facial masseuse and she gave me the most amazing massage in the jacuzzi one night, everything else was kinda sketchy; she would talk about ex bf, crazy roommates, was a pothead, seemed overly lazy, etc.
I rarely if ever watch TV or emulate or blame culture for anything. I think that is a retarded scape goat with no bearing on any conversation (which is another discussion).
Anyway, people seem to forget the point of dating. Which is to try different people out. I know this may seem objectified, but if I'm wasting time trying to make a relationship that isn't gonna work work, or co-dependently latch on to the first woman who ever shows me some attention I'm gonna be in for a unfullfilled unsatisfying life. I'm still young and I don't really need to start worrying about settling down, marriage, or kids for another ten years. So why rush into anything?
BoT, I recently was browsing /r/seduction on reddit and came across this http://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/best-online-opener-garanteed-to-get-a-girl-revised-vt101188-165.html
here is an example convo: + Show Spoiler +Thanks for the info in this thread, Darth Vader. Used your opener last night on OKC, she answered in a few hrs, I replied her today and we started the conversation. She's a soft 9, I'm digging her so far, really really cute. Got her number in under an hour. I really want to improve, please critique and tell me what I did wrong and what should I stay away from. Me: Hey .I would remove that picture on your profile. HB8.5: Why Me: Lol, I hope you can take a joke. HB8.5: Just thought you were adorable and I just had to talk to you for a bit. I'm xxxx. HB8.5: omg! your dog looks exactly like mine!!! Me: Lol, don't tell me you have a yorkie...that's awesome!! And your name is... HB8.5: i hav a silk terrier. xxxxxx Me: Nice to semi-meet u, xxxxxx. Not being a lazy texter here just I'm at work. BTW, "Eat Pray Love" was one of my fave movies, but my friends say it's just gay...promise not to tell. =) HB8.5: im at work as well. i think is better, actually. no i wont tell. Lol HB8.5: sorry i meant to say that the BOOK is much better than the movie Me: That's usually the case. If I knew I'd enjoy the movie as much, i would have taken the time to read it first. I'm guessing you identify with the main character a good bit... HB8.5: lol...maybe i do. yeah, bcuz of the traveling, losing love, and falling in love. its got that nice mix! Lol Me: exactly, a little bit of everything. Which is also the best way to live...balance. You shall be known as Liz from now on, lol. Me: No, u'r way cuter than Liz. HB8.5:hahaha...i dont regret anything. ill have stories to tell my grandchildren (or dogs)..lol HB8.5: Are you Roumanian? the best house musik  HB8.5: phew! i should hope so thanks!! Me: Ha ha yeah, just realized that was retarded of me...i mean..Julia Roberts? HB8.5: she's a hottie!!! Me: Yeah. I'm a vampire from Transylvania. Me: hottie?I dont think so. HB8.5:vampire from Transylvania? Me: I was born there, name is Vlad (like vlad the impaler, aka dracula)... it's usually what people default to when I introduce myself...it can get annoying, lol HB8.5: lol...I bet. well, i didnt say anything like that. Lol Me: and yourself? hispanic/turkish mix? HB8.5:was born in Xxxxxxx (ancestors from india and mongolia) Me: wow, did not see that coming... NY is amazing, isn’t it? in terms of the people one can meet. You are very hard to read, from your pics... Me: i mean i would have guessed anyway...after 1347 tries HB8.5: hahahaha HB8.5: ill take that as a compliment Me: it was meant as such I tend to stay away from too direct ones... it's overdone , you hear that …what…20-30 times per day? Me: so humor me for a sec, how many messages from guys do you get here per day? HB8.5: umm. a lot! lol its pretty entertaining, i have to say. and flattering. Lol HB8.5: ok. now ill make you laugh. got a message from a guy in Norway. in a prison! Me: ha ha ha, wtf ? That is the most random thing I heard today, lol Me: Well, today I learned that Norwegian prison life is not as bad as it sounds...and did you answer him HB8.5: blocked him! Lol Me: that is hilarious HB8.5: lol...i know Me: romanian "house"... so you like Alexandra Stan and Inna? HB8.5: inna and ela rose Me: they're ok, not my favorites. My best friend is promoting Inna's concert...I think on the 29th. Me: I will make sure you get a red carpet entrance, my dear. Rose petals, doves flying, papparazis...the whole nine HB8.5: ahhh!!! i heard about that!!! that is awesome!!!!! Me: Listen, this is real fun but I have to finish some work. I'd rather talk over text, if you feel comfortable here's my no: (xxx) xxx xxxx. HB8.5: no prob. my num is xxxxxxxxxx.
Which seems to be a pretty good method for breaking the ice in online dating sites. I know you may think the method is underhanded or mean, but in reality most of the women appreciate the change up and it actually gets your foot in the door when they literally are logging into to see 100s of msgs each day that say "Hi, you look cute and sound fun."
Also, I forgot to mention that the OPs points about 1-10 scale for validation or whatever isn't quite the same as it is for women. Guys may put that # as primary reason for attraction where as women it's maybe number 2 or 3. You are actually more likely to turn a girl off by having a muscled up no shirt pic, or a selfie that looks cool, as opposed to one where you are reading a book in the library.
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On February 07 2014 07:41 MarlieChurphy wrote:
Anyway, I don't know where you are from or how old you are from or what kind of moral upbringing you started with but in my area, I'm pretty fucking tame. Most of the people I know have had sex with well over the number of people equal to their age and they do all the one night stand shit often. I hooked up with 4 over the course of like a year and only one of which was a one night stand. There were maybe a half a dozen other girls I had met at bars or whatever that I made out with or whatever and I never saw them again, which wasn't really up to me.
It's almost absurd to admit the TL is the place where I get to learn about the real world, but well, this is news to me. I always kinda thought that this applies only to a small minority of people.
Just for the record, I am 31, living in Prague and between people I know, having 10+ sexual partners would be considered something to talk about to no end (I have personally ever had sex only with one woman, who happens to be my wife now). But maybe that's just my small bubble, as I am get mostly surrounded by people that I met through university - and our faculty (Physics) is considered the focal point of socially lame people by most of the nation ...
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On February 06 2014 14:32 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
assigning numbers to females/human beings to rate their worth/attractiveness in a general way is absolutely disgusting
are you under the assumption that women dont use dating sites or do this in real life?
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On February 09 2014 17:14 opisska wrote:Show nested quote +On February 07 2014 07:41 MarlieChurphy wrote:
Anyway, I don't know where you are from or how old you are from or what kind of moral upbringing you started with but in my area, I'm pretty fucking tame. Most of the people I know have had sex with well over the number of people equal to their age and they do all the one night stand shit often. I hooked up with 4 over the course of like a year and only one of which was a one night stand. There were maybe a half a dozen other girls I had met at bars or whatever that I made out with or whatever and I never saw them again, which wasn't really up to me.
It's almost absurd to admit the TL is the place where I get to learn about the real world, but well, this is news to me. I always kinda thought that this applies only to a small minority of people. Just for the record, I am 31, living in Prague and between people I know, having 10+ sexual partners would be considered something to talk about to no end (I have personally ever had sex only with one woman, who happens to be my wife now). But maybe that's just my small bubble, as I am get mostly surrounded by people that I met through university - and our faculty (Physics) is considered the focal point of socially lame people by most of the nation ...
The amount of people it applies to is probably bigger in the USA but I wouldn't say it's the norm. It depends what type of people you hang out with, but definitely not the majority.
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Texting a lot with this girl I "met" on okc (we haven't had a date yet but we plan for Thurs). She is very forward by text. We are sexting. She is saying very sexy things. And sending very sexy things.
Says she's single for the first time in 13 yrs. Says she feels lonely and sad being single. Asking me 500 questions about myself, probably to judge if we are compatible.
Says her flaw is she's bossy and likes to have her way. Says she's "selfish with attention".
This could get interesting. And/or could go downhill. LOL
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Sounds like a recipe for an unhealthy relationship.. 13 years? How old are you two?
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Chick is probably bpd, good luck with that.
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EPT
