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After a few years of on and off usage of a few dating websites (pof, okcupid and tinder), I have come to the conclusion that as a general rule, dating websites should only be considered a method of hooking up.
While this might sound like a cynical view, I think the reasoning behind it is sound. Let me explain.
First, lets assume we are ignoring anything beyond looks when we classify people, because lets be honest, that is the most important aspect of online dating.
The majority of men will willingly have sex with a woman who is "below" them. In other words, if we had a slightly above average male (a 6-7), chances are he will be perfectly willing to hook up with a slightly below average female (a 3-4).
Online, there is no "shame" feature associated with a girl who you might not want your friends to see you with. Everything is confidential and it's all between you and her.
The result is that women on dating websites receive messages from men who they normally wouldn't receive attention from in the real world. This means that a female who is a 5 will receive messages from men who are 7s 8s, even 9s, all looking for a quick and easy hookup.
Of course she will get messages from males who are 5s as well, but chances are very high that she is going to ignore those messages if she is getting attention from guys who are far more attractive.
So the female 5 meets up with the male 7, they have sex because she is insecure and knows he is better looking, and then she crosses her fingers and hopes he wants something real, but deep down they both know why she is there.
Maybe they have sex a few times, maybe it's just once, but either way the chances of a real relationship forming under these circumstances are minimal. And honestly it probably shouldn't happen if your looking for a healthy relationship anyways.
 
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Congratz on getting the hookups!
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Your logic is flawless. As for the sake of completeness, remember girls that are > 5 don't sign up on said websites.
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i just ask girls to 1v1 me and send them my character code.
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On February 04 2014 08:38 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
i just ask girls to 1v1 me and send them my character code.
genius. wont work often, but when it does you found a keeper.
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I made a joke online dating profile, and found a "former" tl member, sent her my 1v1 code and didn't hear anything lololol, she's already with someone, but still...
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This is how I felt too, but I'm sure there are people who aren't just there for hookups.
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I just started using dating sites/apps the other day, and I'll share with you my observations. On the Hot or Not app it's just looking at pictures of people and deciding if, well, they are hot or not. Every girl on there will have 1000+, often as high as 3-4000 ratings. The guys on the other hand, have a maximum of 150 ratings (although to be fair I didn't spend long looking at guys). I've been on the site for 5 days now and received a total of 38 ratings and a couple matches but most of them fall short because honestly what conversation are you going to have based on 3 pictures of a person. So it's just as simple as girls aren't looking for guys as much as guys are looking for girls.
Note: You have to give the person a rating to view the next person, so # of ratings is independent of your attractiveness.
Sites with a profile such as OKCupid are better and you can get a much higher message back % since you can message meaningful/funny things based on their profile, but there really isn't that big of a pool to pick from where I'm from at least.
Also your premise that guys will drop their standards on an online site I don't think is true, and is in fact the opposite for me.
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I feel like I have a few things to say about this, as I have used POF a bit and hooked up with 4 women off there.
#1 Almost everyone on there (at least in my area) is damaged goods. They are all on there for the reason that they can not find someone in real life or have burned their bridges etc. They have some issue that keeps them from normal healthy relationships; crazy drama, attention seeking, codependency, or some weird quirk etc. And if this isn't the case, it's for other non dating/relationship reasons. People don't take it seriously.
#2 The ratio of men to women is sick bad, so any woman ugly or not just gets 100s of msgs an hour/day and she can't possibly read them all. Most of these messages are canned mass sent msgs or vulgar shit that works on like 1% of women and ruins the experience for the rest of them which repels healthy women.
#3 The ones you sort of connect with refer back to #1 even if (and especially) if they are higher than a 6. PS- The rating number thing is only like 2nd or 3rd on the important things for women to be attracted.
etc.
That being said, the initial reason I signed up was because I had been hearing about POF for years and knew at least a couple of people who are still in decent relationships with semi cool/attractive girls. So I gave it a go. Like I said I hooked up with 4 chicks and I can briefly elaborate on the experiences. Besides the 4 I did date I had talked to dozens of others. Of those, at least a half a dozen were seriously interested in me but for whatever reason didn't want to meet me (including chicks who msg me first). Who knows if it was me, or just their insecurity, it doesn't matter either way. What is important is that it's sort of a waste of time, just chatting.
So the first girl I met, we chatted a bit, texted a bit, and one drunken night at the bar I called her. She sounded really excited to talk to me. I probably called her a few different times like that, until I finally told her to come over. She came, we banged. I felt shitty about it and told her I'm an asshole and ignored her from then on. She was kind of weird, not exactly what I expected and not my type.
2nd girl, she seemed really cool, not very attractive or anything but I'm willing to give that up for personality and intelligence. One of my friends actually worked with her and said she was cool too (I eventually found out she lived with a crazy dumb druggy bitch that I knew too). It was her bday and she was gonna be at a bar so I showed up, It was also around halloween so people had costumes too. Again she seemed a little different than the profile and pics and her friends were weird and I could tell the dudes were orbiters and her females were batty. She instantly was hanging on my arm and really into me, we went to some friends apt and she cuddled next to me on the floor. I dated her a few more times, we banged a couple of times but she seemed to have some issues and lots of drama around her and she wasn't nearly attractive enough (sort of overweight too) to begin to get into that relationship. She would try and contact me and I sorta shined her on a bit and she got the hint fast and I never heard from her again.
The 3rd girl was a semi cute girl who seemed pretty smart and preppy and totally not the type of girl I normally go after (figured I would try to ignore my normal attraction in hopes of finding something I might have been missing out on), although a little desperate. I setup a date to play pool etc even though she wasn't a drinker. She was super dorky and not nearly as cute as her pics. However, she was really into me and I didn't want to give up so fast. She ended up coming over and sleeping with me that night. Since I wanted to try and date this girl who isn't really my type I gave it a lot of effort. She was very co-dependent, could not make a single decision on her own, very insecure, tried a few jealously/sabotagey shittests on me, and had a real trauma history (she got me to verbally abuse her in a clothing store, I was shocked). I dated her a few months before finally breaking it off with her when she started to try and take it to the relationship level. I felt really bad, but I had to. I talked to her a few times via AIM or whatever and she always seems to be trying to achieve something. What I mean by that, is she had some agenda by slipping in details about herself or asking ones about me in order to make me jealous or try to get me attracted or something. She did have some previous bf baggage shit when we were dating so I assume it's the same shit she was doing with those guys. I had some of her belongings and I dropped them off on her car at night and left her a message to get them.
The last girl I dated was really kind of a strange one. She again wasn't really my type (cause that's what dating is right, trying to figure shit out) but she liked some of the same shit I did and seemed pretty cool. She invited me out to some bar with her friend and she liked me. She was way skinnier than her pics, like 90lbs and no curves. I was willing to ignore this fact though because she was pretty fun. I dated her a couple of weeks before she stood me up too many times and I just got over it. The weird part though is that she was the one setting up the dates or being late or flakey and genuinely not using it as a tactic to cold shoulder me. I got to thinking maybe she had a drug issue (which would explain the skinny etc) or maybe she was anorexic or something. She would try and call me a couple of times when she was in the area for a booty call or whatever but I ignored.
TL;DR The fantasy of online dating is ruined by actually meeting these people.
Or maybe I'm just and idiot and I'm doing it wrong. Or have some issue that attracts these problem women.
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That's a survey that only involved married couples...more of a statement about marriage than it is about dating sites.
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On February 04 2014 12:04 MarlieChurphy wrote:
I feel like I have a few things to say about this, as I have used POF a bit and hooked up with 4 women off there.
#1 Almost everyone on there (at least in my area) is damaged goods. They are all on there for the reason that they can not find someone in real life or have burned their bridges etc. They have some issue that keeps them from normal healthy relationships; crazy drama, attention seeking, codependency, or some weird quirk etc. And if this isn't the case, it's for other non dating/relationship reasons. People don't take it seriously.
#2 The ratio of men to women is sick bad, so any woman ugly or not just gets 100s of msgs an hour/day and she can't possibly read them all. Most of these messages are canned mass sent msgs or vulgar shit that works on like 1% of women and ruins the experience for the rest of them which repels healthy women.
#3 The ones you sort of connect with refer back to #1 even if (and especially) if they are higher than a 6. PS- The rating number thing is only like 2nd or 3rd on the important things for women to be attracted.
etc.
That being said, the initial reason I signed up was because I had been hearing about POF for years and knew at least a couple of people who are still in decent relationships with semi cool/attractive girls. So I gave it a go. Like I said I hooked up with 4 chicks and I can briefly elaborate on the experiences. Besides the 4 I did date I had talked to dozens of others. Of those, at least a half a dozen were seriously interested in me but for whatever reason didn't want to meet me (including chicks who msg me first). Who knows if it was me, or just their insecurity, it doesn't matter either way. What is important is that it's sort of a waste of time, just chatting.
So the first girl I met, we chatted a bit, texted a bit, and one drunken night at the bar I called her. She sounded really excited to talk to me. I probably called her a few different times like that, until I finally told her to come over. She came, we banged. I felt shitty about it and told her I'm an asshole and ignored her from then on. She was kind of weird, not exactly what I expected and not my type.
2nd girl, she seemed really cool, not very attractive or anything but I'm willing to give that up for personality and intelligence. One of my friends actually worked with her and said she was cool too (I eventually found out she lived with a crazy dumb druggy bitch that I knew too). It was her bday and she was gonna be at a bar so I showed up, It was also around halloween so people had costumes too. Again she seemed a little different than the profile and pics and her friends were weird and I could tell the dudes were orbiters and her females were batty. She instantly was hanging on my arm and really into me, we went to some friends apt and she cuddled next to me on the floor. I dated her a few more times, we banged a couple of times but she seemed to have some issues and lots of drama around her and she wasn't nearly attractive enough (sort of overweight too) to begin to get into that relationship. She would try and contact me and I sorta shined her on a bit and she got the hint fast and I never heard from her again.
The 3rd girl was a semi cute girl who seemed pretty smart and preppy and totally not the type of girl I normally go after (figured I would try to ignore my normal attraction in hopes of finding something I might have been missing out on), although a little desperate. I setup a date to play pool etc even though she wasn't a drinker. She was super dorky and not nearly as cute as her pics. However, she was really into me and I didn't want to give up so fast. She ended up coming over and sleeping with me that night. Since I wanted to try and date this girl who isn't really my type I gave it a lot of effort. She was very co-dependent, could not make a single decision on her own, very insecure, tried a few jealously/sabotagey shittests on me, and had a real trauma history (she got me to verbally abuse her in a clothing store, I was shocked). I dated her a few months before finally breaking it off with her when she started to try and take it to the relationship level. I felt really bad, but I had to. I talked to her a few times via AIM or whatever and she always seems to be trying to achieve something. What I mean by that, is she had some agenda by slipping in details about herself or asking ones about me in order to make me jealous or try to get me attracted or something. She did have some previous bf baggage shit when we were dating so I assume it's the same shit she was doing with those guys. I had some of her belongings and I dropped them off on her car at night and left her a message to get them.
The last girl I dated was really kind of a strange one. She again wasn't really my type (cause that's what dating is right, trying to figure shit out) but she liked some of the same shit I did and seemed pretty cool. She invited me out to some bar with her friend and she liked me. She was way skinnier than her pics, like 90lbs and no curves. I was willing to ignore this fact though because she was pretty fun. I dated her a couple of weeks before she stood me up too many times and I just got over it. The weird part though is that she was the one setting up the dates or being late or flakey and genuinely not using it as a tactic to cold shoulder me. I got to thinking maybe she had a drug issue (which would explain the skinny etc) or maybe she was anorexic or something. She would try and call me a couple of times when she was in the area for a booty call or whatever but I ignored.
TL;DR The fantasy of online dating is ruined by actually meeting these people.
Or maybe I'm just and idiot and I'm doing it wrong. Or have some issue that attracts these problem women.
Wow dude, mad props bro!!!
![[image loading]](http://4.media.bustedtees.cvcdn.com/4/-/bustedtees.fd000f94-10fc-4cf4-a28a-16390404.jpg)
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Do you think of yourself as a 6-7 male? (assuming you're male of course)
Because all you've talked about are high end males. Do lower end males not exist, or are they not on these websites?
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On February 04 2014 08:04 dream-_- wrote:
I have come to the conclusion that as a general rule, dating websites should only be considered a method of hooking up.
The only flaw in your logic is the part where you assume this brilliant insight of yours is too complicated for women to figure out. There might be women, both on- and offline, who are looking for serious relationships and do understand that single, charming guys with lax standards might not really be interested in something long term, even if they say so. Before you postulate that women in general have been fooled into a never-ending cycle of flings and are incapable of breaking the loop, you really want to make sure you aren't overestimating your product.
On February 04 2014 12:04 MarlieChurphy wrote:
She got me to verbally abuse her in a clothing store, I was shocked.
She got you to was my favorite part.
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I've always assumed that people who date (and eventually marry) through internet simply have such low expectations about their relationships, they will be likely to feel satisfied more with whatever they get than 'regular' couples. It doesn't necessarily have to corelate with how really their bonds are doing objectively...
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I disagree... I think dating sites are what you make of them. Sure, there are tons of people just looking for hook ups on dating websites, but it is possible to find those that aren't.
So far, I've dated 2 girls from dating websites. One lasted for a year and the other has just been going on for a couple of weeks so far. The first girl... yes she had some issues and that relationship went on for too long... mostly my fault because I just kept telling myself to give her more chances.
The second girl (so far) has proven to be more normal... she has been divorced though so there is a bit of history there.
But either way, regardless of how either relationship ended/will end, they weren't just random hook ups. I've never been the type of guy to just hook up with a girl because I just enjoy the sex more with someone I actually like... plus why go on a website when it is so easy to pick a drunk girl up from a bar (especially in a college town like where I live)...
If you go into it expecting a hook up or willing to settle for a hook up, that's what you'll get out of it. It takes a long time to find someone decent and worth actually dating online, but it definitely exists. However, things like Tinder where all you get is a picture... yea that is pretty much for hook ups.
Also, you are going to be searching a very long time if you want someone who isn't at least a little damaged... everyone I know has got their issues and I'm willing to bet you do too.
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Wait until 30+, any male with a good job pretty much bottoms out at 9 and instant marriage material.
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On February 05 2014 00:42 Burrfoot wrote:
Wait until 30+, any male with a good job pretty much bottoms out at 9 and instant marriage material.
I hope so......I fail at dating lol
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it's really what you make of it. you can find either or if you really want to. in some ways it is better than finding some random at a bar and going out on a couple dates. you can usually find out real fast if the person has some kind of horrible opinions
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On February 04 2014 22:48 Niflheim wrote:
I disagree... I think dating sites are what you make of them. Sure, there are tons of people just looking for hook ups on dating websites, but it is possible to find those that aren't.
On February 05 2014 02:11 QuanticHawk wrote:
it's really what you make of it. you can find either or if you really want to.
I agree with these two. Firstly, I think there's a difference between the sites in which you pay to host a profile and the free dating websites. I have heard that sites similar to Plenty of Fish have a lot more members who are just interested in hooking up, but a site like EHarmony has more members looking for a relationship - it also weeds out a few of the people just fucking around on the website because it's costing you some money - not just your time.
My wife's good friend met her current husband on a dating site - not sure which one. The best man at my wedding met a woman six - eight months ago on a dating site and things have been going well with them, probably his most successful relationship. My wife and I went to the latter couples apartment for dinner one night and the girl was telling us all the creepy messages and pictures she would get on a daily basis - apparently a lot of dick shots - so it's no wonder that the female percentage is higher on a site in which you pay for a membership.
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EPT
