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Sup, my first time posting in the seedy underbelly of TL Blogs. Don't hurt me pls I just want to rant abit about my life.
I've always been an ambitious daydreamer and wanted to constantly better myself on a daily basis. I want to learn more about the world , get a better physique working out and basically just become the prototypical overachiever. This sounds fancy and all but unfortunately my big dreams were not accompanied by a strong work ethic and I usually give up whatever I choose to work on after a while, leaving me frustrated and feeling guilty. For example, a couple weeks ago I wanted to learn boxing and signed up for multiple sessions at this boxing gym near my place. I basically gave up after a few sessions even though I was doing great and it frustrates me that I cant commit to something long enough for me to see the results... I bought a book on Calculus cause I wanted to better my quantitative abilities and ended up quitting a few chapters in... Bought a philosophy book to read, got to half and then lost motivation as well. Feels bad man.
![[image loading]](http://www.epark.co.uk/Upload/Image/potato-bullet.jpg)
I turned 20 this year, but I felt that I could of achieved even more if I had just worked harder and commit myself.Anyways, has any of you TLers felt the same way before? If so , did you find a way to cope with this lack of willpower to chase after what you want?
+ Show Spoiler +Just read my post, boy I suck at blogging lol
TL;DR Ambitious but lazy, lack commitment, what to do
 
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I totally have felt this way quite a bit. But I think I've found a way to get out of it.
I'm currently studying CS at UIUC. I have had dreams of programs and games I would love to make if I had the time/skills/whatever other excuse. But for the longest time I never actually did anything beyond my classes. Then I learned about this competition called "Ludum Dare." Essentially, you build a game in 48 hours. Sounds cool huh? So I tried it once, and I was actually able to focus on it and get it done in a weekend.
So why was I able to focus on Ludum Dare? Because it didn't take a longterm commitment. All it required was a weekend. That weekend, nothing mattered except building that game. Sleeping didn't matter except for the fact that a couple hours in the middle refreshed my mind for the final ~15 hours. Eating didn't matter except that it gave me energy. The weekend wasn't about relaxing, it was about programming.
And then after that weekend, I never touched that game again.
Half a year later I did another Ludum Dare. Now, I'm doing all kinds of personal projects.
What is important?
1) Blocking out a specific amount of time that I wouldn't do anything except try to reach my goal.
2) Finding an area/time of the day where you can really focus completely.
3) Enjoying it.
4) Focusing on learning as the long term benefit.
Hope this helps.
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Hm, i know too well, how you feel.
While i agree with jrkirby about shortterm plans, i don't think that approach will help you with your longterm plans (e.g. university and whatever)
The following is my personal experience, and i know it heavily depends on character if that works for you or not, but i think you will know yourself, if this could be something for you or not.
After turning 24 and still slacking i finally realized, what i missed all the time. A real goal. And someone checking my progress on it.
"Learning blabla", "trying to look better" "blabla"
All those seemed goals the years before, but they were all just set by myself, checked by myself (and ignored by myself).
When i met my gf back then, she told me she loved me, but she also needs someone to be able to support a family. Well, now i know what im studying for. And talking to her everyday reminds me everyday, what i'm doing all this for. Of course i could not go to University, if i would not want it myself. But i also know i would not last here, if there wouldn't be that additional level of control, someone that would give me a questioning look if i would take a week off.
Now if this a bit to great plan, you can also try this on a smaller scale and see if it helps you. When looking back, what i really did in those earlier years, were the things i told others about and that could easily be checked.
So there were just a few requirements:
- take someone really important to you
- tell him about your plan, preferably something that would post quite obvious results
- do it
- even if your motivation drops off, to avoid losing face you may carry on
E.g. back when i had a crisis at around the age of 20 i decided to go to korea for a while. Planned everything, blabla... But never booked the flights or finalized all my arrangementsThen a good friend, knowing about my troubles at that time asked me, how i would continue. I answered i would be going to korea until end of the next month. Well... i dragged it out until about 1.5 weeks before the end of next month, then i suddenly bought those tickets and flew to Korea... to follow my plan... and to save face.
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motivation is what helps you get started, and clearly you have no problem with that. Discipline is what keeps you going, which you lack. Discipline means doing things when you don't feel like doing them because they will ultimately benefit you. This requires a lot of awareness, because first you have to fucking realize that you don't feel like doing it and that you are receding into an automated/habitual state. When you make this realization, just stop and become fully aware of this so called "laziness" you feel. What is it exactly that you are feeling? Is it that you just don't want to do it? or is it that you actually physiologically can't?( some extreme sort of pain, mental breakdown, fatigue). Now once you are aware of your situation and come to terms with it, you have 2 choices. You can either 1 choose to succeed, or 2 choose to be a nub. If you are not aware of this choice however, then you just go along with your life on autopilot and in your case autopilot = lazy (due to genes and habits you developed over 20 fucking years).
So your problem is discipline, how to fix? 1) awareness, 2) choosing your own path. Awareness is cultivated through meditation, so make it a HABIT to meditate for 20 minutes a day.
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I just focus on my end goal and make sure that I stick to it.
I have been doing weight lifting and I got some stuff really easily and other stuff I'm still struggling with tremendously. My goal is still a decent physique, but ultimately it is to get better at something than I've ever been before. I also player guitar (hence my name) and I took a huge break and I'm finally getting back into it. I love listening and playing other people's music, but the end goal is really to get to the point where I can do improvisation and play almost anything and it sounds good.
Really, focusing on the end goal is the best way to achieve a goal. Don't make it a meaningless goal though; make sure you have to get better than you were before or transcend yourself. It will make you feel amazing about yourself when you finally accomplish something that you've never done before or that you just couldn't do before. Saying something like, "Oh, I want a six-pack" or "I want to box so I can kick the shit out of someone" (not saying you said either of those two things, just examples) won't make you feel good about yourself after you're done. Previously only being fast enough to run a 10 minute mile or strong enough to do one pull up will feel amazing when you break those records.
Just keep your eye on the prize and you'll get it. Gl man.
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Stop masturbating is my personal advice.
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Stick to the 1 month habit rule. When you do something for a month(times may vary depending on the person), it becomes a natural habit to do so. If you want to read, try reading a book you actually like for a month, couple of pages a day or similar.
Also my advice is to question yourself. Why do you want to archieve all these great things? you want to impress someone? yourself maybe? Why do you have the goals you have? how do you imagine yourself 6 months from now?
adress these in any way you feel like. Make a list on real paper or computer can help.
Its good that your at least trying out things, but maybe this is counterprodoctive? how many of these things would you have really tried, if, say, you had a 10 hour commision to do the specific thing?
Its normal and good to try out things
i quote
"If looking for success, do what you love doing and it will come naturally" .
And when you feel sad or down list on paper the things you did archieve in your life starting from: being born
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You need some discipline and dedication. But first find something you are truly passionate about. Like Idra said, most people can't work hard on things they do enjoy and much less on things they don't.
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It's simple. The reason is that you value rest and normal, peaceful life over being super-competitive and successful - which is not a bad thing, it's just a matter of priorities.
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I find that building discipline yourself when you're not disciplined to begin with is nigh on impossible. But there's simple ways to force yourself to do things. Having goals is definitely good, but once you have them work out strategies which will force you to achieve them.
Examples:
My alarm clock is outside. It can't be turned off unless I go outside or unplug it from the wall (which is in another room, so either way I have to leave my room/bed). This prevents me from wasting time over-sleeping, and I find getting up early puts me in a productive mood for the rest of the day.
Hypocrisy doesn't feel good - make use of this. Think of something that you want to do and then tell a bunch of people you're going to do it. I find this works well for achieving larger goals but not smaller ones, although there's research that shows this may not work for everybody. - your brain can reward you for even telling somebody you're going to do something, for example study on a saturday. As an example of this system in action, two years ago I read a book where a guy cycled the length of the States. I decided I wanted to do this in my own country (New Zealand) and so told everybody I would to make myself accountable. The result was that people would ask me how my progress was, when I was going to do it etc, so I was constantly reminded of my commitment. I'm booked to bike the length of NZ at the beginning of this December, so thus far my strategy has worked.
If you have something you want to do like reading a book, don't try and do it at home or in a place where there's a lot of distractions. I like to bike to a park which is far-ish away so that the temptation to distract myself can't be fulfilled without first biking 30 minutes home. At that point it's really easy to dive into reading a book.
There aren't many people I know who have strong natural will power that can overcome distractions. If you're not already one of those people then you need other strategies. Think of some things that you could do right now that would be easy and would force you to do the activities you want or prevent you from distracting yourself. E.g. uninstall distracting video games. I've blocked myself from all porn websites using a DNS blocker (openDNS) on my router, and the account has a randomised password that I don't know (ie I can't unblock porn even if I want to). I have a chin up bar on the door to my room which means that I will always see it and mostly use it.
Hope this helps and good luck!
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On October 29 2013 17:57 jrkirby wrote:
I totally have felt this way quite a bit. But I think I've found a way to get out of it.
I'm currently studying CS at UIUC. I have had dreams of programs and games I would love to make if I had the time/skills/whatever other excuse. But for the longest time I never actually did anything beyond my classes. Then I learned about this competition called "Ludum Dare." Essentially, you build a game in 48 hours. Sounds cool huh? So I tried it once, and I was actually able to focus on it and get it done in a weekend.
So why was I able to focus on Ludum Dare? Because it didn't take a longterm commitment. All it required was a weekend. That weekend, nothing mattered except building that game. Sleeping didn't matter except for the fact that a couple hours in the middle refreshed my mind for the final ~15 hours. Eating didn't matter except that it gave me energy. The weekend wasn't about relaxing, it was about programming.
And then after that weekend, I never touched that game again.
Half a year later I did another Ludum Dare. Now, I'm doing all kinds of personal projects.
What is important?
1) Blocking out a specific amount of time that I wouldn't do anything except try to reach my goal.
2) Finding an area/time of the day where you can really focus completely.
3) Enjoying it.
4) Focusing on learning as the long term benefit.
Hope this helps.
ludum dare is where my username comes from ^^
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On October 29 2013 20:16 nFo wrote:
Stop masturbating is my personal advice.
I agree. I think the problem is that your brain is fixated on instant gratification, which is why you dream, get really into it and then suddenly lose interest. You are addicted to the dopamine rush, which you'd also get when you fantasize about new hobbies. Once that rush slows down, you lose interest and you need another dopamine hit.
Although this is very common, but what you are doing is also very common and I've had issues with it myself in the past. There are two ways of going about it.
1. Try not watching porn, playing games, anything that gives you instant gratification for a couple of months. The worst that could come out of it is nothing changes but you didn't waste two months of your life with these things  . Your brain will become less hypersensitive, and the balanced dopamine levels will make it easier to maintain interest in less "gratifying" activities.
2. Look at it from an outsiders perspective, learn that in your current state you are going to have strong highs and lows, you just have to break through the lows and persist like rocky balboa until you'll find yourself enjoying it again.
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this ludum dare thing is pretty cool, i think ima follow it
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Get some Ritalin from a doctor. You may not have ADHD but it sure as hell works
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it sounds like you have good initiative, which is good. I think the important thing with these self improvement projects is to not be overly ambitious and to be realistic about what you can achieve. I went through a similar stage where I wanted to challenge and improve myself intellectually and physically. I remember buying a java textbook which today remains in its plastic wrapping. just make sure you know yourself and your limitations. buying a boring textbook that you tell yourself you'll read in your spare time will be a fruitless endeavo unless you have insane discipline and motivation or you are a robot. set realistic goals and find a way to keep yourself incenticized to reach them. you want to get in shape? sign up for a 5k. you want to devote time to the pursuit of knowledge? find an interesting work that will engage you while still teaching you things (perhaps Sophie's world for philosophy? though a disclaimer that I read it years ago and so I don't remember if it actually taught me anything... but I did enjoy reading it)
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EPT
