EPTYou can call me PJ A Outsourced. The PJ is short for Phone Jockey, which is an insult I got once while working for my current job, as a Verizon Customer Service Rep. Boy, do I have stories to tell and more flow in every day. Basically my job is a mix of bureaucracy, therapy, and ass-kissing.
So let me begin by talking about how my basic day goes. I commute to work by biking on a highway for about an hour to get to my call center. I then walk around finding a desk, looking for someone who is going to be there late at night when my shift ends so I am not sitting alone all night like a sad sack. I then clock in, take calls, a break every two hours, and an unpaid lunch. I then talk with my boss on an off through the day until it is time to leave where I then commute home with my boss.
So basically I do not do anything exciting during my job. It is important to make that clear because this means I am just sitting all day having nearly nothing to do. We are not allowed to have pens and paper because we deal with credit card numbers and they do not want people to steal them. The thing is, no one is smart enough at my center to write down this information and then hide it and use it to actually commit fraud.
I am just this semi-normal person in a sea of people who have social and anxiety issues that prevent them from working any real job. That is right, that voice you hear is probably someone whose mother still dresses them and you are none the wiser and I give credit though to my employer for giving the handicapped a job and believe me most of these people can do their job damn well. They get their information straight, they do not lie to the customer, they are fast at what they do and they sound cheery as shit as they do it and they have no other ambition than to just do a good job. Which is great for them, I applaud that, I really do but at the same time I can not hold a real conversation with these people because they do not know how to hold a real conversation that does not evolve dragons or their non-fact based assumptions on how WWII would gone if the United States did not step in. Well here is a news flash to those people, Germany lost that war before it even started, anyways I digress.
So there are a few normal people that work there that do not have any issues. Some of the girls are even really hot. I mean... really hot. One of which I went to High School with and since she started working there her and I have been sitting next to each other we have become rather loose friends. She is also single so this just adds a little fun to my job when I am not taking calls. But wherever you work there will be the hotties and the women with faces that resemble that of mice. I am also comfortable enough with my sexuality to admit when I guy looks good too and there are a few good ones, one of which I will call L-man. He looks like a combination of De Niro and Decaprio in the best way as well as being tall and semi-dark. I talk to him quite a bit too and he has that laid back attitude that make you want to take him to parties no matter what gender you are, he is just pleasant. I am also going to point out once again that I am comfortable enough in my sexuality, and that I am not gay. I am not, so get those thoughts out of your head reader.
So since you have some basic background of the environment I am in, in regards to the people I see face to face, the majority are not good looking but those are those few that are and have not given up on life yet. Now let me get to the fun part. What I do for a living and that is Customer Service.
There is this weird idea people have that customer service is this magic fairy that is there to make your problems good away and make you happy. You make ask "But Mr PJ A Outsourced, isn't that what customer service is for? To provide service to the customer if they need it?" No. No no no no no no no no no no no no. That is the idea that is given to you by the words because that gives you a better mindset for calling in and everything goes right. The proper name for my job should not be Customer Service, it should be called "Wireless consultant and Adjuster." I am sorry people but there is no such thing as customer service. That is all a lie that is made up, no matter what company you speak to, there is no such thing as customer service. Let it be McDonalds', Verizon, Best Buy, or a Tattoo shop.
So let me elaborate what I mean by this. When you call me, I can change your plan. My job is to save you as much money with Verizon as possible, that is what I am trained to do. I set you up on plans that are there to be as minimal as possible so it is in your best interest. Why? Because it is better for business to do that than bleed the customer dry (which a lot of customers accuse us of doing anyways), I mean, there is a lot of BS that Verizon does but we do not cheat customers. But there is this aura that Americans (my bad, I mis-spoke, I mean "'Murikahns") have for self-entitlement and lack of personal responsibility. Rarely do I get a customer say that something is their fault.
Take for example, if you renew a two year contract and get a phone from Verizon, and you were on contract before, you have to pay a one time 30 dollar upgrade fee. Every company does that, It is the price you pay for us giving you something that costs 650 dollars, at a price of 200. Why do we charge that? Because in order to sell these phones, the manufacturer sets the price and says you can not charge more than that for my product and for each sale we want 15% of 200 dollars. This makes it tough for companies like Verizon because that is the price we have to sell it to you at even though that Verizon pays FULL PRICE for their phones from the manufacturer.
This sounds complicated because it is. Let me break this down quick. Apple wants to cell its phone but Apple does not have the money to run its own cell phone towers, and work on their technology as well as computers, and such. So they go to major cell companies and say:
-- "We have this phone, it costs us 600 dollars to make this phone with all the money put into inventing it and paying our staff, as well as the parts. We want this phone to be sold on your network because a lot of people will have access to it. It will also make people more inclined to stick with you if you offer the phones that people want and people will want this phone."
Verizon then says "Okay, We will sell your phone for 650 dollars so we can make a profit on it."
Apple replies with "No, because then no one will buy the phone on your network and then neither of us benefit because you make up for 40% of the cell phone market at the moment, that will hit our sales. You will buy this phone from us for 600 each. Then sell it for 200 and we get 15% of that 200 dollar sale"
Verizon then will stop and think to itself and say, that will be okay because if we make the customer take part in a 2 year contract, we not only make up for the money we lost but we then also make money off that person having that phone and gauntees a profit over 2 years as well as making the customer happy with Apples product, allowing them to buy more from you, and happy that we gave it to them and so they will stick with us and do it all over again guaranteeing profit --
That 30 dollars you pay for upgrading, that is why it is there. We need to pay for the contract you signed to be legally notarized. Then also pay for making the cell phone network stronger and faster and in more areas AND still be able to make money to pay every human being working for the company as well as make a profit for stock holders so the company has value.
Basically, unless you have a business degree, this is really hard to understand. So the customer when they see a 30 dollar fee, they do not want to hear about what I just talked about because that does not matter to them. It does not change their day to day life however that extra 30 dollars does so that is what they are fixated on. So when they call in and refuse to pay that 30 dollars and say that they will disconnect from Verizon altogether, call me useless, and want to argue for the sake that it does not fit their vision of a perfect world, it makes me, a human being, have a difficult day. I often find me thinking to myself "Well fine, disconnect and go with another cell company, every cell company does this... you will not be treated any different. You are asking for free money and it does not work like that. But people exercise their right to try and they do it very liberally.
I had one customer who refused to pay it and them terminated his services with Verizon and so he was hit with a 320 fee (x 3 making 960 dollars) for breaking contract because it is in the contract that if you break it you will be charged for doing so. That is done because we do not ask for the phone back so we lose money on that phone and as just lost a customer so money has to be made up for somewhere. Think of it as pissing on the carpet of an apartment before you leave, your previous landlord is NOT going to give you your deposit back. Same idea only we charge it if you break contract and ask for it and then hold onto it. Anyways, back tot this guy. He said we could take him to court because he was not paying 960 + 30 + 30 +30 + his Verizon bill (it was over 1400 dollars). He started getting snippy with me and insulting me telling me how I am a terrible person for helping a company do this to people and things like that. Excuse me? I am a terrible person? I volunteer damn it, the whole month of November I play a huge role in organizing a Thanks Giving dinner for my town that is 100% non-profit. I also help to financially support my single mother who still has two other kids and does not get child support. I also share everything I have with other people because what good is having something if you can not share it? Especially food. Once again, back to this person- I told him flat out, "Sir, we would not take you to court, we would just sell your 80% of your debt to a debt collector who will call you, your friends and your family. Even if we did take you to court you signed your name on a legal contract and you would have to go against a company lawyer and you would have to pay for your own legal proceedings also as well as pay the setup costs for another phone and for the activation costs of another carrier, I do not think it is in your best interest to do that or put your family through that for 90 dollars. I am telling you not just as a professional but as a human being." To which he replied to my logos with the ever pleasant pathos of "Fuck you." and then screamed really loud and hung up. Classy.
-PJ A. Outsourced
edit: Some spelling errors and adding a date.
