EPTThe story
Now, it's not like I've never been rejected for an audition before. A year ago I auditioned for three conservatories in the Netherlands, and got rejected by two of them (the ones I wanted to get into, of course). But this time, it was especially painful.
Most of my singing has been focused on classical music. I've had singing lessons for three years as a countertenor, which is a voice type that does not translate well to pop, jazz, or really anything other than classical music. After being rejected by the conservatories last year (a story for another time), I decided to change it up, and try my hand at some jazz singing. I switched from countertenor to baritone in my classical choirs, allowing me to properly practice my baritone voice. And at home, and really any time I had to opportunity to listen to music, I would sing along to Ray Charles, Frank Sinatra, and Michael Bublé.
I had actually always loved jazz. I learned to play the saxophone when I was young, and started playing in a big band when I was 14. After graduating high school, I stopped playing the saxophone and somehow ended up in classical music, which soon consumed all my passion and efforts. While I still liked jazz, the fact that I started singing countertenor meant that I could not practice jazz anymore, and it kind of faded to the background.
Two weeks ago, a friend of mine, whom I knew from one of my classical choirs, pointed out that there was a jazz/pop close harmony choir in a place close to where we live. She has a background in musicals, and she knew I was into pop/jazz music, so we went to one of the rehearsals. It was amazing. The director was really cool, and the singers were really good; they had an amazing sound and energy, and they were just having lots of fun; something that can be quite rare to find in the classical music world. It was easy to see why they had won multiple international choir competitions.
So, obviously, we had to join. There were about 4 openings for sopranos, 1 alto, 1 tenor, and 1 base. My friend is a soprano, and she would have to compete with around 70 others for one of those spots. I would audition for the base spot, and lucky for me there are usually way fewer men who audition, probably around 5 others.
My friend was told she couldn't even come to audition. She lives in Amsterdam, just like me, and the choir has some rule that people from the choir's city would be prioritized. And since they already had around 70 people from their own city, they didn't even need to hear my friend sing. I was invited to audition, however, probably due to the small number of men who audition. I felt really bad for my friend, since it was her idea in the first place, but I decided to audition anyway.
I killed it. After I told them about my classical background, they had pretty low expectations, but I nailed all their vocal excercises with ease; singing what you hear, vocal improvisation, etc. The song I chose to sing was fun and upbeat (Paper Doll by Michael Bublé), and they really enjoyed it. They did not have a single bad word for me after the audition, only admiration.
And then a week later, I got the phone call. "I'm sorry, you were rejected. We chose someone else who was equally good but lives in Utrecht (the city of the choir)." Fuck. With auditions, I always tell myself: if you get in, great, if not, nothing is lost. But it really wasn't that simple. That choir is the only choir in the Netherlands that is any good, when it comes to close harmony singing. There simply are no alternatives. And I wasn't even rejected based on my singing skill. It's not like I'll just practice harder and try again next year. I was exactly what they wanted, but I was rejected simply based on where I live. Nothing I can do about it. Just frustration.
Emotions
The reason why this is such a big deal to me is that I desperately need change in my life. I'm doing my studies, doing my choirs, doing my fitness workouts. Everything is going fine. But I really need to meet new people. Lately I've started to crave intimacy, and no one I currently know can offer me what I need.
So I try to pick up new things to meet new people. I picked up dancing last year, which I really enjoyed and will continue to do, but that group of people wasn't very social at all. Now I met this great group of people of the close harmony choir, and because I was rejected I will never be able to connect with them. And I'm back to my usual life. Having to think of something new to bring change in my life. And I'm starting to run out of ideas..
Thank you for reading. I hope I didn't waste too much of your time. Much love.
